Author's Note
Hey everybody! So, this is my first fic ever, and I really hope everyone enjoys it (I don't even know if anyone's gonna read this). Or well, as much as you can considering it's major angst and sadness and depression. I've had a bad week. I take my anger out on Merls and Arthur :P. So essentially, this is a modern AU, and its an unsent letter than Merlin wrote to Arthur after breaking up with him. You can decide whether they get back together or not at the end (or even simply if Merlin ever sent the letter). It's kinda short ('round 500 words), but still please R&R, I really would love to know how it went! Any kind of comment is welcome.
So said, enjoy the story (and kudos if you read all that xD)
I'm going to let you go because she is perfect for you. And I'm not. And frankly, you deserve more than me. But love, staying here is too difficult for me. I'm trying so hard to not be selfish, to push you away, because all I want is for you to be happy. I can't stand this feeling-like I'm holding you back. We'll never work if I force you to stay.
I love you, no matter what I said. Love, I know how much this must be hurting you, Christ, I can imagine seeing it in your eyes (your eyes always gave away every feeling, even when your face was smooth as ice). I promise, love, it will get better. I swear it. But I can't let you know that. Because if you do, you'll never let me leave, and you have to be with her. I can't give you half the things she can. I see how happy you are when you're with her, and a fraction of that happiness is directed at me. Who am I to be the selfish one, and ask you to choose me when I know it's her you would choose every time? I can't bear to be the one who asks you to give that up. I. Can't. Compete. With. Her.
I planned out the conversation. The lies, "I don't love you anymore", "we would never have worked anyway", "I need to be able to be me, without your influence". And I saw each one of them when they hit you. Your face remained the same, but I could see the glistening of your eyes and saw your heart breaking through them.
Maybe I'd miscalculated. Maybe you cared more about me than you let on. But truly, you will always belong to her. And we all know that I'm just a stand-in, while you wait for her to come back to you. And I love you. Perhaps too much. And I can't handle the unrequited love I have. So please, chase her. And get her back (we all know she'd go back to you anyway). Please. If you ever cared about me at all, grant me this one last request.
Arthur. I love you. Be happy, without me. And maybe, if we are meant to be, we'll find each other again. But for now, we need some time apart.
I will love you forever, Arthur.
R&R :D