"What's the word for when it feels inside your heart that everything in the world is all right?"

Rin Tezuka asks me this; her white, tied off sleeves and messy auburn hair ruffling faintly in the wind. She's wearing her typical emotionless look as she asks me this, like a mix between confusion and melancholy. But at the end of the sentence, she turns around and looks directly at me, which is much more uncommon. And in that moment, I can catch the faint hint of a smile coming out from her thin, pink lips.

As I'm about to answer, I can't help but think I feel the same way.

"I think it means you're happy."

I walk up and embrace her from behind – she doesn't resist.

"Hmmm."

The pair of us have generated a unique talent to hold long silences together. Emphasizing this skill, we stand there for another small eternity as the sun slowly descends towards the horizon.

We part ways that night without much more than a 'goodbye' and a 'see you around'.

. . .

I think I'm finally content with my relationship with Rin. Obviously, we'll never get to that point where we could really consider ourselves in a typical "boyfriend, girlfriend" relationship; but something like that wouldn't really feel real anyway.

The rest of the summer disappears in a blink. It might have to do with me finally gaining some complacency – it seems like lately my entire world has been revolving around Rin and how we feel about each other.

Hopefully, we can take even more steps together, but as it is I'm happy.

Pretty soon, months have gone by – and I can't complain. Rin and I try not to delve too much into what our relationship is or what it is ascending to be, but that's probably how it has to be; especially in Rin's case.

I've gotten better at keeping up with Rin. Even to the point where her seemingly nonsensical philosophical comments are starting to give me some insight as to what she's worried or happy about. I'd like to get even better, to the point where I can understand Rin as well as anyone can understand anyone. I know that's what she'd like too. Sometimes it frustrates me that we have this barrier of understanding between us, but I think that barrier lies between everyone. It's just that with Rin there's an almost physical existence to it. I love Rin… I wonder if I've actually ever said that aloud yet.

Things between Nomiya and Rin have cleared up a bit too. He apologized for yelling at her like he did, and she accepted it with her normal nonchalance. It's pretty obvious that he's trying to live out his, or maybe his old friend's, dreams through her; and I kind of resent him for that. But on the other hand, Rin does have a life after high school that she needs to worry about, and in that sense, Nomiya might be a necessary conduit for her future. At any rate, Sae wrote a letter of recommendation to a fairly prestigious arts college, and included a portfolio of Rin's 'Nameless' exhibit. Sometime in the next few weeks I plan to help her do up an application for the school, although I'm not entirely sure if she's interested in college.

I'm also kind of embarrassed to say that Emi isn't the only one that helps Rin get dressed in the morning. Emi doesn't seem to mind though; it helps her to sometimes get more proper nutrition before she goes on her morning run. Rin also doesn't mind, in fact this all started at her own idea. And sometimes we find ourselves missing the first few periods of school because of… activities.

Right now, it's one of those morning in which we're late for school. I find myself inexplicably having to redress myself as well.

"Hisao?"

Rin looks up at me, only a shirt and panties covering her while she sits on the bed. A cute expression that I only see rarely lies on her face, like she couldn't imagine anything she'd rather be doing. Of course that expression quickly fades to her normal melancholic look.

"People say the walls have ears. But no ever says that it has a brain. It if it doesn't have a brain, then what point are the ears?"

As usual, I have difficulty determining if her question is rhetorical, comical, insightful, or just plain curiosity. But I think her coming up with that particular question might have something to do with what we just finished doing and where we did it. She might be worried that we're doing something that other people think we shouldn't be doing.

"Well, I think the walls don't need brains, because their ears aren't hearing for themselves, they're hearing for other people."

I'm getting much better at speaking in Rin.

"That makes sense. So, walls are like other people's third and fourth and hundredth extra ears. Like if I had another pair of ears on my butt cheeks."

I'm not sure if I find what she said is embarrassing or comical, but there is a slight burning sensation in my cheeks… the ones on my face.

"Why butt cheeks?!"

"If any part of me was touching the wall, it would probably be my butt."

I decide not to extrapolate further.

"Anyways, I think if people were using walls as ears, then those people would expect to hear things they normally don't. Things that only walls normally get to hear. And I think that if they hear those things, than they can't make too strong of judgments, because it's their fault they heard it in the first place."

