See Part One for Disclaimer:
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Amanda stood in the shower letting the hot water cascade down her body as the last remaining remnants of Joe's blood washed downward. So many emotions coursed through her as she picture Joe's lifeless body once again lying there in her arms. He had once been her lover and was the father of her children; they had shared a lot of themselves over the years. It had been hard to say goodbye to their marriage but through the years since she had been able to put it out of her mind. When Joe had returned a little over a year ago she had found the locked away emotions once again resurfacing. Lee had tried hard to pull them out but she had continually refused.
The first few months had been so hard on her with Joe back in the States. Joe had changed so much over the few years they have been apart. The love she had for him had called out almost immediately yet it hadn't taken her long to realize that she too had changed and she didn't want to go back instead she wanted to go forward. In doing that though she now realized she hadn't completely let go of her past. Try as she might she had never been able to bring herself to tell Joe what needed to be said and find the answers to the questions that would now remain unanswered.
Her thoughts were drawn to her boys and she began wondering how one goes about telling their children that their father was dead. They were just beginning to get to know their father, he had been finally become what they had longed for, and now he had been taken from them long before any of them were prepared. She recalled the words Joe had spoken to Lee just as his life had ended and looking upward she said a silent prayer to God thanking him for bringing a man like Lee into their lives not only to give her the love she had needed but to now give her sons the love and attention they would need.
Lee's words of comfort filled her mind as she turned off the water and from deep inside she knew everything would be fine. The strong arms would keep her safe now in the night and his eyes would console her daytime. Stepping out of the shower she reached for the plush towel that hung on the rack feeling at least for the moment a little better. As she slowly dressed she tried to picture happy thoughts. Needing to see the boys for just a second she knew they would be frightened if she broke down in front of them. So as she towel dried her hair she pictured happy moments with the boys.
Dotty stood outside her bedroom door for a second as she wiped her eyes dry. Behind the door were her grandsons; two young boys she had helped raise while their father had been gone. She knew this was going to hit them hard it was hitting her hard. Opening the door she walked trying to smile through the hurt. As the boys turned she went to the bed and sat down next to them.
"Grandma what happened?" Jamie asked his eyes wide with wonder and worry.
"What did Lee say?" Phillip asked directly after his younger brother, his eyes too searching for the answers in his grandmother's expression.
"Lee said for us to stay here." Dotty spoke the words quickly afraid of what her voice would do if she spoke anymore.
"Where is Mom?" Jamie asked a slight edge of fear entering his voice.
"She's…she's all right, and will be in here soon…I'm sure." Just as Dotty spoke the door opened and as the three looked up Amanda walked inside and closed the door quietly behind her. The boys got up and went to her wrapping their arms around her tightly as if they were never letting her go.
As Amanda held her children in her arms the happy thought she had managed to think of while in the shower evaded her mind. Now as she looked down in their innocent faces she saw them searching for the answers to a question no one was prepared to give them. The pillar of strength she had wanted to become for them began falling. Looking to her mother she noted the tears in her eyes and sensed that she must have spoken to Lee.
"Mom, what happened?" Jamie's question arose as Amanda stooped down in front of them wanting to look them in the eyes and make them understand what had happened.
"Fellas…" She started trying so hard to find the words that would soften the pain they were about to endure. As her mind searched she found herself unable to speak as the tears fell from her eyes again flowing down her cheek and seeing the fear in the eyes of her children she fled from the room leaving the questions unanswered. Shutting the door behind her she needed to find Lee and feel his arms around her. She needed him to protect her from the emotions and be placed into the safe haven she had felt earlier.
As Amanda entered the den she paused for a moment not wanting to break down in front of Billy. She watched for a second, as Billy and Lee were deep in conversation. Their attention was focused intently on a single piece of paper and they weren't even aware that she had entered the room. Looking at Lee she noted the worry in his eyes and needing him she moved forward. "Did you find anything?" She asked as they looked up at her and she noted the concern in both sets of eyes.
Lee held the note in his hand unsure if this was the right moment to share with her the only piece of evidence they had found. Looking at her and then back to the note he realized it was only fair to fill her in. "Yeah…this was attached to your mailbox…" Lee answered slowly as he moved closer and handed her the note. He watched as her eyes skimmed the words and as they registered in her brain the paper flitted out of her hand and to the floor.
Mrs. King was the final step to Kansas.
Opening his arms she entered the strong comfort and without tears she simply placed her head on his chest. "I saw the boys…" Amanda said cutting the silence and changing the subject. "I couldn't tell them…I wanted to...I really did…but their faces…those innocent faces of my boys. Lee how can I tell them their father is dead?" Amanda asked pleading for a response something, anything to help her find the right words, the one that would somehow soften the blow.
"We'll find a way…" he replied holding her against him.
