dedicated to: midori nO himE
happy birthday!
The first thing that Yoh noticed was the silence. Not the all encompassing, eerie, creepy quiet that usually envelopes the entire house Yoh had been staying at since he moved to Tokyo. Not the ominous vacuum of silence that followed him around his daily routine until he walked in on Anna in the living room doing yoga or reading. Not the stillness that seemed to befall the entire room once her eyes flicked upwards at him, reflecting echoing judgment that was a little too similar to the stares prisoners received from their jailers.
It was actually…pretty nice. It was tranquil, peaceful even. Birds twittered happily, there was a slight breeze that danced around the swaying leaves of the trees outside. The sun was streaming in, illuminating the house with its golden glow and Yoh could hear a few yawns and giggles from the resident spirits of the house. It was perfect, to say the least.
However, after Yoh was able to appreciate the fine, fine day the Great Spirit had gifted him with for a few seconds, his heart immediately stopped. Not just skip a beat. Full on, train wheels screeching against the tracks with sparks flying everywhere to come to a grinding halt kind of stop. It was way too perfect.
By now, Anna would have given him some backbreaking chore to do around the house or would have somehow conveyed to him that he needed to run forty seven point three miles while she relaxed under an umbrella on a lawn chair sipping (virgin) piña coladas and timed him.
Yoh crept down the stairs, cautious that even the slightest sudden move would result in a full on, nuclear calamity. He was on his toes, literally, the entire time he was preparing breakfast.
This is…weird, Yoh thought to himself in a mental whisper (even in his silent thoughts, Yoh was wary to speak even loudly to himself). He chewed his tasteless bran cereal and downed the disgusting, most likely illegal in over one hundred fifty countries, protein shake he had been ingesting on a daily basis ever since Anna had moved in.
The second thing that Yoh noticed when he finally brought himself to move more than five inches from his point of origin (lest he set off the three tons of grenades that Anna had set up around the house…Yes, Yoh had a very violent and creative imagination—you can thank Anna for that) and stole a glance at the clock was that it was well past ten in the morning.
Silence and caution be damned, Yoh let go of his spoon, allowing the metal utensil to clatter and clang about cheerfully in his bowl, as the most obnoxious wake up call in the world.
Something is wrong…Anna is always awake by six to do her Pilates or spinning classes or whatever she does nowadays! Yoh's head began to spin. He hadn't been this inactive for this long since…well…since Anna had come to Tokyo.
"Lord Yoh!" Amidamaru suddenly materialized, looking very panicked indeed. "Come quick!"
Yoh inwardly shrieked, completely caught off guard when his personal ghost broke the overarching silence that literally permeated the entire house. "A-Amidamaru…! What's…what's wrong?" he asked, trying to collect himself.
"There's something wrong with Lady Anna!" The spirit hesitated. "I think…I think she's dying!"
Yoh's eyes widened. Anna had seemed so foreign, so beyond human that it usually slipped his mind that she was, indeed, mortal. "Wait…what…are you…are you sure…no, this can't be possible. She can't be…how do you know?"
Amidamaru leveled with his master, his face completely serious. "Lord Yoh, as you know, I literally was born on the battlefield. I have witnessed death and was surrounded by it, whether it be a peaceful passing or the most gruesome slaughter imaginable. So believe me when I say…Lady. Anna. Is. Dying."
The Asakura heir leapt to his feet, half stumbling, half sprinting up the stairs, a million thoughts running through his mind, the most prominent one being: What the hell? He came to a sliding halt right outside her door. "Anna? Anna!" He wanted to rip the door from its frame but refrained from doing so only by the mere notion that Anna would rip his head off if he ever did such a thing.
The most pained groan in the world answered him. "Y-Yoh? Don't…don't come in." Her voice morphed into a whimpering croak by the end of her order, effectively lessening the intimidation that usually laced her voice.
Yoh paused for several moments, said a few quick prayers and threw her door back. Yoh's eyes grew to rival the size of saucers. His fiancée was buried under messy sheets, her hair a disheveled catastrophe. She stared at him from sleep deprived, fatigued eyes, dark circles sketching tired bags on her face. She was still in a severely wrinkled robe and her skin was extremely sallow.
In other words, damn, Anna looked like complete shit.
"I look like complete shit. That's why I told you not to come in," she said in an effort to snap at her future husband but her sickly appearance really took off the edge of her statement.
He immediately rushed over to her. "Anna? What's wrong? Are you…" He drew his eyebrows together. "Are you dying?"
