A/N:HAPPY AKUROKU DAY! (or after, I don't think it's the same day anymore) If you hadn't already realized, this is in commemoration of my OTP. I hope everyone has )=(or had) a wonderful day and enjoys this story I've put up. If you're interested, I've uploaded some other stories for akuroku day as well (I've been going kinda crazy -v-') as well as some akuroku I wrote a some time ago. Otherwise, please enjoy!
Cinderoxas
Roxas stared as the pale blue thin envelope began to flutter its way to the floor. The floor and space in which he was sharing with a certain red-head that was not supposed to be present during the delivery of said envelope, which contained a horror that Roxas never intended to unleash upon the world.
It contained his feelings.
The only thought that could run through his mind as he stared wide-eyed as the other boy picked up the bomb that would destroy his life with one glance, was that he was going to kill Hayner.
3 Days Earlier: T-74 hours
"Roxas!" I turn to see my best friend dashing down the school hall towards me.
In fear of being toppled, I take a few steps back reflexively. Hayner skids to a halt right in front of me, immediately bending over to catch his breath.
"Hayner, what was the point of running to me if you weren't going to be able to say anything once you finished?" I ask, holding my books tightly to my chest.
"Don't…be…an asshole…" he gasps. I roll my eyes, but obligingly remain quiet until he's finished recovering from his marathon. "Okay. Okay, you need to come with me now."
"What? You ran all the way here just to drag me off? Why didn't you text me to meet you there?"
"Once again. Just shut up and follow me!" He grabs my hand and we begin to run back in the direction he came. Sometimes, I wonder how we're friends.
Eventually we reach the cafeteria. "But it's not my-"
"Hush! No one will know as long as you don't say anything," Hayner says. He lets go of my arm so we can casually enter the cafeteria, even though it isn't my lunch period yet.
Once inside, I immediately feel out of place. And not for the usual reasons. At least during my own lunch break, I saw the same people that I came to know (from a distance of course). That kid that always had burgers and fries for lunch. The group of blonde cheerleaders who sat nearer to the dessert line to flirt. The emo kid couple who were always listening to music together while sharing a tuna salad sandwich. Me, the kid who was always sitting by himself in the corner table, always writing, seemingly oblivious to all the chaos of which school cafeterias are. The fact being, I knew them, and became comfortable in their presence.
These were a group of kids that I was not familiar with. A few I recognize from my classes, but others were just new faces in an environment which I did not feel any type of comfort. Especially because I'm not supposed to be here, but in study hall.
"Hayner, why are we-"
"Roxas, if I have to hush you one more time, I swear I will tell everyone in this cafeteria that you were still wetting the bed in middle school."
I shut my trap so quick I heard my teeth clang together. That wasn't fair, Hayner had dared me during a sleepover to drink an entire 2 liter bottle of Pepsi (which isn't even my favorite soda. I prefer Dr. Pepper) and I had a very awkward dream that I rather not wanted to share with him when we woke up the next morning and I was cleaning my underwear in the sink. So I had to tell him something, and the 2 liter Pepsi bottle was still on the bedroom floor. I regret telling him anything.
Ignoring the few eyes that leer our way, we finally come to the table with my two other friends at it.
"Hey guys," I greet.
"Roxas, hey buddy," Pence greets, smiling jovially. I expected the same from Olette, but she merely grabs my wrist and pulls me down to the seat.
"Hey! What's the matter?" I exclaim. Hayner sits down too, swinging the chair backwards allowing his arms to cross over the backrest.
"Tell him Lettie," Hayner prods.
"Roxas…I have some bad news," she starts quietly. I wave my hand, gesturing for her to continue.
She seems to be trying to find the words to say whatever she's trying to get out before Hayner blurts "Rox, you gotta confess to Axel."
If I had been drinking water, this would be the moment where I comically spit it out. But instead I just started choking on my spit, my usual reaction to being shocked or surprised.
"W-what the hell Hayner?! Someone could have heard you!" I hiss through my teeth.
"Yeah Hayner, what did I tell you about tact?" Olette chides.
