There was a man I once knew
Who had bright eyes and a sharp mind.
He had the knowledge of centuries stored
In that beautiful brain of his.
When he jogged, his coat billowed
Behind him as he chased the scent of the crime.
Sleep was not one of his priorities in life
Nor was eating when I knew him.
There was a time when he broke
His concentration to give me a smile.
I guess I never noticed how it faded
When I turned my back to him
He didn't have emotions
So I thought not much could happen
To the man I once looked up to.
I thought he was okay
I remember the phone call.
I remember the sound of his voice
And the way he gave it all up
Almost choking on a sob as he said goodbye.
The flat seemed empty
When I finally returned back.
His skull still lied on the mantle
Our armchairs where we had left them.
My therapist told me it would help
If I could get the words out of my mouth.
If I could tell her what I would say
When I faced death and the man I called my friend.
What I couldn't tell her was why
I couldn't struggle through it.
Because the word I would say
Was the last she wanted to hear.
Maybe it was the way it would sound
Against the walls of the small office
Or what she would think if I was honest.
One word is all it would take. "Finally."
If I could tell him now what I didn't
Find the time to notice when he was with me
Maybe it would've ended differently for him.
But its too late for that now.
I've been told that I once got drunk
And ended up by his grave in the night
With a gun against my head, a phone in the other
Until someone found me and took me back to the flat.
Most night are tearstained pillows
And gasps for breath in between
While he appears in my mind first as I met him
Then broken as he lied in his blood on the concrete.
Maybe one day I'll join him
The man with the bright eyes
And the quick wit.
The man I learned to love
(JW)