She snorted, the derisive laugh shaking her entire body. "Oh, please. I am not dying. Where did you get that stupid idea from?"
Amidamaru grew noticeably smaller.
Yoh breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Okay, good."
"And do you honestly think I'd let myself die when you're obviously in no shape to even dream of becoming the Shaman King? Who exactly is going to whip your ass into shape before you go off to fight your first contender?" she drawled, sounding a lot more like herself.
He laughed awkwardly. "That's…that's true." He straightened up and studied her carefully. "But…then…what's the matter? Are you sick?"
The little color that was left immediately drained from her face and she cringed back from him. "No…I'm not sick…"
"Then what is it? Are you hurt?"
She shook her head and turned away from him. "You…you wouldn't understand."
Yoh's eyebrows skyrocketed. "What? What do you mean I won't—"
"Yoh," she said firmly, "you won't un-der-stand," she stated, enunciating every syllable. "It's…it's a girl thing…" she said, muttering the last bit out.
Yoh wracked his brain before eventually giving up, confident that he didn't really need to understand to help out. "Well…is there anything I can do then?"
Anna instantly brightened up. "Yes, chocolate and garlic bread please."
He stood up and shrugged. Simple enough. "Alright, I think there are some chocolate bars downstairs and I can make a quick run to the bakery—"
"No. I mean, chocolate on the garlic bread," she deadpanned, looking him straight in the eye.
For a split second, Yoh thought that she was testing him for…for something. He just didn't know what yet. It was all very, very suspicious at least. This wasn't Anna. Anna was the girl who threw food in the waiter's face if her steak wasn't marinated perfectly and was overcooked by a minute, goddamnit, can't anyone get anything right in this restaurant? Anna was that customer who would march back into the grocery store, slam down a bottle of caviar and snarl, you guaranteed that these were fresh right out of the factory when obviously this tastes at least a day old! "Um…what?"
She glared at him. "What part of 'chocolate on garlic bread' do you not understand?" She frowned, not appreciating the gaping look Yoh was giving her. "Come on, I just really crave it. Don't you dare judge me."
The cogs and wheels in Yoh's mind, his very male mind, began turning. Wait…really disgusting, weird cravings, looking like shit, 'You won't understand, it's a girl thing'… "Oh Great Spirit, are you pregnant?" he blurted out.
Anna looked much too shocked to answer (or even function properly for several moments).
Amidamaru cautiously floated over to enlighten his hopelessly clueless master. "Ah, Lord Yoh, if I may…" He leaned forward to whisper into his ear. "Getting pregnant would require…you see when a man loves a woman very much…and then it also depends on her fertility cycle…and that's how you get pregnant."
"Um…why do you even know this?" Yoh asked slowly.
The spirit looked away sheepishly. "Lord Manta gave me his old biology textbook to read since he was going to throw it out anyways…"
Yoh nodded as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Okay…okay…" Then Yoh's mind, his very male mind, jumped to the next logical conclusion. "Oh Great Spirit, are you on your period?" he blurted out again.
He really needed to stop doing that. Really.
Anna simply groaned and smothered her face in the pillow. "This is not happening…my idiotic fiancée just decides to broadcast that I am ovulating and then I go and run out of…" She gave a frustrated argh before burying herself further into the sheets.
Wait, I can salvage this! I can! "You ran out of what?" he asked, hoping that he could just run down to the store and grab it for her and then everything will go back to normal. "I can totally go and get them for you!" He spread his arms out to indicate that he was all ears.
She looked at him warily. "You're…you're not going to when you find out."
"Try me!" he exclaimed cheerfully.
Anna closed her eyes and exhaled, trying to convince herself that things like 'dignity' and 'pride' did not exist and if they did, then she was not currently in possession of either. "I ran out of pads. But…but it's fine, I'll just go and get some later." She opened her eyes to see if Yoh had collapsed where he had been standing or if he had fled the room in terror, screaming all the way. "What the…Amidamaru, where did Yoh go?"
The ghost turned back to her, stunned. "I believe…I believe that he's running to the store to purchase your request."
Alright! All I have to do is buy pads for Anna and then she'll feel better! Yoh thought to himself, grinning triumphantly. He marched into the store, a veritable ray of freakin' sunshine and strutted right over to the clerk.
"Hello, how may I help you today?" the cashier asked brightly.
Yoh flashed her a smile. "Please show me where your pads are!"
