Digimon Memorial: The Last Adventure
Digimon is an intellectual property of Akiyoshi Hongo and Bandai.
Receiving any comment and critic of course with the biggest disposition. Hoping to continue growing and entertaining who wants that you of a time to know my humble work.
Damabiah
Chapter 0
Foreword:
"The end of the world is today… and there is not anything that we can make to impede it". I repeat to myself those words on and on, as if comes closer in the most minimum thing to understand its meaning, as if suddenly some imperceptible sign noticed me the way to cure my stupidity. When I look the sky its does not look to be or to never have been. Not like I remembered it; or like I wanted to be, but as the most nauseous dream that one could have.
Does somebody listen to us? Does somebody observe us and take care of us? Maybe… do we mean something? Who am I? Why am I making this? I ask myself in such a categorical way. I know that I won't obtain an answer, by no means some solution to my problems. But if in some moment, if for some reason those words arrive to me to illuminate me, to guide me in this sea of darkness to what could be the amalgam of my desires, of my dreams. My aspirations are reasonable, I don't need of a reason to be, to exist, I don't need a reason to fight, to dream; I cannot ask for forgiveness what I am making, I can't! I believe in my made, in me and for mainly I believe in my friends. I need them; they need me. We are anything and we know it, the other ones are everything and they won't leave it to us to forget.
The end of the world is today… and we have attempted everything. I don't want to wake up; I don't want to have to regret anything before extinguishing, before knowing my end. I don't know if in my future leans the death, frankly it doesn't have importance. I always waited for it, I always wanted it. In an or another way that our prints vanished forever that our bones could not have the histories that we have always known that teach us with so much pride, so much passion. As if something didn't exist more than where to cling, something that offered us protection of an invisible "don't know what" so real as we wanted.
Its disgusts me to only think just in that, that there is nothing else, that there is not an "after". I horrify when imagining the forms how we grow knowing those things. As in vain we try to change the course of our lives, with the latent hope that we belong to a different generation, that what passed them won't pass us. How many times we have pronounced those words; we have screamed them, we have clung to them during so much time for not going mad with our own nature.
We are anything and they know it, we don't mean anything and we won't forget it. Nobody is observing us, nobody takes care of us. We are to the drift in that sea of darkness, it doesn't care what I think, what I wants is only limited to the encouragement that I stay while my demurrage here finishes. We all will die some day, we are waiting for it, and we cannot deny so truthful fact. We want it or not, that makes in life they will make it other, and others after those, it won't never finish.
The end of the world is today… and I want with all my soul that way. I don't want more, I don't need more. I want to forget everything that all that things disappear at some time I loved. All those things that defined me that made me be what I am now, wanted to forget them. To my parents, to my brother, to my friends; I wanted to forget my childhood, the times that I cried, that I failed. All that I wanted to be, what roused me, what wanted fervently as if I were wrong. All that, I want to go away forever.
The life is a deceit. Now I know it, it is not worthwhile; it shouldn't anyway. For what reason? Why should we be rewarded? Does something like justice exist at all? should we expect from the life those "earnings" of the spirit? I don't believe it; it doesn't have to be that way. We will never be judged and we will never be able to judge anybody. The power doesn't exist; it is an illusion that convinces us that the life has some meaning, that we control something. We barely control ourselves, we just "are" and the other are with us. They will accuse us to be what we are, to control what they are when they aren't, and that is well, it cannot be otherwise.
Anything is over something else; anything is imposed like an enormous shade on our heads. They will accuse us to control them, to destroy them. When the only thing that we make is to show; to be what we are and nothing else. They will believe that we can make empires, that impossible things to rise. That, for some reason we were born knowing and meeting our destiny and that we choose to sacrifice ourselves for them. That we choose to martyr ourselves for them. As if we had been conscious in some moment that we exist for something more than for the present, to convalesce us of our acts without thinking of the consequences. How I hate them! To their hopes, their virtues, to their gods. They are hungry packs under a mantel of charity, always unsatisfied, always in search of something more. They are said worthy of what they are when the reward is not more than another vagrant invention to satiate its appetite of change, to have somebody to blame when its deserved recompense doesn't arrive. When they begins to ask "Why my?"
I am a product of that change, an archetype of the culture. Of the culture that brought us until here, that caused this; what we cause. What led us directly to our suffering. I am not different from the rest. I feed of my acts, I am worth myself of my virtues, I submit before my gods. Since I am human, I am in this place for something even if I don't want it, although I don't want to believe it. "I am" for something, for some reason I arrived until here. After this and that appealed to be here, although it's afraid me. Why in fact I never believed in what I wrote it this last minutes. Because I know that somebody will read it. Because I know that we will make it, that we won't fail no matter what happens in the future.
The end of the world is today… and I don't need to know another thing. I go to the last battle with more fear than never but I don't care, because I know that it won't finish here. Perhaps I die, I don't know. But I feel that when I write this I don't feel like a testament or a last will. I will come back to these paragraphs again, I can feel it. For that reason I want to discard of everything, of forgetting everything. For that reason hate what I am and what surrounds me. To come off of my humanity, to stop to be what I am for an instant and fight with all my forces loading my stigma where ever I go. It is not a curse neither a gift, it is what I am. I am not anything and I can forget it, the other ones are everything and they will lose for cause of that. Now I understand it, I see it clearly. I own the last word. Me and my friends, because I have faith in us. And I don't care to say it; I don't care to contradict myself because it is part of me, of what I am.
At this time I should stop of writing, we go to the tunnel. The boxcar is double full that in a beginning and that makes me feel calm. I am only with the people that I appreciate, just for that I'm already stronger. Although I feel dispelled, like begging in dreams, I know that when I am in front of my enemy I won't fail. Perhaps for that reason I began to write, because I needed to understand certain things. For that reason I began exactly now, in this precise moment.
They already call me. "Stop that!" they say, but I keep doing it. I see the mouth of the tunnel and I can't stop. I want that the darkness wraps me and makes me lose my words. "Takeru, stop it!" I don't pay attention, the only scent of that passage could upset my senses, as the fauces of a monster that it devours us, and finally I sink to the darkness. The metallic groan is only listened that emanates of the hulk. The moment consumes me; I have surrendered to the nothing. I don't see my friends neither I hear their voices, but I don't despair. Why should I, I know that they will be there; that they will look at me with reproach when the light returns, and discover that I continued narrating my history in the darkness. I will smile them; I will ask them for forgiveness as always. But I won't be nostalgic, because it won't be the last time. We will continue fighting, as always. We will survive as always. The life will continue and I will finish this history, but I will make it with more enthusiasm. Forgive me for not counting you from the beginning. I don't know with certainty which is the beginning but I promise them not to omit anything.
I should say good-bye at the moment, the train stopped to sound; a light leans out little by little to the distance. I find difficult to stay in foot; as we all. But I don't feel fear any longer; I cannot hesitate in a moment like this. We have arrived too far, what we through don't be for anything. What happens today no one can know it, but we never will say that we don't try.
The end of the world is today… tomorrow we will see another dawn!