Warriors With A Twist
by: xX Kunai Alchemist Xx
…
…
…
Chapter 1: Into That Insane Forest
Part 1
…
…
…
PoX's Note: Even though I changed my name to xX Kunai Alchemist Xx, I'm still going to call myself PoX. So now, I've made a new story called Warriors With A Twist. The story still goes on with the normal books, but instead, I've changed it to make it more funny! But then, not all the things are exactly the same. For example, the names, the Clans, and everything else. Also, please note that umm… I don't have the book Into The Wild but has read it… like, months ago. Well, just read it and tell me if I'm very accurate with the story, because I wouldn't know. So, here's the very first chapter!
…
…
…
Rusty was dreaming.
He dreamt that he was in a big forest with lots and lots of trees. He padded around, smelling the scents of prey, and there! He saw the mouse he was waiting for. He had this dream several times and never understood why he kept having it, but it didn't matter. He loved this dream anyway. Rusty crouched and stalked silently towards his prey. His neck was free from his stinky and choking collar that made him want to die, and also, the bell would make way to much noise for his liking.
Before he even pounced, the mouse suddenly started rattling uncontrollably. "Oh no!" Rusty gasped. "The mouse is going to explode!"
But it didn't.
He just woke up instead.
Blinking open his sore and tired eyes, Rusty saw his Twoleg owners give him kittypet food that looked like shit. "Blech!" he spat. "Why would I want to eat that?" But he ate it anyway.
The flame-coloured kittypet stretched. He needed to have a walk outside. So he did. Padding out into the garden, Rusty sat on the fence and stared out to the forest. It looked exactly like the dream, and he sighed.
"Why are you awake so early, pal?"
Rusty jumped up into the air and gasped, "Smudge! You scared me! If you do that again I'm going to grow old or even die of fright!"
"Well, you're pretty young to be growing old anyways," Smudge replied impatiently. "Anyways, why are you staring out into the forest?"
"I want to go into the forest."
"What? No way! Snorer said that there were savages in there who ate cats!"
Rusty snorted. "Snorer can't even get out of his housefolk's garden without having some cat to go and drag him out!" he snapped. "Well, I'm going out there anyways. Plus, if there's savages, I'll use my kung fu moves to go and kick their asses… if they have any."
"But you don't know kung fu!" his friend protested.
"Yeah, well…" Rusty was running out of ideas. "… I'm just going anyways."
"Fine," Smudge sighed, defeated. "It's just that, if you get eaten, I won't go into that forest and find you!"
"Whatever," Rusty replied, and he ran off into the forest.
It wasn't as scary as Smudge was acting like it was. It was exactly like the dream. Lots of trees, scents of prey and… something else… smelled like dung. Maybe it was fox dung. He turned around and saw the poo standing in front of him. "Ewww!" he leaped backwards and fainted.
After waking back to reality, he noticed that the scent of the fox dung was actually pretty fresh. Returning back to his paws, he decided to be superman and follow the scent of the fox. He stalked towards the scent trail and saw a funny bushy tail that was red sticking out of the bush. Before he could leap and fight the savage – or so he thought it was – a funny gray furball suddenly leaped out from who the hell knows where and knocked Rusty to the ground.
Rusty, in shock, quickly leaped back to his feet and randomly clawed the air. "Oh yeah!" he cried. "Come and get me! I know kung fu! I'm a black belt! If you think you can do better than me then go and fight! Come on! I'm waiting!"
The gray thing – and Rusty realised it was a cat – just stared at him as though he was totally insane. "That's not kung fu," the gray tom pointed out. "That's called 'Random Clawing'."
The kittypet looked dumbfounded. "Guess this guy figured it out."
The attacker shrugged. "Whatever! Now face my WRATH!" He bowled Rusty over.
"I keep getting owned by this guy!" Rusty complained. "It should be my turn!" He took out a revolver and aimed it at the gray tom. The cat shrieked with fear and froze from his attacking.
