A/N: Last update of February, so it seems. This is my contest entry for Safaia Bara's songfic contest, and as per usual, I'm scraping the deadline.
Just a couple notes to explain the story better: first of all, though this is a songfic, it doesn't have lyrics interjected all the way through. Rather, it has an extract of the song at the beginning, and another at the end, and is loosely/tightly (depending on how you interpret certain events in this) based upon the chosen song.
Second of all, although the rules for the contest stated it either had to be a KxI or a PxR fic, I've chosen to do my own take on one of those pairings; after checking with the host of the competition, she allowed me to purposely 'misinterpret' the 'R' as 'Ryou', instead of 'Retasu'. As a result, this is probably a completely different, more nosensical fic compared to the other entries (which I have not yet read due to lack of time *points at clock showing how close to deadline she's cutting it*, but look forward to reading in the morning when I have a clear head and have actually managed to get some sleep. So, warnings for this oneshot include: yaoi, crack-pairing, some cursing (omigosh, did I really use swear words? XD), and... some nonsense in the form of Kish (because he has to be in there somewhere... or everywhere, so it seems).
Thirdly, the word 'jellyfully' that appears somewhere towards the end of this is a made-up word that I thought, in my deranged, sleep-depraved head, sounded better than 'joyfully' - the word I was originally going to use. As such, I dedicate the word to XxXChiharu-Chan-1000-SpringsxX, for doubting whether or not I should actually use it. Since I went ahead with it, and she's probably face-palming at my decision, she can have the credit for it.
Disclaimer: Sorry this is a long A/N... it's pretty important though, as is the ending A/N - please read. Oh, and I don't own TMM - just making that clear.
State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realised you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay
And by the way…
~ Picture To Burn, Taylor Swift
I.
"Well, you certainly look… glum. Something up, Pai, old buddy, old pal?"
The aforementioned alien glared at the sofa, from where the voice had come, as he teleported into the room. "Quite frankly, it's none of your business, Kish. And you'd do right to keep out of it." He felt like hissing it - and almost did - but managed to restrain it to a sharp, cutting statement as he landed and angrily strode over to his computer, hitting it several times before switching it on.
"Ooh… did a certain someone get dumped or something? I mean, sheesh - you're acting worse than Koneko-chan when it's 'that time of the month'…" Kish continued, ignoring the scathing death glare he was receiving from the elder Cyniclon. But after a few moments, it sunk in, and Kish swore he felt a light-bulb visibly ping! over his head. "Oh! Oh… Shirogane-dono dumped you?" he chattered, unsympathetically excited by this piece of news.
Barely succeeding in biting back a threatening growl, Pai snapped, "No. I dumped him - the asshole couldn't give a damn about me; it was always about him, the arrogant-- And don't call him 'dono', Kish. Sure, fine, he set you up with that pink catgirl Mew Mew, but that doesn't mean you have to refer to him as 'dono'." To this, of course, Kish opened his mouth to retort, but Pai cut him off. "Shirogane is… he's… obsessive and crazy! Never cares about anybody but himself…" he grumbled. And then, without waiting another moment, Pai teleported out of the room.
The sudden silence was deafening, and Kish felt the need to push the coffee table over in the hopes of creating at least some sound, grinning his toothy grin as the mugs smashed and shattered. The sound was soothing to his large ears.
"Yep, someone is definitely on his period," Kish concluded, turning back and attempting to settle on the sofa. But something caught his-- "Ooh, look! A computer~!"
II.
"P-pai-san's what?" Lettuce squeaked down the phone, hands beginning to shake and blue eyes widening significantly behind her glasses.
"Lettuce, I already told you once… and then confirmed it seven times. You're an intelligent girl, what does that therefore add to?" Ryou said on his end, pinching the bridge of his nose in aggravation towards her slowness.
"E-eight," the girl squeaked again.
"Exactly. Eight - meaning eight times that I've repeated the same phrase over to you. Do you really need to hear it a ninth time for it to sink in?" he asked, deciding to move around a bit, thus leading him to walk over to the sink… and lean his back against it. Because he was cool like that, and because he could.
