Day ???
I'm writing this mostly on impulse, I guess. Maybe I wanted to leave a message, some sort of epitaph that would mark my passage through this life.
Maybe I'm grasping for some kind of pathetic value to my short, pathetic existence.
Maybe I'm just crazy.
Yeah. That's definitely it.
Whatever.
Don't expect a lot of detail, (but be prepared for ample amounts of mental deterioration) I'm going to pump out this novel in all its grisly glory as fast and as hard as I can. I guess its going to be more of a short story than a novel. Can't get much of a novel out in the few weeks I have left.
I'm going to switch subjects at the speed of hyperactive toddler and I'll be boring you with little action and a hell of a lot of suffering. Try to keep up, and try not to fall asleep. Might as well try it. Trying's what got me here in the first place.
(Redundancy is the second sign of insanity. And interrupting yourself is the first)
Maybe it'll get me out.
Ever the optimist, that's me.
I hear the belated tapping of two black tap shoes and one heartless girl.
Day ???
Let's see how much I can get out here before the fun starts, and Rhode comes sauntering in to beat me half way to death and then the other half way too. Yet again.
Normally people would tell you about their name and looks and friends and about their pet dog Muffins, and all that boring shit. Yeah, well screw off, Muffins, time's running short here.
Its "Allen Walker" or so the navy-haired demon says. My memory's in pieces. Little itty-bitty teeny-weeny pieces.
When the world goes down, I did it. I know that much at least, My bad. Oops. Sorry. I tried, honestly.
On with my fleeting narrative. Can a narrative really be fleeting? Sure. Fleeting, like my life. Fleeting, like happy moments and fireflies. Fleeting, like the lives of those around me. Just because they're around me. Fleeting, like the all the fireflies I've shared with everyone I've ever met, I can try to hold on to them but they float between my fingers like so much smoke. Fleeting, like Leenalee.
Fleeting…Leenalee. Fleetalee!
Just another head case, kids…
Who the hell is Leenalee?
Apparently enduring an eternity of intense physical and psychological torture in a room that looks like the perverse blend of a checkerboard and a "toddler's" toybox fucks you up pretty bad. A deranged, blue-haired, slutty, overgrown "toddler".
This place sucks. Colossal understatement. Seriously I would be doing some mad cutting if I could. Not for lack of sharp objects, like I said, really screwed up toddler. Its that little lack of wrists that keeping me down.
Or limbs in general. Or a heart remaining in my body.
Like I said, very intense physical torture. You haven't really felt pain until you've had your entire nervous system torn out through your nail beds. That was fun. Took about three days, but turns out some disturbed para-humans have wayy too much time on their hands. It was actually kind of nice, cause I wasn't able to feel anything for a few days. Like a vacation.
Ah, the dreaded footsteps. And she's skipping too…
Day ???
She spent a whole week on it. Dropping hints here and there between daily torture sessions, always walking in with an anxious look, muttering about "stupid-ass, bloody thick-headed, so fucking determined, exorcists". She even slipped in a "can't-leave-old-man-hair-stuck-in-the-fucking-Noah's-clutches, exorcists" once. And I sucked the whole thing in like a tonic.
I began to hope again. I didn't know who Noah was and why Rhode was angry at the exorcists, but anything that pissed Rhode of made me happy.
The end of the week came all too soon, and for hours I heard sounds of a bloody battle outside. Supposedly.
Rhode later admitted to have been banging pots and pans and lighting sticks of dynamite together until the Earl yelled at her.
And then, after the crashing and clanging came to an end; a still. An apprehensive silence settled over the mindscape like a suffocating blanket, during which I slowly lost all hope in that the exorcists, the saviors who I didn't know, had prevailed. I had finally given up faith, when came the faint pattering of footsteps. I remember the next moment as clearly as any other in my memory.
The door, that I knew in my mind, I knew, led to nowhere, burst open.
