~Guilty Pleasures~

Happy Birthday to the BamDAMMMsters' Monkey!

This is co-written by Lissanne, Gingersnapped, and bostongal for the birthday girl.

Finally, Alli had a day off from her hectic schedule and decided to spend the day shopping. She had found an amazing pair of shoes to go with the dress she bought last week. As she was closing her purse the guilt of spending so much money was setting in. Not enough to return the shoes, but she still felt bad though. Slowly picking up her bags from the counter to leave, "maybe, I should head home," Alli mumbled to herself as she nudged the storefront door open with her shoulder since her hands were full of shopping bags.

Feeling a bit down she walked down the sidewalk towards her car, but as she turned the corner she saw an adorable mug in a coffee shop window. It put an instant smile on her face and made the thought of guilt slip away. The ceramic cup was white with a cute little monkey face on it, big brown eyes the shade of a dark roasted coffee was looking up at her. The monkey's tail was curled around the cup and up the side to create the handle. Alli could feel the pull, it was as if the little fellow on the mug was speaking to her, "please take me home with you. I'll brighten your morning as we have coffee together." Gleefully at an almost skip like pace she hurried into the store.

Alli stopped herself before she went to pick up the monkey cup and thought maybe I should just take a picture and tweet it to my chicas. "Yeah or nay? #monkeysee #monkeydo, #thugmonkey," smiling as she sent it. "I don't really need another coffee mug, right?" Alli thought as she looked around the store; she should really go shopping with her friends maybe that would stop her from talking to herself. Feeling her phone vibrate in hand she looked to see there were several replies already to her tweet. One said, "just buy it." Another said, "Run away while you still can." The last one she liked the best, "it's so you and you have to have it." Well, that's settled. It was 2 to 1 for getting it and if she counted herself it was 3 to 1 so confidently she carried the monkey mug, which she happened to name Frank as they chatted on the way to the counter to pay.

Once again exiting another store with another bag Alli fully admitted to herself that she had issues. She should definitely go home now, but then a thought hit her. Hey, I deserve to splurge once in awhile. All right, so it might be twice a week but it isn't hurting anyone. Besides, I work hard for my money. That caused a song to instantly pop into her head and she couldn't help but to hum along with the tune.

Before Alli knew it she was singing out loud as she walked, "she works hard for the money. So hard for it, honey." Throwing in a few small dance moves in as she continued on her way. The bags she was carrying were swinging alongside her as she danced to the beat of her own drum. That's when she realized people were staring. Not that it mattered to Alli, it was helping her feel a little better and bit less guilty about all she bought today, she didn't care if anyone was watching. Adding a few more steps as she sang, "So you better treat her right."

Alli's arms ached under the weight of her packages. She was tired and hangry. She stopped dead in her tracks. "What should my brown eye spy," she grinned, "but a donut shop."

The smell of the fresh frying dough balls of deliciousness wafted onto the sidewalk. Alli found herself seated at the counter. She motioned a woman wearing the name-tag Kate over. "Bring me a powdered sugar donut, please," Alli said as she took off her jacket.

She surveyed the pile of packages at her feet and buyer's remorse set in once again.

She motioned with her finger, "bring me another and keep 'em coming."

Kate looked at her with concern, "you do know this is a donut shop and not a bar right?"

Alli sighed, "I have run my bank account in the hole after all this shopping. Wait, hole… donut holes… bring some of them too." Kate sat the plate in front of her. "I think I have a problem," Alli said as she devoured a glazed donut hole. "Overindulgence."

"I would never have guessed," Kate smiled. "Oh well, I always say, donut worry. Be happy."

A silver fox of a man approached the counter. "Two jelly filled please."

"Dozen?" Kate asked.

"Donuts," was his irritated reply.

"Amateur," Alli rolled her eyes.

Andy Flynn was running late for his workout at the gym. Since his lifestyle change, donuts were no longer a part of his diet. That wasn't true for his partner, Louie Provenza. "It's right next door to the gym, it won't kill you to pick me up a couple." Provenza had said, "They're the best in town."