"Well, considering I've known Pai-san a while now, and he's certainly never told me about it…" she trailed off, chewing her lip in uncertainty. Brushing a few stray locks of emerald hair out of her face - as they had annoyingly come loose of her plaits - she sighed, before continuing, "Anou… Shirogane-san, are you definitely sure that Pai-san is… That he's…"
Grinning and drumming his fingers on the bench behind him mischievously, Ryou stated, "Look, it's like I've said, Lettuce: Pai's technosexual."
III.
If there were one thing that meant more to the blonde owner of Café Mew Mew than any other nameable substance on Earth, it was his car. The shiny, pristine… valuable, expensive, sleek, modern, scarlet vehicle was more than Ryou's prized possession - it was his baby. And therefore, clearly, no-one was allowed to drive it apart from him. On the many occurrences Pai had asked him, offered to or even gotten down on his knees and begged (well, Ryou liked to pretend that had happened, at least), he had refused profusely - snapped and scowled on rare occasion, also, just so the Cyniclon got the message. Because, at the end of the day, it was Ryou's car, and only he should be able to drive it. Only he should be able to look cool enough when driving it. Yes, it meant more to him than life itself…
… Too bad for him that Pai knew this.
IV.
"Oh, you're back again, huh?" Kish called, upon noticing Pai had appeared for the second time that day. The golden-eyed alien swiveled in his chair… and continued to swivel, spinning round and round on the computer chair, twisting his neck so that he could always keep the elder Cyniclon somewhat in his sight. "Have fun bugging Shirogane-sama?"
A rare smile worked its way onto Pai's face. "Yes, as a matter of fact I-- wait a minute. How the hell do you know where I've been?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes to glare suspiciously at Kish. In response, he feigned innocence, blinking his eyes and shrugging, refusing to meet Pai's gaze. "Kish…" Pai warned, beginning to make his way closer to the computer chair on which the other sat.
In a moment of panic, Kish jolted in his seat, resulting in him almost toppling off. As he steadied himself he racked his brains for any excuse plausible enough to deter Pai - he was angry enough right now as it was, and further enraging him would surely only lead to great amounts of pain. Yep, Kish could see there was definitely no reason whatsoever to tell Pai what Ryou had done in revenge…
"And what were you saying - Shirgane-sama? Sama? So first it's 'dono' and now it's 'sama'? …Is there a reason for this that I should be aware of?" His eyes narrowed further, turning into slits of skepticism.
"Er…um…well… anou… Ooh, look Pai! Pictures of Tart wearing a dress on the internet!" Kish cried as he pointed to the screen in front of him, thanking every Cyniclonian god he could remember for such a tactful distraction. And it seemed to work to some degree, for Pai began to edge closer to the computer to take a look at what was being displayed. But unfortunately for Kish, it was just as the other was bending down so his eyes were at the same level as that of the computer's, that Tart came charging into the room, cawing, "Hey! Who said my name?"
"Not now, midget," Kish shooed, waving the smallest boy away. Huffing, Tart crossed his arms, muttering, "Well I really only came here to ask a question."
"Mm, what is it?" the green-haired one of the trio asked absentmindedly, after deciding to turn back to observe Pai and the computer and mostly tune the third annoyance out.
"Why did Shirogane-san ring me and ask me to go out with him?" Tart asked, curiously, oblivious to the fact Pai had frozen and was beginning to turn a nice, crimson shade of red.
Without thinking, Kish automatically replied, "Because I turned him down earlier."
And that was when Pai finally lost his temper.
V.
The walk seemed longer than normal… though that was possibly due to the fact Pai had tripped and fell, landing face-first on the cobblestone path. And it was as he lay there, pained and dirty, that a shadow swept over him and caused his gaze to dart upwards abruptly. However, he instantly groaned, letting his head flop back down and smack off the ground below him.
"Baka. What the hell did you do that for?" came Ryou's snide remark from above. Pai didn't need to look back up - he already knew how the blonde would be stood; hands positioned on hips, one eyebrow raised, smirk pasted arrogantly across his delicate, juicy lips that Pai just oh-so wished to caress with his own-- He cut his thoughts off hastily, shaking his head at the unwanted intrusions. Great… They hadn't even been broken up a day, and already he was having Ryou-withdrawal.
