Reckoning

Chaque fois
Je me mets dans la tête
Que je reçois ce ciel
Qui m'était promis

Chaque fois
Le bleu redevient gris
Et me laisse déçu
Seule et démunie

Twisting and turning in her uncomfortable bed, the leaves in her hair and on her pillow, she looked like a long lost forest queen, silently pleading for the evil to let the heavily sighing trees rest in their wake.

Her arm twisted, flopped out and hit the table standing next to her bed in the process. The room swayed and in the corner an empty bottle of rum silently rolled back and forth against the wall.

What was the feeling that was so agonizing as to leave Elizabeth silently moaning in her bed, twisting and turning, unable to wake from the dream that was so evidently causing her discomfort?

Somewhere else on the ship, a certain captain could've given an answer to that particular question. Lying in his bed he was in fact very awake, thinking of the events that had happened earlier that day, the events Elizabeth was having nightmares about.

It kept playing over and over in his head. Will standing by that tree, his back turned to it, the expression on his face almost indescribable when his beloved wife entered his line of vision.

"Elizabeth!"

The way he'd said it was almost as a happy ending to a fairytale, the high tone of his voice betraying his happiness. But then, everything fell apart before Captain Sparrows eyes. And not only before his eyes, too.

They hadn't seen that damn traitor sitting up in the tree behind him, waiting for Will to run to Elizabeth, to embrace her, smell her, hold her tight against him. It would give him the most perfect aim. When Jack thought back on that moment he cursed himself for not acting when he thought he'd seen something from the corner of his eye. But he had been feeling far too many things in that very specific moment to be thinking of anything else then what he thought had been happening before his eyes; Elizabeth being reunited with Will. And what that would mean for the rest of the future. And for him, of course. Always for him.

The rest was history.

Elizabeth, oh, he didn't even want to think about her and what she had done after that. Jack had seen a lot of crazy people in his wicked life, but he had never seen a normal person going crazy right in front of his eyes before this very day.

He'd never seen a woman in so much pain as Elizabeth had been, and still was.

At first she'd cried, she'd screamed, she'd tried to climb up the tree. Her nails clawing at the base, leaving the nails broken and her fingers bloodied.

Jack had been stunned at first, but then his mind went on automatic pilot and he'd run to the tree to get Elizabeth and get the three of them out of there. But when Jack'd touched her, she'd recoiled as if he were some kind of monster, wriggling herself free from his arms and running over to Will to fall down next to him and stroke his hair forcefully.

"Oh my Will, my beloved Will, my dear Will. Wake up my love. I'm here now. It's all over."

There hadn't been a way to describe the pain he'd seen in her eyes when she finally realized he really wasn't waking up. After a few minutes she'd sat back down on the grass and turned to Jack with a blank look.

"Jack, he's not waking up. Jack, he's probably very sleepy isn't he? Jack, let us take him back to the ship, yes? He must sleep, Jack."

And here they were now, after the longest night of all nights Jack had witnessed in his entire life. Elizabeth in the cabin next to him, moaning in her sleep.

Jack awake in his own bed, straining to hear the sounds coming from the room next to him, straining to listen for any warning signs, never having worried so much about a woman before. And he didn't know if the fact that he was able to now, was a good sign either. All he knew was if he heard her crying out like that one more time, he was going down there.

But while he thought this, his eyes were falling shut, his body ready for the sleep that finally claimed him.

The morning sky groaned under the weight of the heavy grey clouds, the lightening flashing as if to put emphasis on the black clouds which were ready to burst to let the rain fall down upon the empty decks of the Black Pearl.

There was no one on the decks, the crew having abandoned Jack long before, after having told him their disappointment in their captain had been too much to bear. Elizabeth had stood by him, every step of the way, even through the fights with Will, even when he pulled another trick that could've made her doubt his sincerity and honesty. After all of the times he had betrayed the image she had of him being a good man, she had never taken it back. Never.

But Will. Will had been so in love with Elizabeth, not being able to resist her choice to let Jack back in her life, much too afraid that he would lose her forever.

And so when Will had left for Port Royal to get some business done, and left Elizabeth on the ship with Jack, neither of them had been worried. He could hold his own, he would come back to her. Or she would find her way back to him. No forces cold hold them apart, there hadn't been a doubt about that in Jack's mind.

It had been shame and anger and regret all rolled up into one emotion. Not to forget the terrible feeling of raw pain. Pain, choking her, breaking her heart, forcing her to face reality. For it was only because of the pain she still felt alive. The empty thumping of her now broken heart a constant reminder to her mortality.

And yet, he now stood before her. In all his glory, his smile almost breaking her heart all over again.

"Elizabeth, I've returned to never leave you again."

Oh, dear, beloved, Will. Always the modest one. Always waiting for her to take action, always in for her best interest, always just, waiting for her. But it was why she loved him.

She took a sprint to the edge of the rocks, her hands reaching out to give him the tightest embrace she'd ever given a man in her life. And how good it was to smell his scent again, to stroke his hair and to feel the life around him.