I raised my eye (yes, eye in the singular) slowly, reverently, towards the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. There, standing in front of me, was Leenalee.
And it all came back to me. Who she was, who I was, who the Noah were, what an akuma was, why my arm was the way it was, and how the hell I got myself to where I am now. But that's another story for another day. Let's hope I'll still be able to remember it.
Leenalee was gorgeous. I mean not just good-looking, easy on the eyes, gorgeous, but authentically, genuinely, pure in a sense that I had completely forgotten.
On her face was a weak smile, a peculiar topsy-turvy grimace that managed to convey pain and hope simultaneously. She was bleeding everywhere, and her arm was bent backwards at an angle that certainly didn't look comfortable, and she was probably dying all over Rhode's evil teddy bears, sure, but she was smiling. Smiling. It had been weeks since I had seen something so, so, real.
I started to cry. I don't deny it. I thought I had been all out of tears for so long, but my bloodshot eye managed to leak out a few more for the occasion.
When she saw me, her smile vanished. I admit, I couldn't have been much of a pretty picture. She took a few, hesitant, steps. And then she was crying and shouting, and I was crying in full now, and she was sprinting towards me. She ran up to me, halted suddenly a few feet away, and reached out with a shaking hand.
I closed my eyes, feeling the kind caress of the one I had missed the most for the long, long, past few months.
And opened them back into a nightmare.
Standing in front of me, or rather, rolling on the floor laughing, was Rhode.
"You should've seen the look on your face!" She managed to gasp out, and then went back to her amused flailing. It was probably the single saddest moment of my entire life. At least.
Of course, she thought it was so funny, she had to do it again. She would run outside, and come back as Lavi, and then Kanda, and then Krory, and on, and on, and on.
The hatred I feel towards her is singularly stronger than any emotion I have ever felt in my entire life. I would like to… never mind. I'm pretty sure its not legal to put that in words. But seriously, it's not half as bad as some of the stuff she's done to me. At least she would eventually die. With me, that escape is impossible.
You can't die within your own mind.
Day ???
Honestly, do you think anyone could last six months of torture at the hands of the Noah? (that questions bleeds a no, in case you aren't the brightest crayon in the box) I would have died of hemorrhages within the first hour if not for Rhode's "abilities".
Most likely, to everyone else I just look like I'm in a deep, deep, sleep. But in the confines of my own mind, I've been submitted to every form of suffering known to man. And quite a few not known to him.
I got captured by the Noah about six months ago according to Rhode. Bullshit, its been at least five years.
They took out the entire group of finders I was with and nearly took out Leenalee too. I had to make a little bargain.
Because at that moment, I didn't care if I died, I didn't care if all the Finders died, hell I didn't care if the whole damn world exploded, so long as Leenalee survived. So I made a deal: me for Leenalee's guaranteed safety.
Yeah. Riiight.
Well obviously I was idiot enough to believe the most evil people in the world, at least for the thirty seconds it took me to walk into the clutches of a fate much worse than death. The last thing I saw before everything went black, and I woke up in my own ultimate nightmare, was a prone figure slowly drowning in a pool of her own deep, maroon, blood. Damn lucky girl.
Day ???
Nothing to write about… Other than asking why I'm still capable of coherent thought…
Day ???
I had my body turned inside out today. It hurt.
I sound like a five-year old whining to mommy.
Day ???
Rhode shattered every bone in my arms and legs and told me I could go free if I could reach the door on the other side of the room. So I rolled over to the door, and it just about killed me.
She said rolling didn't count, rolled me back to where I started, severed my spinal cord, and told me to try again.
I didn't make it. And she was lying, she wasn't going to let me go free anyway.
Your welcome, Captain Obvious.
Day ???
Let's just say I'll probably be singing soprano for the rest of my life.
Day ???
