Colette walked up the stairs with a heavy heart. She hadn't said the right thing. This wasn't like her – she wasn't that cold, especially not to people she loved.
She made it into her apartment and leaned her head against the door. She had to go back down, tell him she was sorry about the trial, and that he would get through it, that he had done everything right and good and noble in Haiti.
She peeled herself off the door and retraced her steps, but it was too late, he'd already left, and she felt terrible. She'd let him down.
His face. So lost, so sad. So sincere. Her heart was breaking for him again.
Colette went back upstairs, grabbed the papers she needed, and returned to begin the interview process for the possible courtship. She felt like someone else was operating her body. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was being dishonest.
She was answering questions, hard questions about her family, but she couldn't quiet Dean's words in her head. He didn't want her to get swept up in the fantasy. Was she in love with Omar? And finally, him saying her name, "Colette…"
Even after the royal interrogation, Dean's questions were the ones weighing heavily on her for the rest of the day and throughout the night. She couldn't stop replaying the conversation on her front steps in her head. She couldn't stop worrying about his trial, and wondering how he was holding up. The image of his face before she went up the stairs was there every time she closed her eyes.
And that was when she knew that she couldn't continue the courtship. It wasn't fair to Omar. He was a good man, and he had been so kind and wonderful when she'd needed a distraction from the shattered pieces of her heart. But she wasn't in love with him. She was in love with someone else. She was still in love with Dean and she wasn't sure she would ever love anyone like she loved him. It wasn't fair to take the courtship any farther.
She stood in front of a beautiful painting, thinking about what she was going to say to Omar, when he was suddenly there. He was so kind, she couldn't help joking with him at first, asking if his people had uncovered that she was a murderer with a laugh, but when he told her what they really discovered her life turned upside down.
"All my life I've only known lies…" She remembered Dean's words on that fateful trip home from Russia. "Colette, I don't want to lie to you, ever." And he hadn't. He'd told her the truth, even though it broke her heart and tore them apart.
She never got around to turning down the courtship. It didn't matter anyway.
She had a brother. And she finally had clarity about her feelings for Dean. She was going to find her brother, and she was going forgive Dean and have no regrets. However long it took.