The door opened with a screech and she closed her eyes as the light hit her face. When the person behind it noticed the lonely girl on the floor, he slid inside, blocking the entrance.
Lily could hear him moving through the dark and, when she thought he was going to reach her, he stopped. He returned to the door and, after a few seconds of looking blindly for the knob, he locked it.
Lily felt her shoulders tense when her sight got used to the darkness again. She recognized the spiked locks of bright hair, the big circle in his earlobe, the way he walked, as he got near again, as he sat down beside her. She didn't say a thing, she looked to the floor and hoped he hadn't notice her crying. She wasn't the type of girl who cried, even less in front of people, she liked being strong, or at least pretending she was. She hugged her knees more strongly, the green dress wrinkling under her arms. She was feeling pathetic, she hated it.
He didn't dare break the silence as his long legs slowly slid through the floor.
—Lils, I wondered where you could have possibly gone.— He whispered in his usual soft tone, looking for her eyes in the shadows, once he was settled. —I didn't want you to miss Vic's number.
—You found me. You should leave now or you are going to be the one missing it.— was all she said, not even lifting her head from in between her arms. She didn't want him to see her completely red and wet face. Her voice was steady-sometimes she even surprised herself with her ability to act out- but almost a whisper. A sarcastic and cold whisper.
—Bloody hell, Lily- I won't- I mean- Fuck it. Won't you come out? That's what I bloody meant.— he wasn't angry, she knew, it was just his way of expressing himself. He lifted his hands to his face for a minute, in search of calmness. She also knew he was searching for something to say but couldn't find it. He was not very good with words, he never had been.
—I just... I was bored the hell out of my mind. I don't like the stupid music, the stupid dancing-
—But you do like bathrooms.— he cut off her poor explanation, trying to be funny. She didn't laugh. She was trying too hard not to cry to laugh at his stupid jokes, the ones that had never failed to make her smile before. He noticed and smiled awkwardly, even if she couldn't see him.
—I don't like girls crying.— he said slowly, as if raising the tone of his voice could break something. "Stupid Teddy" Lily thought "I'm already broken" She lifted her head, because it was pointless trying to hide it now.
—Yeah, about that. It's stupid, I was-
—I don't like YOU crying.— He added, cutting her off, looking at her with something that almost made her sick: pity. Merlin knew she didn't like it either. He lifted his hand. She shook her head, her too long fringe slowly falling over her eyes. He took it back. Lily hissed under her breath.
—This is the girls' bathroom, Teddy, you could get in t-
—Trouble. I know, Lil.— he sighed.
A boy in the girls' toilet was bad, but a teacher was even worse. Lily was surprised no one had knocked on the door already. After all, girls always were retouching make up before the kind of song Vic was going to sing, knowing they were going to be kissed. Usually, that's what she would have been doing too. Not that night, though. She was not in the mood.
—But you haven't danced all night and you've been waiting all year for this ball and your cousin is singing for the whole school, which is a pretty big thing, and she needs you there... and you haven't danced all night and Wood is out looking for you.
Lily knew it was all true -except for the "Wood is out looking for you." Zane would never look for her when the room was full of pretty girls who didn't waste the night crying. Yes, she was pretty, she was popular, she was a Potter, but she had a big temper and was young, there were a lot of prettier and older girls that could give Wood what he really wanted. Lily didn't even like him much. She had only gone with him to the dance becauss he had had the balls to ask her and he was a damn good beater, his arms were proof of that.
Teddy was out of breath and out of things to say. He had thought that ignoring Lily's tears was the way to handle the situation, because she hadn't like the mention of them, but he wasn't getting anything out of her either way. Lils could almost hear him thinking really hard beside her, frowning in the dark.
—I said I don't like slow dancing. It's lame... and guys always step over your feet or try to grab your ass.— was her poor argument. She rubbed her eyes with one hand, kind of violently, making sure the tears were gone. They were, but the hurt was still there, closing her throat, filling her chest.
Teddy struggled not to laugh beside her and finally managed to keep a straight face. He laughed at every stupid thing, sometimes it enraged Lily.
—Please, Albus is around, no one would dare. And, besides— any other reason why Teddy thought a guy wouldn't touch Lillian Potter's butt was suddenly forgotten, because, outside, the music had stopped.
A sweet voice talked into the microphone. Teddy sighed. Lily bit her lip. He was not missing this, he couldn't, it was his girlfriend out there who was going to perform. Of course Lily was important to him, but not in that way. She wasn't worth letting Victoire down and she knew it.
