We're making a fanfiction 'cuz I'm at a sleepover and I want to. Here's a summary:

Cloud's crying about Zack. Cloud's married to a rock. The Rocks dead. Cloud's a widow. He's also uke. He lost one of his toes in a freak lightning accident. And he just found out that his supposed sister's barber's dog's mother was really his long lost twin father. Woo!!!! This things gonna be CRAZY!!!!!! And itj's also gonna be total soap-opera-ish. With a lot of crying and screaming and murder and man-slapping!!!!

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Tifa is the mother of Marlene. Just thought you wanted to know that. They (I don't know who they is) just decided to get married. Marlene is 40 and just discovered that she is a man. She is depressed… or angry. She got married to her father, Rude. Now she has to tell him that she isn't a girl after all. But that's okay, because he's gay. Now their only problem is incest.

Tifa is a sister. Her barber is Vincent. He has long, luscious hair. His dog's Red. Red's a poodle. Red's mom is Man-man, who is Cloud's long lost twin father. Man-man wasn't always a man. He was once Man-woman. Man-woman also happens to be Marlene. (Try and make a family tree outta THIS!!!!)

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Okay, let's back up. To when Cloud met Rock.

Cloud was standing at the grocery store. Looking at the processed foods. He couldn't' decide whether or not to get the chicken or the pizza. Of course, he was watching his figure, so he went with the pizza. Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and there was his high school sweetheart, Rock. He didn't recognize her at first, but suddenly a wave of young, reckless memories washed over him. Time for dialogue.

"OMG!" Cloud said, and burst out crying.

Rock did too.

Then someone stepped on Rock. Which made Rock cry more. Cloud pulled out Buster from his ass and dramatically cut the dude's head off. Suddenly Cloud said:

"I'd love to get a drink!"

Rock nods. They get into Rock's car and it drives across the street to the bar. They order a Bloody Mary (for Rock) and a Bahamalama Dingdong (for Cloud). Cloud looked uncomfortable and poked the bobbing banana.

The Cloud said: "That shade of dirt looks beautiful on you…" He said, sipping his Bahamalama Dingdong.

Time for a flashback.

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Cloud laying back on the checkered tablecloth. And gazed lovingly down at Rock. Rock averted itj's eye-sockets.

"What's wrong, Rock?" Cloud asked beseechingly.

…

Cloud gasped. "I was not holding another Rock!!!!" … "What do you mean, 'behind the bleachers'? … "You were spying on me???" … "That's a horrible reason!!!" … "I thought it was you!!!" … "Because, you guys all look the SAME!!!!"… "No, wait, I didn't mean it!!! Come back to me! Don't roll away from me! Please! I NEED you!!!! I'll have abandonment issues forever!!!..." (Cloud starts crying no duh)

End of flashback (imagine that scene all wiggly and black and white).

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Okay, so now we're back, and they're in the bar. With the Bahamalama DingDong.