"Ohh!" Rusty laughed. "Scared of the gun now, eh? If I pull the trigger, who knows what will happen?"
"Don't shoot!" the gray cat begged. "I still need to live to become a warrior!"
"I won't shoot, all right, provided that you don't move a muscle as I… flee!" Rusty threw the gun away and fled back to the garden.
The gray cat looked dumbfounded as though he couldn't believe that he was cowering because a KITTYPET was going to kill him. He quickly pelted after the kittypet. "I'm coming!" he yowled. "And once I get you, you're going to die! I mean it! You're going to DIE!"
"EEEP!" Rusty cried, and he quickly stopped and whipped around. The gray tom crashed into him and they both fell down.
"Oww…" the gray tom moaned. "That seriously hurt…" He stood up and licked his fur before picking up the revolver. "Hey… wait. This is not a real gun. This is one of those plastic toy guns that you find in the $2 shops!"
"Don't hurt me!" Rusty begged. "I was only defending myself from you, savage…"
"Savage?" the gray tom was angry. "I'm not a savage! I'm an apprentice!"
"… apprentice? In what?"
"Well, before I start explaining, I'm Graypaw," the gray tom continued on. "Every apprentice must have their last half of their name ending in 'paw'."
"Interesting." Rusty nodded. "Then does that mean I would be called Rustypaw?"
"That's just plain stupid," Graypaw laughed. "Well, anyways, every kit must half their last half of their name ending in 'kit'."
"So if I was a kit it would be Rustykit?"
"Well, you're first half of your name has to change," Graypaw replied. "Because I have no idea what the heck Rusty means."
"It means old and ancient."
"Are you old and ancient, then?" Graypaw asked sweetly.
"That's not nice!" the kittypet snapped back. "It just means old-ish… you know… well, I don't know how to explain it."
"Whatever, I don't really care." Graypaw went back to the point. "So, all of us live in Clans. I live in LeavesClan. There are four Clans in the forest. As I mentioned before, LeavesClan is one of them, then there's ShadyClan, WhooshClan and SplashClan."
"What's a Clan?"
"Well, a Clan is where a group of cats live in to survive together. They hunt for each other. Fight for each other, and many other stuff for each other that you probably don't want to know because you're not going to join a Clan anyways."
"But I have to."
"… huh? Why?"
"Because according to the real book, a blue cat is supposed to come up and ask me to join the Clan. And a lion is with her too."
"Really?"
"Hi Hi!"
Both Rusty and Graypaw turned around to see a blue cat coming up to them. And, just as Rusty said, a lion was next to her too. "See?" Rusty whispered to Graypaw. "I told you."
"That's where you got it wrong!" Graypaw hissed quietly to the kittypet. "You see, you said they would come up and ask whether you should go and join the Clan. But she didn't say anything, so that just proves that you got it wrong. See? In your face! Plus, you're a kittypet, and you're way too soft to join the Clan. Oh, and the two cats, they're Bluestar and Lionheart."
Bluestar nodded to Graypaw. "I see, you're making kittypet friends already," she meowed cheerfully. "So then" – she turned to Rusty – "would you like to join the Clan?"
Graypaw stared at his leader in total shock {He kind of looks like this: o.O} as Rusty murmured in his ear, "See? I told you." Raising his voice, he replied, "Uhh… well, I don't really want to join the Clan… well, yet. Because, you know… my housefolk and my friends will be missing me…"
"You're going to join the Clan."
"No, I said I was going to think about it and then come back and tell you my decision."
"You're going to join the Clan."
"I just said no. Which part of 'no' don't you understa –"
"YOU'RE GOING TO JOIN THE CLAN!"
"Okay!"
The other cat, Lionheart, sighed. "Bluestar," he mewed. "Shouting won't do any good."
Bluestar looked at Lionheart questioningly. "Then how shall I persuade this stupid kittypet, then?"
