China, Don't You See China: A Prayer For Lana Lang
(A/N: the title has special meaning to me. It's a song my brother and I made one New Years Eve. But the song means other things too and it's really more of a sentiment. I came so close to finishing all my other fanfiction. Really, I'm trying to concentrate on my novels now. But I have to write this…because….without the character Lana, "Smallville" is just another boring version of "Superman" and I don't think I'd watch it anymore because it would be to cliché. "Smallville" can't survive without Chloe, either. Finally, CW did something right for a change. This story is a reverie, it's my heart crying out to all those people who watched Smallville because they unconsciously identified themselves with one of the characters of Smallville, and then found out that they were dead….and then found out that it was all a trick of the light, an illusion, and in the end the truth and glory and love will shine out all the clearer because the sun's rays will be less contaminated. And about Lex….he obviously didn't kill Lana. So…does that mean he's innocent, or guilty? This story….really more of a song, a tribute, kind of like "A Prayer For Owen Meany" except Lana doesn't die….will deal with that too….it will deal with all the foundations that were set in stone during the first season and the feelings that were put out there and feelings just can't die….love isn't just about romantic love, and once you love someone, love is forever. It doesn't go away, no matter how much you change and no matter what the person does or where they are or if their on the opposite side of the country. The only thing I'll give away is in the end, Clark WILL be with Lana. I'm not saying it won't be bittersweet and I'm not saying it won't be a sad ending that will move you to tears, but fate…destiny….will play a big role in this story. This story will be long, and it will take me forever to right, but from this point on, this is the ONLY fanfiction I am writing. All of the others, except for maybe "Blood Deep" are temporarily aborted.)
1: C
Sometimes I stare into the moon and I marvel at how beautiful it is. Sometimes I wonder how I survived…and I wonder if the fact that I am alive today telling this story makes me an Indian giver. I gave my life away to a person named Lois Lane. My cousin. And then…a miracle happened. I came back to life in the Morgue. I shouldn't be here now. But I am. And it is my duty to tell this story. Standing outside, I embrace the ephemeral darkness, and I embrace the transient beauty of the phosphorescent moon. Sometimes I find myself thinking I am in love with the dark. The moon, in crescent form, and in its full form. You can stare straight at the moon, for as long as you want, and you won't do any damage to your eyes. It's safe. You can absorb as much of the light as you want to….as much as you need to….and let it fill you up when you are feeling cold and barren inside, and you just can't go on. Sometimes I wish I had just died. If I was dead, I wouldn't be feeling this pain. But those nights…I just go outside and welcome the moon. I welcome Midnight's beautiful, ethereal fingers. They haunt me, and they call my name. I think it is the angel that saved me. Call me crazy, but I think the moon saved me. And now…it haunts me.
Because I should have been the one who died. Everything is so messed up, right now. My sister is…dead. Okay, she's not really my sister, but it was like we were sisters. We were closer than most blood sisters were.
Dead, dead, dead.
Did I ever tell you how smart she was? I mean sure, I'm research smart, but she was common sense smart. She was poetic geniusI'm-never-gonna-give-up-on-listening-to-my-heart smart. And maybe smart isn't the right word; sometimes I think "smart" is an extremely stupid word because it is impossible to define. Besides, it's wrong. Because you can't define who you are by what you know and what you can do. The only way to define yourself is by what you actually do and by what your heart tells you and if you follow your heart you're a good person and if you ignore it doesn't make you evil but there's a pretty good chance it makes you stupid. And my sister wasn't stupid. In the end, she went back to Clark.
I know in my heart they were supposed to be together, Clark and Lana. So how does that explain the feelings I used to have for Clark? The feelings I still do have for Clark but will never act out on them because my heart tells me that's not the way it's supposed to be. My heart tells me that love is something transcendent, not something carnal and supercilious. That made me realize that Clark and Lana never really broke up. Because in their hearts they always felt passion for each other and did what they could to make sure the other was happy and unharmed. That's what's important. The love of a boyfriend and girlfriend or a husband and wife really shouldn't be any different from the love of a brother and sister.
My heart tells me I'm supposed to do something important in this world. I'm supposed to go to school. Metropolis University is destroyed. But…I could do better, than a state school. I always knew I could, it was just that…I was afraid. I was afraid to leave everything I know and love behind. But…Lana's dead, and Clark can super speed. So the only thing I'm losing, I already lost.
My application essay was about love. Not romantic love, but real love. The kind of love that never dies. The kind of love that lives on in Heaven and is the guiding force for all earthly beings. I feel like such an ethereal creature. Maybe it's because I'm supposed to be dead. Or maybe it's because I'm moving all the way across the country.
Clark applied too. I convinced him he needed to do something to get on with his life. He needed something to help him forget, and then remember all the more, all the Stronger, and then Love will grow in a silent crescendo and no one will realize it until the very end but the symphony will be loud, in a minor key, and then all of a sudden FFFF will die down to an FF and there will be sweet vibrato and that very last note, it will be in a major key. It will be the Angels singing from the heaven, giving Earth the Moon as a gift, and Love will be more real than ever. Love will be the transcendent force that links two worlds together, and when they join it will be the most beautiful thing.
Okay, so I lied, I am leaving someone behind, but it's not like its forever. Lois isn't coming. But she's my cousin. Hey, she can survive four years without me.
So…for the big news…I'm moving all the way from Smallville, Kansas, to Princeton, New Jersey.
Yep, you heard me right. In a week I start school at Princeton as a freshman (they don't accept transfer students). Guess what? Clark is too. And you know what? I think, maybe, I want to be adventurous. I mean, hey, I already died, so what harm could it do? Maybe you're not understanding me. In the summers, I'm going to study abroad. Clark doesn't want to but I think I'm going to try to convince him…
To be continued….