She forced herself to smile, her lips curving in a strange way. Victoire seemed to had all she didn't. Beauty, brains, grace, talent, Teddy.
—You should go.— she said, breathing heavily, flickering her eyelashes more than she should have, staring at the wall in front of them, ignoring his knee over her emerald dress, his hand so close to hers on the floor. Lily wasn't like that, she wasn't going to cry in front of him. He was never meant to see how much it hurt, it had been a mistake, he had walked in on her.
Lillian was not the child she had once, there were certain things she could not let show. She was strong, she was fierce, everybody knew that, Teddy should have too. She played at life as if it had been a quidditch pitch, avoiding the bludgers, keeping her eyes on the quaffle, without minding the rest of the players. And that's what she should have done that night, too. But it was always hard to keep her eyes away of Teddy. Lily always had a hard time pretending, she liked to speak her mind.
The band started playing in the Great Hall. An increasing, slow, music sneaking through the bottom of the door.
Teddy Lupin smirked the way that made a thousand of students melt, but Lily was not looking. She was focusing on the white dots that occasionally squeezed into the dark bathroom.
—I couldn't leave my Lils all alone in here, could I? Moaning Myrtle is always stalking in the pipes.— he whispered and, even if she wasn't watching, she could hear him smiling. —Besides, Lilylu, you haven't told me what's wrong.
Damn. She hated him, she hated him so much... except that she really didn't. How could he be so oblivious? But then it hit her. Of course he was oblivious. He was a boy, he was Teddy. It was his nature. He didn't do it on porpouse, he just wasn't able to read people behind facial expressions. He had taken almost sixteen years of his life to realize he was in love with Victoire, after all.
Lily remembered the day she had found out as Teddy's girlfriend's voice raised over the music, soft as a caress. It had been James the one to spill the secret, on Albus' first year at plataform 9 and 3/4. Lily remembered being happy about it, thinking Teddy would finally be a real part of her family if he married Vic. How things had changed. She was mad jealous of what they had now. And things had been that way since she had realized what Teddy really meant to her. And that had meant letting go of the friendship she had shared with him, taking distance. And it had been all fine, until damned Ted decided to teach at Hogwarts, since Healer's training wasn't making him happy.
Lily imagined Vctoire's blue ice eyes moving through the crowd, searching for the man that was stuck with her in the bathroom. She almost rejoiced, selfishly, because, for once, Vic didn't have it all, but Teddy's hand suddenly over hers made her feel ashamed. And warm. And dizzy. She pressed hard her lips, keeping them from making a sound.
—I'm sure she isn't even aware I'm gone, she's too focused on the singing.— Teddy assured her, noticing her gaze over the door. Lily almost pittied her cousin. He was such an idiot. An attractive idiot, that was.
She turned to him, trying to make his features in the dimness. Lily didn't feel like crying anymore, because Merlin had answered her silent prayers. Or the prayers she had angrily made to his pants. But he had answered them in a twisted way, because Lily had asked for Ted, but not in that way. Never in that way, because he was not there to be hers. And he was too close. Too close for her to focus, too close for her to remember why couldn't she just lean in and kiss him. Lily struggled to keep away.
It shouldn't have been that hard, she had been keeping away from him since the summer holidays. She had to fight her own lips trembling with desire, with anger, with the wish for the impossible.
Silence fell between them and the song got to the chorus. The redhead could imagine Vic's dissapointment - because Teddy was a fool to believe she wasn't looking for him in the crowd- , but her own pain was stronger.
—Maybe I don't want you to know, Ted.— she said in a whisper, letting her head hit slowly the wall behind her, her hand slipping out of his hold, her cheeks colouring. He couldn't notice in the dark, anyway. She didn't lie because she didn't feel like it -after all, she had been lying in a way to him all that time-, she decided just to omit information.
She didn't dare to move before, but the way his chest raised so close to her was distracting and she couldn't afford it. She felt her eyes a bit swollen after all the crying.
—You used to tell me everything... Every little thing that was on your mind, remember? Why... What I mean is- You don't do that anymore.— he argued.
That was way before she knew she was in love with him, way before she turned fifteen... and they never talked about feelings, at least not that kind of feelings. Lily was not a sentimental girl.
—It's not you. I'm not telling anyone. Just stop asking.— she sounded determined and he knew it was going to be really hard to get the thruth out of her, she was the most stubborn person in England, for all he knew.
