"Alright, I have a ham sandwich, a turkey sandwich, and a roast beef one. I claim the turkey. Which one do you want, Tetch?" asked Edward Nygma, tossing the bag of deli sandwiches on the table in the basement of the library they were hiding out in, along with Jonathan Crane, aka the Scarecrow.
"I fed him with- with ham sandwiches and hay," replied Jervis Tetch, glancing up from the book he was reading on the carpeted floor.
Edward rolled his eyes, then, as an idea popped into his head, he glanced behind him to make sure that the small alcove previously occupied by Jonathan Crane was still empty due to the fact that Crane was out, buying chemicals to create fear toxin. "Hold on a moment, Tetch, I'll grab us some plates."
"You couldn't have it, even if you did want it," said Jervis, pointing at the nearly empty bag that had before contained paper plates and plastic cutlery.
"We're out of plates?"
Jervis nodded.
"Crane had some paper towels…" the perfect excuse! I do hope he doesn't kill me for this part, though, thought Edward as he riffled through Jonathan's belongings, grabbing a few paper towels before finding the Scarecrow costume and pulling a few handfuls of straw out of the waist and wrists, and then walked back into the main room and put the straw on a paper towel with the ham sandwich. "Here you go, ham sandwich and hay," said Edward cheerfully.
Jervis accepted the makeshift plate, and glared at the Riddler.
"I did hear you say hay?" Edward asked, innocently.
"I mean what I say- and that's that the same thing, you know!" said Jervis, looking rather determined all of a sudden.
Holy horse feed, Batman, he's really gonna do it!
Edward and Jervis quickly ate their sandwiches, Edward finishing first and then watching Jervis expectantly. Jervis swallowed the last bite of his sandwich, then, with a defiant look at his antagonizer, he picked up a few strands of hay and popped them into his mouth. Edward raised his eyebrows, impressed. Jervis swallowed, with some difficulty. The hay was stringy and hard to chew into pieces. He picked up another few pieces and put them in his mouth. Failing, along with Edward, to notice that Jonathan had come back and had entered his space.
"Who was in my things?"
Jervis and Edward froze with identical horrified expressions on their faces.
Jonathan stormed over holding his costume shirt. "Some one has- What are you doing? Are you eating the straw that was on my costume?" He demanded.
"'I deny it,' said the March hare!"
"Jervis, you have straw bits on your mouth," Jonathan said, pinching the bridge of his nose as Jervis hastily wiped his mouth. "You two," he said, pointing at the pair on the floor with guilty countenances, "are never to touch my Scarecrow gear! And why on earth would you try to eat straw?" Jonathan asked, exasperated.
"I didn't say there was nothing better, I said there was nothing like it," said Jervis, coughing slightly.
Edward cleared his throat nervously "You see, he said he wanted ham sandwiches and hay for dinner, so I got him some and-"
"And he actually ate it," finished Jonathan, pulling out an aerosol spray can. "Imbeciles." Both Jervis and Edward screamed as the spray hit their faces, and Jonathan walked out. "Please, never be this stupid again."
Back in his small space, Jonathan shut the door, before pulling out the can of aerosol spray and capping it. "Lesson learned, I think," he said, as the terrified shrieks became indignant, and he patted the can of air freshener, and got to work on his as yet unmade fear toxin.