One Shot – Scars Don't Fade
Disclaimer – I don't own KH
Worked on February 22, 2008 (6 hours)
Pairing: Axel x Roxas
Summary: Is true that love can only end in pain and despair? Can love last forever? (AxelRoxas)
It was so warm; our bodies were tangled from last night's sexual congress. His blazing red hair tickled my nose but I didn't want to move from my comfortable position. We lay together, I could feel his muscular chest rise up and down, and the heart beat in his chest resonated from his heart and to my heart—it felt synchronized. I couldn't take it anymore; his spiky hair in my face tickled too much, I sneezed.
I must have woken him up because his fingers began to gently caress my thighs. It was another typical morning with my lover or so I thought.
"Are you going to wake up?" he questioned. I felt his warm body slid from under me and to the edge of the bed. My eyes opened groggily as I sat up to watch him pull on his boxers.
"It's Saturday… come back" I mumbled, yawning a big yawn at the end of my request.
He merely ignored me and continued to dress—pants, shirt, belt, hair wax.
I leaped out under my blankets and tackled him to the floor and reached my hands under his jeans. I smirked when I felt it alert and ready.
I rubbed the head slowly in circular motions. He arched his back and thrust his hips towards me, a deep moan emitted from his throat. Both of his hands worked feverishly to loosen his pants and provide access me to his throbbing member. Teasingly I used my two forefingers to tenderly stroke it, with enough force to be felt, but not enough for release.
"ha,.. haa…ngh" his pants grew louder and louder, his hips thrust up wildly longing for firmer contact, longing for release; I wouldn't give it to him.
His member spewed forth a thick, white liquid, and I lapped it up longingly.
"m-m-mouth it, please…" he begged cutely, his hands held my face tenderly as he begged silently with half-lidded, lust-filled emerald eyes.
"ARGH" he grunted with clenched teeth as I took him all in at once. He thrust his hips up as I moved my mouth down, and withdrew as I moved up. The rhythm was perfect.
The pleasure he felt… I felt it too. He moaned so beautifully as my tongue lapped up his pre-cum, and then I would lick his entire member, coat it with my saliva. I traced little patterns on it savoring feel of its smooth head touching my tongue, and when I sensed that he was on the verge of release, I took all of him again. I pumped with him, up and down until he cried a wanton cry and released all of his warm liquid into my mouth.
We rested on the floor together, but only for a second. He immediately got up, avoiding my questioning glance, and began to redress himself. Then I knew something was wrong…
"Axel…?"
"I can only treasure this love if I know it will someday end" he whispered softly as gathered his possessions into a knapsack.
"W-what?" what was he getting at.
"If this was our first time meeting each other and we engaged in 'certain activities', but afterwards I refused your advances, you would treasure those moments we had more together than anything, correct?"
"What are you saying? It doesn't have to be like that…I treasure every moment with you" I said firmly.
"But afterwards if I told you I wanted nothing to do with you, you would treasure them more! Wouldn't you?"
"Yes… I would, but what is your point?"
"You're so simpleminded, that is eternal love. Didn't you tell me once, 'I want this love to last forever.' Did you not say that to me?"
"I said that to you, Yes. But I don't understand the words coming out of your mouth. Are you leaving me?"
"…Yes, I am leaving you"
"But why? Did I do something to displease you?"
"No… I just realized this was the only way we could love each other forever… if we stay together like this until we die, our love will die, and it is inevitable… But if I, if I leave you right now when love is fresh in our hearts, the pain of losing love will scar your heart. This scar I willingly inflict will never fade. And twenty or thirty years from now, you will remember the pain; but also the love we shared, that is our eternal love" he said loudly and clearly. Blood rushed through my head, nausea overwhelmed my body.
What could I say to him? He seemed so certain this was the way to go… If only I could take those words back!
"Our memories may fade, but our hearts will never forget… they will never forget love" I whispered, hot tears fell from my face and onto the floor, the salty essence of Axel was in my mouth, was it the last time I could taste him?
"I don't understand. How is it related with me?" he looked ready to leave, his knapsack thrown over his shoulder.
"You can't say our love will die when we die… You don't even understand love! Love was not meant to be understood, it was meant to be felt… Love isn't a science; you can't dissect or analyze it or predict when it will die. It is a part of life! Love is special to us humans, I never expected you to understand it. I only wanted you to feel it! I wanted you to feel the way I feel about you…" I said passionately, the tears were slowly gathering on the edge of my eyes. He looked at me curiously.
"It has been a long time since I felt anything for anyone" he admitted as he ran his hand through his hair, with a troubled look in his face.
Those words inflicted a laceration onto my heart; I felt could almost feel the cold blade slice pierce it.
"Since ho-how long?"
"Long enough"
"Was it before or after you met me?"
"…"
Suddenly it dawned upon me, Axel wasn't worried about our love dying… he was just terribly bored with my presence. He just wanted a new toy.
"I can still feel… I can FEEL" I began screaming uncontrollably while banging my fists desperately against the floor.
"…"
"Did you know that? I can still feel those emotions. I could feel everything you did to me! I could feel your finger tips lightly grazing all over my body, I could feel your hot mouth panting into my ear for release, I could feel every thrust in my hole-the pain and the pleasure! Did you feel any of that? PLEASE tell me. TELL ME NOW" I yelled fiercely, the tears streamed from my eyes now, flowing like a river.
"…Good bye"
"NO NO NO, DON'T! don't you dare leave me now. We have to settle this, RIGHT NOW. STOP it, stop walking away… I swear if you take one more step you'll never see me again!" his retreating footsteps stopped, his handsome frame turned around and walked back to me. He dropped his knapsack in a corner and bent down towards me until we were eye to eye.
I threw my arms around him, and sobbed into his shoulder while he whispered soothing words into my ear. I breathed in his familiar scent, a fruity scent, it comforted me.
When he saw I had settled down he pulled me away from him and smiled a cruel smile, the cruelest I had ever seen on his face…
"It was nice knowing you" was all he said. He grabbed his knapsack and calmly walked out of my life.
Even today… I still remember every moment I spent with him.
I anguished for a long time
Trying to decide if he loved me or not.
I couldn't decide.
But as time passed on, it didn't seem that important anymore…
His words still echoed in my heart, I felt it was these words that exposed his true thoughts.
'I can only treasure this love if I know it will someday end.'
I can't remember what he looked like anymore… but he was right…
I would always treasure the scar he left in my heart.
It was the only proof I had… The only proof that I once loved him and he once loved me