it was a morning just like every other morning...
few cuts here and there on my arm...
then covering them up with Wristbands by the dozens...
then walking out the door, not saying a word to my father...
I never thought that it would get so bad that it would make me do this...
I woke to loud foot-steps coming up the stairs, i quickly shot a glance at my clock which glowed a dim "3:24 am" then i turned to my door which burst open, my father stood there in the light from the hallway. The stench of Alcohol plagued the air in my room.
"You fucking disgrace!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
he walked over and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up to look straight into his eyes.
"Look at yourself, Slut!" he threw me across the room and walked over and slapped me across my face.
"You look like your mother, a hideous slut she was! she would walk the streets at night, looking for a bed to sleep in, fucking whore!" he punched me in the stomach, by this time i was silently crying..
"oh dear! I'm so sorry! i didn't mean to hit you!" he pulled me into his chest and rocked back and forth, he stood up and threw me against another wall.
"Suck it up princess! life isn't all fairies and happiness!"
he walked over and pulled down my Pajama pants, i heard the zip of his jeans go down, and i felt the foreign object enter me...
i screamed at the top of my lungs in utter agony as he viciously thrusted into me.
"please stop! it hurts!"
i could feel the blood trickle down the insides of my thighs.
tonight i had it easy...
other nights him and his mates would do it to me twice as painful...
in just thankful that he hasn't killed me yet..
I fell into darkness as he finished inside of me...
He came over to my face and slapped my cheek a few times
"Sweet dreams, Honey, don't scream too loud"
i woke in the morning to barely being able to walk, but i managed to walk to the bathroom and clean myself up. i took a hot shower and got dressed into my Favourite clothes. i took the razor from my jewelry box ran it across my arm a couple of times, just to release all the shit thats happened. i covered it with Wristbands and grabbed my iPod and started to play 'Blessed With a Curse' by Bring Me The Horizon. i walked downstairs to see my father asleep at the table, with bottles of Jack Daniels scattered around him. like always, i clear up the bottles and walk out the door on the way to school.
Everything seemed normal at school.
the popular girls were flirting with the jocks.
the nerds were getting cheese slices thrown at them.
the hipsters were drinking Starbucks and instagraming their food.
And i was sitting alone in the corner, silently cutting my arms.
Normal.
The class bell rang and everyone walked off and chatted on their way to class.
i got to my math class and sat in the back left corner alone.
i turned up my iPod and listened to 'Coffin' by Black Veil Brides and drew in my book.
i drew swirls and odd creatures, sort of what you will find in a tim burton film or book.
The first paper-ball was thrown at me, i picked it up and walked it over to the bin where i placed it and walked back to my desk. Some girl named stacey? i think, walked over and held her hands out with several types of sharpeners, all revealing their blades.
"Which ones would you like?" she turned back and laughed with her girlfriends at me.
she threw them at me and walked away laughing,
i stared at the sharpeners and removed all the blades and places them in my bag, i put the remains in the bin, once again.
In english, the exact same happened, except these were proper blades that you would get in a drug-store.
ive never seen, nor cut with those types. i snatched them off the stranger and shoved them into my bag and ran out to the bathroom to test them.
i started at the shiny blades for a while before i placed them on my wrist and dragged downwards until i was happy.
the smoothness of the blade was amazing, it glided through my skin like it was cotton or fabric. and the blood flowing out of the new cut was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. the blood seeped out of the cut so majestically, like it was a celebrity in the red carpet.
i cut out of my haze when i heard the bell ring.
"Shit!" i packed up the razors and walked out of the bathroom before it would be bombarded by girls fixing their hair or makeup
Before i knew it, it was time to go home.
i walked home as every other day, until 4 or 5 guys started laughing like they were drunk or something. i walked a tiny bit faster so i could hurry away from them, but they instantly ran up to me and grabbed me by the wrists and lead me down an alleyway.
"hey there sweet cheeks, whats your name?" one guy said to me
"come on beautiful, tell us your name" said another
"please? we just want to know your name"
and they were touching me and rubbing my up and down.
"thats a pretty sexy body you have there" one guy began to unbutton my jeans while another pulled up my shirt.
"please! dont!" i desperately attempted to wriggle free but their firm grip kept me under their control.
They managed to get my clothes off and get me upon all fours before they slammed into me with their objects.
i screamed for a second before being gagged.
my muffled cries for help were no use as my gag was replaced with something else, i gasped as closed my mouth, hoping to never taste the sour seed in my mouth ever again, but I was too late as his whole length was down my throat in an instant. i was pleading for them to let me go, but my cries were not heard from the moaning and grunting coming from the group of males...
when they finished i dressed myself and attempted to walk home, it was around 3:30 when it started and it didn't finish till around 6:45. my legs were jelly as i walked into my house. i crawled upstairs and put on a bath. i undressed myself and slowly laid myself in the bath, i pulled out the razor i got from school and i placed a few cuts on my thighs and arms for the time being, i soon later went to bed, listening to 'You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance' by A Day To Remember.
i woke up to my fathers footsteps again at 1:52 am and had the same happen to me last night. i couldn't take it anymore.
i wrote a letter.
Dear Whom ever reads this,
My name is Esther.
i am 15 years old.
I lost my mother when i was just 3.
and now, you are going to loose me.
The rain is falling fast.
The wind is Blowing Hard.
I took a knife to my wrist.
And made my one last Scar.