"Well someone had to tell him!"
"Where is this coming from?" I ask.
"Okay, okay," Olette starts. "There's a viscous rumor going around that Larxene, you know Larxene."
Queen of the bitch patrol. Empress of the popularity poll. A.K.A. Captain of the cheerleader squad. I hated her from the moment she spat her gum on the floor and I accidentally stepped in it.
"Roxas, there's no need to glare, she's not here," Olette says soothingly.
"Yeah, and it'll wrinkle your forehead," Pence points out.
I ignored that, but do try to lighten up to a grimace.
"Anyway, people are saying that at the pep rally next week, she's going to take Axel," Olette finishes.
Take? How do you take people? What does that even mean?
"What, is she going to confess or something?" Pence asks before I can.
"Well, as much as she can. You see, Larxene doesn't really do the whole, 'confessing' thing," Olette says.
"Yeah, she's a more, 'makes people her love slaves' kind of slut," Hayner says. I snort, and Olette looks at both of us disapprovingly. We high-five under the table.
"Larxene isn't as bad as the rumor mill tells her to be," Olette says. I don't know why she's defending her. Olette herself used to be part of the cheer squad until she started dating Hayner and they started treating her differently because Hayner isn't a jock. Though she denies it, I know it was Larxene who had cut up her cheer outfit and left a disgusting note to Olette in the locker room, that cause her to quit that retched team. I swear, I don't know how someone as sweet as Olette was ever a part of that garden of poison. You could say I was more than glad she got out of there quick. I know Hayner was.
"I think we're getting a little off topic here guys. What does nay of this have to do with me?" I ask.
"Hello! She's going to confess to your man!" Hayner shouts. I glared at him so icily I could see him recede a little bit into his seat.
"Really Hayner, scream it to the cafeteria why don't you. I'm sure the lunch ladies are interested in my love life as well," I say sarcastically.
"Even though Hayner really needs to speak quieter, this is serious Roxas. You need to tell Axel how you feel before all this Larxene stuff goes down," Olette says.
"You guys, I don't-"
"And don't even say you don't like him 'cause you do. You know you do. You may not want to admit it to us, but don't lie to yourself," Hayner says in a low voice. Such an improvement.
"I'm not lying," I lie.
"You write his name all over your journal," Hayner says flatly.
There goes my spit-induced choke again.
"Before you get all pissy with me, I saw it over your shoulder during a lesson, which by the way, class time is for learning, Roxas."
"Like you're one to talk. You sleep through class half the time."
"At least I'm not writing about my secret lover in my dream journal."
"It's not a dream journal, idiot."
"I'm not stupid, asshole."
"You really want to do this?"
Hayner stands, pushing his chair away dramatically. "Yeah I do! Let's go outside, bro! Let's go!"
"You don't want it Hayner."
"Why? Cause you're scared I'm gonna kick your ass?" he prods.
"That's it bro. You're dead meat." I let my chair scrape back as I stand as well. "When I'm through with you, Olette won't be able to recognize you."
"Is that a threat? Or a promise?" he grins.
We stare each other down for a good five seconds before bursting into laughter.
"If you guys are done beating your chest, can we get back to the issue?" Olette sighs.
"Did she just compare us to apes?" Hayner asks.
"You maybe," I mutter, and he punches me in the shoulder lightly. We grab our chairs and sit back down. "But really Olette, this doesn't have to do with me. Yes, I will admit to my slight infatuation with the head of the soccer team." UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FRAGGING YEAR. "But if he wants to date Bitchxene, then who am I to stop him?" My heart is hurting, but I blame it on that leftover Chinese I had this morning.
"Really? So you'll be okay watching them do that?" Olette points to a couple nearby sucking face. "For the rest of the year?"
"Look, it doesn't matter. We don't even know if he'll say yes. And if he does, how will me telling him how I feel change anything?"
"You won't have to go on wondering, 'what if'," Pence speaks up.
"What do you mean?"
