The one where Spock of Vulcan decides to travel around the Alpha Quadrant using only civilian routes, for research purposes. Research, because wagers are illogical. What's more illogical, of course, is his human associate ("Captain, I'm still your Captain, Spock"), James T Kirk.
The Best and Craziest Command Team This Side of the Quadrant Is Coming To A Starbase Near You
"Just for the record, I think you are insane," Kirk says.
"May I remind you that it was yourself who displayed the greatest amount of initial enthusiasm at the idea," Spock counters.
"Yeah but, insane, like, insanely hot," Kirk continues, a little wild-eyed, breathless, and entirely oblivious to Spock's objections. "Sorry. Did I just say hot? I mean genius. Like, awesome."
"You are not making sense," Spock says congenially. "Are you certain Admiral Pike would be favourable to our request? Once he has been made privy to our plan, there is very little room for turning back."
"Are you kidding?" Kirk says, running in front of him with an abundance of usual enthusiasm, "I'll make Pike cough up that ship if he has to. This is the best idea I've had in years, beating your little test notwithstanding."
"If hacking the Kobayashi Maru is the epitome of your 'best ideas', then I must rethink your application as my aide on this research trip," Spock says.
Kirk pauses in front of Pike's office door and points a finger at himself. "Captain," he says slowly and deliberately, then turns the finger around. "First Officer," he says.
"For the duration of our research," Spock begins, "which is determined by the length of the period that the Enterprise is out of commission, might I suggest that we forego - "
"WILL YOU TWO STOP BICKERING OUTSIDE MY DOOR AND GET IN," Pike's voice bellows, making Kirk jump.
"Captain," Kirk mouthes as he nudged the door open with his shoulder. Spock resists the eye roll.
"Admiral Pike," Spock greets.
Pike grunts. "Kirk, stop jumping up and down. I haven't got any ice cream for you."
A great opening opportunity, and Kirk seizes it with enthusiasm.
"You have a ship," Kirk says. "Mr. Spock and, uh - and I, will need to borrow it for a, - space mission."
Pike lowers his PADD and squints.
"Space mission," he repeats.
"Research project," Spock corrects.
"A wager," Kirk stage whispers.
Spock's finger twitches at his side.
Pike slowly moves his eyes until they come fixed upon Spock's face. "This is the part where you tell me wagers are illogical and Vulcans do not partake in such silly human games," he says.
"Wagers are illogical," Spock agrees readily, then falls silent.
Pike's eyes bulge a little. Beside Spock, Kirk makes a theatrical gesture, and mouthes: "Best First Officer ever." Spock flushes warm and pretends not to notice.
Pike opens his mouth, inhales, then closes it again. "And pray tell," he says after a few seconds of stunned silence, "What does this wager comprise of?"
Making a point to ignore Kirk's impatient bouncing by the heel, Spock explains: "We wish to take advantage of the leave granted during the period when the Enterprise goes under repair, which is approximately three months," he pauses. "To explore the Alpha Quadrant."
"The Alpha Quadrant," Pike echoes.
"Via civilian routes," Spock adds. "I was notified one of the Vulcan science exploratory vessels was docked for repair on Earth last month. It has completed a diagnostic test this morning and has been deemed fit for travel. As there are no scheduled Starfleet transport to Vulcan in the next week, it would be expedient if we could borrow the vessel, return it to a Vulcan outpost, from where we would make our further travels."
"Expedient," Pike parrots.
"Most expedient," Spock agrees, then looks on expectantly.
Pike slowly turns back to Kirk. "You two do realise there are also Klingons in the Alpha Quadrant?"
"Yeah we fought them," Kirk says dismissively. "Pike! Don't you see? We are going around the Quadrant in eighty days! This is one for the books!"
"If you are not careful this will be the one for the Klingon opera," Pike says. "What prompted this madness?"
"Something to do with how annoying pricks always talk about we hide behind Starfleet and can never get anywhere on our own," Kirk says hurriedly, waving a hand. Spock looks away, and Pike's gaze suddenly softens by degrees. Halfway success. "The point is. If we use the Vulcan ship to get to Vulcan, that counts as personal connection, not Starfleet resources. Then we make our own way around the Quadrant. Just... think of it as a pre-run for that Deep Space Mission I know you'll grant us. Huh?"
Pike rubs at the bridge of his nose and sighs heavily. "This is the craziest idea I've ever heard coming out of your mouth, kid, and I've heard plenty," he says.
Spock and Kirk's gaze meet, and for a brief, mad second, Spock thought he heard Kirk think 'this is exactly what Bones would say'. Spock's eyebrow twitches, and Kirk beams wide at him.
"And will you stop making those eyes at each other?" Pike says. "Number One isn't back for another week and I've had enough. Fine. Go. Starfleet doesn't have authority to hold Vulcan vessels anyway, take it and make sure it gets returned to your people. I can't control what you do in your spare time," Pike says with a note of regret. "Just make sure both of you come back alive, do you hear?"
"Aye sir," Kirk says with a quick salute, already retreating for the door.
"Your assistance is appreciated," Spock inclines his head.
Pike eyes him oddly, then, just as Spock is about to close the door, calls: "If you two get married in Vegas without telling me, I'd be really pissed!"
"Vegas is a desert planet with only a small mining colony," Spock says, as they make their way to the hanger. "I was not aware a registrar exists among the facilities."
Kirk laughs heartily and thumps Spock on the back. "You know what I think Pike is thinking? I bet you Pike is thinking, 'this could be worse. It could be the Gamma Quadrant that they want to go to. At least Alpha Quadrant is already pretty well explored.'"
"I take it adhering to 'well-explored' routes is not a part of your travel plan," Spock says drily.
Kirk blows him a kiss and climbs agilely into the vessel. Peering down, he waves at Spock with a familiar gleam in his eye.
"Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning!" Kirk calls.
Spock smiles and follows.