Special agent Seeley Booth awoke to the sun in his eyes, a serial killer dead and the warmth of a body beside him. Smiling, he settled back down onto the pillows. Life seemed good.
Then he sat bolt upright. They had lost Zack, a friend, almost family and an FBI agent was dead. Life was not good.
The night before, one of the worst of his life, was hazy. He could remember Gormagon, the sense of betrayal when Zack had been revealed as a murderer, seeing the box of Zack's possessions, but after that...nothing.
Sensing the sudden movement beside her, Brennan jolted into consciousness. She sat up, sleepy bewilderment turning to embarrassed confusion as she realised who was sharing her bed. Booth froze.
'I haven't. No, we couldn't have, not yet. But, I must have. I didn't want it to happen this way! How's she going to react? What's she going to say?' He wondered nervously.
"Um, we didn't...?" Her words jerked Booth into action. He leapt out of the bed and grabbed some pieces of clothing. His partner pulled the duvet up over herself. They spoke at the same time.
"I should..."
"Maybe you should..." They each took a breath to collect themselves before Booth spoke, this time, on his own.
"I should, y'know, head home..."
"Yeah." Brennan said, embarrassment colouring her words "I'll... see you later." Booth left the room.
Brennan flopped back onto the pillows. 'What happened last night?'
Booth had just returned from the house of Gormagon. He collapsed into one of the hospital chairs while Caroline explained Zack's sentence. Bones had sat next to him, close to tears- a rare occurrence. The betrayal of her protégée had shaken and surprised her- she wasn't used to being caught off guard. Their fingers brushed on the armrests of the chairs.
Later, knowing that neither wanted to be alone that night, he drove her home. Booth purposely made the radio music loud, in an attempt to block his thoughts.
Zack's betrayal hurt him too. The guy hadn't been particularly close to Booth, but still. He remembered the day he had told his friends that he was going to Iraq. Booth had felt a sense of fellowship with him. He'd stopped being one of the "squints." He was going where Booth had gone, serving his country as Booth had. For once, the Agent could relate to Zack. Finally, there was mutual understanding, a true unspoken bond.
Brennan was still numb. The music did nothing but irritate her. When they reached her apartment she invited him in. They sat and talked.
"I could have stopped him, Booth, I could have..."
"No Bones, you couldn't have. It's not your fault. People make decisions, Zack made some bad ones. His actions are his own responsibility. There was nothing you could have done."
Though Temperance could find the truth in Booth's words, his simple comfort wasn't enough to make her feel innocent, absolved. "But, those men...their deaths are on...me."Her voice cracked on the last word.
"Hey, Bones, Listen to me!" He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Zack chose to go with Gormagon, he chose to murder somebody. You certainly didn't push him to it. You've done nothing but good for him. That kid's life revolved around the job you gave him." He took a breath. "Maybe you trusted him too much, but we all trusted him, ok? Hell, I trusted him. You cannot blame yourself for this. How were you supposed to know?"
"Ignorance is not an excuse Booth. I should have..." She never finished the sentence. Booth wiped away a tear she hadn't even known was falling, and then…
It was wrong, so wrong, professionally and personally, so why did it feel so perfect?
Kisses, fast, desperate, tearing at each other's clothing, in a way that was less to do with desire and more a need, a need to escape the darkness, not wanting to be alone.
Booth banged his head on the steering wheel. What had he been thinking? 'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' he berated himself.
This wasn't the way he had wanted things to go. Whilst he did undeniably love her, despite the fact that he always had, he had wanted to take things slow. As in three years kind of slow.
The moment a few months ago when they finally kissed had been one of the best in his life. The woman he had loved from near and afar for the last three years had come at him and kissed him.
Then at the trial, on separate sides of the room, he had wanted nothing more than to hold her, to comfort her. When that lawyer had tried to pin it on her...he'd seen red.
Angrily, he put the car into gear and drove off.
Then she was up on the stage singing her heart out, all he wanted to do was dance with her, to sing with her, for the night to last forever. Then that woman, calling his name, pointing a gun at the love of his life, the woman he wanted, the woman he needed, shattered his peaceful fantasy.
He would always remember the world fading to black, yet feeling happy, because the last thing he had seen was her.
He ground his foot onto the accelerator, trying to leave the next thought behind.
At the "funeral" he had scrutinised her face, desperate for some trace of a tear. Why hadn't there been one?
A loud beep cut into his reverie. He hit the brakes, just before he collided with a car.
Now he had probably lost his one chance at happiness, his one chance at the woman of his dreams.
For what?
'Stupid, stupid, stupid!'
The same thought was running through Brennan's head.
Anthropologically unworkable. Isn't that what she'd said to Angela about Hodgins? Workplace romances change things- they change people, and they never work out for the better.
Not that it was a romance, she thought bitterly. One night stand is more appropriate. After all, he got what he wanted, then left.
Why was that a problem though? They had simply been satisfying their mutual sexual desire. Why did it have to be anything more?
Her logic couldn't convince her to belittle the situation. This was different; it had to be something more. It was something more, because it was Booth.
She hurriedly redirected her train of thought. Her feelings were too painful to deal with.
Worst of all, their professional relationship, conflicted at the best of times, would suffer.
She'd been so stupid!
The last three years, against all expectations, including her own, she had let herself fall in love with him, albeit slowly. Now...she was confused.
But, she argued with herself, what about the way he tried to make me eat pie? What if Sweets was right? Was he really trying to seduce me?
What about the way he brings me coffee, or tried to defend me at the trial?
What about the hugs and the kiss?
What about the way he took a bullet for me?
There was too much evidence, too much definitive proof. She suddenly realised two things; one, she had been blind. Stupidly, hopelessly blind. And two- she needed advice. She needed help.
"Angela?"
A/N Review! Please? My first Bones fanfic so please be nice
Thank you to my beta Dr Temperance Brennan