The girl blinked at him, her jaw hanging open before she shook her head. "Ah…um…could you please repeat that again, sir?" she asked, her voice cracking a little.
"Pads. I need to buy them," he repeated, getting a little impatient as he wanted to return as soon as possible.
The clerk cleared her throat. "Oh. Um. Right. Of course…well, then…uh, follow me." She walked to the aisle on the far left a little unsteadily before bowing her head and ushering him to go inside. "I…er, hope you find what you're looking for."
Yoh thanked her profusely before turning to the wall that held what he was looking for. "Wait, what the…" The cogs and wheels in his very male mind clicked and turned before overheating and then shutting down completely. He rubbed his eyes, pinched his arms and looked closer at all the boxes adorning the aisle. "These…these are…" He grabbed one of the brightly, femininely decorated boxes and read the back. "Ohhhhh, Great Spirit."
Let this stand as a testament to the poorly funded education Funbari Hill provided its students.
He flung the box back at the shelf he had grabbed it from and wiped his hands violently on his shirt as if he touched a disease infested corpse. "Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off—" He turned on his heel as fast as he could, intending on running as fast as he could away from the convenience store (meanwhile making a mental note to never ever come back to this shop lest the same clerk recognize him). Okay, it's not too late, she's not at the front register right now so I can make a clean getaway…I can just tell Anna that the store ran out or something and then—
Yoh sighed. "Gah, who am I kidding. I could never do that to Anna." He rolled up his sleeves, took a deep breath, counted to five before turning to face the wall again. "Why are there so many?" he whimpered.
Ultra Thin.
Thin.
Regular.
With Wings.
Overnight.
Full Coverage.
Travel Size.
Natural.
Dri-Weave.
Organic.
Centering Absorbent.
Heavy.
Extra Heavy.
Long.
Fragrance.
Maxi.
Long Super.
Super Plus.
Maxi Long Super Plus Overnight Heavy With Wings.
For the past several minutes as Yoh was staring open mouthed at the shelves, a shrill warning alarm was blaring off in his head before smoke literally began curling out of his ears and then his mind exploded. "What do all of these words mean?" He began panicking, pacing up and down the aisle, the boxes and the words melding together into one huge blur that his brain couldn't comprehend as he tentatively reached out several times to grab a product but then yanked his hand back in uncertainty. "Okay, Yoh, you need to stop. Stop. Think. Think." He calmed himself down and looked for a box that looked one he may have caught a glimpse at in the medicine cabinet back at home. He spied a green box with white lettering that looked vaguely familiar to his subconscious.
He zoomed out of the store, throwing the exact change (plus tax) at the cashier girl on his way out before she could even open her mouth to say Thank you.
"So…awkward…" Yoh panted as he slowed down. "I really hope Anna will be fine with this…" He scowled as he realized that in his haste, he had neglected to grab a bag to conceal his purchase with. "Oh well, at least it's a short walk from here to—"
"Hey, Yoh!"
Damnit. "Oh…uh…h-hey, Manta!" Yoh said, laughing nervously as he stuffed the box underneath his shirt.
His diminutive friend cheerfully waved before pointing. "What did you buy?"
First choice: Ignore the question.
"So…uh, did you finish the homework we got for over break?" Yoh asked, trying to divert Manta's attention away from the box that was none so subtly shoved up his shirt.
"Yeah, of course I did…but seriously, Yoh, what did you buy? You're beginning to worry me…"
Second choice: Play dumb.
"Eh…heh…what are you talking about? I didn't buy anything," he said awkwardly as the box jutted its pointy sharp corner into his arm.
Manta regarded him pitifully. "Yoh, I saw you rush out of the store as if your pants were on fire, holding a box. And it's kind of obvious with a box-shaped lump sticking out of your stomach."
Third choice: RUN.
"Whoa, is that a blowout clearance on encyclopedias over there down the street!" Yoh exclaimed. And before Manta could turn back and around and say "There are no stores that sell books on this street!" Yoh took off in a blindingly fast sprint back home as he thanked his lucky stars that he was best friends with the least athletic person in the entire school.
Once he as out of sight, Yoh slowed down, the house nearly in sight. He whipped the box out and groaned. "This…This thing is messing up my relationship with my best friend," he lamented. "What next, am I going to get beaten up because of this?"
"Hey, Asakura!"
"In the name of everything that is sacred, you've got to be kidding me…"
Ryu came sauntering up to him, lazily swinging his wooden sword around. "What'cha got there?" he sneered at him.
