Shrek the Fourth
By AllzStar
Chapter One
"For strength is made from 100 percent courage." –Anonymous
The Kingdom of Far Far Away was at its best that summer. The new King had seen to that, for he had had many plans for the kingdom as soon as he learned that he was able to rule it, which was really only a year before being crowned.
But now the kingdom was shining, and all its people were on their way to the castle to gather in the courtyard and listen to the boy speak. Erm, I mean to say, the man. The King, yes. They gathered to listen to the King speak. Ahem. Forgive me.
But, truth be told, the King was a boy, a teenager to be precise, and he was still at the lanky age of fourteen. Soon, thought, his fifteenth birthday would be upon the kingdom, when all the festivities would be even greater then the regular day-to-day routine of fireworks and parties.
The King could not wait for this day, and as he stood leaning on the balcony watching the people streaming through the gates, he dreamt of his fifteen-year-old self riding through the forest on his beloved steed Frank (The King was a simple person, and did not like long names), who would officially become his on his birthday.
But the horse was not the only thing that would become his; he would also officially be handed the deed of the entire castle, which was still owned and partially run by his Aunt Lillian, the former queen of Far Far Away. He would also inherit the kingdom, officially of course, for it was not yet his to claim. Lillian still held the responsibility of the kingdom and its people in her hands, but when the King turned fifteen, it would be passed on to him.
But these responsibilities were not the only things that the King had on his mind. Well, he actually did not have this thing on his mind, because, to tell you the truth, he did not even know about it, and he wouldn't find out until he turned fifteen in two weeks time.
The King was called Arthur, Artie by all the people that actually knew him, and no, he did not pull a sword out of a stone to become king. He spent all that time trying to get his undergarments out of his, well, backside, if you please. For Artie was a high school reject, the favorite target of ridicule and abuse. It wasn't the kind of background that other kings had, and many people still did not know it, for why would a King tell his people about his humiliating and slightly ridiculous past? It would only land him somewhere he really didn't want to go again.
It was only when the bugle sounded and the crowd cheered and hollered did Artie realized that the people were waiting for him to speak. He snapped to attention, but stood up from his slouch slowly, looking at the thousands of people looking up at him eagerly. A wave of nausea swept over him, but he pushed it away impatiently, and quickly put on his kingly expression, posture and voice.
"My good people," he shouted, so that they could hear him. His audience cringed and some shouted, plugging their ears, and Artie realized in horror that he was speaking into a sort of microphone. He cleared his throat and grinned sheepishly. "Ahem. I, um, apologize for the noise," he said in a regular tone. The people straightened and looked at him again, now annoyed. After a long pause, Artie took a deep breath and started his speech again, at a regular volume.
"My good people," he started again, "As you all probably know, in a fortnight I shall be turning fifteen." Silence. Artie gazed at the crowd, waiting for something, anything. A nod, a shout, a whoop. But nothing came but a wave a nausea, which he pushed away to join the other one, the waves fighting to get back on the sand. He took another deep breath and continued, "And on that day the entire castle and kingdom shall be placed in my hands."
Now there was shouting, but it was mostly groans and shouts of "Oh, no!" and "We're all doomed!" and "I'm leaving as soon as that happens." But Artie tried to ignore them, pushing them away with the waves that kept coming back, knowing that later on at night they would come back to haunt him and torment him.
Trying to be brave, he shouted "Silence!" and ignored the cringing and plugging of the ears. "Please, try to understand that when I become of age everything will be different here in Far Far Away." More groans and shouts. Again, he pushed them aside. "There shall be less festivities, since I have been given many letters of complaints concerning many people's lack of sleep…" the teenagers of Far Far Away booed and groaned and complained obnoxiously from their corner of the courtyard, but Artie ignored them. "The taxes system will be improved…" the adults of Far Far Away whooped and hollered and cheered, and Artie ignored them. "And more houses shall be built and put for sale for a lesser amount of money…" everyone erupted into tremendous applause, and the shouts of the homeless folk could be heard screaming over the noise. Artie could not ignore this, so he let the applause ring on until they had had enough of it. He opened his mouth to continue, but the only thing that came out was his lunch. He ran to the bathroom, which the builders had installed right next to the balcony because this had happened before, and was sick into the bucket that was right in the doorway. Artie could hear the moans and yells and complaints and shouts of disgust coming from the crowd, and he pushed those away too, knowing that they would come back with the rest.
He stood up and cleaned his sweaty hands and face. He had forgotten the next part of his speech, which was why he had regurgitated. He asked his assistant what came next, and he showed him the list. But the next thing on it hadn't been there at all when Artie had first written it. In fact, it wasn't even in his knowledge of being a king. Yet there it was, at the very bottom of the list in clear print:
And to end my speech, I should like to announce that on the day of my birth I shall be getting married to the Princess of Very Very Near. Applause.
Artie did not want to say this. He wouldn't say it, for it would not be true. He was not going to marry a girl he didn't even know when he was only fifteen. Instead he skipped it and went, wide-eyed, right to the conclusion, which he finished in a clumsy and almost inaudible way.
"Erm, right…uh, that is all…my good…people…have a good day…yeah bye." And he ran to be sick again, then flew down the passage and straight to the quarters of his Aunt Lillian, who was sitting comfortably in the lounge.