"'What if I had told him?' 'What if he knew and chose me over her?' You'll regret it, and won't ever have a chance to say it to him."
I think over Pence's wisdom, and wonder if he's right. Should I tell him? Even when he rejects me, I know I'll feel better having said it. But what if it hurts too much? What if he laughs? What if he gets angry at me? Calls me a fag?
"Roxas, Axel would never do any of that," Olette says. I hadn't even realized my thoughts were leaking out of my mouth.
"How do you know?" I ask, a little panicky.
"I know Axel. We're friends. I use to hang out with him a lot more when I was on the squad, but we still talk from time to time. He helped me through the whole 'cheer propaganda' ordeal. He never shut me out, or made fun of me because of who I chose to love." Hayner grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze. These guys. So lovey. "Anyway, Axel is a really good guy, and he would never intentionally hurt anybody. Even if he does reject you, yes, if Roxas, he would take your feelings seriously, and be a gentleman. He always has."
I pretend to mull this over to give Olette some kind of reassurance that I'm thinking about it. Because really I'm not. I feel bad, but there's just no way I'm confessing to Axel. What would that look like? Me, an outcast to everyone besides my three buds, who is always writing in his weird book, confessing to the most popular, most nicest, gorgeous, coolest guy in school? Call me a coward, but I'm just not up for the humiliation.
"So are you going to tell him?" Pence asks.
"Don't you see my thinking face?" I say.
"No. That's your, 'I'm pretending to think this over to make it look like I'm actually considering something I'd never do in a million years' face." Hayner smirks when I glare at him. When you grow up with people, they just know you way too well.
"Roxas."
"Olette."
"Roxas."
"Pence."
"Roxas."
"Shut up Hayner."
"Roxas!"
"Alright! Alright, okay? I'll…think about it," I sigh, defeated.
The three of them cheer as I wallow in my own pit of new found despair.
The bell rings and we all get up to go. Olette walks with me to our next class. There's a commotion in the hallway, and we look to see what had caused it.
Turns out it's a who.
"Yo, Trenton! Ready for the game Monday?" yells a jock to the ace player of Twighlight High's renowned soccer team.
"You know it Fowler! We're gonna power through them!" Axel cheers, causing everyone to cheer as well. Whenever he is around, the whole atmosphere just seems to brighten. He could rally up any group of teens. I mean, he was so friendly and beautiful.
Before I could imagine myself standing in that crowd, cheering for him as well, a dark cloud descended to rain on the parade. Well, my parade anyway.
"Hey Axey. I know you're going to do so well in the game. Can't wait for the pep-rally!" Bitchxene exclaims, making her way to the middle of the crowd where all the important people are.
"Well, we gotta win the game first," Axel laughs.
"Oh well that's a given. Hallow Bastion doesn't stand a chance. Isn't that right fellas?" she says, winking to the rest of the team who all agree and continue on to drool at Bitchxene's cheerleader outfit-clad body. God, I hate her.
"Come, let's get to practice," she exclaims. She moves closer to Axel and hooks her arms around his powerful biceps before trailing off. The lump in my throat has now become the size of a small car.
"Are you sure you won't regret it?" Olette says simply before we continue away from the crowd and its cheers.
Either way, if I tell him or don't, I'd regret it.
T- 52 hours
Before I could even get my locker open, Olette and Hayner were on me like the grand opening of a waffle store (which actually did just open, in town). Knowing what they want, I ignore them and continue to put in my combination.
"So?" Hayner asks.
"So?" I respond.
"Did you think about it? What are you going to do?" Olette asks so sweetly, I don't really want to lie to cover myself. Might as well tell the truth.
I sigh when I get my locker open, and answer her while I'm putting things into it from my bag. "Well. I got home last night. I studied, did some homework. After that I thought about it. I thought about it while I was eating. While I was in the shower. When I went to sleep. While I was sleeping. Even on the way to school this morning. And this…" I grab a sheet of paper that was stuck between the pages of my journal, "…is all I came up with."
Hayner tries to snatch the paper away but Olette takes it quickly and opens it, Hayner looking over her shoulder to read it as well.