First choice, second choice, Yoh's mind began spinning. Crap, and I don't have Amidamaru with me. No option but the third choice if I'm dealing with a gang leader! But then several members of Ryu's gang stepped in, effectively surrounding the poor boy.
Yoh was pretty sure he died because he has absolutely no recollection of what happened next.
Because he found himself in an extremely odd situation that could only be explained as surreal.
"You are such a good guy!" Ryu bawled into his tea. Spaceshot, Apache and Ball Boy nodded emphatically in agreement.
Yoh blinked and looked down to find himself also in possession of a teacup. "I…um…Thanks?" he tried.
Ryu dried his eyes off with his sleeve. "If you went all the way to the store to pick up…those products for your lady love…Anna is such a lucky woman. You are an inspiration to us all!" Again, the three other gang members bobbed their heads up and down with enthusiasm.
How did I end up having tea with Umemiya Ryu of all people? And apparently I explained my situation to him…Yoh shook his head. Whoa, don't question a good thing Yoh. Don't question it. "Uh, thanks, Ryu but I…should…um…" He gestured towards the tea shop's exit.
Ryu gave a start and waved. "Oh! Of course, of course. Go! Don't keep her waiting."
Anna checked the clock for the umpteenth time. Yoh had been gone for nearly an hour to go to a store that was less than a five minute walk away. She grumbled again. "Amidamaru! Where the hell is he?" she snapped. "If I knew that it was going to take him this long, then I would've just done it myself," she muttered. "Amidamaru! Where—"
"I…I'm sorry, Anna…" The door swung open as meekly as a door could to reveal one very bashful looking Yoh. He scurried over to her bedside and handed her the box. Yoh scratched the back of his head. "Er, s-sorry…I didn't even know what…what…pads," he said the word as if it pained him to do so, "even were until I got to the store." He slumped over. "I guess I'll go and start my training regimen."
And then that's when it hit Anna. Right at that very moment when she was clutching a slightly banged up box of sanitary pads, watching her fiancée slouch away to do some ridiculous exercise she thought of while watching old reruns of medieval torture specials on the History Channel.
She realized how damn lucky she was. That she was able to find Yoh. This…this boy who was obviously just so very, very in love with her that he was willing to do anything for her. Who worshiped her in his own idiotic way with all the admiration of a young child. This slightly clumsy, irritatingly laid back and cheerful, sex-ed deprived boy…was…hers. And if she could find…no, scratch that and if she was engaged to someone who was not only willing to tolerate her disgusting protein shake/bran cereal, endure her back-breaking work out routines without so much as a whimper of complaint, but also was more than happy to go to the store to go and unknowingly buy her feminine products just so that she wouldn't have to make that less-than-five-minutes walk by herself, his own dignity and pride be damned…then…well…
Shit.
She was going to sink those probably demonic claws of hers into him and never, ever let him go.
"Yoh…" she said slowly. "These…um…" A light blush came across her face.
He turned around, evidently perplexed by this sudden change in her usually acerbic character.
"These aren't even the right kind of pads," she snapped.
Yoh hung his head, waiting for some sort of punishment to be doled out to him.
"And…! And…! Don't work out at all today!" she barked. "Just…just go downstairs and…wait for me…I'll go and…um, join you," she spat out.
Yoh drew his eyebrows together and sighed, giving up all hopes of comprehension, his very male mind still too strained to even try to process what was going on. "I don't think I'll ever understand you…" he said resignedly.
Anna let just a hint of a smile flutter across her lips. "You wouldn't. It's a girl thing."
A/N: happy birthday midorinohime! :) I hope you had an AMAZING day! Anyways, I'm...I'm actually happy with this, guys. After writing so many different things and deleting them...Advanced Mathematics...Swan Song...Yes, Ma'am!...even chapters of Our Story, this is the first thing I'm actually happy with. So it would be really cool if you reviewed.
Next up on my list of gift fics:
yehey (HAHAH I'm sorry this is so late)
roni-chan
please check out my other gift fic for otakustone No Matter that I posted! I love you all. So. So. much. Also, don't forget about the contest! (check profile for details) there is no definitive deadline.
I'd also like to take a moment to thank my older, regular reviewers but also especially to two of my newest readers, Ceri Siracha and venz07, who just went and reviewed a ton of my older stuff! sorry for not PMing you but I just wanted to let you know that I really, really appreciate your reviews! Thank you so much!
PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL AWESOME.