The Darkness
Disclaimer Gay love is mentioned but nothing really heavy. This is a one shot. Kai/Rei.
'It crept on me step by step. The darkness invaded my thoughts and mind. The black velvet cover shadowed my heart. My soul trapped by the black wisps of fire. The fire I put there. The fire I intended to keep burning. Fuelling my anger and blocking any other emotions. I didn't need any emotions. Until now. Until I met him. Until I met Rei. His golden eyes, his velvet hair. His smile quivers through my soul and onto my fire. The fire sways. My face stays in this solid mask.
But my eyes.
My eyes cannot be so easily controlled. My true and most felt feelings show there without me saying so. I feel his eyes watching, studying and reflecting on my eyes. I wish not to look upon his beautiful face as my fire and darkness will shrink from sight and my barriers, once strong, will crumble before his very eyes. I put the fire there but it was my grandfather who has fed it and given me the darkness. The darkness that mocks my weakness. The voice that tells me I have to be perfect and accept nothing else. But another voice has been softly speaking. It saying be free and show your true feeling. My true feelings? Do I love Rei? Do I do love? My grandfather always told me that love was a distraction from the challenge you are trying to complete. The challenge of being perfect. Rei is perfect.
No he isn't.
Yes he is. Oh I don't know. I have started to doubt many of my childhood teachings. But then the darkness came back with more force. It took my brain and mind again. I knew what it wanted me to do. It wanted me to punish myself for doubting. I can't fight it. I walked to the end of my dark room. Opening the draw I pulled it out. The one thing that will punish me. My grandfather gave it too me and said I would have to punish myself for not being faithful. I had broken so many of his words. His teachings. I know what I am will do. I know what I have to do. The mocking voice, the darkness gathers in me and controls me. Should I fight? Why bother. Taking a deep breath I put the blade to my chest. My first punishment will be the cross. I slowly put the blades edge next to my top. Taking in a sharp breath I pulled the blade across my skin. I had long learned to block out the pain. I started at the base of my neck and went down to my belly button. Breathing more shallowly I pull it across from one armpit to the other. I can feel the dull thump of pain. My eyes squeezed shut I took the blade off. I opened my eyes to see the blade crimson with red velvet. The last and final punishment was the next. I put the blades edge to my wrist. Closing my eyes I pulled it across sharply.'
"Shit",Kai hissed as he grabbed his wrist. He had done it too deep. He could feel the blood falling from his wrist. He sat on the bed and looked at his damaged wrist. The stream of crimson tears was flowing faster. Even now Kai couldn't block the pain. The pain from his wrist and the pain from his empty heart. Looking out the window, his eyes started to cloud over and slowly he lost conscience to the living world.
Rei sighed heavily as he stared at the final blood stained chapter of Kai's diary. Tears fell from his eyes as he closed the diary which revealed Kai.
"I'm not perfect." Rei said gently as the book slipped from his hands onto the floor. He hated this. He hated how everyone would say he was perfect. He hated how someone killed themselves because of him. But Rei knew that he never could return the love Kai needed and which would of saved him. He couldn't be there to catch Kai's blood soaked tears. He couldn't cradle and protect Kai. The reason was that he simply couldn't return the type of love Kai wanted.
"I never meant to do those things to you." Rei whispered as he stood up and folded up Kai's covers. The last few days had been a blur. Tyson found Kai unconscious and called an ambulance. He was pronounced dead there. Two days later they buried him with white roses. Rei walked around Kai's old room and looked out thw indo where the sky was getting darker.
"I have a reason to start over new. And that reason is you Kai. I'm sorry I drove you to this and I have to live with that pain for the rest of my life." Wiping away his tear soaked eyes, he walked out the room and slowly closed the door behind him. Closure.
A month later there was another reported suicide. All they found there was a blade and a diary written by a guilt ridden boy.
Disclaimer Gay love is mentioned but nothing really heavy. This is a one shot. Kai/Rei.
'It crept on me step by step. The darkness invaded my thoughts and mind. The black velvet cover shadowed my heart. My soul trapped by the black wisps of fire. The fire I put there. The fire I intended to keep burning. Fuelling my anger and blocking any other emotions. I didn't need any emotions. Until now. Until I met him. Until I met Rei. His golden eyes, his velvet hair. His smile quivers through my soul and onto my fire. The fire sways. My face stays in this solid mask.
But my eyes.
My eyes cannot be so easily controlled. My true and most felt feelings show there without me saying so. I feel his eyes watching, studying and reflecting on my eyes. I wish not to look upon his beautiful face as my fire and darkness will shrink from sight and my barriers, once strong, will crumble before his very eyes. I put the fire there but it was my grandfather who has fed it and given me the darkness. The darkness that mocks my weakness. The voice that tells me I have to be perfect and accept nothing else. But another voice has been softly speaking. It saying be free and show your true feeling. My true feelings? Do I love Rei? Do I do love? My grandfather always told me that love was a distraction from the challenge you are trying to complete. The challenge of being perfect. Rei is perfect.
No he isn't.
Yes he is. Oh I don't know. I have started to doubt many of my childhood teachings. But then the darkness came back with more force. It took my brain and mind again. I knew what it wanted me to do. It wanted me to punish myself for doubting. I can't fight it. I walked to the end of my dark room. Opening the draw I pulled it out. The one thing that will punish me. My grandfather gave it too me and said I would have to punish myself for not being faithful. I had broken so many of his words. His teachings. I know what I am will do. I know what I have to do. The mocking voice, the darkness gathers in me and controls me. Should I fight? Why bother. Taking a deep breath I put the blade to my chest. My first punishment will be the cross. I slowly put the blades edge next to my top. Taking in a sharp breath I pulled the blade across my skin. I had long learned to block out the pain. I started at the base of my neck and went down to my belly button. Breathing more shallowly I pull it across from one armpit to the other. I can feel the dull thump of pain. My eyes squeezed shut I took the blade off. I opened my eyes to see the blade crimson with red velvet. The last and final punishment was the next. I put the blades edge to my wrist. Closing my eyes I pulled it across sharply.'
"Shit",Kai hissed as he grabbed his wrist. He had done it too deep. He could feel the blood falling from his wrist. He sat on the bed and looked at his damaged wrist. The stream of crimson tears was flowing faster. Even now Kai couldn't block the pain. The pain from his wrist and the pain from his empty heart. Looking out the window, his eyes started to cloud over and slowly he lost conscience to the living world.
Rei sighed heavily as he stared at the final blood stained chapter of Kai's diary. Tears fell from his eyes as he closed the diary which revealed Kai.
"I'm not perfect." Rei said gently as the book slipped from his hands onto the floor. He hated this. He hated how everyone would say he was perfect. He hated how someone killed themselves because of him. But Rei knew that he never could return the love Kai needed and which would of saved him. He couldn't be there to catch Kai's blood soaked tears. He couldn't cradle and protect Kai. The reason was that he simply couldn't return the type of love Kai wanted.
"I never meant to do those things to you." Rei whispered as he stood up and folded up Kai's covers. The last few days had been a blur. Tyson found Kai unconscious and called an ambulance. He was pronounced dead there. Two days later they buried him with white roses. Rei walked around Kai's old room and looked out thw indo where the sky was getting darker.
"I have a reason to start over new. And that reason is you Kai. I'm sorry I drove you to this and I have to live with that pain for the rest of my life." Wiping away his tear soaked eyes, he walked out the room and slowly closed the door behind him. Closure.
A month later there was another reported suicide. All they found there was a blade and a diary written by a guilt ridden boy.