"Well, for starters, you should go like this." Lionheart suddenly went all scary and tall and mean – just like a lion – and he towered above Rusty, who cowered underneath him. "You must join the Clan, or else…" he growled, raising a fist. Both Rusty and Graypaw gulped. This was a very, very scary scene. Way too scary for even the author to describe, as she's shivering.
"Wow!" Bluestar cried. "That was totally awesome!"
Lionheart nodded. "So that's how you do it. Also, keep in mind that you've got yoga classes at sunset."
"Oh, right. I almost forgot. Okay, kittypet" – she turned around to face Rusty – "I'll give you until tomorrow morning at sunrise to make your decision about joining the Clan or not. It is optional, of course, the forcing was just a joke. And if you don't want to join the Clan, just meet me here at sunrise and tell me that you don't want to. If you do, meet me here and tell me that you want to join the Clan. I will happily accept you in. Okay, bye bye!" She waved goodbye and led the other two Clan cats away back into the forest.
…
…
…
"You came back to the forest alive!" Smudge gasped. "Did you meet the savages?"
"Yes, and I also met Edward Cullen," Rusty joked.
"You mean, the vampire?"
"Well… duh."
"HOW COME YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR HIS AUTOGRAPH?"
"You DUMBASS! I was only JOKING, for goodness's sake!" He sighed impatiently. "Well, I'm going to leave my housefolk, and this Twoleg place. And you."
Smudge's eye's grew wide. "Why?"
"I'm joining LeavesClan."
"LeavesClan?"
"It's a group of cats that call themselves LeavesClan," Rusty explained.
"Ohh… but WHY ARE YOU GOING? IS IT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TOO ANNOYING? I PROMISE NOT TO ACT STUPID ANYMORE!"
"No!" Rusty snapped. "I'm leaving because I want to, and because I want to live in the forest. I'll become more independent. Remember how Snorer went to the Ripper and came back becoming all lazy and stuff? He told us he used to catch birds, right?"
"Right…"
"Yeah, well… I don't want to go to the Ripper and become like him. I want to go out into the forest and become free, like a bird."
"I can't force you to stay here," Smudge meowed sadly, "but we can do a goodbye party with all our friends!"
"That sounds like the best idea I have ever heard in my entire life!" Rusty gasped, and they went off to go and celebrate.
The party was fun. Rusty and Smudge met up with all their friends and had lots of chats. Rusty explained to all his friends that he was going to leave his housefolk and like with LeavesClan, which, obviously, they didn't really understand, but wished him good luck and goodbye. Rusty treasured all these moments. Finally, it was the day. As in, THE day.
"Bye, best friend," Smudge cried, blowing on his handkerchief. "I'll miss you."
"Same here," Rusty replied, packing his luggage. "We'll meet up again; don't worry." He turned around and headed into the forest. He didn't really understand why Smudge was all sad and stuff. They were practically living right next to each other! Of course they could meet again! He went up to the place where he was supposed to meet up with Bluestar, and saw the leader pop out from behind a bush.
"Hi Hi!" she waved her hands in the air, then noticed that Rusty was carrying a luggage with him. "My, my, a luggage?" she shook her head. "No, no! This cannot do! What do you have in there?" Before she gave Rusty the change to reply, Bluestar opened the luggage and rummaged through it. "Let's see… some kittypet food, some herbs – Spottedleaf needs this – and some kittypet clothing. Oh! And… what the hell is this?"
Bluestar took out a pink fluffy bear plush toy. "I'll confiscate this then."
"NOOO!" Rusty cried. "Not Pinkie!"
"What?"
"Uhh… sniff sniff… never mind."
"Well," Bluestar looked up after looking through, "most of this stuff you don't need, but the herbs are really important. I think it's catnip, and that's a good thing. You don't need the kittypet stuff, especially this Pinkie thing. Oh, and have you noticed that there's another cat among the trees?"
"Really?"
"Yo." A white hairy cat came out from the bushes.
"Who's this?" Rusty asked.