Dear Axel
You probably don't know me
And that's okay
I just would really like
For you to listen to what I have to say
I'm not very strong
I'm not very tall
But all of these things you are
As you're on the field, chasing the ball
We couldn't be more different
Than cold and hot
Where you simmer and burn with energy
I do not
So even though we're opposites
And this may come as a surprise
The truth is I'm in love with you
And that is no lie
I hear Olette squeal and I already know which part she's at.
So now I must apologize
For this emotional mess
It's hard for me to materialize
My feelings in 150 words or less
Hayner snorts and I know which part he's at.
I don't expect an answer
I don't want to hear your reply
I'm a coward, yes, I don't deserve you, I know
So now I must say goodbye
Sincerely,
"Your Secret Admirer Forever?" They question in unison.
"But Roxas, why?" Olette questions, reading it over again. "Why didn't you sign it?"
"Dude, I love this part. Is this a reference to Ms. Coleman?" Hayner asks, referring to the "150 words or less" part. I nod, and he chuckles again. "This is gold. Seriously, you have a talent. Though it's a little more basic than your regular stuff."
"I didn't want it to be complicated, and that's how it kept coming out, because my feelings are complicated. So I summed up how I felt in one sentence, then wrote about that."
"And what sentence was that?"
I point to the "I love you" line.
"Roxas, this is absolutely sweet! And so cute!" she squeals. I knew she would find it cute. She fully supports my illogical love with Axel for some reason or another.
"And it will stay nice and cute forever, in my notebook." I go to grab the paper back, but Olette pulls it away out of reach.
"Roxas, you've got to give this to him."
"What?!" I choke.
"Yeah Rox, I agree. He'd love it. And you've always been better at expressing yourself through your writing anyway, so this is perfect!"
"Uh-uh. No way. Not happening. Give it back, Olette." She's holding her hand above her head and I jump because she's an inch taller than me. She passes it over to Hayner, which is such foul play, because he's even taller than me. Practically the whole student body is. I curse my genetics for about the 574th time since I was born. "You guys, I'm serious."
"Oh, come on Roxas! I really think you should give it to him!" Olette presses.
"I'm not, and that's final!" I say. I refuse to be peer pressured into confessing my feelings.
She finally relents, and Hayner gives my letter back to her. "Okay. But here." She goes into her bag and pulls out an envelope. I thought it was white but upon closer inspection is actually a pale blue. "I'm going to put it in this nice envelope so it won't get messed up. Just in case you change your mind."
Trust me, Olette. I won't. It was signed "Secret Admirer Forever" for a reason. So I'd remain anonymous. Forever.
"Thank you Olette. It will be nice and safe and sweet and cute right at the bottom of locker," I say as I place it there, slamming the door shut on it.
"Please, at least think about giving it to him," Olette pleads as we all start off to our first period class. Unfortunately, neither of them are in mine, so we have to turn off at the corner.
"But you already told me to think about this and I did."
"This is something else!" she pants.
"Whoa, Lettie, take it easy," Hayner tells her and she takes a few calm breathes.
"Why is this so important to you? It's my love-life," I point out.
Olette sighs and turns her pretty green eyes on me. "Roxas, you're one of my best friends, and I love you so much. I just want you to be happy and live your happily ever after like I did." I can see the genuineness in her face and makes me tear up a bit on the inside.
Before I turn, I bring her in for a hug. "Thanks Olette. You always have my best interest in mind. And I love you too."
"So you'll think about it?"
She just won't give up.
"Sure," I reply, to make her happy. And the smile creeping on her face says so.
"See you later Rox!" Hayner calls as we go our separate ways. My heart beat quickens the closer I get to the classroom. I've had distractions all morning, what with Olette and Hayner popping up at my locker so early, but now the nerves are back.
Axel is in my first period class.
I step in and see only a few early birds are already seated in the otherwise empty classroom. On my way to my desk in the far left back corner of the room, I pass the teacher's desk, where she is reading over some papers.