—Is Wood involved in this? I'm his teacher, Lils, but if I found out he hurt you or tried to touch your butt... Oh, Merlin, he's going down.— she could have laughed at the irony. And at the joke, too. Instead, she sighed.
—No.— she answered and raised from the floor, standing just as the music got to it's highest point and Victoire's perfect voice got stronger.
t took Teddy a minute to realize what she was doing.
—Lily, c'mon, don't walk out on me.— he asked, standing too, passing a hand over his spiky blue hair, and for a minute there Lily thought he was going to ask her about why she kept doing that, why she kept pushing him back. But he surely wouldn't have noticed. Because she was like a sister to him, it was crystal clear, and little sisters were pushed aside when life kicked in. He surely had too many responsabilities to deal with her stupid and childish ways. —I'm just trying to help y-
—I don't need your help, Edward. I don't need any help at all. Really, thanks, but.. no, thanks.— it was serious, Teddy realized, she never called him Edward.
He couldn't help her and she couldn't talk to him about that. It was stupid, she had to accept it. Spending the rest of the night in that lonely batrhroom -which was actually a foolish idea, since they had swaped the doors of the trophy room with the toilet's one and anyone could walk in, just like Teddy had. Ruining her make-up and her dress. Crying. And she didn't want to deal woth all of thar anymore.
Lily got to the door and unlocked it.
—I' just wanna get to my room.— and that was the last thing she said before she got out.
The lights were low, but they still made her half-close her eyes. When she got used to it, she noticed Vic over the stage in her stunning red dress, singing the last notes of the song. She also noticed the couples dancing around the room and a few loners on the tables by the wall. There was a group of girls side by side, but they were not talking to each other or really concerned on what was going on. Not even one of that girls was crying, she thought, they just looked annoyed.
—Banshee! You filthy s-
Lily jumped back, almost bumping into Teddy, who was behind her with a face that reminded of a sad puppy.
In first place, the redhead noticed the door had slipped from her hand and had hit someone. In second place, she noticed that that someone wasn't happy about it, of course.
—Watch your language, Malfoy, or I'll have to take points from Slytherin.— said Teacher Teddy -it was always weird to see him acting like a grown up; sometimes Lily forgot he was twenty four-, while he grabbed one of her shoulders and put himself in front of her. Malfoy arched one of his eyebrows.
—You watch your ilegal stuff, Mr. Lupin.— answered the egocentric little shit, pointing with his head to the dark bathroom behind them. Lily wondered what was he doing beside the door. —Always been an habit of yours lurking with underage witch-
—That's it, ten points from Slytherin. Now shut it.—and with that, Teddy gave up his grip on Lily, turning to the stage, where Vic had finished her song. Applauses rised from everyone in the room. —Now, If you'll excuse me, I have some flowers to give.— he gave a look at the redhead, that clearly meant "we'll talk about this later", and walked towards his girlfriend. He didn't even hear Scorpius saying "You think I care?" over the sounds of admiration Victoire had provoked.
Lily rolled her eyes, without realizing. She felt suddenly more like her usual self, not that weak pathetic child she had been in the toilet. She was ready to take on the world again, she had done what she needed to and she had made up her mind. She couldn't mope around. That was the first and the last time.
—Werewolf genes, powerful stuff, man.— said Malfoy, analazing her from the bottom to the top. It took Lily three seconds to realize what he was going in about. She truly was a mess. Her bun was completely undone, her bright and chopped locks framing her face and falling to her shoulders. Her eyes and nose were red, her cheeks stained with black, her dress completely wrinkled.
—Shut up before I hex you— grunted Lillian Potter before storming to the big wooden door of the Great Hall, kicking her dress out of her way with every step. That night had been just a little bit over the top.
—Slytherin's colour looks surprisingly good on you, Potter!— shouted Scorpius behind her. Pwoplw still though hrr family had a thing for Slytherin, even though her own brother was in that House. But Scorpius Malfoy was just an angsty teenager, full of himself, always getting in the way, and Lily wasn't going to argue with him. Scorpius was just another student in Albus" year and the quidditch captain of his House. A lot of girls drooled over the stupid prick, because he had the right looks, because he had money and didn't care about absolutely anything but Lily was not one of them, her eyes had always been following someone else and she doubted she could ever move on.
She didn't reply, she didn't turn, she just lifted her hand and gave him the finger. She was a Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake, there was no betraying her own House with accepting that kind of compliment, if it even was one.
Lily passed Zane Wood and a Ravenclaw snogging in the middle of the hall and she didn't even looked at them twice. It was no surprise, actually. She was still going to get back at him, though.