"Amanda, I'm sorry for this loss and we are going to do all we can to find out who this is." Billy said as he picked up his paperwork and began moving towards the door.
"Thank you sir," Amanda replied still captured in Lee's embrace.
"Amanda, I'm going to walk Billy out, I'll be right back." Kissing her tenderly on the forehead he slowly released her and followed Billy to the door.
"Lee, I'm going to need you in tomorrow."
"Billy…" Lee found himself stunned as he realized that in Billy's eyes they were still only partners and even though he knew Billy suspected more Lee had never divulged any information.
"I know you two are close but Lee if there is someone after one of my agents I want to find out who it is. Amanda will have her family…"
"Billy…I am family," Lee stopped for a moment; this wasn't how he had planned to tell Billy but it was the only logical way he could come up with to prove he was needed there and not in the field or at the office. "Amanda and I are married."
"Married? What? When?"
"All right." Billy said letting the revelation sink in. "Six months ago…Billy we were keeping it all a secret because we didn't want to put her family…our family, in danger. I'm sorry but my responsibility lies here with my wife and my stepsons."
I will keep you posted," Billy said leaving as Lee turned and went back into the den where he found Amanda staring out the window into the darkness of the night.
"It's so dark outside." She said when she heard him come in the room. "It's almost like someone placed a pall over us."
He went to her and placed his hands tenderly on her shoulders. "Amanda, it's going to be all right. I'm not going anywhere, I told Billy about us…I know we weren't going to but this way I can be here with you."
Amanda only nodded her head wishing and wanting to remain where they were, as time seemed to stand still. In his arms she felt as though nothing could hurt her she was enveloped in the protection of his arms. "I have to be strong for the boys…how do I tell them? What do I tell them?"
"Amanda, whatever you decide to tell them I will be right there, we have to take this one day at a time."
"I'm tired of lying to my family…I just don't know how to tell them, I just don't' know what to do." Wrapping his arms around her he looked out at the night and as a shooting star dashed across the night sky he silently sent out a wish for strength and endurance to get them through this heartbreak.
He knew how hard this talk was going to be with Jamie and Phillip. Lee was taken back to the moment he had learned of his parent's death. The emotions were etched deeply into his brain. He remembered that there had been a lot of people and today he knew they had been agents offering a comforting word. But then as a small child of five all he had wanted was to get lost in the gentleness of his mother's arms. When his uncle had arrived to take him in he had been filled with uncertainty and unknowing of what was in his future. He knew the same feelings would be present but as he took Amanda's hand he knew that the boys had three things he hadn't: a mother whose love was unconditional, a grandmother who cherished them and would do anything for them, and a stepfather who knew their pain.
Amanda's heart raced as they went up the stairs and started down the hallway. Her mind still searching for the words to explain to her children everything seemed jumbled and she wasn't sure if she would be able to handle telling them. As they reached her mother's bedroom door she stopped for a second gathering strength.
"Are you ready?" Lee asked a brief moment later.
"No, but is anyone ever ready for this?" Opening the door she and Lee slowly walked in. As they entered they found the boys sitting on the bed with Dotty. As they moved forward the trio looked up. For a moment no one spoke and Lee felt the tension. Just looking at the boy's faces he could tell they suspected what had happened. Dotty stood and moved a short distance away allowing Amanda space to talk to her sons yet close enough to offer comfort.
Looking at her son's innocent eyes Amanda choked back the tears. Releasing Lee's hand she moved towards the boys, and entered the spot her mother had just left. Lee stood fixed in front of them to offer comfort to his stepsons and strength for his wife.
"Fellas, there is something I need to talk to you about…you know sometimes…sometimes bad things happen…they happen to good people…" as she continued rambling she tried desperately to find the words.
"What is it Mom?" Jamie finally asked wanting so badly to be brought in out of the dark.
"It's…it's you…" stopping she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. With her arms around both boys she turned and looked into both their eyes as hers once again filled with tears. "It's your father…" she finally choked out before she started crying. Her eyes shot to Lee begging him to continue for her.
He saw the panic in her eyes pleading with him to tell the rest to the boys. Taking a deep breath he knelt beside them on the floor. Looking up into the eyes of his stepsons he could only pray he would have the strength to tell them. "Phillip, Jamie, tonight as your dad was leaving someone…" He paused knowing there was never a delicate way to tell someone they had lost a loved one. "…Someone, a person drove by and fired a gun…your dad was shot." There he had gotten the words out as the tears of confusion and pain welled up inside both of their eyes. Amanda pulled them both in tighter not wanting to let them go.
"Is…is he?" Phillip started not able to finish.
