A Fate Worse Than Death
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JK Rowling. I own nothing more than an active imagination.
Somewhere off in the distance, a bell tolls. I count along - one.. two.. three.. four. Four. It's four o'clock. Whether it's day or night, I couldn't tell you - it's all darkness to me. It's hard keeping track of time when you can't see. I've completely given up on the concept of days, weeks, months; I've been lost in the darkness for so long I can't remember how long it's been.
As if the darkness weren't enough, it is so damn cold - the kind of cold that makes your bones ache. Imagine being locked in a walk-in freezer for a month, only to get out and find that it's the middle of winter. The Healers come and wrap you in blankets and give you a cup of tea while they work their magic, but the cold is so deep that nothing is helping. They try to take you to the hospital through Side-Along Apparition, but you get displaced and end up on a frozen river in the middle of no where. As the Healer tries to get her bearings, you hear a groaning from beneath you. Too late, you realize that the ice beneath your feet can't support the weight of you and the Healer. The ice breaks and you fall into the icy water. You didn't think you could possibly get any colder, you were wrong. Now, those blankets that weren't doing anything for you are strangling you, pulling you farther, and farther down. You're drowning, you're drowning and just when you think it's the end... It's not. Dying would be a kindness.
Imaging that, really imagine it. This is worse.
The say Hell is an Eternal Inferno. Anything would be better than the Eternal Winter Night.
It's so lonely out here. I mean, I'm never really alone, I know that. But it doesn't make a difference. I could be in a small group or a crowded room and it wouldn't make a difference. It's like now that I'm stuck like this, there's no point to life anymore. I'll never see my family and friends again. For all I know, they could've died ages ago. I'll never experience a warm summer day. Worse than that, I could be experiencing one right now and I wouldn't know. Every lonely, miserable day is the same, it doesn't get better, it doesn't change. It. Never Ends.
There's nothing I want more death. I'd welcome it with open arms and a smile but, like I said, I can't die. Instead, life gave me the short end of the stick and I got stuck a fate so much worse than death.
The crowd around me stirs, excited. I concentrate on the area around me and.. Yes, I feel it: warmth, somewhere to my left. Five miles away, maybe.
We move forward as if we are one, following the warmth with the same desperation as a starving man toward food. As we get closer to the source it only gets hotter. The heat flares once more before dimming slightly - we must be on top of it now.
Suddenly, I can see. No... Not see. I'm not seeing, I'm remembering. It's as if my life were flashing in front of my eyes. All my happiest memories spread out before me: my fifth birthday, when my mom bought me my first cat, the day I got my Hogwarts letter, all as clear as it were yesterday. In each memory, I can hear someone screaming in the background. Kind of a strange coincidence. Why was there someone screaming in all of my happiest memories? It's starting to give me a headache.
I try my best to ignore the screaming and concentrate on the memories themselves. I see myself walking down an isle in a white dress. In the crowd around me I can pick out the faces of all my friends and family. This must be my wedding day. At the end of the isle stands a handsome young man, looking as happy as I feel. This must have been my husband. I had a husband? What was his name? How could I have forgotten his name? I can feel how much I loved him but I can't remember his name? Maybe if the screaming would just stop I'd be able to remember.
It's getting hotter now. It's so hot I can feel my flesh overheating and I can't stand it anymore. It's funny, I never thought I'd miss the cold.
There's a white hot flash and the screaming starts making sense. There isn't anyone screaming in all of my memories. There's someone screaming below me, right now. Of course, this is what they always do. Screaming the same two words, over and over again, every time.
"Expecto patronum."