"Fuck off, Shirogane," he mumbled into the stone, demurring lifting his head despite the shuffling of Ryou's shoes edging dangerously closer to him. Although, this time it was more to do with the deepening blush adorning his cheeks that he desperately wanted to keep hidden, rather than to snub the younger male. After a few minutes of silence, neither one wanting to really continue the current conversation, it became apparent to Pai that the boy towering above him was actually waiting for him.
Sighing, he muttered, "What do you want?"
"An apology would be nice."
Pai's head shot up. "For what?!" he exclaimed, reluctantly feeling the first burns of rage beginning to build up inside him.
"Swearing," Ryou stated simply, turning his nose up into the air snobbishly.
The alien's next movement could only be described as an astounded jaw-drop. His mouth fell wide open, and if it were at all possible in his current position of lying sprawled out on the ground, he would have slapped a hand to his face several times. "Oh. My. God! Are you really acting like a five-year-old? Are you Shirogane? Really?"
The blonde merely shrugged, twisting to face away from Pai. "Maybe."
Inhaling sharply and noisily, he moved his teeth to bite his tongue, forcing back down a harsh, unnecessary comment. But the rage was growing, and growing too strong at that. And he couldn't hold it back any longer. Maliciously, he snapped, "Well no wonder you asked Tart out - you two share the same mental age - that of a bloody five-year-old!" Ryou's egotistical expression had fallen from his face at Pai's words, and he turned back to face the purple-haired alien, a sort of guilty-apology breaking through his mask of over-confidence and heartlessness. But the other failed to notice it, continuing his rant with little sympathy and much spite. "You know, I actually came back here to apologise - I realised with your little stunt how out-of-proportion I had taken things and had honestly decided to come round and apologise to you; settle the score, and I wasn't even expecting anything in return. But-- But you! You just had to go and screw things up - as you always do - once again. And if I'm truthful, Shirogane Ryou, I'm not sure why in the Universe I even bothered."
He finally stood and dusted himself off curtly, before turning and storming off, leaving a stunned Ryou in his wake…
VI.
"You don't look very happy. Uh oh, did Shirogane-no-kimi do something to anger you?" Kish piped up, looking up though his thick-black-rimmed glasses from the book placed upside-down in his hands. Pai simply stopped in the doorway and glared daggers at him; of course, this went ignored by Kish, who carried on staring - blinking twice - at the clearly temper-hath-blown Cyniclon. He waited patiently for a reply, pushing the spectacles back up the bridge of his nose where they had slipped down. However, when it became clear to him that Pai was not going to answer, Kish sighed, switching his attention back to the book in has hand. "Honestly, Pai. If you don't share your feelings, then you'll never overcome the negative emotions you're feeling. That's what it says in this-here book," he announced, deliberately keeping his eyes downcast on the page so as not to meet Pai's gaze.
"Oh really," Pai began, voice frighteningly low and threatening. "Because I'm afraid, Kish, that that book is 1) upside-down, therefore making it near-impossible for an idiot like you to comprehend, 2) written in English - a language you do not speak, 3) is hardly readable through those glasses that you don't even need, and 4) …'A Women's Guide To Dealing With Pregnancy'."
Kish cocked his head to the side. "Ah, so it is," he agreed, nodding once. "So that must be why there are pictures of women with bumpy-bellies."
It took all of Pai's willpower not to charge over there and strangle the boy spread out on the sofa. Kish noticed the violent glares being directed his way, and quickly added, "Anyway, about Shirogane-no-kimi?"
"Ahem… 'no-kimi'? Upping the honorifics again, are we, Kish?"
Ignoring him, he probed further, "Well, gonna tell me or not?"
Pai was about to protest when an idea struck him. Smirking, he said sweetly, "Yes, of course. In fact, I have a lot to tell you about Shirogane Ryou - for example, how bad a kisser he is…"
VII.
If he was quite frank, Ryou wasn't particularly sure how on earth he'd managed it. It wasn't as if it were scientifically possible - the idea wasn't even physically actual with the current human technology. And yet, here he was, stood outside the main-room of the alien's inter-galactic accommodation - or more simply put, their huge spaceship loitering jellyfully over the planet.
