Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or its characters, and make no profit from writing this story. South Park & Characters are property of Matt Stone & Trey Parker.
A Whole New World
by DragonSapphire
"Will you fucking stop throwing dirt at me, Fatass?" Kyle snapped, giving a hard tug to the metal cuff clamped around his wrist, jangling the chain that connected him to the low ceiling of Cartman's basement.
"Your precious Aladdin only has..." Cartman glanced idly at the gold watch around his thick wrist as he pelted Kyle with another handful of dirt, clumping in the ratty black wig Kyle had been forced to wear as tiny rocks skittered down his bare chest, "thirty seconds before the hourglass fills and you suffocate, dear princess Jasmine, unless you declare your undying love for me. And suck my balls, Kahl."
Kyle spat out a mouthful of muddy saliva and ground his back teeth together, wincing at the crunch that was either particles of sand or his molars being pulverized. He stared resolutely at the closed door to the basement, ignoring Cartman as the other boy lounged comfortably in his mom's bathrobe on what looked like a mountain of all of the pillows and blankets he could scavenge. Next to him was a rapidly diminishing bucket of dirt that he gleefully rained down in regular intervals on a bound and immobilized Kyle, who was getting increasingly filthy and irate.
Barely ten seconds later, there was a pounding of feet down the stairs outside the door and Kyle sighed in relief as the doorknob rattled, shooting a triumphant look at Cartman as the other boy scowled.
"I'm in here, Stan! Er...Aladdin!"
"Shit, he locked the door." Kyle heard low cursing and a muttering of voices on the other side as the knob jiggled more vigorously. "Be right there, princess! Hold on!"
Cartman flung his last handful of dirt right at Kyle's face and sighed as he laboriously leveraged himself out of the pillows and dusted off his hands.
"You're too late, street rat!" he called, standing in front of Kyle with his hands on his hips while the Jew spluttered and glared at him. "Your time is already up! Either your princess will suck my balls, or she will die!"
"Oh come on! That totally wasn't in the rules, Cartman!" Stan yelled behind the door, pounding on it with his fist.
"I am the mighty and all-powerful Jafar! I do what I want, and what I want is this dirty slut jewrat to suck my balls, Stan!"
"Fucking come off it already, Fatass!" Kyle scowled, kicking at him and straining against the chains, but Cartman shifted just barely out of reach, grinning. He checked his watch again, counting down.
"Five...four...three...two..."
"Aha!" came the victorious cry as the lock popped and Stan, Kenny, and Butters tumbled inside.
"Goddammit, you guys!" Cartman whined, as they picked themselves off of the floor and he saw Kenny tuck two thin pieces of metal back into his pocket, looking triumphant.
Stan and Butters advanced on him, Butters' gloved hands raised threateningly as his cape flared out dramatically behind him.
"Unhand her, Jafar! Or else feel the wrath of Professor Chaos, mwahahaha!"
"Butters! You're the genie, remember?" Stan sighed, as Kenny rolled his eyes and nudged Butters in the ribs, tugging on the strings of his orange hoodie.
"Oh shucks, fellas! You told me to wear the blue outfit, so I just thought..." He trailed off, rubbing his fists together nervously.
"Dude! What the hell are you wearing?!" Stan yelped, drawing everyone's attention away from Butters' roleplay faux pas, to Kyle, who was revealed as Cartman slyly stepped to the side from where he'd used his bulk to mostly shield him from view, grinning hugely.
Kyle was basically naked except for a tiny, threadbare towel around his hips and - oddly enough - potato chip clips on his nipples. He flushed red under his black wig and shifted uncomfortably, not meeting any of his friends' eyes or Cartman's possessively smug gaze.
They all gawped at him for a long, uncomfortable minute, Kyle's face growing increasingly red after each passing second until Cartman cleared his throat pointedly, suddenly holding a second bucket full of fresh, sloppy mud that had been hidden underneath one of the blankets and angling the container threateningly over Kyle's head.
"Now! Last time! Either wish for Kahl to fall in love with me, or he gets it!"
Kyle ducked his head and tried to shift away, but Cartman followed until he was at the end of his chain and pressed against the wall, completely trapped as fat blobs of mud oozed over the rim of the bucket and hit the ground around their bare feet.
Butters, in a panic, threw out his hands and yelled before Stan could stop him, "I don't want him to die! Fall in love with Eric, Kyle!"
Kyle sighed and eyeballed the bucket that was a millimeter from completely upending onto his head, and Cartman's implacably fierce expression, making up his mind in that split second. He slipped under the bucket being held aloft and moved right into Cartman's arms, pressing his bare front all along Cartman's body and wrapping his arms around his thick waist.
Cartman spluttered and nearly dropped the bucket anyway, a wet, muddy splash hitting Kyle's shoulder and running down his back coldly as he stared into Kyle's face, almost too close to his own to see clearly.