Alli was watching the man candy get more irritated. He was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a black tee shirt. He took off his sunglasses and hung them on the glasses holder he wore around his neck. The whole look was quite on fleek she surmised. He must be a movie star, she thought, or maybe a musician. Musicians were her favorite. Kate handed him the bag and he turned to leave. Without thinking, Alli jumped up and stuck out her powdered sugar coated hand, "hi, I'm Alli."

"Andy," he said as he shook her hand briefly and with much hesitation.

"I have to ask, are you a movie star…or a musician?" Alli waited for his answer with great anticipation.

"Detective with the LAPD," Andy answered. Bruh, she thought, a cop in a donut shop. Now that's original. "Nice to meet you," he said politely, "but I'm late for the gym."

Alli thought back to the plate of donuts she had just polished off. "Wait up, I think maybe I'll join you." Grabbing her phone she sent out a quick tweet, "going to the gym if you don't hear from me soon send search and rescue party. Oh, and speaking of parties, bring the wine and me there." She then shook the crumbs from her packages and happily followed Andy out the door, admiring the view in front of her.

By the time she maneuvered all she shopping bags through the gym doors she heard several ladies call out from behind the counter "hello, Lieutenant." Hearing high pitched giggling, she glanced around as the sound echoed throughout the gym. There weren't many people in there at this time of the day. There were a few younger girls on some of the equipment, but they seemed more interested in staring at the man at the counter than actually working out. Alli couldn't blame them; he was what got her in there too.

Looking down at her attire Alli remembered she wasn't dressed for a workout, and she noticed a stain on her shirt. This was nothing new to her. It was no problem she would get the stain pen she carried in her purse for such emergencies and treat it when she changed. First, she needed to sign up and see if they would give out a free t-shirt, she could wear that to sweat in.

She approached the counter just as the tall drink of water was heading to the men's locker room. "Oh, and Andy have a great workout. We are happy to see you back in here." He must be a regular. She thought, must be nice to go where everyone knows your name, but Alli had that at her usually shopping stores. After all the ladies watched him enter the locker room, she jumped when the woman behind the counter said, "Hello, my name is DeQuana, can I help you."

Dropping her bags Alli said, "oh, I was here to see how I liked the place." After a bit of bargaining, she had signed up for a trial period with the option to extend it to yearly, if she liked it. Alli felt like she had got a great deal, which is the most important part of buying anything. She picked up her free t-shirt then looked at her earlier purchases at her feet and sighed, "I guess I need to buy a lock too. Do you have locker big enough to fit my bags?" Alli asked as she held them all up.

"Oh, I'm sure you can fit them all in one of the larger lockers." D laughed before continuing her next thought. "It looks to me as if stopping in here might have been a spur of the moment for you." She followed the ladies gaze towards the men locker room. "Oh, yes that explains it. Lieutenant Flynn does seem to bring in new members for us. Let me warn you though pay attention to your workout not his, we've had many a girl get hurt by tripping on their own two feet from getting distracted."

Alli nodded and made her way to the women's locker room, just as Andy came out of the men's. He was wearing a gray tight LAPD t-shirt. "Well, it looks like we will be sweating together." She said followed by a nervous laugh. Crap did she just say that? Their eyes connected and Alli felt herself flush, she never blushed—NEVAH!-what was going on with her today? Maybe it was the guilt of shopping and eating donuts

Andy just laughed and nodded his head as she tried to stammer through correcting herself. "I mean… What, I meant to say was…um never mind. Maybe, I'll just take my exit now."

He smiled a cute boyish smile at her and through a laugh, he said, "Oh you're here, you have to stay and sweat with me." Alli gave him a nod of her own and headed to change. As she turned to go she was fairly certain the man winked at her. She quickly changed. Shopping came in handy today Alli thought as she walked from the locker room to the main part of the gym. She had on her free t-shirt, black yoga pants and Nike running shoes she had bought earlier.

Alli had decided to try the treadmill on slow it didn't seem to be complicated and she could just walk along and enjoy the view in front of her. Though it was hard to see with all the youngens that were now surrounding the poor man. Suddenly there was a loud crash and "ahhh" coming from outside. When Alli turned around a young dark-haired girl was being helped off the ground and started to pick leaves out of her messed up hair. Looking up, Alli could see that a few of the tree branches were bobbing. She started to wonder, did that girl just fall out of a tree?

