Warnings: Humor (befitting the setting of Oblivion), Language

Moments in the Life of: Vercius Devlin

A Glimpse

I would appreciate a bit of an explanation here. No, no, I am not familiar with the Imperial City. It seems like an entirely different culture, despite being in the same province. Me? I hail from Kvatch; I am a Colovian man. Finally made my way into the University; wanted to gain an understanding of the entire province and magic. I understand but- What? What sort of rule is that? I bumped the apple off of the table and now I must be arrested for picking it back up? Is there a fine I could pay instead? No?

What in Oblivion do you mean? This is not a 'heinous' crime! I made a simple mistake! Unhand me!

A Warning of the Wrong Sort

Humming to himself, Vercius unlocked the door to Glarthir's house. I wonder how much this will bother the paranoiac. He closed the door behind him. No one can see me with my enchanted armor; I will be fine. Entering the cluttered living room, the Imperial began shoving anything of value into his bag. Silver, gold, food, and a book or two. Clutter, clutter... Frowning, the hooded man sent a fireball into the paranoiac's bookcase. Let the little freak worry about this mess.

As he turned around, he bumped into someone else. Vercius winced, his hand immediately on the hilt of his sword. With my Family at my back, I do not care what-! His eyes fell upon a red cuirass bearing the town's insignia. Lifting his gaze, Vercius found the eyes of Captain Dion staring back. Gods' Blood... Sighing, the Imperial dropped his bag and raised his arms up. It is not worth killing the captain of the city guard.

"A little bird told me you've been asking around about Glarthir. Our resident 'eccentric.' I'd like to know why."

Seriously? "You came here for that?"

The guard captain shrugged, eyes never leaving Vercius. "I'm Guard Captain here; it's my job to know certain things. Especially when it comes to Glarthir."

I broke into his house; is that not a concern to you? "For the record, he approached me. Something about helping him. I wanted to gather more information about him. I do not enjoy taking jobs without knowing my potential employer."

"Here's some advice, friend. Glarthir's a crazy bastard; harmless crazy, but crazy nonetheless. I keep an eye on him so nothing disrupts Skingrad's peace. Whatever the job is, I suggest you forget all about it. Now. Since you were courteous enough to tell me the truth, I extend my own trust. If anything...strange...comes up, talk to one of the guards or come find me."

"No problem," Nodding his invisible head, the hooded Imperial saluted the guard. "Strange request equals a visit to the local guard."

"Carry on, citizen." Turning back around, the guard captain swiftly left the house without another glance.

Scratching the back of his head, Vercius retrieved his abandoned bag. "Weird city. How did he even know I was here?"

The Oblivion Gate of Kvatch

"Are you sure about this?" Crouching beside the other Imperial, Ilend Vonius eyed the lava hissing below the bridge. "We need to find Menien as soon as possible. Then we can get out of here, right?!"

"Peace, Vonius, peace." The hooded Imperial hissed as he shifted around in his Ebony Armor. "I wanted to something for your fallen comrades."

Ilend's shoulders sagged. "You're right, we ought to honor-."

"Honor?" Vercius scoffed as he slipped the dead guards' cuirasses off. "I wished to relieve the dead of their belongings."

"You selfish bas-!"

"Besides, the merchants in the refugee camp can reuse these items or repurpose them." Slipping the cuirasses and other pieces of armor into his bag, Vercius glanced up at the guard.

Lowering his sword, the guard huffed. He glared into the lava below. You're only stuck with this guy until you find Menien and close the gate. Find Menien and close the damn gate, Ilend! Sheathing his sword, the man ran a hand through his hair. Ilend met Vercius' gaze for a moment. I hope I can last a bit longer. This madman's going to be the death of me; regardless of the few moments he makes sense.

Vercius stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "We should continue on, Vonius. Kvatch is not going to save itself at this rate, now is it?"

Help or not, this guy is a bastard. Grumbling beneath his breath, the Kvatch guard followed Vercius back up the hill towards the tower.

Of Hand Scythes and Watermelons

Vercius frowned as he held a hand scythe in his hand. "I cannot use this nice, sharp hand scythe to kill my enemies?"

"No. Dar'athra has tried before; something feels strange when it is held." The grey-furred Khajiit calmly placed his hands on the table. "Curious thing, no?"

"Indeed," The dark-haired Imperial set aside the tool. "Have you discovered any alternatives?"

"Hm... This one tried watermelon once. Not very effective alone, but in large group, it can hurt."

"Watermelons?"

"Yes. Demonstration must be needed, yes?" Dar'athra stood up, picked up a crate of scrolls, and nodded for Vercius to follow. "Dar'athra is prepared."

"I noticed," Standing up from his seat, the Imperial followed the Khajiit outside.

Crossing his arms behind his back, Vercius walked with his comrade on to the wall of Cloud Ruler Temple. He peered over the edge. Where is Dar'athra getting the watermelon, I wonder? As if reading his thoughts, the Khajiit tapped him on the arm with his tail. Vercius met his friend's gaze, trailing over to the watermelon on the ground. Ah, I see. The Imperial knelt down and hefted the watermelon up to his friend, who set down the crate.

"Stalker of the night trusts Dar'athra, yes?" The grey-furred Khajiit began stuffing his pockets with scrolls as Vercius patiently waited with an armful of watermelon.

Snorting, the green-eyed Imperial nodded. "I could do without the nickname, but of course I trust you. You have yet to give me a reason not to trust you, Dar'athra."

The Khajiit nodded happily before taking the watermelon away, "Very good."

This ought to be good. Vercius focused on his friend's actions with a scrutinizing eye. Dar'athra chucked the green fruit into the air and over the wall. He outstretched both his arms after quickly opening and closing one of the scrolls. Once Dar'athra finished, the fruit seemed to freeze in midair. A...floating watermelon? Frowning, the Imperial took a step closer to the edge only to see the melon duplicate itself.

"Gods' Blood!" Vercius took a step back as hundreds of watermelons appeared in midair before falling and smashing into pieces on the ground below.

Dar'athra simply turned to him with a grin. "Useful trick, no?"

I started playing Oblivion once again. Weird things happened (as they usually do in Oblivion) and in an attempt at humor and to dig myself out of my writer's block, I created this. Short and sweet, but it may go on to encompass more strange things. Maybe even with other characters I've created.

Anyway, I usually write serious things. Adventures, drama, mystery, horror, and things like that. Usually very serious as I can make them with little bits of humor to relieve the tension. This was me testing the boundaries of my humor. Humor for the sake of itself.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you thought.