"Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all."
The event replays so often in my mind that sometimes I actually forget that it has long since been over. The images, not even clear, refuse to leave and give me even the slightest illusion of peace.
In my memoires and imagination, his arms are still wrapped around my middle, anchoring my back against his tone chest, his lips leaving butterfly kisses on the base of my neck. His fingers stroke through my hair as he tells me about his friends from school and all the classes he's taking. His beautiful eyes fixated on me as I tell him about my designs. In my mind I can still hear the waves falling against the shore as his lips moved against mine in utterly perfect harmony.
But:
1) That occurred over seven months prior to this moment.
2) I have not been wrapped in his embrace since.
3) Perseus Jackson does not love me. And perhaps he never did.
Ω
"I remember the makeup running down your face...
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape.
'Cause I'm not fine at all."
I cannot wipe the horrid memory from my mind of the tears cascading down her cheeks. That heart wrenching look in her eyes when she reached for my hand, only for me to pull away. The way she shook her head back and forth, refusing to believe that I didn't love her. But she needed to hear those words. Oh, believe me, it was so important for her to hear those words, no matter how much it literally broke me to say them.
But:
1) Every single word I screamed at her that day was completely untrue.
2) I denied it, but I am hopeless in love with Annabeth Chase, my wise girl.
Ω
"It hurts that you've moved on.
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long.
'Cause I'm not fine at all."
I still see those sea-green eyes every time I close mine. They stare straight at me with adoration.
I memorized everything about that boy, from how unruly his hair was to the way his head tilts a little to the left when he laughs. So how in the world did I not notice that his eyes were not filled with love, but instead disgust? How did I not notice that he was only pretending because he wanted to prove to everyone that Percy Jackson did not have any 'fatal flaw' and that the gods were wrong. That he could break his best friends heart by completely playing and betraying her. How loyal.
After the last day, Percy stopped showing up at camp, said he had "better things to do."
But:
1) Percy may have fooled me when he said he loved me, but anyone in their right mind would have been able to tell that Perseus Jackson loved camp half-blood.
2) He was obviously lying.
Ω
"If today I woke up with you right beside me,
like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before.
And you'd never slip away."
Why can't I be asleep? Why does this have to be my reality? Why can't I wake up to my cabin, a sleeping Annabeth wrapped in my arms? Why don't I get to wake her up by pressing my lips against hers? Why don't I get to help sneak her back into the Athena cabin in the earlier hours of the morning? Oh, what I'd give to stare into those intense gray eyes once more.
But:
1) I once made tears stream out of those very same eyes.
2) I'm never going to get the chance to be with her again.
Ω
Author's Note:
This is going to be 3 or 4 chapters long. Review for more! Thanks for reading! Favorite / follow please! I do not own Percy Jackson for any lyrics from 5sos.
~Cloverrrrrr