Disclaimer: "Gintama" is property of Hideaki Sorachi, Sunrise, Viz Media, etc.
"Naruto" is property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, Viz Media, etc.

Sweetened Ramen

They were under attack. That had to be it. Why else would Sakura be hanging from a tree in such a… awkward… position? Ino had faltered upon finding her long-time rival while meandering the outskirts of Konoha. The pink-haired girl was dangling from a tree branch, bound by ropes and suspended so her body curved back into an arch. Gripping the free end of the rope was a young woman with long lavender tresses. Ino vaguely recognized her garb as a shinobi's, though she saw no sign of a headband to tell which land she was from.

The woman hitched up the crimson-frame glasses on her face before beginning her demands. "Now, tell me where Gin-san is!"

"I told you, I don't know who that is!" Sakura's body swayed in the air as she answered.

"A likely story," the mysterious kunoichi said confidently. "You suspicious types are always making up lies to stray detectives from their trail."

"You're the suspicious one! You're clearly a stranger in our village. Who are you? Where are you from?"

"Sarutobi Ayame, Sacchan is fine, does not have to answer either of those questions."

"Um, no… you just answered one of them; and why did you tell me your nickname?" After a further second of thought, the revelation Sakura just heard sank in and her eyes widened. "Sarutobi? Are you related to the third Hokage?"

"No relation except for Sarutobi Sasuke."

"S-Sasuke?" Very much confused by what she was hearing, Sakura opened her mouth to make a reply only to have a yelp of alarm escape her as Ayame yanked on the rope. As Sakura spun her line of sight found Ino standing a few meters away from her. Immediately she cried, "Ino-buta, do something about this!"

Ino grimaced at the use of the nickname Sakura had christened her with, but brushed it off under the circumstances. Just as Ino had extracted a kunai, something lashed out and wrapped around her calve, dragging her down to fall hard on her back.

"So another suspicious character appears." Ayame spoke without a hint of surprise. She pulled on the whip ensnaring Ino and said, "Well, I'm not usually S but it seems I have no choice."

With those words, Sakura and Ino couldn't have imagined what would happen to them next.

- - -

Little did Ayame know that in the village's center, the one she sought named Sakata Gintoki was comfortably eating in a ramen shop with his comrade Shimura Shinpachi. Normally the naturally-permed samurai would be sporting his white and blue kimono draped over a Prussian-inspired uniform. Today however, he wore a white shinobi shozoku complete with a muffler. Shinpachi wore a similar outfit, though his was spotted with black like a cow's skin.

"Doesn't that woman understand that people need to eat?" Gintoki took his bowl of ramen and began inspecting the noodles closely.

"I thought those two parfaits Sacchan-san bribed you with would have been enough." It was a good-natured quip on Shinpachi's part, but Gintoki's response was sober.

"If I stain my clothes it's your fault."

Eyeing him through his round glasses with an irritable expression, Shinpachi retorted, "Why is it my fault? Hey, stop slurping like that! You just want to blame me, don't you?"

The owner of the stand, a matured man named Teuchi, chuckled at the pair. "You're a couple of strange fellows. Around what parts are you from?"

"The Land of Silver Balls," Gintoki replied over his bowl of ramen.

"Gin-san, don't tell him that," Shinpachi rebuked. "That sounds like the title of some perverted holiday story."

With a matter-of-fact tone, Gintoki responded, "Anyone who can't take a little perversion doesn't deserve to be a Jump character – not even a minor one."

"I don't think all Jump titles are perverted…" muttered Shinpachi.

Uncertain if his question had been seriously answered; and judging from the men's conversation that he might not get one, Teuchi decided to change the subject. He cleared his throat and said, "So, how will you be paying for all this?"

Shinpachi twisted around and echoed, "All this? We've only had a serving each so far."

Teuchi nodded, but then added, "What about the little lady?"

At first Shinpachi was slightly puzzled, but then remembered the girl sitting on his other side. He turned around to find a precariously towering stack of bowls, emptied and unattended. "Ahh! Kagura-chan's gone!"

- - -

North of the place called Ichiraku Ramen was a shop frequently visited by a certain female Special Jonin. Even now this person plopped herself down on one of the benches outside, the flare of her ponytail bouncing gently with the motion.

"Thanks for the dango, Tenten!" Anko happily chomped down on her favourite snack.