"Oh Jafar," Kyle breathed, his voice gone low and husky as Cartman stiffened in his arms. "I want you, you big, strong, handsome man. I can't wait to get my lips all over your - "
"Dude!" Stan yelped, tossing his head as he struggled between throwing himself between them and looking away awkwardly. "No fucking way!"
Kenny snorted a laugh into his hoodie and clapped a hand on Butters' shoulder, while Butters looked down at his hands in horror.
Kyle bit his lip, more to keep from laughing too than from any clumsy attempt at seduction, as his hands slowly, slowly slid down Cartman's back and towards his ass. Cartman's large brown eyes widened and he inhaled sharply as Kyle squeezed and the bucket slipped from his fingers and hit the floor in an explosion of mud, both their legs instantly drenched in muck up to their knees, in addition to the walls and floor around them.
Butters yelped, shielding his face with his hands, and moaned, "Oh no! Y-Your mom is going to be so mad, Eric! You'll be grounded for a month, at least!"
"Uh-huh," Cartman muttered, still staring at Kyle with cheeks hot enough to singe the sun, too afraid to move under the firm grip of Kyle's hands.
"Ugh, gross, you guys." Stan backed away and bumped into Kenny, who was looking at the pair with interest, his head cocked and his hands shoved deep in his pockets, fiddling with the makeshift lock picks.
Cartman blinked, and turned his head towards them like it was an effort to tear his face away from Kyle's, even though he didn't make an attempt to get out of Kyle's hold. His hands still hovered uncertainly above Kyle's head, but his voice was sharp when he snapped, "Get out! And take your monkey with you!"
Kenny, or rather Abu, flipped Cartman off good-naturedly and trundled out of the door without argument, although Butters made noises about getting a mop and fretted over the mess.
"Kyle?" Stan asked, obviously ready to bolt, but willing to stick it out for his friend.
Kyle was quiet for a moment, and his eyes flicked between Cartman's searchingly when the other turned his face back towards him, also in question. Cartman shuffled his bare feet through the mud minutely, almost nervously, and cleared his throat but didn't say anything else while he waited for Kyle's next move.
Kyle was suddenly aware of the shift in power, and could barely contain the pulse of satisfaction that knowledge shot through him, and down into his, well...
"Yeah," Kyle said, his voice a barely audible rasp when Cartman's eyes darkened and flicked down between them. He coughed and said again, "Yeah. It's fine. You guys can go..."
"Shut the fucking door behind you!" Cartman suddenly snapped, coming back to himself when Stan grabbed Butters' hand and bolted for it, the door slamming shut so hard it shook the frame.
Kyle stifled a grin and ducked his face so his forehead pressed into Cartman's shoulder, inadvertently moving them closer together. Cartman's arms trembled on either side of Kyle's head from the strain of being held up for so long, but inch by painstaking inch they lowered until his forearms were tentatively propped over each of Kyle's shoulders, locking them in a strange and uncomfortable embrace.
Kyle's nipples were killing him, aching and throbbing beneath the pressure of the plastic, spring-loaded clips that Cartman had snapped onto his chest from the bags of cheesy poofs Cartman had demolished while they were waiting for Kyle's rescuers, pressing into Cartman's fleshy sternum painfully. Kyle turned his head and bit lightly at Cartman's inner arm in a slight retaliation, feeling a harsh exhale of air flutter the synthetic strands of black hair against the side of his face.
"Did...did Butters really make you...?" Cartman asked in a hushed and sort of strangled tone, like he didn't dare to dream.
Kyle shook his head, but swiftly leaned up to press a kiss to Cartman's open mouth when his hopeful expression fell. "Butters didn't have to make me," Kyle whispered, his face burning.
Cartman's face was carefully blank while he processed those words and the unexpected kiss, and Kyle had to look away, his heart hammering against his ribcage. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cartman's lips slowly stretch into a disbelieving grin.
"Fuck genies. Wishes do come true!" Cartman exclaimed, practically crowing as he snatched Kyle's wig off his head and waved overhead like a banner, until Kyle yanked it away from him and threw the matted rats nest towards a dark corner of the room.
"Oh jesus, shut up!"
"Yeah, but don't you want to take my carpet for a ride?" Cartman leered, eyebrows waggling.
Kyle groaned, covering his face with his unchained hand to hide from this embarrassing fucktard. "C'mon, Kahl! I'm a genie in bottle, baby. Gotta rub me the right way!"
"I will fucking kill you."
Cartman grinned, scooping up Kyle princess-style and throwing him onto the nest of blankets and pillows, all the while ignoring his indignant protests as Kyle landed with a grunt and a rattling of chains.
"Unbelievable..." he muttered, rolling over onto his back and regretting all of his life's choices up to that point.
"If you believe in magic...!" Cartman sang, and Kyle reached up and hauled him down to shut him up for good.
Or, well, at least for now.