"I'm so sorry…he didn't make it." His heart was torn in two the moment the words were spoken. The boys held onto their mother burying their faces into her shoulders as they sobbed openly as the truth was finally expelled. Looking to his wife she found her face once again stained with tears and behind him he heard the quiet sobs of Dotty. Lee stood silently in the center of the room the words had been spoken and now was the time to begin healing. Unmoving Lee found himself wondering what his place was in the situation that was playing out before him. There was so much more information they needed to tell them but he knew the rest would wait. Tonight the pain was all they could handle so until they were ready he would wait on the sidelines watching and waiting for when the time was right.
Dotty moved back to the boys and the four held on to one another. Lee remained removed from the scene only by space, but emotionally he found himself five years old and losing his parents all over again. He watched as Amanda gently rocked both boys as she clutched them in her embrace. She was focused on only one thing her two sons. He knew she had started this job to protect her sons neither had anticipated this, but then again who plans a tragedy.
After awhile the boys began calming down. The wear of the night was evident on everyone's faces. As Amanda gently stroked their hair their eyes began closing from sheer exhaustion. Unmoving from his guard Lee watched as his family finally fell asleep cramped on the full sized bed. Turning out the light he momentarily exited the room and went downstairs to make sure the house was locked.
Downstairs the house was silent a pleasant contrast to an hour earlier. Making his way through the house Lee stopped at the French doors. Stepping out into the night he took a brief moment to recall the precious memories he had with Amanda out there. As their dating relationship flourished in the public's eye their midnight rendezvous had diminished. Now as their marriage was on the brink of disclosure he began to wonder if they would ever share those special moments again.
More nights than he could remember he would find himself wandering through her neighborhood. Until he had met Amanda he had been a restless soul wandering the world trying to find who he was. Who knew he would find what he was looking for in the backyard of a house in the suburbs. So many nights they had sat out there locked in each other's embrace hidden away from the real world that threatened to engulf them. This was where they had spent the nights talking and some how she had managed to get him to disclose so many aspects of his life to her. Smiling briefly he remembered that was one thing he had found most annoying at first, yet somehow through the years it was now the one thing he relied on. As their secret marriage was being brought into the public eye they would be saying goodbye to the anonymity of their relationship.
"There you are." Dotty said startling Lee from his dream.
"Dotty," Lee replied turning around.
"Lee, I wanted to thank you."
"There isn't anywhere else I would be right now."
"We are truly lucky to have you in our lives. I'm sure you want to get home…I think we'll be fine…" Dotty said unsure herself of the words she spoke.
"I am home…" Lee replied knowing it was time for Amanda's mother to know the truth. For far too long they had kept their secrets from Dotty. "Amanda and I are married." He spoke the words hesitantly looking into her eyes.
He waited watching Dotty's face for a reaction knowing that the events of the night along with the revelation might be too much. "Married?" His mother in law said looking at him with questioning eyes.
"Yes, married, six months ago we eloped, the boys didn't know me so…well we were impatient. We wanted to tell you…" he cut off feeling a wave of relief that their marriage was finally coming out into the open. For far too long they had been forced to bottle up their true feelings and now he could console his wife and stepsons and not have to hide his true emotions.
"I suspected something was going on with you two…but married? I'm…speechless…thrilled…but speechless." Lee chuckled softly amazed that he had rendered her speechless. Before he knew it Dotty wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in for a warm family hug. "Welcome to the family…" She said stepping back she held him at arms length taking in the knowledge that before her stood her son in law. From the moment she had laid eyes on the dashing man she had felt something and had seen the special way he looked at her daughter. She had known almost immediately that something would transpire and had grown frustrated when Amanda had insisted that they were only friends.
"Thank you…I must say it's good to have it out in the open." He finally replied smiling down at Dotty.
"I should get back upstairs." Dotty said slowly backing up towards the door.
"I'll be up in a minute I need to finish locking up." He turned back around facing the night and thinking of the darkness that had consumed them. He unconsciously ran his hand through his hair feeling the fatigue. He knew he needed rest but as he finished locking the French door and headed up the stairs he knew his worry for Amanda and the boys would prevent him from receiving much sleep.
Seeing the light on in Amanda's room he quietly peaked inside and found Dotty sleeping soundly. Going to the chair in the corner he picked up the afghan and gently placed it on his mother in law. As he exited the room he turned of the light and not quite shutting the door he walked down the hall to where Amanda was still sleeping with the boys. Leaving for a second he went to the hall closet and found a large quilt. Returning he gently placed it over the three and moved to his position in the chair across the room.
A single lamp gave the only light to the room and Lee sat in the shadows watching the trio. All three were sleeping restlessly as if searching for their answers in their subconscious minds. The pain that had welled up inside of his soul was dominating his senses and for the first time that night he cried. The tears weren't for Joe but instead for Amanda and the boys for the hurt they were enduring. His heart ached as he wished for some sort of power that could envelope and destroy their distress.
To be continued…