It was time now to swear to herself to never let him go again. Just like he told her in his soothing voice just minutes ago.

And then she released him, just to get a better look at his appearance, his handsome face, his sideburns, the way his hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She let her hands trail a path over his chest, aching for the familiar way his body would stir when she touched him. But then she saw it. The hole in his chest. Blood was seeping out of it and painting the white of his shirt red. She reacted immediately, wanting to take off her own nightgown to stop the bleeding, but when she found her body wouldn't move she cried out in despair.

"No! Will! Don't leave me again!"

It was as if he'd just realized he'd been shot, on his face a shocked look when he looked down to the front of his shirt which was now almost wholly drenched in blood. The fingers of his left hand came up to touch the wound, the other hand coming up to rest on her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth…"

"No!!"

Soaking wet Elizabeth sat up straight in her bed, breathing heavily and trying to make out where she was from taking in her surroundings. And then it all came rushing back. The smile on his face when he'd seen her, the terror on his face when the arrow hit him. Her cries, Will's lifeless eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut as if that could make the memories stop flooding back.

Will had died.

She had woken up from one nightmare into another.

With a tortured sigh she fell down back onto her bed. And then the tears came to her again. She really didn't want to cry at all, but she also found she couldn't stop. Soon she didn't know where the tears ended and the sweat began. Her body heaved from the sobs and she was unable to control her breathing.

It was then when the door flew open. In the doorway stood a ragged-looking man, with eyes that looked alarmed but a face looking tired. She recognized him as Captain Jack Sparrow, the man she almost chose over Will. The thought almost made her puke from misery. She couldn't believe how she almost betrayed Will back then. And he, good old Will, he would've been there for her always. It wouldn't have mattered if Jack had tried to woo her, Will would've tried to win her back even more.

And now she was confronted with a situation she rather would've kept for later.

Facing Jack.

Quickly and efficiently she wiped the tears from her eyes, already embarrassed that he had seen her at her most weak; right after Will died.

She expected he would say something but instead of doing so he silently closed the door of the cabin behind him and made his way over to the left side of her bed, only pausing once to give the empty rum bottle which was still rolling around the cabin a good kick that made it land right at the edge of her bed.

Her eyes were fixed on the empty bottle and the room was still silent, the bottle having finally stopped rolling, as if to indicate that this was their cue to speak. But she didn't know what to say and was not exactly sure how to handle the situation.

When he sat down next to her on the mattress it sank underneath his weight, causing her body to roll into his. She didn't move however, surprised at how comfortable his body heat felt to her coldness.

Her head turned to look at him, and she saw him looking deeply concentrated, his eyes fixed on her face, his mouth half opened as if he were about to say something. And just when she thought he would, he closed his mouth again.

Seemed like she wasn't the only one who wasn't sure on how to handle the situation.

When an uncomfortable silence took up the whole room, it usually made Elizabeth fidget around in her seat, or rub her hands together when standing, but this time all she could do was return his stare and momentarily she felt her heart miss a steady, but dull and empty, beat.

"Elizabeth."

He stopped himself before he could say anything more, realizing how insensitive it would sound if he would ask her about her well-being. Of course she wasn't well; you could see it in her every move. Her eyes had lost its sparkle, her skin seemed pale from grief.

And then she did something he would never have expected. In an instant before it happened he saw her eyes blaze with their usual fierceness, as if they were trying to push the grief below the surface. He knew they would never shine as they sometimes did when Will had still been alive, but he would give everything to keep that sparkle, even though tiny, present in her eyes.

The kiss was almost desperate. Her tongue sought out his in a dominant manner, her hands pushing him back against the headboard. The tears that fell from her closed eyes and onto his cheeks betraying how she really felt, the kiss just a feeble attempt to salvage her broken self. To just, forget for only a minute. To forget the grief, the choking pain.

"Make me forget, Jack."

She said this quickly, her voice breathless, her hands now upon his chest, her mouth right next to his ear.

If anything about her intonation had been different, Jack would've refrained from fulfilling her plea. But it had sounded just right, and her eyes had spoken too. Help me, Jack. Please, Jack. They'd said. She wouldn't even had to have said it. Her eyes had told him everything he needed to know.

It wasn't a thought-through action from Elizabeth, but at the moment she didn't care, at the moment she wasn't able to think at all. It was just her broken heart grabbing every chance it got to try and heal. It was just her mind trying to block out every bad feeling.

And for a moment, Jack reveled in the way she leaned over him, the look on her face full of renewed power, but it was only for a moment. If he were some sort of stranger he wouldn't have seen it, the defeat that was shining through.

It was the moment he saw it that made him take her shoulders, kiss her lips one more time, and decide against it. She would hate him for it later. She would always look at him as the pirate that took advantage of her while she was grieving, the man who brought out the worst in her. He couldn't bear it if she were to look at him in that way.

Although, when he stood by the door, and she looked at him in the most disappointed way he'd ever seen, he almost regretted his choice. Almost.

The door rattled with a deafening noise when he shut it behind him.