I never knew what I would get into when I accepted what fate threw towards me. I never thought it could be so horrible, so sweet and so torturing all at once. And yet, when I look back to everything that happened, I can't say I regret it.
--
Every high school seems to have some people who are above the others, the elite of the school. At my school those people were Emmett, Edward and Alice Cullen. They were worshipped as if they were gods by most of the school population.
Personally, I didn't understand what that was all about, and neither did my best friends, Jasper Whitlock and Rosalie Hale. Sure, they were all gorgeous and there wasn't a bad thing to say about either of them, except for the fact that Edward was a bit of a womanizer, but that didn't make them gods.
Unlike the rest of the school, my friends and I didn't spend our time watching the Cullens whenever we could, hoping that one day we would belong in their little elite group. We didn't feel like we needed special attention from the Cullens in order to be happy. We were happy enough as we were, just the three of us.
As far as appearances were concerned, I'll admit that even I could see that we didn't seem to fit together. People often mistook Rosalie and Jasper as siblings, even though they're not even related. However, they did have the same blonde hair and blue eyes and they were both gorgeous, but that was as far as the similarities between them went. Their personalities were almost complete opposites. Jasper was the quiet type, someone with depth who never seemed to lose his temper.
Rosalie - Rose to her friends - was anything but those things. She had a short fuse, especially when people acted as if she was some dumb blonde, or when someone had the nerve to treat her like a piece of meat. She attracted a lot of attention everywhere she went because of her looks, but she usually didn't really notice it. Sometimes there would be a guy – usually drunk - who tried to get physical with her, which ended in a meeting with Rose's knee or fist most of the time. That, and the fact that Rose always knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it only made her more intimidating.
And then there was me…Bella Swan. I felt invisible most of the time, as no one but my friends paid attention to me. Even my teachers seemed to forget I existed sometimes, as they managed to overlook me more than once, even if my seat was in the front of the class. Until I met Jasper and Rosalie, a few years ago, I didn't really have any friends. Who would want to be friends with me anyway? I was just an insignificant girl who was in no way special. I looked plain, I dressed plain, even my personality seemed plain. Everything about me screamed plain.
I was used to spending lunch alone at a table in a forgotten corner, until Jasper and Rosalie started school in Forks. They joined me for lunch their first day, because there wasn't any room for the two of them anywhere. And we've been friends ever since, with our shared opinions about The Elite.
Lately, the Cullen obsession at our school was reaching new heights. Something happened that had never happened before and suddenly everyone at school was kissing the ground The Elite walked on.
Every year, the Cullen kids went to their summer cabin at a lake somewhere. Each of them were allowed to take someone with them, and they always chose their cousins. They were very private in that way, keeping together outside of school.
That was about to be turned around.
Their cousins were traveling through Europe. And with them out of the country, they were going to choose someone else. They were going to choose people from our school.
I rolled my eyes at the enthusiastic way Jessica Stanley told that news to Lauren in the bathroom, which was when the rumour started to spread through school. Within an hour, the whole school knew about the quest of the Cullens and suddenly everyone was nice to them, in a sick and twisted way.
It was crazy to see what people were willing to do, just to have a few weeks together with them. Honestly, I couldn't see what the appeal was. That was exactly what I was telling Rose when we were walking to Biology class, the one where I sat next to Edward Cullen.
"I know, Bells. Look at that," Rose said, pointing out to Lauren Mallory, who was leaning against her locker with Emmett in front of her. Their faces were very close, it looked like they were about to kiss. I looked away from them, meeting Rosalie's eyes. I saw something in there, but it disappeared just as quickly as it had showed up.
"I guess we know who's being chosen," Jasper said from behind us.
"Yeah, I guess. Well, I'm not sure if I would want to be chosen anyway. I mean, I don't know if I would be comfortable, you know? We're outsiders. We barely talk to them!" I said, wrinkling my nose.
"Except for your Biology lab," Rosalie said, smirking.
I sighed, willing to push the thoughts away that suddenly invaded my mind. I didn't want to have those thoughts, but I couldn't help them.
