Master Hand sighed and plonked unceremoniously on his throne. Which was difficult as he had no actual backside to sit down with. It had been one hell of a day at Smash Mansion.

Firstly, King Dedede had gotten stuck chasing Mario and Luigi down a pipe. Then he had to deal with Meta Knight and Wolf chasing Yoshi with their laser guns. Kirby was attempting to eat Olimar's Pikmin and Bowser kept trying to set everything on fire.

And it wasn't even time for breakfast yet.

Crazy Hand floated into the office, pet seal in tow.

"Uh bro? Bit of a problem. You know that huge vase you got for your birthday last week?"

"The green one that's standing at the top of the master stair case?"

"Er….I think that's was standing on top of the master stair case."

"What did you do this time Crazy?"

"Well…I was trying to teach Mr. Flippers to catch a Frisbee while humming 'Danny Boy' while jumping through a ring of fire. Things sorta got out of control…."

"CRAZY!"

The left hand screamed out of the room as Master Hand fired laser beams after him.

"Auuuuuuuuugh….oh yeah…Princess Peach drove a Land Master through the kitchen again!"

After Crazy left, Master Hand flopped down on the ground and sprawled himself flat on his back.

I seriously need a holiday he thought to himself.

***

After a uneventful breakfast (if you didn't count Toon Link accidently dropping a bomb in the porridge), the Smashers lined up in the Auditorium while Master Hand addressed them.

"Alright ladies, gents, Pokémon and other unidentifiable beings."

At this, Kirby beamed and waved.

"Now as you all know, of late we have all been very busy. Especially with the looming deadline our latest televised tournament Super Smash Bash."

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"Well today, we only have one match and then I'll be going on leave for the next week. During this time, Crazy Hand will be in charge. That is all."

Master Hand floated off, ignoring the cries of protest.

"Ay-ah!" groaned Marth. "Not Crazy Hand!"

"He's insane," agreed Ike.

"But whadda we gonna do?" asked Luigi.

"We gonna pardy issa whadda we gonna do!" replied his cousin, Wario.

One of the R.O.B units came in and placed a notice on the bulletin board:

TODAY'S MATCH:

Mario and Wario

vs.

Luigi and Yoshi.

Luigi 's eyes widened as he read the matchup.

"Hey Mario!" he said, "How come we not onna same team?"

Mario just shrugged. He wasn't thrilled that he had to team up with his obnoxious cousin, but anything was better than being paired his loser brother. Lately, Luigi had become very whiney. Wario slapped the plumber on the back.

"Hey cus, we gonna whup the pansies eh?"

"Uh…yeah…sure thing."

***

The studio was set up to resemble Peach's Castle from the original 64 version, complete with holographic clouds and those odd levitating metal ramps. Master Hand never really figured out what their purpose was, but he liked them anyway.

All the cameras were rolling and the lighting was just right.

"Alright places everyone…" he called.

Mario did a few warm-up punches while Wario just belched loudly and grinned. Meanwhile Luigi tried to keep his knees from knocking together too loudly – he hated fighting Mario, and Wario just plain scared him- and Yoshi managed to stop chasing his tail long enough for the match to begin. Crazy Hand pulled a giant lever and the stage rose up until it was about fifty feet above the floor.

"Cue the music!" bellowed Hand. "Aaaaaand ACTION!"

The moment the match began, Wario took a surprisingly high, flying leap and landed square on Yoshi's back. The lizard's eyes bulged in fright and his knees buckled under the weight, but he didn't fall over. Instead he began racing around in circles, squealing like a stuck pig. The fat brawler gave a mean laugh and slapped Yoshi on the sides, enjoying the ride.

This left Luigi Facing Mario, one on one, mano-e-mano. He was visibly nervous.

"Eh…you know, we don havta do this…right braddah?"

"I guess ya raht!," said Mario. "Blood is thickeran warter."

Luigi let out a relieved sigh.

"Anna blood willa be flowin free tonight!" said the older plumber and let fly with a hard uppercut.

I fall for that every time, the green-capped plumber thought to himself as he reeled back from the blow. Mario followed up with a left jab and a solid right hook then swept Luigi's legs out from underneath. As his brother went down, he looked at the cameras, took off his cap and spun it around casually. Luigi got up and the beating resumed. Sure, he managed to land one or two punches, but Mario clearly had the upper hand.

A hidden door in the side of the castle opened and a pulsing Smash Ball flew out. Mario quickly gave it a few good whacks, shattering the Ball and becoming surrounded by a multi-colored aura.

"Goonite braddah!" he taunted and unleashed his Finale attack. A vertical wall of flame exploded from his hands, sending his unfortunate brother flying off the stage. Wario had also dealt with Yoshi with a swift kick, knocking the surprised dino off the edge.

"GAME!"

***

No sooner had the match ended, Master Hand was off, without so much as a goodbye, leaving Crazy with all the finishing up. Like most of the Smashers, Crazy preferred making the mess as opposed to tidying. But he knew if he didn't, his brother would suspend his pudding privileges. Besides, the quicker he got it done, the sooner he could go back to the more important things, like teaching Mr. Flippers tricks. So he patched up Luigi and Yoshi, powered down all the equipment, re-set the stage, removed the film from the cameras, fed Mr. Flippers, issued free passes to all the Smashers, edited the footage, paid the telephone bills (he'd have to talk to Princess Peach about that), sent the footage in to the studios studios, applied to the Nintendo company for seven new characters for the next Tourney, dusted the crops and took out the trash.

Now having completed his chores and given the others the day off, Crazy was finally able to relax. Or so he thought.

"Mr. Flippers? Mr. Flippers? Where are you? Come on out girl!" called the worried hand. His searches eventually took him down below Smash Manor, into his brothers top secret lab. There wasn't anything extra special in the lab. Apart from Master Hand's experimental Inter-Dimensional-Rift-Portal-thingy, a device he had created for reaching into the many alternate versions of Earth to select the finest warriors for the Super Smash. Well when he got it working. Then he wouldn't have to pay Nintendo for new fighters and could get Smashers by himself.

"There you are Mr. Flippers, you naughty girl!" exclaimed Crazy as he found his pet seal. Of course, coming quietly would just be to simple for Mr. Flippers who began to rush around the lab, surprisingly quick for a water-based animal. After setting the appropriate backing track (Benny Hills Naturally) Crazy Hand gave chase, resulting in numerous apparatuses being destroyed and the Experimental Inter-Dimensional-Rift-Portal-Thingy was accidently activated. Upon seeing this, Crazy Hand stopped chasing his pet and looked at the device.

"Oh….that probably shouldn't be active. I'd better turn it off, just to be sa….MR. FLIPPERS! Get that Bunsen burner out of your mouth! You don't even know where my brother got it from! Get over here."

Distracted once again by the seal, Crazy forgot all about the machine and left it running….

Part Two on the way…..