Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and his friends.

A/n: to my friend… you know who you are.. "thumper" cough cough well I cant think of anything else to say so on with the……. Well on with the humorous story that prolly wont make sense to anyone but me..

Harry Potter and the Exchange

Chapter I: Harry's Short – Comings

It was a cold rainy day on number 4 Privet Drive. Everything was normal….Except for the flash of green light and one sharp scream piercing the air.

Harry woke from the pain searing through his head. He hadn't dreamed it, it was real. Voldemort's victim died but who was it? They're close….Too close.

Harry shot out of bed and looked out the window. It was pitch black from the pelting rain and the lightning eliminated nothing strange. The out of nowhere there were a dozen people with sticks.

He grabbed his wand ready for battle and just as he turned, a hand clasped over his mouth. "Don't scream." A scared whisper spoke hardly audible.

He was turned around and he whispered " what are you doing here?"

"Saving YOU! Now come on and don't say a word, they're all here we have to go to Hogwarts immediately."

"Wait! I need my …"

"Shh! Do you want him to hear us!"

"But , but …my"

"It's all at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore got it all. And Hedwig is with Professor Grubbly- Plank."

Harry pulled his shirt on and followed her down the stairs and out of the den's window.

" This is crazy! What?…HERMIONE! What are you doing?" Hermione, slightly pink and very dirty had pulled her shirt off and was now ripping it to shreds.

"Leaving evidence." She said exasperatedly. After tearing the shirt, she pulled on a huge sweater. When Harry just looked she giggled and said "I stole it from Dudley's room. "What size is he? Extra Extra Giant?" Still snickering, she climbed a fence and motioned for Harry.

Grabbing Harry's hand she ran down the row of houses till they came to Elm street. "Funny isn't it, the nightmare is on Privet Drive instead of Elm street. Ok now we need to get up on top of that house there. See?" she pointed to a huge white Victorian house about 3 paces down. "When we get there we jump… but not until we see the red flare. Got it?"

"What…are…you…talking about?" Harry panted out, tired from running, trying to understand what Hermione was saying.

"Huh…when we jump Lupin and Snape will catch us and that's how we are getting to Hogwarts." She said with a bit of heated temperament.

"Okay, but why did you take off, tear, and leave your shirt there? I mean this is completely crazy and you laugh because you had to STRIP…I MEAN STRIP! Come on did you really think that you need to STRIP that bad?" Harry almost shouted it as a green flare went into the air.

"Shut up! Don't talk so loud! That was the clear signal so lets go, we have to hurry!" Hermione jumped onto the trellis and climbed to the second story. Harry stumbled and almost fell, but Hermione grabbed his hand. Hermione just nodded and kept going 'till she climbed onto the roof and padded over to the middle while Harry concentrated on not falling as he walked up the slope. "Stay down and don't talk. When the red flare goes…. Jump." Harry looked at her with a horrorstruck face.

"Hermione? We are two stories high! You want me to jump? To Snape? And live?" He said the last part in a squeak.

"Harry? Do you really think he would just drop you! You are the whole reason we are here!" Hermione, forgetting what she said about being quiet, shouted at Harry.

Harry looked straight at Hermione but only making out her outline said, "Yeah! It's Snape… remember? Evil teacher who hates me and the only people who gave me life… he would LOVE to drop me… maybe even into the lake for Nessie's SNACK!" Harry was sarcastically mocking her.

Hermione, who was wanting to yell some more, was cut off by a loud bang and bright red flares. "JUMP!"

Harry and Hermione jumped, but Harry doubled over as he smacked right into Snape and felt a sharp unbearable pain when he landed on the broom's handle. "BLOODY HELL! MY BALLS ARE GONE FOR SURE!"

"Be quiet Potter, or I'll have to give you detention when school starts." Snape growled out as he followed Remus and Hermione back to Hogwarts.

"Ron!" Harry ran to the boys dormitory to put Hedwig up.

"Harry? So Hermione got you here safely." Ron said almost in a bored voice but having a huge grin on his face.

"Well, almost. My 'Friend' is a bit hurt but he will mend." Harry laughed then explained to Ron Everything that happened.

"She STRIPED! HERMIONE? STRIPED? Bloody hell. I should have gone to see the show." Ron grinned at Harry shaking his head "You know… she fancies you mate."

"Wha? Mm…… wait WHAT!" Harry, barely listening, was taken aback at what Ron said. "How would YOU know!"

"Ginny." Ron said simply. "She finds out everything. Mums a bit bummed, said she is just a better looking Fred and George. But I think she's proud of Gin for being so smart and clever."

Harry was only semi listening as Ron went on about pig and how Molly was so proud that Gin got a prefect badge."…a new owl a lot like…" "…and kept ironing her robes and …" "…Harry are you listening?"

"Huh? O ya ya loads of stuff for Gin." Harry said a little out of it as Ron just kept talking.

"Harry?" Ron looked back at him with a questioning look on his face. "Harry! I know you weren't listening, but what were you thinking about then?"

Harry turned to Ron and said quietly "She really likes me? I mean after Cho she seemed more… drawn to me but I didn't think she liked me."

"Harry you are a blockhead. Hermione has fancied you since…well our second year when you saved her. She kept saying things about your eyes, smile, hair" Ron just stopped and grinned.

"WHAT?" Harry demanded.

"Well mate, she said you had…had…had…um a nice ass." Ron laughed as Harry's mouth dropped but Ron kept going " and Ginny said Hermione thinks…" he stopped to laugh "That you… have… a … big…" Ron was laughing so much he could hardly finish his sentence " um… uh… well… PACKAGE!"