Solid Ground
Shego knows why she started smoking. She remembers the exact day she took her first long drag of a cancer stick. She had wanted to cough at first, but she didn't. She simply breathed through it, until her lungs were full of the addicting air.
She doesn't remember what brand they were, but she knows she doesn't smoke the same kind any more. The pack had been left on the table by some henchman or other in their break room. Before she could stop herself, she grabbed it and shoved it in her pocket. It had been the last time she had been in any lair of Drakken's.
Hopping into her car, she had drove off angry. She pulled a cigarette from the box, perched it between her lips, and lit the end with her plasma.
When she sucked in, the air was harsh and unpleasant. But by the time she finished the first one, each drag on it was ambrosia.
She knows why she did it, even if she doesn't want to. It's the same reason she hasn't been back to Drakken's lairs and the same reason she hasn't stolen in a while.
Kim Possible.
They were never supposed to be anything more than enemies. They were supposed to fight each other. They were supposed to hate each other. Which was why, when they stopped fighting, when they stopped hating, Shego needed something constant. Her constant had been Kim, always ready to fight her and hate her. But with both of those things gone, so Shego had found a new constant in her cigarettes.
After leaving the lair, after her first cigarette, she had headed where she knew she could go. The lingering smell of smoke had been long gone by the time she had gotten there, as hours in a convertible with it's top down had blown the smell far away.
Kim's apartment was still in progress at the time, so Shego had gone straight to the Possible household.
Kim's mother, Anne Possible, had opened the door. "Shego?" she had spoken, confusion and curiosity in her voice.
Shego had taken a moment to respond, and when she did, there was none of the usual snark. "Yeah, uh… Is Kim here?"
A nod from Anne and a call of Kim's name into the house as she gestured Shego inside.
Shego remembers it well. Kim had rounded the corner, a question of "who is it?" dying on her lips.
Shego had gulped then, not entirely sure of what to say. But she had thought of something. "Hey, Pumpkin." She licked her lips, trying to figure out why her mouth was so dry. "Can… Can we talk?"
Kim had dipped her head the slightest bit, both as her consent to talking and her request that Shego follow her. And that's what Shego had done. Kim had lead the way to her room where she invited Shego in and closed the door.
Shego remembers it too well.
Kim had turned to her with a cautious look on her face, hope hiding deep in her. "So… What's up?"
Shego had crossed her arms, resisting the urge to leave any way she could, to escape the slender redhead that she couldn't hate, not anymore. "You know."
Kim's eyes had shot up to meet Shego's. "You mean…" She had lost her ability to hide the hope.
Shego had nodded and suddenly Kim had pressed herself into her arms, a tight hug forcing Shego to stay close. "Oh thank God," had come the mumble. "I couldn't fight you again, I couldn't."
Shego remembers falling asleep in Kim's arms, she remembers waking up snuggled against Kim with the blanket pulled over them both. She has no idea when they got together, but she knows that, by that point, they were. Kim had kissed her as soon as they were both awake. It had been fierce, commanding, and full of hope. Shego had allowed Kim take the lead with it, as she was still lost without her constants of fighting and hating.
Shego looks up at the stars, remembering the first kiss. She's on her back in the damp grass. It's almost one in the morning and she's craving a cigarette like a pregnant woman craves ice cream.
She knows why she started smoking. The sweet, nicotine laced smoke was her constant when she had none. Kim had been her constant, always ready to fight and fling insults. But that Kim had left her and in her place had been a whole new Kim who was willing to listen and hold and spar on some occasions, because it was fun and because it was innuendo. The new Kim had knocked Shego off balance to which cigarettes had become her crutch for.
But Shego knows why she's quitting. She can't not know, not when it's something that's always there, her new constant. She doesn't need a crutch anymore, not when she has solid ground and her own two legs.
Shego remembers when Kim caught her. It was late one night, right around Shego's usual time to smoke. Kim was asleep in bed and Shego could take ten minutes to smoke, brush her teeth, and join her girlfriend.
But she hadn't realized Kim had stayed up, suspicious of why it took so long every night for Shego to get to bed.
Shego remembers the disappointment in those olive eyes, the pain on Kim's face. Hell, it was only a week earlier. Shego hasn't had more than four cigarettes since then. Four sweet, beautiful, terrible, cancerous cigarettes. She doesn't plan on having a fifth. She's replacing her cravings and she has to remind herself that Kim is much better than any cigarette; Kim is better to touch, to taste. Kim is better by far than any cigarette and Shego knows that. Shego knows Kim is better solid ground to stand on.
Shego gets up, sick of laying on the ground in the shared backyard of the apartments. She's got cravings again, but this time it's for the sweet kiss of her lover. She looks forward to crawling into bed next to the hero. She wants nothing more than to assure Kim that she's done with cigarettes, she's done with smoking, and she's far from done with loving Kim.
Shego knows why she quit smoking.
A quick blurb I wrote up inspired by an odd thing: the show Sam & Cat.
Reviews are appreciated!