A/N: This is my first fanfic for the Walking Dead. I have shipped other couples before but this is Richonne... "This is...this is different" (in my Rick Grimes voice). lol.

Please feel free to leave reviews. You'll notice some changes with the deaths, etc. Warning: I know many Richonne shippers don't care for Jessie A. and this story will feature her. But bear with me and stay the course! I am a sucker for the slow burn and triangles (I know it sounds messy but what can I say!). I hope you still enjoy it!

Rick looked around at the corpses surrounding him. Bodies after bodies lined up in the streets. Corpses of loved ones he tried to save.

Glenn. Maggie. Morgan. Daryl. Sasha. Carol. Michonne. They were all just… gone.

Dead. All of them. And soon, they would rise and come for him.

He grabbed his gun, all the while knowing he would let them.

He collapsed on the ground and stretched out in the middle of the street, waiting for them. One by one he heard them rise. The grunts. The moans. Their footsteps moved closer as they staggered toward him in a single file, closing in on him.

Each of them took their place forming a circle around him. Michonne first, followed by Daryl, Carol, Maggie, Glenn and all the others.

He jumped up, drawing his gun. His heart raced wildly in his chest as he pointed the gun around the circle, resting upon each one of them as they inched toward him, not knowing if he had the strength to pull the trigger and put a bullet in his loved ones' skulls. These weren't just walkers. They were his family.

Before he had to make the choice, they suddenly stopped moving.

Their eyes—now void of any life—stared back at him. Waiting for him.

They began chanting his name in unison, their somber whispers sending chills down his spine.

He searched each of their faces for any sign of life in the people he loved. But there was nothing left.

Rick placed his hands over his ears in an attempt to to drown out the voices calling out his name. The whispers grew louder, until his name echoed throughout the street. He lifted his gun in the air and fired a warning shot, but no one cared about bullets anymore. They were already dead.

"What do you want from me?" he screamed. But deep down he already knew.

A figure stepped forward into the middle of the circle, its rotting hand stretched out toward him. He looked up and gasped at the lifeless face staring back at him.

"C-Carl?"

The boy parted his cracked lips, revealing a mouth of decayed teeth.

"Dad," he moaned. "Help us."

"Rick. Rick."

Rick's eyes opened suddenly, darting frantically around the room before landing on the hand gently resting on his shoulder. It took him a moment to realize the voice calling his name was real.

He pulled himself up on the couch and looked around the living room in a daze, adjusting his eyes to the sunlight streaming through the blinds. He looked down at his jeans and realized he still had on the same clothes he wore yesterday.

How long have I been sleep? he wondered.

He took a deep breath, trying to shake off the images from his dream. He wiped off the beads of sweats that rested above his brow. His shirt clung to his back damp with moisture.

It's just a dream, he told himself. The worst part was over. Things were quiet again. They were finally safe.

For now…

Rick closed his eyes, the uneasiness at the bottom of his stomach stirring again. The feeling always served as a reminder that the unknown still lurked around the corner, dancing in the shadows. Even behind the newly rebuilt walls, he knew they were never truly safe. He just wasn't sure if his paranoia was to blame or the fact that he sometimes missed it. Even though he had secured a safe place for Carl and Judith in Alexandria, a part of him still ached to be out there.

Carol was right…living here, getting comfortable and letting their guards down made him feel weak. He couldn't take any chances, which is why he told Deana to keep someone in the tower on lookout duty and to increase their combat training. Some of the residents didn't deem his decision as necessary since two months had passed without any sign of walkers or danger surrounding their community. Without any visible threats in mind, they thought they were safe but Rick knew that could all change in an instant. Deanna seemed to think they were in the clear as well, but she also agreed with Rick that they needed to be prepared and stay watchful. They finally had come to a mutual understanding. Deana no longer dismissed his ideas or his plans to protect the community. And Rick let go of his "us" against "them" mentality when everyone risked their lives that night and stood with him and his family to clear the streets and run off the walker herd. Many of them survived that night but it still didn't come without some losses.

"Hey you. Are you okay?"

Jessie's voice snapped him out of his trance. He looked over at her lying down on the other end of the couch. She was also fully dressed in the same clothes she had on last night. They both had apparently fallen asleep on the couch.

"Yeah, I'm good," he told her. Despite his dream, it was the first time he slept through the night in months.

She scooted closer to him on the couch and wrapped her arms around his waist. He placed his hands over hers and gave them a gentle squeeze.

"You look worried. Did you have another dream? You were tossing and turning and mumbling in your sleep. It woke me up."

He immediately regretted sharing his reoccurring dream with her. He first had a similar dream a week ago. The only other person he told was Michonne, who reassured him that it was just paranoia and his desire to stay strong and protect his family. He didn't need to explain the details to her. She understood how he felt and battled with the same issues. The desire to feel safe and secure but to also remain strong.

Rick didn't want Jessie to worry about him, especially not with everything else going on.

"No dream," he lied. "Sorry I disturbed you. Guess I just had a hard time sleeping."

"This couch isn't the most comfortable. I'm sorry."

He gave her a small smile. "I've had worse. Trust me."

She returned his smile and moved to the other end of the couch, her face slowly transforming into a grim expression. Rick saw the pain in her eyes, the guilt she now lugged around reminded them both of her loss.

