A/N How are you doing, my hero-y, husky men of war? Here is another entry for the 2017 Short Story Speedwriting Contest; it's also a response to the Hogan's Fractured Fairy Tales challenge by Tuttle. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: You know what, I'm not even gonna do this. Y'all are smart; you know I didn't come up with the show.

"Funny – it doesn't seem like it's 10 o' clock." Carter mused.

"Well, it IS! So you must go to sleep! Turn off the lights. Schnell! " Shultz fumed. "You must not be bad! The kommandant says it is times for lights out! Please?" he added, begging them to obey orders. The boys in Barracks 2 grumblingly complied. The barracks settled down rather quickly. Bunks creaked as men tossed and turned; the boots of guards crunched on the snow outside. Newkirk felt his eyes drifting closed. As he snuggled deeper into his blanket, he sighed contentedly.

A voice startled Newkirk from his slumber. "Hey Newkirk?" The Brit sat straight up, heart pounding. "Wha-a-a?" He heard the voice again, sighing when he recognized who it was. "Carter, what is it?" Newkirk felt Carter moving around underneath him. "I can't sleep."

Newkirk sighed again in exasperation. "Then stop talkin'!" Carter's head popped up over the edge of the bed. "Bloody 'ell! Carter, you nearly gave me a bleedin' 'eart attack." Carter stared pleadingly at his friend. "Could you tell me a story?"

Newkirk stared at Carter in astonishment. "Carter, you're a grown man! You don't need a bedtime story." "Pleease?" Newkirk watched his begging friend. His eyes were so big; almost too much. Too adorable…

Rolling his eyes, Newkirk let out a long breath. "Fine, if I do, will you shut up and let me sleep?"

Carter nodded emphatically. Newkirk shifted over and patted the space beside him; Carter eagerly scrambled up. "What kind of story do ya want?" Carter wiggled excitedly. He reminded Newkirk of a over-energetic puppy waiting for a treat. "I haven't heard a fairy tale in a long time. Could you tell me one, Newkirk?"

Newkirk hadn't told a fairy tale for years. Not since he was much younger. Not since his sister Mavis was a wee lass. Not since his da had … no, he didn't need to think about it. "Sure Carter. Me favorite is the 'Princess and the Pea'. Sound good?" Carter agreed.

"So there was this prince." "Wait. You're supposed to start out with 'Once upon a time'." "Are you tellin' the bloody story? ... I didn't think so."

"The toff wanted to marry a beautiful girl, but she 'ad to be a true princess, whatever that means. 'e looked all round the world; in Italy, in the Colonies, I mean, the US, in Germany, in France, but all 'e could find were ugly brutes." "Menteur*! The women in France are the most beautiful in the world." "'ey, I thought I was just telling this to Andrew. I don't want a buggerin' audience!" "Too late, mon ami. The whole barrack is awake." "All right, but you lot better be quiet."

"So the nob went 'ome and was right miffed." "Translation?" "Oh you wanker … It means the rich prince went 'ome and was upset cause 'e couldn't find a beautiful dame." "Anyway, a fortnight later, there was this 'uge storm! The lightnin' crashed, it rained gallons, and it was so wet even ducks were drownin'. But this king, the prince's old man, 'e 'eard somone knockin' at the gate. 'e went down to answer and … ta da! A gorgeous bird was standin' there; shiverin' in the rain."

"She said she was a true princess. But the prince's mum thought, 'We'll see about that.' So she put a little green pea under the princess' bed and stacked twenty mattresses on top of it. The girl looked at the tower that was 'er bed and said, 'Cor blimey! Am I supposed take a kip up there?' And the old bean said 'Don't skive off, get to bed.' So the bird climbed up and went to sleep."

"In the mornin', they asked 'er 'ow she slept. She told 'em that she was knackered; hadn't got a wink all night. When they asked 'er why, she said she was black n' blue all over, and that somethin' musta been in the bed. The prince looked at 'er … and walked away. 'e found a lovely peasant girl who was just right for 'im, and they lived 'appily ever after."

Stunned silence ruled in the barracks. Predictably, Carter was the first to talk. "That's not how the story goes! The prince is supposed to fall in love with her because she was a true princess!"

Newkirk scoffed. "Carter, you're a real corker. Figure that out by yourself, did you?" Olsen glared at the Englishman. "Well you can't just change the story like that, Newkirk." A glare was sent back at him. "I surely can, mate. It makes the story more interestin' if you change it. And beside, who would marry a girl who could feel a pea through twenty mattresses? If she was that sensitive, you couldn't even touch 'er without getting a ruddy bruise on 'er!"

Garlotti opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. "Good point," LeBeau admitted. Newkirk snorted disdainfully. "'Course it is. I always make a good point. Now, leave me alone. I'm right knackered."

Men got up from their seats on the floor and went back to bed. Carter climbed down. Newkirk settled back under his blanket. His eyes fluttered closed, ready for a good night's sleep.

A sheepish voice startled Newkirk out of his sleep for the second time that night. "Newkirk? Can you tell me another?"

Carter! Let Newkirk sleep! You know how grumpy he gets! (:

Hope you enjoyed this! Wake Newkirk up same time same place tomorrow, for another production of Story Time with Newkirk!

*Liar!