Taking a deep breath, he rapped on the door with his knuckles; three times in succession, each coherent and loud so that they would go unmissed. This was partly because he hadn't come all this way to go unnoticed, but mainly because he knew that, as a scientist or not, once something such as this was done there was no going back until the job at hand was completed.
It was Tart who answered the door, a perplexed expression covering his features. Upon seeing who exactly it was, the young boy opened his mouth, before closing it and glancing behind him, into the room. However, deciding against whatever he was about to call out to the other occupants, he turned back to Ryou, saying, "Um… yes?"
Knowing that, obviously, Tart wasn't going to press anything further than that, Ryou deduced that he would have to be the one to start the awkward conversation that would lead to an even more awkward conversation several minutes later.
"Is Pai there?" he asked softly, shoving his hands into his pockets and leaning sideways onto the doorframe. Tart simply shook his head for starters, but seeing the expectant look on the human's face, he elaborated.
"He went to his room. Said something about 'burning pictures', whatever that means. Sorry, Shirogane-san - you missed him." And without politely waiting for the Earthling to answer, Tart shut the door; Ryou blinked and shied back in an automatic self-defense reaction, as if for some reason his body feared that it would attack him.
Uttering an almost in-audible phrase, Ryou swiveled on his heel and made his way out.
"Yeah, I missed him alright. The bastard."
VIII.
Matches, despite what is drilled into young children's heads, are very, very satisfactory items. So long as they're not dropped on the carpet whilst still lit, thus resulting in spaceship-wide panic as flames begin arising in various rooms, and spreading and spreading until they cut off all exits, and therefore make it utterly impossible to escape alive-- unless you're a Cyniclon who realises they can teleport at the very last second.
Yes, they'd lost two spaceships that way already.
But Pai was the sensible one - he wouldn't be careless enough as to let anything like that happen. Which was why the eldest Cyniclon had chosen to use the box of matches he had stolen from the Café Mew Mew kitchens to justify his predicament with his now-ex-boyfriend, and finally get some closure.
In short, he was in the middle of burning every last picture of him and Ryou that he could get his hands on, when there was a knock at the door, followed by the impatient entrance of Kish; the green-haired, golden-eyed, apparently now spectacle-wearing boy poking his head around the doorframe to grin cheekily at Pai.
"What do you want now, Kish?" he sighed in annoyance, concluding that he was eventually growing sick of the other for the day.
"Uh, to deliver a message: Tart says that Shirogane-ue was here earlier to see you."
Pai was about to comment on the use of the honorific yet again, but opted not to, and to instead concentrate on the message, folding his arms across his chest as he did so. "He was… here? How is that even--?"
"Beats me," Kish interjected, shrugging. "But if you want my opinion - and I know that of course you do - then I'd say that he was here to apologise and make up. I mean… you two had a spat, right? A totally pointless argument, from what I can gather, and both took it way out of proportion. If you ask me - which I know you're going to - then I'd say that, yes, it's a good idea to get back together with him and just put all this behind you two."
"…"
"What?"
"Kish, I think that is the sole most meaningful, intelligent thing you have ever said."
Kish glared at the backhanded compliment… But then, as he was about to retort, something orange and glowing caught his--
"Hey Pai. You're on fire."
Which, basically, was how they lost the third ship.
So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time
In case you haven't heard, you're just another picture to burn
A/N: Just wanna put a slight note here about Kish's honorifics-usage throughout the story: in the first incidence, when he refers to Ryou as 'Shirogane-dono' this effectively means that he is calling him a 'lord'. It's a step below '-sama', which is the second honorific Kish uses when talking about Ryou. '-no-kimi' is a step up from '-sama', pretty much meaning that (if Wikipedia is right, considering that's where I got these last couple from) is roughly equivalent to 'milord' (so sorta like '-dono', I guess). And the last, '-ue', in literal translation means 'above', and though it's not commonly used as an honorific anymore, I decided to throw it in there because it apparently conveys a high-level of respect.
Alright, now that that's over, I really hope you enjoyed it! I slaved away at this - paying no attention in any of my science classes for the last couple weeks so that I could work on it (my home-life has been busy, busy, busy, so it seems), and giving myself a hand-cramp typing it all up today. So please review!