Brilliant green eyes, staring intensely in my eyes, making me squirm in my seat. The feelings his stare evoked in me were bubbling up – threatening to spill out.
I blinked a few times, and sighed again.
"I know, but even then we barely exchange words. He ignores me, remember? And I ignore him," I said. On the outside… I added in my mind, smirking inwardly at myself.
I, too, was smitten with the gorgeous Edward Cullen, as was every other girl at school. Even Rose had once admitted that he was handsome, though she preferred the bulky, loud Emmett. The difference between us and the other girls at school was that we didn't lose our dignity by crawling through the dust for them.
Maybe that was why he was ignoring me, because he thought I felt better than him. That was absolutely not what I felt like. To be honest, I felt inferior next to him.
Yeah, The Elite had everything: good looks, money, and the best grades. Everything was perfect for them, and I hated them for that. My life was far from perfect – though I shouldn't complain of course. I just couldn't help but feel envious; everything seemed to come naturally to them.
"Bella?" Jasper said, waving his hand in front of my face. I blinked, dazed, and focused my eyes on him.
"What?"
"You zoned out again," he smirked. I shrugged.
"Sorry."
I looked around me and noticed we were already there. We walked inside class and my heart skipped a beat when I saw Edward sitting at our lab table in the back. I took a deep breath, willing myself to calm down and act cool, before walking towards him.
We didn't say anything, as usual, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Though I wasn't willing to become like the others at our school, I wouldn't mind if Edward actually knew I existed. I knew he didn't, I was nothing to him. I wasn't popular; I didn't share any extracurricular activities with him, so why would he know me?
Still, it would be nice. But I never showed my true feelings, except to Rose. Even Jasper didn't know, and I wanted it to be that way. I knew he would probably laugh at me for being stupid enough to have a crush on the one and only guy that was absolutely out of my league. But I didn´t care, this was safe. I could like him from a distance.
Mr. Banner entered the room, and the class slowly became quiet. He announced that we were going to do a lab, the last one of the year. I was happy that we were going to do a lab as it gave me the chance to exchange a few words with Edward. I also felt a pang, knowing that this was the last of this year, maybe even the last one for forever. I couldn't be sure that we would be lab partners during our Senior year.
"Bella, are you going to grab the equipment or should I do it?" I shivered at his soft voice, but managed to get a grip on myself before I let things go out of hand.
Punishing myself for letting myself go for a moment, I turned my head around and smiled a bit. It wasn't flirting, more…being friendly. Not overly so, of course. But it forced me to look at his face, and that always gave me the butterflies that would haunt me for days.
"I'll do it," I said, standing up. I had to get away from him for a moment, his presence was a bit intoxicating, though I tried to let it be normal.
But things would never be normal between Edward and me. He would always be the handsome, popular guy and I would always be the plain Bella Swan.
I knew I was loved, by my friends of course. I could never be loved by someone like Edward Cullen. That… just wasn't possible. I knew that. Still… I couldn't help but feel sad about it.
The lab went fine; we finished long before the rest. I was afraid to say anything, because I knew there was a change that something would slip, something I didn't want to say to him. He didn't say anything either, so we were silent the whole time.
A part of me was happy about that, of course. It prevented me to become like the others. But the other part wasn't, as I wanted to hear his voice.
I was happy when class was over, and I returned to Rosalie and Jasper, who sat together at the front. It was too bad that we were so far apart from each other, we couldn't talk during class. Luckily we had a free period after Biology, so we always caught up with each other in the library.
We were headed that way now, Jasper and Rosalie in conversation, while I was deep in thought.
I couldn't imagine what life would be like during summer. I wouldn't see Edward, which would make me sad, that's for sure. Rosalie and Jasper were both staying home, and I was very happy with that. It made me feel less alone. I knew we would hang out and have fun together, maybe even make a road trip or something, so it wouldn't be boring.
But I would miss Edward.
Yeah, life sucked that way.
We sat down in the library in a corner somewhere in the back, which was our regular table. I was lost in thoughts for another while.
"Bella? What are your plans for the summer?" Rosalie asked innocently, making me question her motives. I shrugged it off, knowing I wouldn't be able to figure it out anyway.