Lillian looked up from her book as Artie burst into the room, fuming and trying to hold back tears of humiliation, frustration and betrayal.
"I suppose it didn't go well?" She said in her usual calm tone as Artie paced the floor in front of her.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he cried.
She took off her spectacles and looked at him in a bored way. "Tell you what, my dear boy?"
"That I have to marry that chick from Very Very Near?" he shouted.
"Calm yourself, Arthur, please," Lillian sighed, reaching out and pulling him down onto the couch to sit beside her. "The Princess is very eager to meet you."
"Yeah, on my wedding day. You can't just show up at your wedding, meet your groom for the first time and say "I love thee" you know. I'm sure that's not how it went for you."
"You're right," Lillian said, "But that was because my father died before I got married, so I was free to marry whom I wanted."
"Did you want to marry a frog?" Artie retorted hotly. He was referring to his late Uncle Harold, who had turned out to be a frog instead of a King.
Lillian tensed next to him. "I fell in love with Harold, no matter what creature he was, Artie." She said though clenched teeth, "But that's beside the point. You and Princess Elizabeth were betrothed as soon as you were both born on the very same day at the very same time."
Artie looked at his Aunt with angry eyes. "So it's like Princess what's-her-name who was forced to marry Sir what's-a-lot and ended up killing herself because she couldn't be with the man she really loved? Except this time it's the other way around."
Lillian sighed and touched her hair. "No, it's the right way around. Elizabeth is as reluctant to marry you as you are to marry her, believe me. She threw quite the fit when she found out she was being forced to marry you."
Artie snorted unhappily. "Great. The reject's back. That makes me feel all better. Thanks, Aunt Lillian, you're the greatest." Artie started to leave but Lillian grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.
"Don't make this any more difficult than it already is. Please, Artie? Why don't you meet the girl before you decide point blank that you don't want to marry her?"
"Lillian, even if I fell in deep and true love with her, I still wouldn't want to marry her. I'm only fifteen. Please don't make me do this?"
"I won't make you do anything, Artie. But no matter how old you are, you will still be betrothed to marry her."
"What if I marry someone else? What if I die before I get the chance to marry her?"
"You won't."
"I won't marry anyone else?"
"No, they won't let you."
"Who's 'they'?"
"The priests, Artie. You can't marry someone if you're already betrothed to someone else."
"Okay, well, what if I die?"
"You won't."
"Why not?"
"Because the whole kingdom is protecting you. It may not seem that way, but it's true."
Artie knew Lillian wasn't going to discuss this any further, so he stood up and left, his head aching and the things he had pushed away already starting to tug at his mind.
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Artie was leaving. He was going away. He didn't exactly know where he was going, but that didn't matter to him.
Late in the night Artie grabbed his bag and started to sneak out of the castle. On his way down the stairs he tripped and fell down the rest of the flight, landing flat on his back on the hard marble floor. He groaned, realizing that he must have made quite a racket and that someone was going to come and see what had caused it.
But luck, for once, was on his side, for his good friends Donkey and Puss in Boots were the ones who came out to see.
"What was that awful noise?" Puss asked in his Mexican accent. He was not wearing his boots, nor his hat or belt, so he now looked like a regular cat. He came over to the motionless Artie and began sniffing his face.
"It's just the little king," he sniffed in disappointment.
His companion, Donkey the donkey, came waddling over too. "Hey cousin Artie! What's kickin' in the middle of the night?"
"Shhh," Artie hissed, "I'm trying to sneak out."
"Why?" asked the animals in unison.
"'Cause I don't wanna get married."
"But you gotta stay here, man!" Donkey cried, "What about your birthday? You gotta take responsibility for the kingdom!"
"I'm just going to Very Very Near to meet the chick that I have to marry." He decided on the spot.
"Why?" asked Puss.
"'Cause I just want to meet her before I have to marry her."
"Good thinking," Puss hissed, "Very nice plan. Well, we better hurry. Sunrise is minutes away."
"We?" Artie whispered, "What we? There is no we here. You guys aren't coming with me."
"We've got nothing better to do. And it's been awhile since I've had an adventure," Donkey pointed out.
Artie sighed. "I'm only going to Very Very Near. It's real close by."
"It's still enough to keep us busy for at least a few hours," Puss said, "Please, little master, let us join you. Perhaps we will be of assistance if it is needed. The bodyguards are all asleep, after all."
"They sure aren't coming with me." Artie sighed again. "Fine. You can come." Happy, Puss ran back to his room and returned wearing his belt, sword, hat and boots and a big grin on his small orange face. But Artie had a condition. "As long as you don't go and wake up Shrek. The last thing I need is for that royal pain in the butt around to get me down."
"Royal pain in the butt, eh?" said a rough voice from behind the young king. Artie turned and cried, "Shrek!"
"Hi." Shrek looked amused in an angry way. "Wish granted, kid. I'm comin' with ya."
"How long have you been listening?"
"Long enough. Now come on, your highness, before ya wake up the whole castle. It'll be good to get some air." With that Shrek, followed by Puss and Donkey, began to leave the castle. Thinking things over for a bit, then deciding there was no way he'd be able to worm his way out of this one, his reluctantly followed them.