It was by far the most uncomfortable family dinner Henry had ever been to. The awkward silence was only broken by the sounds of forks clattering against plates and glasses being picked up. Regina and Robin seemed to be secretly enjoying everyone else's discomfort, hiding smiles behind their napkins. Snow sat very rigidly in her seat, refusing to look up; David couldn't stop looking up, every so often glancing down the table as if he was still struggling to understand why Captain Hook was seated at his dinner table next to his daughter.
Henry, for his part, was doing his best to make it as uncomfortable as he possibly could. All night, he had been staring at Hook across the table, stabbing his fork deliberately into his meatloaf; ripping his knife through it with unnecessary enthusiasm. Hook's eyes followed Henry's movements, hearing the unspoken threats.
"So," David said, attempting to loosen the tension, "how's school going, Henry?"
"It's fine. We learned about chlamydia today," Henry said, giving Hook a sarcastic smile. Regina and Robin choked on their food; Emma gave him a warning look.
"Henry, that's not dinner-table-talk," Snow said quietly.
"So, Hook, how long have you been a male prostitute?"
"Henry!" Emma gasped as Regina and Robin spit their drinks out and began coughing violently. David's jaw unhinged; Snow looked up for the first time all evening to gape at Henry. Hook stared at Henry with wide, disbelieving eyes, blinking rapidly.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, how long have you been a male prostitute?" he repeated, speaking more loudly.
"Henry, that is inappropriate!" Emma hissed. Henry flicked his eyes at her blandly before going back to Hook.
"I'm sorry. Do you prefer the term 'male escort'?"
Robin snorted as Regina hid her face in his shoulder. David turned red, mumbling something about "the green beans are exquisite, Snow". Hook shot Emma a sideways glance.
"Uh…no. No, I don't actually," he said awkwardly.
"Ah!" Henry raised his eyebrows thoughtfully. "Well, that's all right, I know plenty of euphemisms. Let's see… 'gentleman of the night'? That's a classy one. 'Exotic dancer'? Always a charmer. Oh—and my personal favorite—" he cleared his throat—"how long have you been working to put yourself through 'medical school'?"
"Oh, my God," David said loudly, dropping his fork. Henry smirked, dropping his eyes to his plate. He had successfully ruined dinner. All was well.