Letting It Out
A/N: Just a short little thing to work out some of the Bamon feelings that the show has surprisingly been giving me lately. Since this fic can fit fairly nicely into canon based on what we know so far, it's mainly friendship based. But I think there are some romantic undertones in it if you squint.
The sun had set hours ago but Bonnie wasn't tired at all. Attempting to sleep now would only result in a restless, fitful tryst. Instead, she sat in front of the boardinghouse fireplace, staring into the flames of the fire she started in an almost hypnotized fashion.
A week ago she had managed to finally escape the 1994 prison she had been locked in for months. She should be happy to be back home, right?
So why didn't she feel that way? Why did it feel like she's been walking in a hazy dream ever since she returned? She was no longer really alone but at times, she still felt like she was.
"I never took you as a night owl by choice."
The achingly familiar voice came form somewhere behind her and Bonnie turned to face the person who had spoken, predictably seeing Damon walking down the stairs, regarding her with an expression that looked almost wary.
She had been staying at the boardinghouse for the last few days, mainly because she didn't have anywhere else to go. She wasn't up to going back to her abandoned house just yet, where she really would be all alone. And she had the sinking feeling that the others had insisted on it because they also didn't want her to be left alone.
Bonnie managed to fake a small smile in Damon's direction. "I could say the same thing to you."
The vampire cleared his throat in a somewhat awkward fashion. "I heard you walk out of your room and...was just a little curious about what you were up to."
Bonnie narrowed her eyes at that. "Just curious? Hmmm. Well, I guess it's better for me not to start thinking you actually care or anything like that." For the first time in days, her voice took on a teasing tone. Something different from the desolate and almost toneless voice that she had been using most of the time lately.
Damon didn't seem to be in the mood to respond to her teasing. His expression never changed as he walked further into the room and sat down beside. "Okay. And maybe I was a little concerned."
Now that surprised her. Bonnie knew that she and Damon had somehow formed a friendship during their days together in the 1994 prison world. It was hard not to form some sort of bond with someone after being each others only company for a little over four months. And although she already had an inkling that he came downstairs out of worry, she hadn't at all expected him to outright and openly admit it like that.
She tried to mask her astonishment and turned away form him, going back to staring at the fire instead. "You don't need to be. Everything is fine. I couldn't get myself to fall asleep, that's all."
"And why is that?"
Bonnie had to suppress the urge to get explosively annoyed at him, easily catching the probing intention of the question. "I just couldn't."
She didn't see his reaction to that, still refusing to turn away from the fire and face him again. A few moments passed before he replied. "You don't have to lie to me, you know."
When she said nothing in response, he continued. "I know you have this annoyingly noble habit of making a martyr out of yourself by hiding your problems to make others feel better but there's no point in doing that with me. Four months is enough time to spend with someone in order for me to learn how to tell when they're lying."
At this, Bonnie finally turned sharply to face his direction, expecting to see his signature, smug smirk at having figured her out. But instead, she found that his expression was nothing short of serious, his blue eyes icy and hard, as if he was daring her to deny what he said. For some reason, this caused her temper to flare up more than a smirk probably would have.
"I'm not lying," she fired back with gritted teeth, frustrated. She just wanted him to leave her alone at this point.
"Your defensiveness is only furthering my point," Damon replied in a surprisingly calm voice. "What are you hiding?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit." Damon scooted closer to her and she had to suppress the urge to move away from him, her eyes never wavering from his. "For the last week, you've been isolating yourself from everyone. We've all noticed it. And I want to know why..."
"I don't know, okay?" Bonnie exclaimed, cutting him off. Angry tears threatened to pool in her eyes but she fought to keep them at bay, wanting to keep her steely stance. "Do you think I want to be acting like this? I...I know I haven't been acting normally but I can't help it. And I don't know why."
Damon's eyes widened in obvious shock. "Bonnie..."
But she pressed on. "I'm no loner alone...not really, but I still feel like I am sometimes. And every time I close my eyes, I feel like i'll be back there when I reopen them. And..."
"Bonnie," Damon repeated, this time more firmly. He placed his hands on her shoulders, as if attempting to steady her.