"This is Whitestorm, and he will look after you like a mother until I have proved to the Clan your loyalty and courage in battle. Now, let us be off back to camp." She led the way back really quickly, as though she and Whitestorm were Roadrunners. Rusty tried to keep up with them, but it was just like the Hare and the Tortoise. He was the Tortoise, while they were practically one – the Hare.
Somehow, he managed to keep up with them and pelted after them into camp. It was crowded with cats! Everywhere there were cats! It was like cat paradise here. "Hello!" he called out.
Total silence.
Every single cat seemed to stare at him in a 'who-the-hell-is-this' look. He self-consciously caught up with Bluestar and Whitestorm. Bluestar leaped onto the Highrock and called out, "Cats of LeavesClan, gather here for a meeting."
After like, two heartbeats, the whole Clan was just waiting for Bluestar to talk. Most were all staring at Rusty.
"Cats of LeavesClan," Bluestar announced. "This cat here will be joining the Clan."
"But he's a kittypet!" some cat from the crowd protested.
"Yeah, what's he doing here?"
"I thought kittypets weren't allowed in the Clan."
"Look at his stupid kittypet collar!" a white cat spat. He had black stripes along his fur, and he was glaring furiously at Rusty, although Rusty himself had no idea why this mad cat was going all insane about it.
"So what?" Rusty asked. "It's just a collar."
"It's a KITTYPET collar!"
"Yeah, so?" Rusty flashed back. "Look at your stupid big fat ass!"
"Oooh…" The Clan started to crack up.
"Why you…" the white cat went mad again.
Whitestorm leaned towards Rusty. "He's waiting for a fight. Are you just going to stand there and look like a complete coward? Or will you fight, as he wants you to do so? Perhaps this fight may even make you gain popularity and even… trust. But then, there are some negatives too. If you fight, you'll make enemies as well. Oh, and this cat's name is called Longtail."
"Hmm… this is a very hard choice to make," Rusty murmured. But before he could make up his mind, Longtail just leaped on top of him and they went into a fight anyways against Rusty's own will. They were clawing each other continuously and Rusty managed to claw Longtail's ear off.
"Kung fu skills are awesome!" he gasped as he kicked Longtail in the stomach.
Now Longtail was totally mad. So mad that this was going to lead to total death. He went "kyaaah" and did melee attacks on Rusty. "Beat this!" he hissed. "This is karate!"
"That's unfair!" Rusty wailed. "I don't know karate!"
"Yeah, but I don't know Kung Fu!"
"B-but… I never learnt Kung Fu in my life… sniffle…"
"Say WHAT?" He hooked his claws on Rusty's collar and began to yank it. "That just makes me madder and so now I'm going to suffocate you!"
"Kittypet! Kittypet!" Graypaw was cheering, but it seemed that Longtail was being cheered even more. Rusty guessed it was because Longtail was a warrior, whereas he was a kittypet that was about to die under this stupid white cat's claws. But he didn't want that to happen, so he also helped trying to break free of his collar, and it worked!
"Woot woot!" Graypaw cried, and he and Rusty did a dance.
"HeavenClan has approved of this," Bluestar announced. "This kittypet is now kittypet no more." She glanced at the bright sun. "From this day onwards, this kittypet will be now known as Sunpaw, because the sun is so bright that's the only thing I can think of."
"But isn't my name meant to be Firepaw? It says so on the real book –"
"This is not the real book, no?"
"No, but –"
"This is not the real book, so the story is free to do what it wants."
"… fine."
"Good. Now, get some rest –"
"BLUESTAR!" a black cat quickly burst through the thorn tunnel entrance and yowled, "Bushytail is DEAD!" He fell down and fainted.
"Who's Bushytail?" the newly named Sunpaw asked Graypaw.
"He's the LeavesClan deputy," Graypaw replied back. "While you came here, Bushytail led a fighting patrol to go and reclaim Warm Rocks as ours. But it seems that we must have lost, seeing all the blood on poor Ravenpaw."