Sorry that its been so long since I've last written, though you probably can't tell because I label all my entries as "Day ???". Rhode has had me convinced that I was monkey for several days and therefore I obviously couldn't write anything. I would still be trying to walk through walls if she didn't have the attention span of a six year old and accidentally let it slip while drawing a stick figure of herself on my stomach wall.
Day ???
Tyki ripped out all my organs today. Couldn't stop whining about getting his gloves dirty. Apparently he lost a bet to Rhode and that was his side of the bargain. They were standing there arguing about it as the bloody pile of my internal organs continually expanded.
And then he finally got pissed off enough that he had to leave to go cool down. I'm pretty sure he murdered at least twenty people.
I'm sure I remember him being dead already. I must be dreaming.
Oh wait… I am dreaming.
Haha. Funny.
Day ???
I had a set of spikes sticking out of me any porcupine would be jealous of earlier today. And, I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty sure that no one else I know can bend over and see the wall behind them through a hole in their stomach.
No one's sneaking up behind me anytime soon with that baby.
Day ???
Looks like Rhode-toad's getting serious guys. I've been so fucked up that I've been speaking twelve different languages for the past week.
The game is heating up. Now its just a test of endurance, and if I screw up just once than the world goes down the drain. Further down the drain.
Day ???
This is it. The final sprint; but both my legs are broken and Rhode's really, really, fast.
Day ???
The final sprint. Just a couple more days, and it'll all be over. A couple more days.
Yeah, bullshit, this goes on for as long as she says it goes on. She can't just be satisfied with breaking all the bones in my body, no way, that's just not good enough. She has to break my mind too.
Day ???
Sprint. This is the last, final, never-ending, sprint.
Day ???
Every word, every letter, is a monumental effort. Like pushing a boulder uphill while being chased by a million tiny demons (all of which have blue hair) who poke and prick and pull at you every time you take a step forward, knowing that when you reach the top all that awaits is the cold embrace of death.
And the creepy thing is, I'm looking forward to that frost-bitten hug more than anything I have in my life.
Day ???
The final sprint…
Day ???
Just keep walking. Keep fucking walking.
Day ???
Each word breathes new meaning to the definition of pain, but I know this writing is the only thing keeping me sane.
I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.
Yeah, sane as birds.
And that made sense when I wrote it.
Day ???
Keep walking. Allen Walker. I'm beginning to understand the irony.
Day ???
I won't last much longer. It's not any sort of exaggeration or joke, its just a statement of fact. I surpassed the human limit to pain long ago and I've been sweating blood since yesterday because of the stress on my mind. Sooner rather than later this story is going to come to a sudden, violent end. Very violent.
Day ???
I keep on writing but I can't read
I keep on walking but I can't see
I'm sure I'm screaming but I can't hear
I'm floating and
I'm flying and
I'm falling.
But I'm not dead yet.
Hurry up.
Hurry up, Rhode.
Hurry up and kill me.
The funny thing is; I'm not joking.
!#$&() !#$&() !#$&() !#$&() !#$&() !#$
A/N: Hoo baby that was fun. I could just write whatever the hell I was thinking at the time and it totally fit into the whole "psycho exorcist" thing. Not that I'm actually entertaining suicidal thoughts, and they wouldn't be entertaining in the least anyways. I'm just trying to entertain you with this little bit of wordplay and mental war.
Alright guys, just had to get that out of my system. So this first chaptah is all first person if you hadn't noticed, I'm not sure if it will remain that way or not. Depends what you all want (but not really, I'm just trying to make you feel important). I really have no more than an extremely basic idea of where this piece of work is going and I'm not so satisfied with the way its turned out. Seems to choppy. Not that I really expected anything in the first place. I just opened up Word and found this thing sitting here and decided to put it out there to make everyone else look good. And if I ever decide to update this baby it will be at my own pace which tends to be far slower than a hyperactive toddler. DGMITS. FCPSITSGEPGEPGEP. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Palindromes are rad. See where Allen gets it? And I don't even like Fall of Troy. Or not all of their stuff. Good times.