A/N: Happy 30th birthday to "Calvin And Hobbes"! I own nothing, save the plot. Bill Watterson owns everything else.

Calvin and Hobbes were walking through the woods one day when suddenly Calvin asked Hobbes, "So … how did you get here? Tigers don't live in North America, right?"

Hobbes hopped over a log as he replied, "I used to hunt Thompson's Gazelles in Europe…"

"Where in Europe?" Calvin interrupted as he followed Hobbes over the log.

They keep trudging along, admiring the beautiful colors on the fall trees, as Hobbes said, "I was getting to that. I hunted Thompson's Gazelles in the state of Saskatchewan, which everybody knows is in Venezuela. So, anyway, I was hunting for Thompson's Gazelles, when I caught a whiff of a delicious scent. Tuna! I went toward it, and was caught in a poacher's trap!"

"What's a poacher?" Calvin asked, genuinely curious.

Calvin and Hobbes sit down on a rock near a small stream, which is teeming with fish, for a while, as Hobbes explained what a poacher is. "A poacher is someone who takes chicken eggs from a chicken coop without the chicken's permission."

"So why were they trying to catch tigers?"

Hobbes, quite patiently, explained, "Stealing chicken eggs from a chicken coop is extremely dangerous and takes all day. Poachers are notoriously danger-loving, so if there are no eggs in their chicken coop, they go after tigers and sell them to zoos."

"Oh."

The two get off the rock, and begin looking for a log which they could use as a bridge over the stream.

Hobbes continued, "So, the poachers had me trapped. They knocked me out, and put me on a boat. I don't know how long I was on the boat. All I know is that I was sick for a long time. Anyway, I arrived in Giza."

"Where is that?" Calvin quickly asked.

They found a suitable log, got on it, and Calvin took off his socks and shoes to feel the water on his toes as Hobbes explained some more geography to him. "It is the capital of Bavaria, which is the northernmost providence of Azerbaijan (which is in North America)."

There was a small pause as the two friends enjoyed the feel of the water, then Hobbes continued, "They brought me to a zoo. I was SO dangerous, they closed the WHOLE zoo so that I wouldn't kill any civilians if I escaped! They had 6 guards watching as I was transferred to my exhibit. But I broke free of the ropes holding me, and ran! They had forgotten that the number of guards needs to be equal to 12 times the number of tigers, and as I count as two tigers (being a healthy male in my prime), they needed 144 guards. They were 35 short because 144 - 6 = 35."

Calvin and Hobbes got up and crossed the stream. As they were walking, Calvin said, "I didn't know that. 144 guards for one healthy male tiger?!"

"Yep!" Hobbes said proudly, "I'm that dangerous! They also did it at night which let me have better eyesight than them, and they were tired too. After I took out the guards, I ran into the woods, and I disappeared. It was INTENSE. There were 5 full SWAT teams, six helicopters, and the Azerbijani National Guard and Army. Eventually, I crossed the border into the US (the state of Alaska), then made my way wandering around in hunger until I smelled that heavenly scent again. Tuna! Food! I ran to the tuna, and you know the rest."

"Awesome! You caused an international incident?"

Hobbes pounded his chest and got into a proud pose as he said, "Yep. That's how cool I am."

They stopped walking and watched the sun start to sink. After a few minutes Calvin said, "We should probably go back now."

"Agreed."

"Do you know the way back?"

Hobbes thought for a bit, then said, "Not a clue. Are you up for another adventure?"

Calvin immediately grinned a huge grin. "With you? Always."

A/N: This is my first story, so please review with constructive criticism. No flames please.