So, I've read quite a few Familiar of Zero (Zero no Tsukiama) fanfics recently, and I'm fairly disturbed by the lack of realism present in them. Lets be honest here. In fact, I'm going to write "How it Should Have Gone"s for multiple scenes I think are stupid.

Here's the first, when the familiar gets summoned:

Fanfic - any where the future familiar has any combat experience and is armed.

"Don't move!"

[Insert Character Name Here] had his [insert weapon here] to the older, balding man's head. The short pink-haired girl and the man had been arguing about something which involved him. They probably couldn't understand his language, but they would hopefully get the gist of what he was saying.

The balding man immediately stiffened, realizing the potential threat that [insert character name here] was presenting him. However, the short, pink-haired girl just seemed to get more mad. Her angry blush got redder, and she reached into her robes, probably to pull out some kind of weapon.

[Insert Character Name Here]'s eyes widened, he had seen enough combat to know not to let your enemy regain their bearings.

"[Insert Appropriate Sound Effect Here]"

Louise's arm fell slack with her wand halfway out of her robes, as Professor Colbert's lifeless body hit the ground.

The Second:

Fanfic - any where the future familiar has regeneration (such as Naruto)

[Insert Character Name Here] looked at the runes carved into his (her) hand. They burned, and were a sign of his new bond with his supposed "master." An organic proof of his (her) forced subservience. A cattle brand. A tattoo of slavery.

[Insert Character Name Here] promptly took a kitchen knife and cut off the swath of skin on his hand where the runes were marked. It would grow back soon enough.

"Welp, I guess I'm free to do whatever I want now, right?"

The Third:

Fanfic - any where the future familiar is attracted to females.

Louise started to get dressed.

[Insert Character Name Here] coughed, and looked at her. "Do you really want to do that with me in the room?"

She looked at her familiar with disdain. "You're just a lowly familiar, why should I care if you see me naked?" Huffing, she turned around and continued undressing.

[Insert Character Name Here] pulled down his (her) pants and underwear, and immediately started to take advantage of the situation.