"Good morning Roxas," Ms. Coleman greets. She's one of the few teachers who actually know who I am. Probably because I'm her best student. I'm just average in all my other classes, and tend to blend in with the crowd. Non-distinguishable.
"Good morning Ms. Coleman." I head to my desk before the room fills up. Not even a minute later a flock of students rush in and go to their seats, bobbing at the back, a familiar red-head.
Nearly everyone greets him as he walks in. He nods to a few then sits right down, since his desk is right at the front door. The farthest away from mine.
He leans his head against the table and starts to snore, making a few girls giggle. He was always half-asleep in the morning. I doubt it even registered to him what class this is.
Once the bell rang, Ms. Coleman got up, and she started her morning English and Writing III ritual. Everyone had to write an entry of how they were feeling right now in 150 words or less. I actually thought this was a great teaching method, because it's basically like leaving your baggage at the door so you can concentrate on work. I definitely had some baggage I needed to let go or all I'd be doing during class is staring at the back of Axel's head and thinking about that letter in my locker. So I started writing.
I brought a bomb to school
I immediately cross that out, in case this gets in the hands of any school faculty. Ms. Coleman assured us that these would remain private, as long as we didn't mention hurting ourselves. Did mentioning bringing a metaphorical weapon of mass destruction count?
I brought my heart with me today
Carried with it the webs of desire
Of loneliness
Of longing
To be freed from the prison
In which I had shut it tightly
Away
But what will I do if it gets out?
Where will I hide
When my feelings can no longer
Be kept inside?
To keep it under wraps
Forever entangled
In my own cowardice
I shoved it in the bottom of my locker
Where it will forever stay
And ever
I lay my pen down and reread what I wrote. The end didn't seem to fit with the rest. But my mind seemed to still be set in basic mode. I really needed to turn that off before it does something stupid.
"Mr. Trenton. Are you going to be joining us today?" Ms. Coleman chides as she whacks Axel's head lightly with a copy of Oedipus. He grunts and lifts his head.
"Good morning," he says and half the class laughs.
"This is a class for creative work and historical reading, Axel. Not sleep."
He ran a hand through that gorgeous red man of hair and sat up straighter. "Got it Ms. Coleman."
"And what have you written for your morning journal?"
"Ah…I'm more of an, improve kind of guy," he says, trying to excuse himself.
"Then please, do tell me what you can come up with on the spot," she challenges good-naturedly.
Axel's quiet for a few seconds, but then gets up, grabbing everyone's attention, if he didn't already have it. "Roses are great. Violets are too. I'm sleepy as hell, and I can't sleep well. Cause my desk is askew." His makes his point by tipping his desk on its uneven legs. Everyone either laughs or claps as Axel bows dramatically. I smile secretly to myself, but cover it with my sweater sleeve before anyone sees. Not that anyone ever really looks back here. But if the person on my right were to suddenly turn this way, I'd rather them not see me grinning like an idiot.
"Very good, Mr. Trenton. You may sit," she says with a smile. That's what I really love about Ms. Coleman, she never puts down anyone's work. But she does let you know if it's exceptional.
The end of class comes all too soon, and I pack slowly so I can sneak as many glances at Axel as I can before he walks out. Once again, another day has gone by, and he hasn't notice me.
You probably don't know me
And that's okay
And it was okay. The only reason why I had a class with him, despite the fact that he's a junior and I'm a sophomore, is because I tested into the higher level English class. But these 45 minutes of bliss just didn't seem to stretch on enough. Before I can make it out, Ms. Coleman stops me.
"Yes?" I ask politely.
She shows me my writing assignment that was handed in last week, with no grade on top. She gave them back during class, but she never returned mine. "Is something wrong with it? Did I not do the assignment correctly?"
"That's not it at all, Roxas. I did not put a grade, because it is far beyond the assignment."
So I did do it wrong?
"An 'A+' would not reflect what this truly deserves. You have a gift, Roxas." She hands me the short personal piece I wrote and shows a sweet smile which I return.
