He hung up his coat and deposited the backpack. There was no noise from the upstairs bedroom. A soft blast of air hit him, and he turned toward the balcony. He saw his roommate there, three bottles of beer on the deck and another held loosely in his hand. This did not bode well.
He got himself a beer and headed into the lion's den, his mind trying to figure out what was going on. There was no smell of food in the kitchen and no sign that anything had been cooked there since breakfast. "You wanna tell me what's wrong?" The younger man decided a head on attack was the best approach.
"Women are such cowards," was the quiet response.
"I need a little more information to work with, Big Guy."
"You know that Lori had agreed to have dinner tonight, and I was going to cook. She called this afternoon – not the station or even my cell phone – she called here and left a message. Because she knew she wouldn't have to actually talk to me when she blew me off!" He moved out of his chair to the railing, hands gripping it tightly.
"I'm sorry, Jim, but it's not like it hasn't happened before."
"Sure, Chief, rub it in why don't you! You know she hasn't spoken to me, since I helped her get her last job. Well, now she needs another job so she called, apparently needing my information and contacts, but not my company. It's not like I was offering information for sex or anything, I just thought it would be nice to get together and catch up."
"I realize I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, but I'm not bad looking, at least if I can believe half of what I hear women say about me. I clean up nice – even Naomi says so – and I take my dates to movies and dinner, not pool halls and I have actually read a book. So what is it?"
"What is it about me, exactly, that's so hard for a woman to like? I mean you know me better then anybody, so tell me; please, I really want to know."
Blair wasn't sure whether to be amused or sad. Here was this good looking – okay amazingly handsome – smart, funny, compassionate man asking why no one wanted him.
"Jim, man, you are taking this all a little too seriously. You knew she was only looking at you for your networking capabilities."
"Yeah, but I thought that maybe I might be worth a dinner – a little companionship – a kind word, for crying out loud!"
"This doesn't really have anything to do with Lori, does it?"
"No. It has to do with the fact that I'm on the downside of 40, and I've finally come to the conclusion that I simply wasn't meant to have the kind of life I was raised to want."
"No shit, Sherlock! Come on, Jim, give me a break. You're a freaking Sentinel, and I'm pretty sure they didn't teach you about that in kindergarten. I mean it isn't like there was a book, See Jim See. Jim sees four miles. You knew a long time ago your life wasn't going to turn out like some family sitcom."
"I didn't expect it to be like Leave It To Beaver, but I did think – well I hoped I would find someone special."
"Jim, come on. You just haven't found the right person, yet."
"Well, she'd better hurry up or I'll be in the nursing home," he paused for another drink of beer. "I'm serious, Sandburg. What exactly is it about me that keeps the women I like from even giving me half a chance – and I'm not talking about serial killers, bank robbers, etc, I mean the normal women."
"I'm not sure I've ever seen you with a normal woman." The growl he got in response, told him that was not a helpful answer. "Okay, look, I think you're taking this too personally."
"Blair, I can't even find someone I could call when the invitation requires a date. You know one of those adult dinner deals where the hostess insists on boy-girl-boy-girl seating arrangements. I think my dad was right, I am a freak, and I'm destined to be alone."
Blair looked closely at his partner, roommate, best friend, and Sentinel. "Jim, what the hell is going on? This isn't like you."
"I don't know, Chief. Maybe…Forget I said anything."
"No, this is really bothering you. What I can't figure out is why? Something else must have happened."
"I don't expect you to get it, Sandburg. You're going to find some amazing woman, have 8 kids and run a traveling anthropology road show. And you'll be deliriously happy."
"Jim, come on, man, this is so not like you!"
"I finally realized I'm destined to be alone, and I don't like the idea."
Blair slumped back in his chair. This was a side of Jim he had never seen before and the defeatist attitude was alien to him. He had no idea how to help him.
"Sorry to unload on you, Chief. I think I'll go to bed. Thanks for listening to me rant." And he was gone.
The younger man sat there for another 20 minutes, trying to figure out what had just happened. It wasn't like Jim at all. Something else must have happened today. There was no way that a woman blowing him off for dinner would get this reaction normally.
He found himself on the way up to the bedroom loft. "Jim?"
"Sandburg," he growled, already in bed, his back to the stairs.
"Jim, what happened today?"
"I said forget it."
"No, something set you off, what was it? This just isn't like you."
"What isn't like me? Verbalizing what I want?" He didn't stint on the sarcasm, nor did he turn over.
"What did someone say to you today that upset you so much?"
"Go away."
"Not going to happen. You wanted to talk about it; well, I'm not done talking, yet. You tell me what happened and I'll go back to my room."
"Carolyn." It came out slowly and very softly.
"She called?"
"No. The invitation to her wedding came in the mail today." He rolled over to face his roommate.
"Oh."
"I know it's pretty stupid, but it made me feel…lonely."
"Not stupid, man. I'm glad Carolyn found someone."
"I just wish…you'd think I would have learned by now not to wish, not to want."
"Hey, you deserve to wish and to want, Jim, just like the rest of us." Blair sat on the bed, running a gentle hand over his roommate's short cropped hair. "Try and get some sleep, okay?" He got up and headed for the stairs.
"Chief?"
"Yeah, Big Guy?"
"You got dinner plans tomorrow?"
"Nope, can't say that I have. Just don't forget it's your turn to cook."
"Thanks Blair."
"Anytime, Jim."