And then before Bonnie could even comprehend anything else, the tears that had been slowly building up spilled over completely and she practically threw herself into the circle of Damon's arms, letting all of the pent up emotion she had been holding in out. She felt Damon stiffen in surprise but then, as if out of instinct, she felt him tighten his grip on her, holding her as she cried into his shirt.
A year ago, Bonnie would have never expected to find herself in this kind of a situation...sobbing in Damon Salvatore's arms. She wasn't even entirely sure how or why it was happened and yet, here she was. But it felt good to let what she had been feeling out. And she didn't mind the fact that it was in front of him. In fact, it even felt kind of right.
As her tears began to cease, she felt Damon begin to lightly pat her back, coaxing her back down to Earth.
They stayed in that position for what felt like several minutes. Damon's arms arms wrapped around her and her face pressed into his chest. But eventually, Bonnie forced herself to move out of the circle of his embrace. She wiped away the stray tears that were left over.
"Damon, could I ask you for a favor?"
The vampire blinked, seemingly caught off-guard by the sudden question. "It depends on what it is."
"I need you to not tell anyone about what just happened. Not Stefan. Not Elena. No one."
"Why not?"
Again with his questions. Bonnie sighed in a slightly frustrated manner. "Because i'm not ready for everyone to know...how this is effecting me."
Truthfully, she wasn't really sure if she would ever be ready to let Elena and Caroline past her shields again. Not because she didn't love or trust them but because she still didn't really remember how to interact with them like she used to. Trying to talk to Elena casually and normally was futile unless she put a lot of effort into it. And Caroline...well, she didn't really even have options of trying with her since she still had her humanity switched off.
"Alright." Damon said the single word with such finality and acceptance that it surprised her. She had been expecting him to try to argue further the matter.
"What?" She blurted out.
Damon frowned. "I said alright. I won't tell anyone about this. I still think it's pointless of you to always hide how you really feel from everyone but it's your call at the end of the day."
Bonnie breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you Damon."
Damon nodded and then...an almost awkward sounding gulp erupted from his throat. "But hey, if you ever need to...talk to anyone, you could always come to me. I know i'm not the most thoughtful of people but i'd like to think that I have my moments. And well, I already know your secret anyway."
That was actually...really sweet. Despite the fact that Bonnie was growing more and more used to the bond she and Damon had formed, it still sometimes threw her off-guard when he showed her a side of him outside snark and reservations. His sentiment caused her to genuinely smile.
"I'd actually like that." And then she surprised them both by what she did next.
Impulsively and without thinking, she leaned forward and planted a very brief kiss on his cheek in thanks.
The air seemed to become even thicker after that. Bonnie was quick to pull away from him, her cheeks heating up in disbelief at what she had just done. She hoped that Damon wouldn't be able to tell in the dim lighting of the room.
Looking at the vampire now, Bonnie could see that he had a look of shock of his own...along with what she swore were slightly flushed cheeks. On normal circumstances, she might have teased him about it but at the moment, she didn't want to do or say anything to make the situation even more tense.
"There's a Monopoly game somewhere upstairs. Are you up for a round," Damon said suddenly and a bit too quickly, as if he was trying to smoothly move on to the next subject.
Bonnie blinked. "Damon, it's almost one in the morning."
"You don't seem like you'll be going to bed any time soon. And since I have nothing better to do, I might as well keep you company. So how about it, judgey?"
Bonnie kind of doubted that he had nothing better to do with his time. She knew full well that Elena was upstairs, probably curled up in Damon's bed as they spoke. But that meant he truly didn't seem to want to leave her all alone. The thought admittedly caused a swell of warmth to spread throughout her being.
"Not Monopoly. You always find ways to cheat."
Damon rolled his eyes. "Fine. How about Checkers then? It's pretty hard to cheat at that."
Bonnie grinned, amused at the fact that he hadn't denied the accusation. "Okay. But you have to promise not to get too mad when I win. I've always been good at Checkers."
"We'll see about that, witchy."
Bonnie watched him walk up the stairs to fetch the game and a weight lifted off her chest. She was glad that he hadn't said anything in response to that random cheek kiss. But she made a mental note to add that onto the list of things he wasn't allowed to tell anyone else about sometime after she annihilated him at Checkers a couple of times.
The End