Immensely glad her odango hairstyle was inedible, the younger female tried to explain that those dango weren't meant for her, but it seemed Anko was too indulged to listen. Tenten sighed in resignation and turned to the remaining dango in her hand. At least there were dango in her other hand. Beside her was a girl dressed in a red shozoku, consuming what was left of the glutinous treat.

It seemed several bowls of ramen wasn't enough to sate Kagura's appetite. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and said, "It's not as good as sukonbu."

Upon hearing the slight against her precious rice dumplings, Anko abruptly leaned forward and sent the girl a sharp look. "What did you just say?"

"Sukonbu is good for you. Dango is full of calories." Kagura gazed at Anko and remarked, "I bet you're the type to eat 6730 calories worth in one sitting."

Never minding where she got that statistic from, Anko jumped up to loom over her with increased menace. "Are you trying to pick a fight little girl?"

Kagura stood defiantly to meet Anko's challenge. "The only thing I pick is my nose!"

"Um, excuse me…" Still seated on the bench, Tenten was a little uneasy being confronted with a sudden showdown between people of a similar temper.

Kagura glanced down at Tenten and her frown turned into shocked exclamation. "Ah! A China girl character!" She swiftly hopped back and brought her hands up as though ready for a brawl. "If you think you're taking my place as the heroine you're wrong!"

Tenten stared back at her in bewilderment. Though she had no clue what she was talking about, something told Tenten she wasn't herself a heroine.

"Alright, if you insist then I'll fight you for it!"

"Eh? Wait, I didn't –"

"Eat this!" Kagura whipped something circular in Tenten's direction, forcing her to quickly fling herself against the bench to avoid being struck.

There was a clatter as the projectile smashed into the wooden boards beyond, and Tenten darted up to survey the scene. Plastered on the wood was a brown substance mixed with something white, and chunky shapes littered the ground amidst what appeared to be broken ceramic. For a moment Tenten couldn't comprehend what had nearly assailed her, but then a subtle breeze carried a pungent aroma through the air.

Anko gaped at the queer mess. "Is that… curry?"

"Hot curry!" exclaimed Kagura proudly.

"I don't like spicy food!" Anko shot back, despite not knowing what that had to do with anything.

"Then I have the advantage!" Miraculously Kagura produced more platefuls of curry and at once hurled them at her opponents.

Both kunoichi leapt out of the way, finding they had to keep moving as more dishes soared.

Tenten glanced about, noting that the area was becoming layered with heady chaos. It was unfavourable to prolong this assault in the village center, no matter how ridiculous it seemed. "Hey! If you want a fight, come this way!"

Not needing to be told twice, Kagura bolted after Tenten's lead.

Left behind was Anko, standing amongst a scene of piquant wreckage, thoroughly bemused. "Uh… I should probably tell the Hokage about this."

- - -

Wandering along the bank of a river was a man carrying a sketchbook. On the page it was open to a drawing he had penned himself of what seemed like an umbrella covered with a sheet bearing the blank face of a penguin with large eyes and three bold lashes for each. His long raven hair swayed as he looked around and called, "Elizabeth! Elizabeth, where are you?"

Further up the embankment he spotted a boy clad in green and sporting a bowl-like trim, flailing his limbs about in a measured form. Rock Lee was practicing his taijutsu with a fervor he brought to nearly everything he did.

Preparing his book, Kotaro Katsura approached him. "Excuse me, have you seen someone who looks like this?"

Lee slacked his stance, glancing at Katsura before peering at the pad he held.

As he waited for a response, Katsura couldn't help noticing those round dark eyes the youth possessed, bordered by a few stark lashes.

At last, Lee replied, "I do not think I have ever seen anyone like that before."

"Have you looked in a mirror?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

Lee was silent for a moment as he regarded the stranger. "Your voice sounds familiar. Have we met somewhere before?"

"I am certain we have not, dattebayo."

"… Now you sound like two people I know."

"If you'd please excuse me, I must continue my search." Katsura had only taken a few steps when Lee blocked his path.

"Wait; if you would like some help I would be happy to lend you my assistance."

Katsura studied him for a minute, an idea slowly taking shape in his mind. "Alright. Come with me."

- - -

Meanwhile on the other side of Konoha, Team 8 was following an odd duck-like creature in the woods. They were crouched behind some bushes, watching as it drifted along the path. If they knew that Katsura was searching for their target, they might have been less inconspicuous with their approach.

"Even though it looks like that its scent is kind of familiar." Kiba glanced at the kunoichi of their group. "Hinata, can you use your Byakugan?"

