What if all those years ago, I knew what I do now?
What if all those years ago, I told you the truth? What if all these past years, we were together?
The woman lay alone. Drowning in an array of sheets, moonlight, and regret.
She stared at the too-familiar ceiling. The fan attached swung in circles, doing nothing more than spinning the dry air.
She didn't mind. Her heart was cold enough to keep cool. As it had been since that dreadful day.
The day he died. She thought about it. More than she should. Then, she was 50 at the time. Now she were 60, though she hardly looked a day over 55.
What if I had just said yes to you. Would you still be dead? Or would you still be alive? Would we have gotten married? Would you be sleeping here next to me? Would we have a family too?
Tears spilled. Her face was stained. There was no escape from what was inside, only her solitude. Nights killed her slowly. She wished she could turn back, change everything.
What if I saw this coming? What if I had never let you go? What if I went too? Would we have escaped? Or would we die together? Anything would be preferable to this.
Each breath she took burned. She stared up at the moon, barely there that night. She silently hoped that he was watching her. That he saw her. Though she knew she'd never know. She replayed everything through her mind. All of him. To the last time she saw him smile, laugh that jovial laugh.
What if I told you the truth? What if I admitted how I truly felt? Would I have been able to stop you? Would I have changed your fate? Would I be able to sleep tonight, knowing that even if it were just a minute, would I be able to sleep knowing you knew I loved you?
She felt her heart break again. He died without a goodbye. Without knowing the truth. Now it was too late.
What if all these past years, we were together? Would we have a family? Would we be happy? Would we have a son or a daughter? Would we make good parents? Would our kids be good? Would we have more than one? Would they ask us about our past? Would they have dreams like ours?
The woman could only dream. She knew, it was too little too late.
Her thoughts would never be anything more than a giant 'what if'.