Little Wonders
Death.
It was something permanent, something that no one truly likes to think about, something that was condescending. Death was a single word and yet, it was the biggest fear amongst the majority of people in the world. And yet, Loki never feared death… until he met her.
Perhaps it was because he was immortal and could rarely be killed. Perhaps it was because he realized that he had nothing left to live for. Perhaps it was because he didn't care anymore. Loki had simply lost too much in his life to continue. But, of course, everything had changed all of those years ago when he met her.
Peggy Carter had turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to the god and he knew it. It was truly the first time that he was able to love, to care for someone, to know what it feels like to be wanted and to have a family. It was the first time that he knew what love was like and how to be head over heels for someone, especially a mortal. Never in a million years did he ever think that he would be in the place that he was with her, but he never regretted a thing that happened to them. Until now.
Death was a funny thing. Loki had never feared it before, when he was alone, but now that he had a family, someone that he cared about with all of his heart, death was knocking around the corner. And he wasn't sure if he could handle it.
He had first felt the signs in the shower, a pain stabbing him through his heart and spreading quickly throughout his entire body until it became so painful that he could barely breathe. The pain had ebbed but he had known what it had meant. His magic was being drained from his body. HYDRA had found out how to destroy him through his scepter and there was nothing he could do about it. He was dying and no one could stop it now that it was in motion.
He tried to keep it from her for the longest time, just faking a smile and wondering how far long he was going to get before he had to tell her. It was a rainy day when he finally found the courage, knowing he couldn't wait any longer. She had begun to notice the signs in him but he hadn't been able to say anything for the longest time.
She took it as well as he would have expected.
It was denial at first and then when the realization had first struck, the tears had spilled down her cheeks, hot and heavy. She tried to say that she would fix it but he insisted against it. It was already underway. There was no stopping the inevitable.
He wasn't sure how much longer he had left to hang on but through tear-filled eyes, he made a single promise. To be there when their second child was born. He had cupped his hands around her slightly bulging stomach and kissed her senselessly. They were going to make the most of the time that they had left together.
The next couple of weeks were unbearable. They tiptoed around each other, trying not to say anything in front of the others, especially Stella, their first daughter. They tried not to bring it up at all but Loki noticed the looks that she gave him when she thought he wasn't looking. She was looking at him like he was going to drop dead any moment. He couldn't deal with that.
It was almost a month later when they were alone in the living room on their island. Stella had gone to bed already, having a long day from her magic training, and now it was just the two of them. He had heaved a sigh, swishing his whiskey around in his glass. He told her that he didn't want to be remembered for this, this walking dead person, he wanted memories that she would be able to remember and look back on and laugh. Not cry. He didn't want her to cry over his memory.
He got to his feet after the tears had started to pour down both of their cheeks and held out his hand for her to take. She had reluctantly and he instantly pulled her against his chest. They stood like that for several moments before they started to sway side to side to no music in particular, just dancing to their heartbeats.
The tears didn't fade away completely but they got slightly less after that.
They tried to do as much as possible in the remaining time they had left, working around his heart conditions and her pregnancy. Daily walks along the beach were the best cure for anything as soon as they started feeling those side effects again. It was something about their island and the fresh air that just made them fall in love with each other all over again.
They went on vacation away from their island, doing the things that they never thought they would be doing again. Between London, Paris, Dublin, their possibilities were endless due to Loki's teleportation spells. As time progressed, they were confined to their island as magic continually weakened him but she didn't mind. As long as they were together, nothing could happen.
They spent days and nights together, seemingly inseparable, and surprisingly, no one minded. No one said a word, knowing how much time that they had left. They needed every moment that they could get. Even more surprisingly, neither one of them let up on their nightly adventures as they continued to amaze each other in ways never possible before.
They discussed baby names, both deciding that they would want a baby boy, both having deceased sons. But any child of theirs would be loved just as much as the other. They couldn't decide but there was no arguing between them. Life was too short for arguments anyway.
She still took missions, much to his persuading, even though she was getting rather large to fit into the SHIELD uniforms anymore. As long as she always promised him that she would return home safe… And somehow, she always did.
He continued to get weaker as physical signs started to show across his face and body. She pretended not to notice but it pained her more than she cared to know. She hated the way that the enemy was winning, draining the love of her life like a fruit. She hated the way that they were just giving up. She hated everything about losing her husband. But she couldn't think about it in that way.
He made her promise something, one day when things got especially worse. He made her promise that when he was gone, she wouldn't dwell on these times and instead focus on the good memories. She wouldn't go risking her life and their family's for revenge. She would honor him but that was it. She promised softly and reluctantly through tear-filled eyes but he wasn't convinced.
It was the last night that truly got to him.
Of course, neither of them knew that it was the last night until the end. No one knew when the end would be upon them.
They shared another dance after a dinner with Stella. They went to bed together, sleeping in each other's arms and just letting the love pass between them. It was the times like this that they both always wanted to remember. The times when nothing was concerning them. The times when they were just too wrapped up in each other to care about anything else. The times when their true love came out.
The funny thing about death is that one never knows when it's coming. And no one gets to say goodbye.
He held on as long as he could but when she went into labor, he knew the end was near. And he knew that he could give up now.
The labor was complicated. The doctors wouldn't let him in the room due to the complications that arose but when he discovered the real reason, he held on one last moment. HYDRA's last hurrah was to steal their baby. Getting their newborn son back was easy, especially since he was fueled by the motivation of seeing his son for the first and last time, saving Peggy was going to be harder. They had drained her too and he knew that he wasn't going to leave their son motherless as well as fatherless. He wouldn't let their child to be an orphan.
He left her a voice memo on her phone, telling her everything she wanted and needed to hear and more, but he knew it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Life would never be enough without one another. But she had a new son now, Arik along with Stella. They had to move on.
Time was falling away but he knew that they had their small hours, their small infinity to remember for a lifetime. Their life had been made up of little wonders that would always still remain. They would always be together. That was a promise.
Loki knew what he had to do.