She nodded and proceeded to employ the Hyuga clan technique, only to quickly diffuse it with a gasp. "It's… it's…!"

"Hinata? Hey, what's wrong? What did you see?" Kiba tried to get an answer out of her, but Hinata just shook her head, her mild expression of fright confusing the boy.

Shino was busy orchestrating his insects for closer investigation. It was a complete shock when Elizabeth produced a signboard and began swatting at his miniature scouts with unprecedented ferocity. Needless to say a speedy retreat was in order.

Deciding that he had enough of hiding, Kiba leapt out of the bushes with Akamaru for a frontal assult. Elizabeth stared blankly at them as they readied in midair. Right when they should have connected, the pair hit the ground instead. Kiba looked up to find Elizabeth barreling down the path away from them.

"Whoa! How can that thing run so fast!?"

"Don't let it get away." Shino had already sped past him, giving chase to the target.

With a grunt Kiba and Akamaru snapped back into action, joining the pursuit, while Hinata trailed behind; still shuddering at the memory of what she had seen beneath the cover.

- - -

"This is a fine mess you've gotten us into."

"If you had been more helpful before she noticed you this wouldn't have happened!"

Though the two girls had matured since their genin days, an argument was still to be expected once in a while. After Ayame's futile attempt to get the information she wanted from them, she decided to leave the two hanging. Well, one of them anyway. Ino had her arms suspended by a couple of tree branches, her body tied down against the trunk.

"Would you please face the other direction? The sunlight reflecting off your forehead's blinding me."

"As if I can help which direction I'm facing! Maybe I should just swing into your face."

"Sakura, don't you dare. Sakura!"

A passing Jiraiya caught wind of the ruckus, and he tilted his head to see what the commotion was. What he saw was a prospect that may have fit many a fanboy's dream.

"… Hmm…" The Sannin placed a hand under this chin thoughtfully. "I don't usually write about this kind of thing, but it seems I've come across some unexpected research."

- - -

After making her way to the village's center, Ayame had perched herself atop the most convenient roof. She peered across the scope of the village, the most prominent sight being that of the Hokage past and present immortalized in a sheer mountainside at the far end. If Gintoki was somewhere here, she needed someone competent to speak to. As Ayame gave a passing wonder to how the kunoichi she had abandoned were faring, a head of stark silver hair caught her eye.

Stretched out on the floor of a balcony window was a jonin reading a book with one uncovered eye. The other was obstructed by a headband which fell across to meet the brim of a mask pulled over the remainder of his features.

Hatake Kakashi was making steady progress with the gift Naruto had brought him. It was the latest volume of Kakashi's beloved Make-Out series. It seemed to be a perk of Naruto having been undergoing training with the author himself, Jiraiya. Halfway through his current page, the sunlight he read in was eclipsed by someone's shadow, and the ends of a violet muffler dangling before him.

"An ero novel, is it?" spoke a female voice overhead. "You must be qualified if you picked up that book."

Unclear as to what sort of qualification she meant by that, Kakashi became increasingly guarded compared to when he first sensed her presence.

The former Oniwabanshu member flipped over the edge of the roof to join Kakashi on the balcony. "Have you seen an attractive man with silver hair in this village?"

Kakashi apathetically met her gaze. "Pick-up lines like that don't work on me, you know."

"Who's trying to pick you up, masked-moron? I'm looking for someone with short hair and who treats me like dirt!"

"… And you want to find this person."

"Of course! Don't you get it?" Ayame gestured at his copy of Make-Out Tactics. "You must broaden the type you read."

Growing bored of her manner, Kakashi replied that he hadn't seen the person she was looking for. Begrudgingly she accepted the response and turned to leave, but Kakashi grasped her arm her stop her. Judging by her character he thought it best to do some questioning of his own before allowing her to gallivant through Konoha. Unfortunately Ayame got the wrong impression.

"No! Let go!" she squealed girlishly. "I already have a boyfriend!" Ayame blindly swung an open hand to strike him, only to miss and knock the novel out of his grip.

Horrified at the sight of his new book hurdling over the railing, Kakashi dove for it with an outstretched an arm. His fingers managed to catch the binding, and he somersaulted in midair to land neatly on his feet. Relieved, he straightened to address the kunoichi still on the balcony when he heard a crunching sound.

From above, Kakashi could hear Ayame as she said, "Oh? Where are my glasses?"

To be continued...