Author's Note: Okay, this is my first shounen-ai fic, so please be nice(ish)! I wrote it in two hours after getting the inspiration from reading some other RenxHoro fics. Well, I hope you enjoy! Please, leave a review, if you could? Thanks!

Dedications: I want to dedicate this fic to the flame that melted my own heart. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King, or any of the characters. But I do own this fic!

My Icy Heart

Another cold morning. Ren Tao was already awake, and had already gone outside. He sat cross-legged on the damp grass just outside the inn – Yoh and Anna's abode. The air was like ice against his skin, and although he shuddered against it, he did not react to cover himself from the cold. His eyes flicked over the yard of the house, seeing a thin mist retracting over the tall fences. He had been here long before dawn had broken, and the clearing mist told him that he had been here for quite a while. It's almost time, he thought to himself.

Damp dewdrops on his bare arms glistened from where the mist had gathered, leaving a permanent icy-cold touch on his skin, reminding Ren of him. But he did not even think of going inside; he was sitting out there for a reason – two actually.

The first: to put up with the harsh winter mornings was, as he told the others, perfect 'training' for him - he just had to learn to withstand them, and his endurance levels would increase threefold, meaning he may be able to last out longer in a fight. At least, that was his excuse… his strange activities these past few weeks had far little to do with training, and much more to do with punishment. Ren had developed lots of strange ways in which to punish himself since these thoughts occurred. Perhaps that was the way to getting these twisted thoughts out of his head? He believed it was. He had to get rid of these feelings… they weren't right, they weren't possible…

But, however, the second reason was a complete contradiction of his punishment. He sat out here because of those feelings, because he knew that he could watch him from here, from a safe distance. From out here, through the windows of the inn, meant that no one could see Ren gazing his way. This plan had been successful numerous times before.

It seemed like an endless habit he couldn't break. His punishment, though it was severe, brought him pleasure too. But somewhere in his mind, he believed that it was doing good for him, it was helping him overcome the thoughts that were invading his head, feeling so much like someone else's emotions rather than his own. Ren never realised that the feelings didn't subside when he looked at him. It was like his eyes led him through a gateway to a dream – a dream he reached only by gazing into them. It filled him with a sense of euphoria that he couldn't even bring himself to fight off.

Thinking of it, he slowly crept back into Ren's thoughts. Ren stared blankly ahead of him for a moment, letting his mind slip into thoughts of him…

He closed his fingers tightly around the blades of grass he was sitting upon as he cursed himself. There he was again, losing himself to him. His face screwed up in resent, he tried to chase the thoughts away, biting his lip, giving him pain to focus on rather than him. He tasted blood in his mouth and stopped, putting his head into his hands.

"Curse it… why must you always be in my head?" Ren said to himself, quiet agitation in his words.

It was worse because he – Horo – was always there. Ren was always surrounded by him, no matter where he was. Though Ren knew himself that he wouldn't want to escape from him, more than the fact that he couldn't. Being away from him too long sent shivers through his spine. He would miss that feeling that he had when he was around Horo – the feeling Ren only had when he was with him, and him alone.

Ren's thoughts were always with him, not matter what he was doing. He wanted him near, lusted for him. He fell asleep at night whispering his name silently to himself. He was scared by the fact that he could depend so much upon one person. He had sworn against depending upon others all his life, but now, he found himself enslaved to his own thoughts and, more importantly, to him.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, the inn erupted with noise, just as it always did every morning. Feeling the metallic taste of blood in his mouth once again, he swallowed nervously. This sudden uproar meant that they were all awake.

Slowly, a hopeful glint in his eyes, he lifted his head from his hands and looked up into the windows.

It was as if Horo was the only one there. The moment Ren caught sight of the house, he saw him too, in one of the windows. He felt frozen in time as he saw his eyes, those deep, black eyes… in a second, Horo had passed the window and disappeared again. Ren shook his head violently. There he went again, drifting off.

He shuddered again, his eyes not moving from the house. Carefully, he watched all of the windows, waiting to see him pass again. He saw all of the others - Yoh, Anna, Ryu… – all emerging one-by-one from their rooms, fully dressed. He wondered to himself why seeing any of them never made him feel the way he felt when he looked at Horo.

His mind reeling once again, he was brought abruptly out of thought. Horo was there, in the downstairs window. But this time, he was staring straight back at him.

Ren flushed, fidgeting uneasily, and forced himself to throw his gaze to the ground. Horo couldn't see him staring, no matter what. Crossing his arms tightly over his body, his heart pounded against his ribs and his mind blurred, knowing that Horo was watching him. He remained this way for a moment or so. And so far, he hadn't heard anything so much as a shout from Horo. Unnerved, he risked a glance upwards, back at the window. Horo was gone.

Ren's pulse quickened. Something didn't feel right.

"Ren!"

He shivered. It was worse hearing him call his name than having fresh ice put to his skin. Ren's gaze shifted sideward, and he saw him once again. But this time, he was outside, not in, and was coming across the yard towards him.

Ren felt his body sink like metal, telling himself not to look.

"You're out here again? You've been out here every morning for the past few weeks." Horo said, inviting himself to take a seat behind Ren, so the pair were sitting back to back.

"I told you; it's training." Ren said, simply, trying not to make his voice waver with Horo's presence so near. He had to act as he usually did, otherwise, it might have been too obvious. He liked having Horo sitting near him, he always did – he just didn't want Horo to know that.

"This definitely isn't training. First off, your kind of training is just smashing the hell out of things. And… you always look so down when you're sitting out here. Everyone can tell there's something wrong."

Ren closed his eyes, glad that Horo couldn't see his face. So everyone had noticed, not just Horo…He wondered what they all thought of him now. Terrified, he stayed silent, hugging himself tighter against the cold.

"And to round that off, you're gonna catch a chill sitting out here. Me, I was made for this, but you…"

Ren's heart skipped a beat in shock as he felt a touch of a warm hand on his left shoulder.

"You're freezing!" Horo concluded. "I don't care if this is training or not. Come inside now, I bet Manta will be cooking up breakfast."

Ren was paralysed. Horo's hand was still upon his arm, a warm touch, like a kind lick of flame against a block of ice. It made him realise how cold it really was out here. It reminded him of himself. His heart was the cold, unbreakable block of ice that no one could penetrate, and Horo was the lick of flame, slowly melting his way through Ren's ice-cold heart to his deepest thoughts and feelings. It had made Ren realise how truly cold he was. He couldn't speak; he was just focusing on the touch of Horo's warm skin upon his, eyes closed tightly. How he longed to have Horo hold him tightly, burn away all of his doubts and fears…

Horo waited for an answer. When he didn't receive one, he stood up, taking his hand from Ren's shoulder. "Just… come back inside when you're ready," he said, simply, but kindly.

Ren relaxed as Horo moved away, though he felt his heart calling for him to come back. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see Horo walk away. He wanted to pretend that he was still there, with him. The next thing he felt was a warm weight around his shoulders. He had to open his eyes now. Looking down around him, draped over his shoulders, Horo had placed his coat. Ren glanced up, though keeping his head bowed. Horo had already gone, back inside the inn.

Ren closed his eyes once more, hugging the coat more closely around him. Burying his face right into the clothing, he smelt Horo's warm, homely scent. It was a smell he truly loved to experience. It reminded him of his true heart, his true feelings, and of course, of Horo.

He didn't want to move, afraid this feeling wouldn't last. Holding the coat around him, he breathed in Horo's heavenly smell.

He was there for hours to come, thinking of his flame – the flame that was to melt the icy prison around his heart.

Emily Nash-Medlyn (Lysha)

Saturday 10th September 2005