"Rick…," she said with a slight hesitation, "I get it now. I've seen it for myself. You were right about what's out there. It's horrible. I didn't realize it until, until…" she paused and took a deep breath. "Until it came here and everything was destroyed. But you've been out there. You tried to warn us but we didn't listen until it was too late. If we had listened earlier, maybe things would be different. Maybe…"

Jessie took another deep breath and bit her lip to keep it from trembling before she regained her composure.

"What's the worst thing you've done? When you were out there?"

Rick frowned. The question caught him off guard. He didn't like to think about those things. He told his family he would try to start over and that required him to put those things behind him. He didn't know how to answer her question. Murdered his best friend to protect himself and his family? Gutted a man to death in front of his son? Killed Gareth and his crew inside of a church? Tore out a man's jugular vein with his own teeth?

He looked down at his hands and wondered if her fondness of him would change if she knew the real truth about him and the things he had done. He caught her staring at him from the corner of his eye. Her big brown eyes stared at him with curiosity and an innocence that he had lost a lifetime ago. No, she wasn't ready. She struggled with covering herself in walker guts as a disguise when the herd came. She wasn't like the women in his camp —Sasha. Carol. Rosita. Tara. Maggie.

Michonne. She witnessed everything he had done to survive firsthand, many things that the people in Alexandria would call horrific. If they knew what Michonne knew about him and the things he had done out there, they'd look at him as a monster, Jessie included. Michonne never judged him. Michonne and the other women in his group were warriors. But Jessie—she wasn't built that way. She saw Rick kill Pete, but she still didn't know what he was fully capable of.

He decided then he would never tell her.

"Is there a reason you want to know?"

"I'm just curious."

He sighed. "I've done thangs I'm not proud of. But I'd do it again to protect my family. Without a doubt."

"Any regrets?"

"I don't have time to dwell on regrets anymore." As soon as the words left his mouth a pang of guilt hit him in the chest, reminding him of the few regrets that still lingered around. Regrets he didn't have time to think about when he was out there struggling to survive. But this new life in Alexandria—the stillness, the stability allowed him to ponder on the things he would change. He honestly didn't regret any of the killings he did to survive. But he wished he had made things right with Lori before she passed. He regretted not protecting his people from the governor and losing Hershel in the process. He wished they all survived the walker invasion, especially Ron for Jessie's sake.

"Wish I could say the same." Her eyes welled up with tears as she struggled not to break down over her own loss.

"You did what you could," he answered softly. He reached over and grabbed her hand and squeezed it tenderly. "It's not on you, Jessie. I'm sorry." He opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it. He had no words to ease her pain. He had lost a lot of people he loved and cared about since this nightmare began, but the thought of anything happening to his children almost killed him. The time he thought Judith was gone hurt him more than words could ever say.

"I'm his mother. I should have protected him. Now it's just me and Sam. I wanted to know what you did because it couldn't be worse than what I've done. I didn't do enough. You've must have done something right because your kids are still with you."

He thought about Sam with sadness. The kid had lost two major people in his life. Rick would never regret killing Pete. It had to be done. But now Sam had lost his brother. An unfortunate mishap.

Rick recalled the night of Ron's death with heaviness. Ron had always been too eager, never one to follow instructions. Instead of walking through the herd quietly, he became a distraction. He wanted to prove to Carl that he could also protect his family. And things got ugly really fast. He really brought the death upon himself and there was nothing any of them could do about it. He had jeopardized everyone's safety in the process by firing his gun into the crowd. So when the herd pounced on him, they had to keep moving.

But now was not the time to place the blame. Rick had stayed up with Jessie last night, watching her cry, trying to comfort her in the best way he could. They spent the night talking about everything—from their childhood to their losses-until sleep caught up with them. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together over the past few weeks. He came over every day to check on her and Sam. This was the first time he stayed out all night. He hadn't meant to spend the night but he had fallen asleep exhausted. Michonne and Carl probably wondered where he was by now.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I try to focus on what and who I still have left. It helps a little. And you've got Sam. You've got people around here who care about you guys. You've got me."

She nodded, seeming satisfied with his response. "So I'm thinking maybe dinner later on tonight?" she asked, changing the subject to his relief.

"Isn't Deanna having one of her dinner parties tonight?"

"Tomorrow night," she corrected him.

He groaned. "I hate those thangs."

"I think you should go. It could be nice to get together with the others after everything that's happened. I think that's why Deanna really wants to do this. It'll be our first gathering to celebrate rebuilding our community."

Rick stood up and stretched. He already had dinner plans for the evening. Carol, Michonne and Maggie were planning a dinner gathering, and he looked forward to it. They had all been spending so much time with the others so tonight's gathering would only include his people.

"Actually, Michonne and Carol are planning this dinner tonight so…raincheck?"

She nodded her head, but the earnest look in her eyes told him otherwise. She wanted an invite.

He didn't know how the others would take it since tonight was just supposed to be about them but he extended an invitation anyway. He hoped they'd understand that Jessie was in a vulnerable place right now.

"You can drop by if you want to."

"Are you sure they won't mind? I don't want to impose."

"I'm sure. I'll let 'em know."

He bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek before she could respond.

"See you guys later?"

Her eyes lit up. "See you later."

He grabbed his keys and headed home to tell Michonne to set the table for two more. He actually looked forward to seeing Michonne. They hadn't spent any time together lately even though they lived in the same house. He hoped he could catch her in time to have a few moments alone. There was something he needed to ask her.