She turned back around when she heard a deep voice say, "Excuse me. Excuse me." Alli saw that the police lieutenant was trying to go see if the girl was ok, but couldn't get by the swarm of ladies around his elliptical. Finally getting through, he tilted his head in acknowledgment as he passed her to head outside. She noticed the girls were fighting over the towel Andy left on the machine. Feeling a bit of comradery with the man she decided to step in. By the time Alli got to the girl with the towel her shirt had been ripped at the arm and along the bottom front. "Ladies and I do use that word very loosely, I believe that is not yours." With that she yanked the towel out of the blonde girl's hands and tapped her foot, glaring at the group to see if they dared to attempt to take it back.

Alli was feeling proud of herself when she watched them back up. Yep that's right you don't want to mess with me she thought, but then she felt a presence standing right behind her. A hand reached down and took the towel and wiped the sweat off his brow. "Thank you for rescuing my towel. I seriously don't get why anyone would want it. It's sweaty and rather smelly."

Looking upwards she smiled at the sight of him standing over her face red and breathing heavy. With a full laugh, she replied, "I think that's the point."

"Well, I'm about done here and since the girl outside ran off before I could help, I'm going to go change. If you wait for me here," he pointed to where they were currently standing, "I have something for you for being on my side. Being trustworthy and loyal means a lot to me."

Alli turned to put some space between them, "It's so not necessary, Andy, just trying to be a good citizen. I'll just go change. For some reason working out made me hungry. At least I'm not feeling hangry now though. I'm hard to deal with when I'm like that."

Andy laughed, "Oh trust me, I fully understand what being so hungry it makes you angry is all about. I have a partner that is always like that." Still laughing as he went into the locker room. Maybe it was shock that kept her there, but she was still standing in the same spot when Andy came out and as he set an LA Dodgers hat on her head, there was a collective gasp that echoed throughout the gym. They both looked around, but everyone was back to exercising. Andy then set an LAPD hoodie on her shoulder. "This is a thank you and if you're ever in trouble feel free to call me. Here's my card. Alli could barely move her hand to take the business card from his fingers. Andy winked at her again then slid on his sunglasses and went out of the gym, but not without saying, "goodbye, DeQuana."

DeQuana smiled and waved, "see ya, Lieutenant. Back on your regular schedule?"

Slipping a toothpick into his mouth he smirked at her, "Oh, you betcha. As long as my heart can take it."

After changing and not being able to shake the feeling that she was being stalked Alli ducked into the nearest doorway. She instantly knew where she was when the overwhelming smell of pizza taunted her tummy. She quickly motioned a waitress over.

Maggie adjusted her straight brown hair into a bun and stuck a pencil in it for future use and sauntered over to the lady with two handfuls of bags.

"It's been awhile since I've 'hit The Hut,'" Alli smiled as she unconsciously licked her lips.

"You Wanna Pizza of Me," Maggie said in a hushed tone.

"Wha…?" Alli said as she lifted her hands into the air.

"That's the name of the place," Maggie explained. "If our cook hears you say the H word, she may spit in your food."

Alli looked warily toward the kitchen. Through the pass through, her eyes met with the glaring stare of the chef. "She seems like a real bish," Alli said.

"Shhhh," Maggie put her index finger to her mouth. "She's my cousin, Melissa… and you have no idea. You should see her when her Packers are losing. Let's just say you better stay out of her way."

Of course, Alli had to share this. The pizza looked and smelled delish. Taking a selfie with the hot slice of pizza. She quickly put it on her Twitter with, "#WannaPieceofme #comegetit #bestsmellingpizzaeva #willletyouknowhowittastes #athugslife #BAM." She had barely taken a bite of what looked like the best pizza ever when the door burst open and there was a group of teenagers staring her down.

"Ugh," said Maggie frustrated having to deal with these giggling annoying people. "Seriously, what do you want now? If you're not buying anything you can leave. Or I'll get Melissa to come out from the back."

The teenagers back up at her threat; they had dealt with the cook's wrath before from the looks on their faces. "Oh, I'm pretty sure they are looking for me. Maybe I should stop tweeting my whereabouts." Alli said a little more worried now. "I got this hat from a tall drink of water over at the gym." She turned the ball cap around to show Maggie the front of it.

