What language could tell the story of the universe? Possibly in a language spoken by an old German man with high trousers who is drunk and doing a jig accompanied by an entourage of Loli Nazis dancing the nutcracker and sympathetically kicking people in the nuts, while doing backflips as a Jewish tuba player plays the tuba badly to the tune of Danny boy. Suddenly, Stalin walks in and asks "Who let the dogs out?" and then wrings the neck of a small green dog. Lenin comes back from the grave to respond with a "WHO, WHO, WHO WHO WHO" and then catches on fire and explodes. When he explodes though he catches a leprechaun on fire who then runs around the room screaming in Irish while the drunk, old German doing the jig drops some of his whiskey on the leprechaun as he is drunk and dancing which makes the fire worse and is making the place smell like burnt lucky charms. Hitler walks in and says "YO WHAT THE FUCK IT SMELLS LIKE MY EX WIFE IN HERE" before cartwheeling out the window, which has sharpie on it, in the shape of a huge horse nose. Mussolini then walks wearing a sexy nurses outfit holding a whip looking for Hitler. Seeing him cartwheeling into the sunset, Mussolini jumps out the window screaming "COME BACK HONEY WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOT TO THE GOOD STUFF YET, IVE BEEN PRACTICING FOR YOU!" Jesus was touched by his heartwarming cries and brought in his serpent squad, who danced to Friday by Rebecca Black. And if that wasn't enough, the Backyardigans came in and did sumo wrestling with the Teletubbies. Unfortunately Satan (Hitler's ex-wife) saw this unfold and was jealous because he was not over Hitler and he sent the demons from hell to retrieve his true love. Even worse the demons are stupid and can't walk so they have to do the worm out the widow and slowly they chase after Hitler while chanting here comes the sun in deep demonic screeches.
Poor Hitler, feeling like a Harem Anime protagonist, decided to scream "BLITZKREIG" and call in the Loli Nazis along with his elite SS force, who picked him up in a UFO and started going mach speed North. Unfortunately, Mussolini is Italian, which makes him very gay and very fast, and he whipped out his wild Italian sausage and started swinging it around in a circular motion, propelling him even faster than the UFO. The demons, not wanting to disappoint Satan, started screaming the Teletubbies theme song rather devilishly, which summoned the Teletubbies from before, however this time they were elephants with lady legs. Their footsteps were heard by George W. Bush, who was cutting down a tree. The tree also heard as he was a sentient tree who felt the sharp pains of Bush slicing into him. He screamed until he grew arms and legs and then cut Bush down. The tree (named Esteban) decided he wanted to find love so he walked the street until he was arrested for motorboating a girls breasts which she didn't give consent to and gave her third degree splinters. The girl's boyfriend vowed revenge against the tree, unfortunately he was not very smart and had a habit of violently raping someone in retaliation for something, so he too ended up with third degree splinters. Meanwhile, Hitler was watching Boku no Pico and getting really excited, but the Lolis were angry he wasn't watching minecraft parodies instead, but Hitler couldn't hear them because Boku no Pico was at max volume on 60 bluetooth speakers around the inside of the UFO.
The Lolis were so angry that they started shootings lasers out of their boobs and directed them at the UFO killing Hitler. However the Lolis didn't know how to control their titty lasers so they accidentally blew up the earth killing everything and everyone except for Jesus and Satan who were already dead so they had to kill them extra dead. The universe became a black hole of nothingness like Kim Kardashian's asshole and then the Lolis found a second hidden power they couldn't control (which they prefer to keep a secret) and that's how existence ceased to exist.