"You already know my plans, Rose. I have none, except for hanging out with you guys maybe. Just like the past three summers," I said, grinning.
"So, Caroline still doesn't want to go out and do something?" Jasper said.
"No, she is afraid of flying, gets car-sick if she travels by car or bus, and she gets seasick if she travels by boat. The only option is the train, but if I propose something like that, she always asks me where I want to go, and if I offer something, she always has comments on the location. Too warm, too cold, too wet, too crowded, think of something and she's said it," I sighed. "It's driving me crazy! I can't do anything that pleases her."
"So Mrs. Christmas Carol is as evil as always," Rose said, smiling sadly. "I don't know what I prefer: a step-mom from hell or no mom at all."
"Aw Rose, don't be that way!" Jasper whined. "You know I don't mind the fact that my mom died! I was too young to remember her anyway."
"That wasn't what I meant, you ass. I meant my mom. She is there, yeah, but she isn't really there, you know?"
Jasper and I looked at each other. "No," we both said at once, smirking at each other.
"My mom is here, living in the same house, but when I want to talk to her she is always busy. She doesn't seem to have time for me at all! It's like I don't even exist. My dad's gone all the time anyway, so I could be an orphan for all it matters."
"That's new," Jasper said with raised eyebrows.
"Well, my mom hasn't been home a lot lately either. I've been home alone for a while now," Rose replied, making me sigh.
"I don't know what I'd rather have either. If you look at it, I think you're the lucky one, Jazz," I said, running my hand through my hair.
"I don't know. I guess I am, not knowing what I miss. And hearing you complain about your mothers, or stepmom in your case Bella, I can't say I have something to complain about. It's been me and my dad for as long as I can remember. But I guess we can't change our situations, no matter how much we want to."
After that, our conversation turned to lighter topics, back to our holidays, and of course, to The Elite.
"What would you do if you were chosen, Bella?" Jasper asked me suddenly.
"I would back out. I don't belong with them, guys. I belong with you, not with them! I wouldn't feel comfortable," I added when Rosalie was about to reply.
"And you?" Rosalie said instead, turning to Jasper and ignoring me and my 'low self-esteem.
"I would accept it and try to make the most of it," Jasper replied. "They might be popular, but I'm sure I could like Edward and Emmett. We're guys, we bond easily. I wouldn't feel bad, or uncomfortable or something. But hey, I know they won't choose me. I'm too much like Bella in that way." He smirked at that, winking at me. I rolled my eyes, and Rosalie giggled.
"Yeah, I guess we're alike in that way, both being private and all," I said, smiling softly.
The bell rang after that, and Rosalie and I went to the gym for our PE class. When I was about to turn around the corner, I collided with someone. The hardness of it would suggest that I ran into a wall, but it was warm. It was hardly possible for a wall to be warm, so I looked up to see who I ran into.
My breath hitched and I felt my cheeks go red. My thoughts went to places it really shouldn't be allowed to go…
God his chest is so muscular! How is it possible that one guy can be so hot… I want to see what it looks like without a shirt on, especially in the water! Then there would be droplets falling down to his chest, and then rolling down to –
I cut my own train of thoughts off, knowing if I would continue I might start drooling, or worse; say something that would definitely embarrass me. So instead, I blinked a few times and mumbled my apology.
I was quick to leave after that, not wanting to face the wrath of Edward. I knew it annoyed him when someone touched him, so I didn't wait for him to release his anger on me.
--
PE was over pretty quickly, faster than I ever thought was possible, and soon I was on my way home. I knew Charlie would still be out, as always, and I hoped Mrs. C would be too. However, when I pulled into our street, I could see her car on our driveway, which meant she was home.
Shit.
When I was home alone with Caroline, she was about 10 times worse than usual. My dad wouldn't be home till 6, and it was now 3.30. We had 2 and a half fucking hours alone, enough for her to torture me to death. I really expected her to kill me someday; it wouldn't surprise me at all.
I parked my old Chevy truck, and took a deep breath before going in.
Here we go again.