"Holy crap," Melissa said from the kitchen doorway. "And you dare wear it out in public? Do you know how much they want one of those ball caps? If you hurry up I'll let you sneak out the back way."

Alli took one last bite of her pizza before grabbing all of her bags. Maggie patted her on the shoulder and solemnly said, "good luck."

Meanwhile, just outside the bar next door, a woman stands on the sidewalk a few feet away from the hand-written "happy hour" menu, her arms crossed as she peers at it with laser-like focus, then steps to the side analyzing it from another angle. Something isn't right. The color scheme? No, that is perfectly complementary. "DAMMIT," she huffs as she realizes "chips" is spelled "ships" on the menu.

As she turns to hurry over and correct it, she nearly collides with the teenaged girls who usually loiter outside the gym next door but now are running past her and nearly knock her over.

"They're early today," she thinks as she stops to let them pass and rolls her eyes. Such a nuisance! She really should report them to Mayor Lambert.

Walking back to the menu, she hears an out-of-breath, whispered "Are they gone?" coming from the alley next door.

"Yes, and you forgot to proofread the menu again, Ash," she responds without looking over as she corrects the menu herself.

"Just trying to keep you on your toes. By the way, you really shouldn't talk to yourself in public like that," a voice responds from the other side.

Amie looks to the door and sees her sister, Ashley, holding it open from the inside. Amie's puzzled expression causes Ashley to reply: "I had to park out back with the extra wine delivery. What? I honestly don't know where it goes every week!"

Before Amie can roll her eyes, they both hear: "Did someone say wine?"

Amie and Ashley to each other in unison: "You heard that, right?"

As they both look over to the alleyway, a figure slowly emerges, her arms full of shopping bags and her face obscured by an LA Dodgers cap. She looks left and right before finally feeling safe and coming out to the sidewalk.

"Phew. I would 'luff' a glass of wine right now. Or a bottle," she adds as she loses hold on some of the bags, an LAPD sweatshirt spilling out of one of them.

"Oh my gods," Amie exclaims as she notices it and shoves it back in a bag! Ashley adds "Holy crap!" and they each take one of the stranger's arms rushing her into the safety of their bar.

"What, what?" the stranger asks panicked as Amie locks the door behind them and turns the lights off, and Ashley drags the stranger behind the bar with her, both crouching out of sight.

Everything is frozen for a moment. Suddenly Ashley begins to giggle. Her sister soon joins in and before you know it the two of them are giggling like Laura Roslin before her debate with Baltar.

"Stop it, Ash, I'm gonna pee!" But her sister's giggling is infectious and they're both holding their sides laughing so hard they don't even notice their new charge moving until all the rustling of her shopping bags drowns out their giggles.

"SEND HELP," Alli's first tweet reads. "Lovesick teenaged girls chasing me. Now being held hostage by two middle-aged women! #WhatsWorse"

"Good idea," Amie says collecting herself once she notices Alli's phone. "I'm calling for help."

Already did, Alli mumbles to herself as her phone starts lighting up and the musical alerts of "Watch Me Whip, Watch Me Nay Nay" echo in the bar with each Twitter alert sound. She quickly switches off the sound.

"Couldn't use something by Zac Brown?" Ashley asks raising her eyebrow? "Seriously, 'nay nay' drives me to drink."

While dialing her own phone, Amie retorts, "Everything drives you to drink, Ash. Yes…. Hello? Officer Boeckman, please. Yes, okay. No, we're fine. Thank you."

"Well?" Ashley asks her sister while helping Alli with her bags so they can all relocate to the bar.

"She's on patrol. She usually drives by here around this time anyway, so I didn't leave a message. But speaking of messages…." Amie scrolls through her text notifications.

Kate: "Long day but had an amusing new customer. Tell y'alls about it soon. Have my 'protein' shake ready!"

Maggie: "Have my Dirty Margarita ready! My cousin is driving me crazy!"

Melissa: "My cousin is driving me crazy! Make sure Ash doesn't drink all the wine because one of those cases is MINE!"

DeQuana: "WTF is going on over there? Just looked up my new customer on Twitter and she's tweeting for help from your location! On my way! Have the Jack ready!"

"You've GOT to be kidding me?" Amie glares at Alli and Ash quickly joins in glaring at Alli too: "What did you do? Takes a lot for her to go all shark, and –"

"LAPD, OPEN UP!"