Rin looks mostly satisfied with my answer.

"Do people need to judge so much?"

"I think some do."

"I don't like that."

"Me neither."

Not much else is said between us, but we finish getting dressed and head to school early enough to catch one class and eat lunch with Emi afterword. By now, Emi is fully aware of Rin's and my "relationship".

To digress, I sort of decided that I wasn't going to college after high school. I guess I just don't like school enough to validate it being another twenty percent of my life. So, since I knew I'd be living on my own pretty soon, I decided to learn how to take care of myself more properly – like cooking meals. Emi immediately jumped on teaching me how to cook, and I graciously accepted; having been fed by her multiple times during the school year. She invited us then to visit her that weekend, as there wasn't going to be school on Friday or Saturday.

Anyway, while visiting, Emi caught Rin and me doing… activities in the guest bedroom. She bombarded me with questions later, but after I assured Emi that I wasn't taking advantage of her friend, she seemed genuinely happy for the two of us… probably more so than even Rin or I could manage.

Emi got through on a track scholarship to an upper tier public school, and she encouraged Rin to pursue similar heights, although she knew that they probably wouldn't end up together. I, on the other hand, was fully intent on following Rin wherever she went after high school; because I can't think of anything I would rather do with my relatively short remaining life span than spend it with her.

After classes, Rin and I meet in the hallway and head up to art club. We've been going less consistently lately, mostly because cleared up or not, our relationship with Nomiya has become strained. But today seems like a good day to go, mostly because I wanted to talk with the art teacher about the college that Sae recommended for Rin. Not that I would force anything upon her, but she's got a lot more future ahead of her than I do… and a lot more talent too. I'd like for her to be as happy as she can for as long as she can, and I think that furthering her career might be the right way to go about that.

After class, and after talking with Nomiya; Rin and I headed past the worry tree again to the hilltop touching the sky.

"Rin, if you go to college, would it be okay if I followed you?"

Embarrassment floods my face. I'm not sure if this is one of those taboo subjects that we're not supposed to talk about, but I think it's safe enough and important enough to ask regardless.

She looks around in every direction but mine, a common trait of hers when she doesn't quite understand how she's feeling – which worries me.

"Weren't you going to follow me anyways? You're one of those types that likes watching girls aren't you?"

I sigh slightly, put off a little by the lighthearted tone she took with the conversation.

"I think following is a pretty big step after watching. Someone who just watches might only be considered a creep or be accused of staring. But someone who actually follows the girl around could be a stalker."

"So you're a stalker, Hisao?"

"I guess I kind of am… but only for you."

She looks at me finally, but doesn't say anything. As if to consent, she leans against me catching me off guard enough that we both topple over, so that we're both lying on top of the hill staring up at the sky, her legs wrapped loosely around my own.

I look down at her and a thought strikes me. It's a truly frightening one; one that I can't let pass without it eating away at me.

"And could you do me a favor?"

"Something dirty?"

She responds much too quickly. I can't stifle a giggle, but I do wait a bit before continuing my question.

"If you do go to college or become a professional artist, can you promise me that you won't try to destroy yourself again?"

She looks up at me with a slightly pained expression, but at this point everything I want to say starts to leak off my chest.

"Because I know that art is what you use to express yourself, and you're sometimes afraid that who you are now and who you're going to be doesn't fit with what other people want from you. But I think those kind of changes have to happen on their own naturally.

"And, I guess I have selfish reasons too. I… really don't like seeing you get hurt, and I don't really want you to change. And I don't want other people to force you into something you're not, and seeing you get hurt hurts me more than anything else ever could. If you tried to destroy yourself again, I think it would destroy me too… and I don't want to be destroyed. I want to be whole, and I want to be with you. And I… And I… And I love you, Rin."

The look on her face doesn't change all the while I'm talking to her, but she never shifts her attention away from me. It's probably the longest she's ever spent looking at me, and it makes me feel happy, in a way.

"You're right… it does have a funny taste to it."

The edges of Rin's mouth turn up more than I think I have ever seen, and she lets out a soft giggle – something that is both absolutely amazing and strangely out of place. Unfortunately the giggle fades quickly, but it rests back on a different expression than before, one that looks uncannily like happiness. A whole slew of thoughts seem to be rebounding in her head, and she opens her mouth to speak, but quickly shuts it. Instead she just nods as if to comply with my request and then places her lips against mine.