"Thank you Ms. Coleman. Have a nice day." Instead of replacing the paper in my English notebook, I fold it up and put it in my journal. It was too good to be confined within all of my English notes.
I only made it about five steps down the hall before I almost collided with someone.
"S-sorry," I apologize.
"No, totally my fault bro." That smooth melodious voice. That husky scent. "You alright?"
I look up and see him. Axel Trenton. Come on Roxas. Say something ingenious!
"…" Or say nothing. Because that works too.
"Haha, scared you speechless huh?" he jokes, not knowing the absolute truth behind that.
"Haha…yeah…sorta," I mumble.
"Well, anyway, I'm kinda in a run, but I'll see you around!" he says, before continuing down the hall. I carry those three words with me until I'm seated in my next class. See you around. He told me he'd see me around! Though I'm sure to him it was the usual goodbye, but to me, it meant more than anything. He had acknowledged my existence. It was nice enough that he apologized as well for our almost collision, but he also didn't point out my awkward conversation skills. He made it so easy. Maybe…maybe I should give him the letter.
T- 1 hour
Olette: So. It's been two days. Have you decided?
Roxas: Decided what? And neither of us should really be texting during class…
Hayner: Hey, wat i miss?
Roxas: English and spell-check?
Hayner: Shut up, buttmunch
Olette: Don't change the topic! What are you going to do?
Hayner: Oh, r u talkin bout that awesome letter Rox wrote?
Olette: Haynes, please, be quiet for a minute
Roxas: Ouch
Hayner: ouch
Olette: You guys!
Roxas: Okay, okay. I've decided…to not give it to him
Hayner: *groan* y?
Roxas: Because I've analyzed this way from every angle, and there is no way any good will come of this
Olette: What about your feelings? What about the good of love?!
Hayner: Dude, u think about these things 2 much. Stop thinkin n just do.
I don't bother to answer and shove my phone back in my pocket. They were being ridiculous and too attached to the fantasy of me and Axel. I thought I had fantasies, but none like these too. I could understand, since they are all lovey-dovey finally, but they can't expect everyone to get their happily ever after. That just wasn't in my future. I checked the numbers.
Class ran late today, and I was glad. This way, Hayner nor Olette would be waiting at my locker before they ran off to their lunch period. Taking my time, I strolled down the deserted hallways to my locker. Languidly, I pushed and shoved some books in and out. I was in no rush to get to study hall, and there was no timesheet. As long as you signed in and were working, you got credit. It was bliss.
Removing a book from the bottom, I saw the corner of a light blue envelope. Sliding it out slowly, I stared at it. This could be it. This could change my life forever. For better or for worse. Probably worse.
I thought about what Hayner said. How I think too much. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did need to stop overanalyzing situations and just take action. Slamming the door shut, I take out my pigment liner that I use to calligraphy on special occasion. Carefully, I paint out 'Axel' on the front of the envelope. I don't write his last name, or anything else. Just 'Axel'. Before I can stop myself, my feet are already pounding down the hall towards the junior hall, and I stop once I get to his locker. It took a bribe and slight stalking to find out which number was his. Now I make it a point to always walk through this whole on the way to class. If I'm lucky, he'll be there chatting with friends, and if I'm super lucky, he'll be there alone.
The halls were still empty as I stood suspiciously at his locker. What am I doing? I'm not seriously about to do this. This is so high school. This is high school. Oh god, what am I doing? There's no way I can do this! What if he figures out it's me? Or worse, what if he never figures out it's me? This was a bad idea. That's it. I'm going to study hall, and shoving this back away like the rest of my feelings. So what if I'll regret it…don't think, just do. Don't think, just do. Don't think-
"Hey, whatcha doing at my locker?"
My heart nearly stops and I wonder is this what it feels like to have a heart attack? I lose all feeling in my body, and am afraid I'll fall to the floor, but something even worse happens. My grip slips on the thin envelope, and it cascades to the floor slowly, right by Axel. Who picks it up. And reads the front.
"Is this for me?"
Aloud.
My life is over.
Hayner is a dead man.