For Sam
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or events. Dean, Sam and John Winchester are all the property of Eric Kripke and co.
Summary: Set after 'Dream A Little Dream Of Me'. Dean's final sentence is approaching fast, and he reflects back on his life.
Why did Dean do the things he did? Why make the choices he made? Who knew? He had sold his soul so his brother could live.
After all he'd been through over the last several months, Dean had been reflecting back on his life.
After Mom had died, everything had changed. His Dad was no longer the same fun-loving doting father who liked to toss a football around with his older son. He became a lone soldier on a mission. His only thought to find the thing that had killed his beloved wife.
He treated him differently. After that night Dean and his Dad never tossed a football around again. They never did anything unless it was for their training. Bow-hunting, target practice, the occasional paintball challenge…it had all been training for when it was their turn to face the horrors in the shadows.
Dean had been forced to grow up too fast, too early. His dad had spent Dean's whole life training for the day when Dean would be the one hunting and protecting Sam. That was why he had written the journal. So Dean would have all of the knowledge and preparation. After that fateful night his Dad always told him 'watch out for Sammy'. And Dean knew that was his job. To watch out for Sammy. And he had done it. All his life he had protected his little brother from everything he could. Until one day he had failed, and he had been so lost he sold his soul to get him back, to make it so he hadn't failed, so his life would mean something. Something other than being Sam's protector, and a soldier.
And look at where it had gotten him. Dean sold his soul. And now he was going to Hell. It wasn't fair. It was their Dad's fault that all of this had happened. If only their Dad had moved on from their Mom's death, then maybe they could have lived a normal life. But deep down Dean knew that was unfair. He'd done the best he could, and he could have ended up like Max's father.
Sometimes Dean wondered what his life would have been like if they stopped hunting. What if they had quit after Dad's death, like Dean had wanted to? Would Sam have escaped? Probably not. That Jake guy had been in Afghanistan and the demon had found him. What was to stop him from finding Sam? But maybe if Dean had gotten there sooner, or kept a closer eye on his brother…maybe it wouldn't have come to this.
It was clear. All this had happened because of Sam. The demon had come to Sam and started the whole death match because of Sam and the other psychic kids. It was for Sam that he had felt obliged to make the deal. It wasn't fair. But he knew that when it came down to it, he wouldn't change a thing. He would still willingly lay down his life for his little brother no questions asked, just as he knew Sam would do for him. Sam was still his little brother, always would be. And he would always be there to protect him, no matter what, until his final day.
He'd given up so much, and lost more. Most people probably couldn't understand why he did it. Why he did what he did. But Dean knew.
For Sam. He did it for Sam.