"Hey, squirt," some cat suddenly sounded behind the two apprentices. They both turned around to see two other cats, about their age, maybe a little bit older, who were glaring at them scornfully. "I'm Sandpaw," the she-cat told Sunpaw. "And this is Dustpaw. We're both apprentices as well."
"That's nice to hear," Sunpaw replied. "I hope we can all make friends." He tried to sound polite.
"Friends?" There was a hint of scorn in Sandpaw's voice. "I don't want to make friends with a kittypet like you. Plus, my boyfriend Dustpaw doesn't want me to anyways. Well, see you! And don't think about taking my sleeping spot, Graypaw! If you do, Dustpaw will beat you up into a pulp for me!"
"Aww…" Graypaw sighed. "Sandpaw's sleeping spot is the most comfortable of all of ours in the apprentices' den."
"That must be sad, then," Sunpaw replied. "How come hers is the most comfortable?"
"Because Dustpaw always makes it extra soft," Graypaw answered, shrugging. "It's obvious he's in love with her."
"Ohh…" Sunpaw meowed, then asked, "Hey… aren't you meant to be grieving over this Busytail guy?"
"Oh yeah…" Graypaw mewed, then wailed, "Nooo! He's DEAD!" He fell down and started crying. Sunpaw sighed. Graypaw was a little bit slow on that.
Suddenly, a dark brown tabby tom appeared from the entrance, carrying a dead red cat on him. There was blood dripping onto the forest floor, and the dead cat – Sunpaw suspected that this was Bushytail, seeing he had a bushy tail – had a terrible wound down his throat.
Bluestar mewed mournfully and padded up to the dead LeavesClan deputy. "We will honour you forever," she whispered softly, even though Sunpaw managed to hear her sad words. She raised her voice and announced, "I will appoint a new deputy now."
The dark brown tabby tom looked up, interested, and Sunpaw noticed dark ambition in his eyes. 'Hmm…' he thought. 'Maybe this is bad…'
"Did I tell you that the dark brown tabby is Murderclaw?" Graypaw asked Sunpaw so very suddenly.
"No, that's new news."
"The new LeavesClan deputy – and I hope that Bushytail will approve of this – from now on, is Lionheart," the LeavesClan leader declared. A cheer rose from the Clan (even Sunpaw himself was chanting) as the Clan members of LeavesClan walked up to the new deputy and congratulated him. Even Murderclaw was praising him, even though Sunpaw was sure he saw some annoyance in his eyes, as though he wanted to become deputy badly. Sunpaw didn't blame him.
Soon the rest of the Clan went to their dens to sleep. Sunpaw quickly headed towards the fresh-kill pile and began to eat his very first squirrel that he and his now best friend Graypaw shared together, as it was so huge one cat could not finish it.
As he curled up into sleep, Sunpaw thought of the wonderful things that happened today. "I met an awesome lion, a happy-go-lucky blue cat, a white hairy cat, a dead bushy tail cat and a dark tabby tom that is going to become a bad guy in the story."
It was pretty damn stupid that Sunpaw didn't realise that he said the last six words of his speech was actually a bad sign.
…
…
…
PoX's Note: Is it OK? I hope so. I myself was laughing my head off. It was really hilarious! Also, if any of you readers have read How A Warrior Really Gets His Or Her Warrior Name, sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I just have a writer's block for the next chapter. Please be patient and I will definitely update as soon as I possibly can. Well, back to this story, this will not be updated weekly, sorry to say. This will be updated:
ONCE I FINISH THE CHAPTER, WHICH WILL PROBABLY TAKE A WHILE AS THIS CHAPTER TOOK ME A WHILE TOO.
Now that you get it, please review and tell me what you think. Feedback is definitely allowed and any suggestions are welcome too. I take anything nice, anything but flames. Thanks for reading this story and have a nice day! Oh, and, YOU'RE AWESOME!
…
…
…
Into That Insane Forest
Part 2
COMING SOON!