"I think you understand me more than you think."

Those words probably make me happier than I've been since I got out of the hospital.

I turn back towards her and kiss her again, a little more strongly than before. Then we do…

… activities.

Rin decided to go to college after she graduated. And as I promised, I followed. However, not everything goes as planned , and before she could graduate, Rin became pregnant with our daughter. We named her Emi, after our old friend that we sadly haven't seen much of, but we spelled it with the character for "Bridge", hoping she would be better at getting over that omnipresent gap of understanding that seems to permeate our everyday lives.

Luckily, Rin's artistic gift had been discovered not long before she became pregnant, and she was a bit of an internet sensation at the time. Getting pregnant didn't do anything to further her image, but becoming a mother did. And with that, my part-time job fell off the map as I devoted myself to becoming a stay-at-home dad.

From there, the three of us lived almost a normal family lifestyle. It was a common-law marriage, as we never really got to that point where we were okay calling each other husband and wife. But I think it was an unspoken agreement that we both loved each other, just in a way we couldn't make the other person understand.

Also, over time Rin got better at expressing what she was feeling with words. Oddly enough, I think it was when she accepted the fact that she wasn't able to get people to understand her that she started to put her thoughts into real, understandable words. In the end, it fit her logic perfectly; she managed to accomplish her goal by not accomplishing it – or in other words, doing something she couldn't, just because she could.

When Emi was born, I was pretty worried about her having the same Arrhythmia that I had. However, neither of us were worried that she would have the same birth defect as Rin. Neither of us really saw it as an obstacle, at that point.

She ended up being born with all four limbs and a perfect heart, although the doctor did suggest yearly checkups to ensure that something didn't come up. I think that was the happiest I ever saw Rin, she had a real smile on then – the kind that I'll just close my eyes and think about when I'm feeling down.

Little Emi was a wonder of a child. Seeing her mom doing so much with her feet inspired her to behave much the same way, and we often called her a little monkey, seeing how she was perfectly fine using any of her four limbs.

I think she was almost ten years old when I had my second heart attack. I wasn't doing anything particularly stressful, but over the years the beating in my chest got more and more painful. The visit after the attack was grim, and the doctor said it was probably a matter of weeks, and that I shouldn't leave the hospital.

I talked with Emi about making sure to take care of her mother after I was gone… unfortunately she was old enough to understand what was going on, and I think it was pretty hard on her. But she promised me to take care of Rin and of herself, which was enough to put me at ease.

A whole smorgasbord of people came to visit me. I didn't even realize I knew that many people. There was Misha and Shizune from high school – even though I didn't even know them for a whole year, they seemed pretty broken up about it, especially Shizune. Lilly and Hanako showed up too. I kind of wish I spent more time getting to know all of them. Grown-up Emi also showed up. She wasn't convinced that this was the end for me. She told me not to give up without a fight. I smiled and nodded along, but I knew there wasn't a way to fight through this, and I think she understood too.

Of course my parents and Rin's parents came to see me. And so did Nomiya and Sae. It seems like I hardly knew these people well enough to deserve this, but I'm not complaining. Seeing everyone gives some closure.

Rin spends the last moments with me alone.

She stayed in my room for nearly an entire week - painting in the corner as other people visited me, getting her own share of hugs and condolences. Even when everyone else was gone, and it was only me and her left, there was a comfortable silence between us. It was one that we had cultivated ever since meeting each other, a sort of happiness in just being around one another.

On my last night, she had fallen asleep with her head on my chest. I woke up to a painful feeling in my heart, and I knew that there wasn't much time.

I guess in retrospect, it was pretty selfish of me, but I woke Rin up so I could talk to her one last time.

I smiled at her and told her things I've told her before, like that she was amazing and that I'm glad that the moments I spent were with her. And then I told her that I loved her, and that I was sorry I never really said it in earnest before.

"Idiot. I've always known that."

And she gives me one last tear-filled full smile before I close my eyes and drift away.

People are always asking what the meaning of life is. Honestly, I don't think there really is one. But if I had to give them an answer, I would say that to lead a fulfilling life is to be as happy as you can for as long as you can.

And remembering Rin's smiling face as I close my eyes…

I don't think I could have lived a more fulfilling life.