"It will be as if I never existed…"

His voice ran through my thoughts, or had it been my dream? I was unaware of when I was conscious and unconscious these past few months. I was still in my zombie like state of mind as Charlie called it.

That was a while ago, I was getting better with it. After I started hanging out with Jacob Black, all the emotions suddenly came back to me. It was a shock. Some I didn't understand at all.

I didn't want anything to happen to him now, he was my safe harbor, that was all? Certainly he didn't think of it that way. He thought about it as much more, but never spoke of it. I had to learn to draw the boundary lines more clearly. Things were getting to close for my liking.

"Bella, where have you been? I was wondering where you were all morning." He said as I walked into the small barn he called a garage.

"Sorry Jake, I had a few house chores to take care of. I should have told you." I said as I opened the door to the Rabbit and took a seat to watch him work on the bikes. Almost done. I could feel the adrenaline working up inside my body.

"It's cool, I can't expect you to spend all your time here."

He worked for a while in silence, and it made me uneasy. So I quietly searched for a safe topic.

"So do you have any plans Saturday?" He interrupted me before I could speak.

"Um…I don't believe so. Why?"

"Well, the bikes should be done by then, I was thinking we could take them for a test drive." A wide grin was plastered on his young face. And I returned the smile.

"Of course, that would be awesome!" I was bouncing in the seat, he obviously noticed this and smiled wider.

"Great, than it's a date." I flinched at the word, but lucky for me he had already gone back to the bikes.

I didn't want him to take anything the wrong way, but I didn't want to see that lovely smile of his fade away just yet. If ever. So I chose to keep my mouth shut.

Billy ended up called Charlie and inviting him for dinner, so it was nice having all of us together and happy. If you could call it that.

Afterwards on the drive home, it was quiet, and that wasn't good for me. Although I hated listening to almost any kind of music now, I hated the quiet too. It gave me time to think, and my thoughts always wondered back to him. And I didn't want the hole in my chest to rip open after such a peaceful day. I wouldn't let that happen.

Before I knew it, I was turning into the little driveway of the house, but I immediately stopped the truck and was frozen in both fear and confusion.

I looked out the window of my truck as my eyes traveled to the all too familiar shiney, silver Volvo sitting in Charlie's spot. That hole in my chest, the one I was trying so hard to keep close for the past few days, was ripped open without warning and suddenly I was lying down on the seats of the truck.

I was unable to breath, and had to concentrate for a while, getting my thoughts together and trying to understand what was happening. I couldn't tell if it was a dream or a nightmare. Maybe both. I closed my eyes shut, hoping that maybe when I opened them the car would be gone and everything would go back to normal.

A try in vain. I winced as I peered out of the window again and saw the car still parked there. So glad that Charlie had decided to stay at the Blacks' for a little while longer to watch the game. There was no telling what he would have done.

I finally decided to face my worst nightmare. I had to get out of the truck at some point, didn't I? So why not go ahead and get the pain over with.

I struggled a moment, trying to work up the courage to open the door and step out into the open air. I was still having trouble breathing, but I was getting it under control. I was taking this better than I thought I would have.

I managed to get to the bottom of the stairs, and then I had to pause. To prepare myself for what I was hoping I wouldn't have to go through. I had gotten a little better with my new found emotions, and now this had to happen. Why did everything have to happen to me?!

I slowly put my foot down on the first step, flinching as it creaked under my foot. Surely he, if he was truly in there, would have already known that I was home. No one could escape the roar of my truck. So why did he not come out? Was he scared? Or maybe he wasn't there at all. I hoped for the last one.

I was surprised to find myself thinking about him with more ease. But it would soon disappear. I had finally reached the top of the stairs, not having realized that I was climbing them. And took a deep breath, as if preparing to die.

It was better than my wildest dreams. There he was, sitting on the sofa, as if carved from stone, and as still as a statue. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. As much as I had feared this moment, I had lost all that feeling in my body.

He turned slowly to look at me, his eyes the sweet color of honey, just as I remembered them.

"Bella…" My memory didn't do it justice. His voice was so smooth, velvet and soft. I wanted to hear more.

"E…Ed…ward…" I had to force it out. It might have been a little bit easier to think it, but speaking it was completely different. He stood up in a swift movement and looked at me, never moving his gaze. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hands, as if searching for the right words to say.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. It was stupid of me to leave and I didn't know how much effect it had on you. How much it truly…hurt…" He spoke so fast my mind didn't catch most of it. But just hearing his voice was heaven in it's own self.

"Why…did you come back?" My voice sounded hoarse, and horrible compared to him melodic singing.

"Because, I was going crazy not being with you. I thought that it would be for the better, it would allow you to live a normal life. But if I knew how much it was going to cause you pain, I would have never left."

My heart couldn't take this anymore. I knew what he said in the forest was true. It

had to be. There was no way that someone like him could love someone like me. Maybe he just felt guilty for causing me pain and wanted to come back to make it right. So he wouldn't have to have anything on his conscious.

"…Leave…" I spoke, a little more harsher than I intended it to be. I couldn't bare to look at his face. So beautiful.

"…What?" was all he said. It sounded like it had a tiny bit of worry, and I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Leave, Edward." I still flinched at his name as I spoke it. "My heart can't stand to have you here again. Knowing that you're going to leave. So just get it over with. The pain will go away quicker if you just leave. You don't want me anymore…"

He was silent for a moment, as if wondering what to say.

"How can you think that, Bella?" He spoke finally, this time with a hint of anger building up. "Bella, I love you. I never wanted to leave. I just thought it would be better. How could you believe what I told you in the forest!? How could you believe that lie?!"

"Edward! Stop it! Can't you see that I'm trying to move on? I don't…I don't want you here…" My words didn't sound so angry at the end, more filled with hurt.

I finally forced myself to look, and sure enough, hurt filled his angel like face and his honey eyes.

"Is that…what you really want? For me to leave?" He spoke the words slowly, as if to make sure I understood what he was trying to say. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, and I was not going to let him see me cry. Not now. So I just nodded and hung my head to the ground.

"…I fail to believe that, Bella. I'll leave for now, but this isn't over." I looked up just to find what he meant, but he was already gone. I went over to the window and saw that the Volvo was already gone. The nightmare was over…for now.