I've been assigned to work the grounds in between the Disciplines. None of this is what I thought it would be. I'd like to thank the gods that I am Death's offering, not War's, but I no longer know what gods I believe in.

I'm lucky that Diggory is in charge of my duties. He is firm, but kind. He seems to favor me, but perhaps I just wish someone would, and so I read into things that may or may not be.

I'm working in the lilies. Weeding, pruning, picking off dead leaves and buds. I feel eyes on me, so I turn to survey my surroundings, and there is Diggory. He moves to kneel next to me. I am sure he had mentioned needing to see to some damage that occurred during last night's storm, but here he is, not twenty minutes later, at my side.

We work quietly, diligently, for over an hour, leaving this stretch of garden nearly pristine. As I rise to walk back to the stables, Diggory pulls me back to my knees. He stares deeply into my eyes, and I see clearly the question that lies within his. Instead of waiting for him to close the distance between us, I press my lips to his, no longer doubting my intuition.

…...

"What were you thinking?!" I shout. Az has fire in her eyes, the same fire she always draws from her soul when she's angry.

"I wasnt," she retorts. "I'm allowed a moment of carelessness. I'm allowed to LIVE every so often. These halls are vast, but they are suffocating after so long."

I understand her. I do. But I am terrified for her. Lord War cannot know of her continued existence. She is "too old" now. I don't take the time to imagine what War's reaction would be. I have a plethora of terrible images to draw from without creating my own out of what-if's.

I sigh. "I know, love. I know."

"Do you? Can you? You are free to roam. You have the entirety of the palace grounds. I have the view off the balcony, and walls upon walls. You don't know anything."

Her words sting, but I know her anger is at her situation, not me. I feel my eyes soften, feel my body relax, though none of it is voluntary. Az has tears at the corners of her eyes. I close the gap between us, and gently wipe them away. She leans her cheek against my palm, and I pull her close. I usually spend my nights in my own quarters, but tonight, I will stay with my love. We both need that right now.

…...

I don't think I've ever been so affected by one of the Disciplines. I hated watching Phillipa go through them, but seeing Elias so distraught - it both warmed my heart, and chilled me to the bone. I have work to do. So much work. But I need to see Az, first. I throw one more handful of cold water over my face, dry myself off, and make my way toward the palace.

Azazel is busy tending to Kaija's needs, fetching medical supplies for Elias, but she freezes when she sees me. She gently sets the items in her hands on the table next to Elias, then comes to me. I'm not one to be outwardly affectionate in front of others, but in this moment, I can't help it. I sweep her into my arms. I hold her as if she will be torn away. I breathe in her scent, and I re-center my soul. We both know there are more pressing matters, so our embrace, though passionate, is brief. Az returns to her place at Elias' side, and I, to the stables, feeling at least a little more at peace than I had previously.

…

I am in pieces. My body cannot contain this pain. It will be my end. I have torn my bedroom apart, blindly raging because I am unable to see through my tears. My heart refuses to accept that she is gone. My mind knows the truth that she is. I collapse onto my knees. I weep. I wail toward the heavens, to any God that may, by chance, hear me, to keep this from being real. But I know in this moment, as I always have, that if my prayers are even finding ears, they are deaf ones.