Alli looks terrified, but Ashley simply drops the bags she was holding for her and says, "Bar. Now," while Alli sullenly follows.

Meanwhile, Amie makes her way to the door to let in their friend, Officer Boeckman. DeQuana is just a few feet away and Maggie is quickly catching up too.

"Amie, hello," Officer Boeckman now says in a more friendly tone once she realizes no one is in distress. Melinda takes off her aviators and holds them preciously in her hand close to her heart as she walks into the dark bar.

Melinda does a quick survey. Ashley is in her usual position at the bar with a glass of wine and pouring a generous one for a customer Melinda doesn't recognize while said customer does a shot of tequila first.

"Hi, Melinda. I mean, Officer Boeckman," Amie smiles while speaking because she knows how much Melinda's new rank means to her; it took a while for Amie to get used to this late career change for her best friend, but there is no mistaking how proud Melinda is of her new career as she takes one last glance outside the door to make sure her motorcycle is appropriately secure and in display of all its power.

Back in the Major Crimes murder room, the team is assembled and reviewing their next case.

"Where's Andy?" Sharon asks trying not to betray too much personal concern. But, truth be told, she IS concerned. Today he insisted on going to the gym for the first time, and she understands, she does, but that doesn't mean she has to like it.

"Excellent question, Captain! He has two jelly-filled donuts with my name on them, and I'm about to put out an APB on The Twitter for him!" Sanchez chuckles. "What?" Provenza says in exasperation.

"No offense, Sir, but you would never know how to do that, and we all know it. You're all phone and boots. And we need that too."

As Provenza softens up a bit with that acknowledgment of his relevance, there is a loud "CAPTAIN!" as Lieutenant Tao interjects, "Speaking of 'The Twitter,' there has been some activity from the location of the donut shop and the gym where my protégé is patrolling. Apparently, some teenaged girls who," he looks up at his Captain's face and decides to choose his words carefully, "have a crush on a certain… patron… and they are not too happy about an… interaction… he had with a new customer. She's apparently holed up at the bar next door, Mel-Officer Boeckman-is on the scene now. No sign of Andy though."

Sharon looks at her phone. No messages from Andy, so she holds her phone to her chest for a moment, takes a deep breath before putting it back in her pocket, and simply says, "Let's go."

In the back parking lot, Andy is pissed off! Not only is his car dead, his phone is too! He thinks he hears giggling but ignores it and decides the smartest thing to do is to head back to the gym and call Provenza.

"LAPD, OPEN UP!" a voice accompanies the unmistakable sound of the knock that means 'you're in trouble.'

Officer Boeckman tries to hide her smile as she recognizes her mentor's voice. She takes her aviators and pushes them up over and on her head just like he does, and she opens the door to Tao: "I have it all under control, Lieutenant. The teenagers were a bit more unruly than usual today but all is okay."

"Well done, Boeckman! But we still need to find Lieutenant Flynn!"

"Found!" Andy walks into the bar, and he brushes his hands through his hair and adds a concerned "Sharon?"

"Also found," Tao answers as he makes way for Andy to walk over to the bar where Sharon is with several other women, many of whom are drinking.

He takes in the sight of Sharon. She's laughing and looking like a woman who knows something no one else does. He loves her, God he does. And at that moment, all he wants to know is what is making her laugh like that, her eyes sparkling and her arms holding her sides, the sounds of laughter and joy taking his breath away! "Hey," he says as he comes up to stand beside her.

"Hey," she responds threading her fingers in his under the bar where no one can see.

"What's so funny?"

Sharon looks around at her surroundings…. her Major Crimes division, as well as the proprietors of the neighborhood businesses, are all dancing and loudly singing together to the song that Ashley cranked up, Zac Brown Band's "Chicken Fried." Even Provenza has let loose.

"This," Sharon says as she pulls out a sweaty towel out of a clear plastic bag. She wants to giggle, but she keeps her cool, thinking of it as evidence. "Alli was just telling us how she confiscated it from some…" Sharon lifts both of her hands to do finger quotes in the air and finishes with a huge smile, "admirers."

"Ah," Andy responds. "I've been meaning to tell you I may have a few fans…"

~The End~