Never Leave You

Created on Tuesday, January first, 2013, 4:01pm

Heh. Estimated for this to take three hours, like The Secrets We Keep. :P

Series so far:

Never Leave You

Moment

Cerberus

Shock speared her to the floor of the hanger deck.

She couldn't breathe, the weight of devastation too heavy upon her chest to allow even the thought of what suddenly seemed poisonous and stale to pass through her lungs.

The world had collapsed into blurred colors around her, leaving her standing alone, eyes only able to make out the form of Kacey as she was carried away, her little eyes wide, the bandage on her head making her appear even smaller and frail than the first time Kara had ever laid eyes on her.

The sudden image of Kacey sprawled across the stairs with a small dark pool slowly spreading across the floor around her filled her vision, and once again, she was back in the apartment on New Caprica, feeling anew the absolute horror that had filled her when she discovered what had happened to Kacey.

What she had done to her.

Kara had hidden, too overwhelmed and afraid to handle the shock of Leoben's revelation, too afraid to face the little girl—her daughter—and what Leoben was trying to tell her,and the gods had punished Kacey as a result.

She remembered the words she'd spoken, remembered praying that the gods would spare her daughter.

Dimly, she was aware that Sam had moved closer to her.

Suddenly finding herself again sitting by Kacey's bedside, waiting, for days, for the little girl to wake up, tears began to slide down her cheeks.

Voicing words of concern that she couldn't understand in the fog of fear and grief that had taken over her mind, Sam pulled her into his arms. She stiffened automatically, expecting pain, but none came. He simply held her, and didn't seem to care that she didn't respond. Suddenly finding comfort in the soothing embrace, she threw her arms around his neck with a gasped half-sob.

She'd missed him so much.

She wanted to stay, to let him hold her forever, let him chase away the dark emotions that had taken up residence in her soul, but she knew she couldn't.

She still had a promise to keep.

And as the image of Kacey lying still at the bottom of the stairs once again flashed against the back of her eyes, she knew that she would do anything to protect her daughter.

I'm sorry, she wanted to whisper, but was unable to find her voice.

Praying to the gods that he would forgive her, she grabbed the gun he'd had holstered at his leg, shoved him away as gently as she could, and took off into the crowd after the woman who had taken her daughter from her.

The milling crush bodies around her felt suffocating after months of isolation, and panic began to claw at her chest, turning her breathing ragged as a vice constricted about her lungs, even before she had gone a few feet. The urge to flee almost overwhelmed her, but the urge to fight was just as strong.

The gun she gripped in her hand was comforting, a tethering rock in a whirlwind of chaos.

With it, she had control. With it, she could get Kacey back. She would get Kacey back. No one was going to take her daughter away from her. No one was going to lie to her. Not anymore.

Then her steps faltered, and she stumbled to a stop in the middle of the crowd.

How many times had she killed Leoben? Yet all for naught. He returned each time, patient and forgiving, and somehow that was worse than the blood that had stained her hands each time. Because each time he came back, part of her soul seemed to shatter and break away.

Because she killed him. He was dead. And then he wasn't. He always came back. Death had no meaning in that twisted dollhouse.

No consequences.

A flash of phantom pain at her wrist had her fingers tightening around the gun so hard her knuckles turned white.

Well, not entirely without consequences.

Overlapping with the sound of Leoben's voice, telling her that he would give her a reason to live, that he would show her how precious life was, Sam was calling her name.

The world spun around her as every beat of her heart seemed to slam a hammer against the inside of her suddenly aching head. The chanting of the crowd, repeating one indecipherable word over and over again, seemed to crash against her like a wave, pushing at her at the same time that it pulled, threatening to both tear her apart and drag her under at once.

She swayed, almost fell, and stumbled into someone beside her. The panic of their hands on her as they tried to steady her knocked the breath from her lungs and almost had her knees giving out beneath her. "Hey, careful there," They said, then, in confusion, "Starbuck...?"

A blurred double vision of the person's face appeared before hers as they suddenly grasped her shoulders in a painfully tight grip. "Starbuck, is that you?"

She flinched away from the terrifyingly familiar face, the world swirling sickeningly around her, the pounding in her head almost unbearable as she tried to stumble away from the Cylon woman.

With a clatter, the gun slipped from her fingers and she reached with both hands to clutch her head, clenching her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the world. Unable to stand any longer, she collapsed to her knees, falling so that she was bent over double with her head on her knees as she fought with all she had to stay conscious.

She had...had to...had to find...Kacey...she had to...get...find...some way out...

The Eight was leaning over her, trying to pull her hands away from her head, trying to get her to look up, while Helo shouted for a medic.

Though it hardly seemed possible, the noise of the crowed doubled as people stumbled back to make room around her, their stares burning into her skin, increasing the choking hold claustrophobia suddenly had on her throat.

A calm voice cut through the chaos around her in a single word.

"Kara."

She froze in horrified recognition of the voice, and then, unable to stop herself, lowered her hands from her head and, so very slowly, rose to a sitting position. She felt Sharon's hands hovering over her shoulders, uncertain, but Kara completely ignored her.

Leoben stood before her.

In an instant she was on her feet, the gun once more in her hand, drawing on some reserve of strength she wasn't even sure existed. Any second now, and it felt as though she would shatter.

"Get-get away from me." She hissed, baring her teeth. She didn't know why, but it was the only thing she'd discovered during her long months of captivity that disturbed him. Scream, curse, fight, kill him, and he didn't even bat an eye. But show your teeth, and he backed off, at least for a little while.

But every time he backed away, for once stopping his incessant rambling about rivers and streams and fixed points in time, his expressions showing true fear, she felt the heavy weight of guilt weigh down her soul just a little bit more.

This time, though, he didn't seem affected in the least, and for once, the familiar feeling of dread didn't overtake her mind. He just tilted his head to the side. "Kara," he said, sounding both amused and perplexed, "What exactly is it that you're doing?" He took a step closer.

She raised the gun and aimed it at his head.

Dimly, she was aware of the crowd panicking. Those standing behind the Cylon were frozen in place, staring at him with wide, terrified eyes, while those around them pushed and shoved, fighting to get away.

Sharon had stepped back a few paces was saying something, her voice low and urgent, but Kara only had eyes for Leoben.

He lifted his hands and held them up, palms out, as if to show that he meant no harm. As if she would ever believe that. "Kara," He said, again, his voice still filled with that mixture of confusion and amusement as he tilted his head to the side, "What are you doing?"

She knew he wasn't asking why she was threatening to shoot him. He already knew that answer. Had felt the sting of death by her hands too many times for him to question her motive on that front.

The compulsion to answer his question was far too ingrained in her to resist at this point. "I..." she trailed off, her lips twitching farther away from her teeth in her agitation, though he still showed no sign of fear at the action, "She took Kacey!" She finally snapped, her voice rising of its own accord.

She felt more that saw Helo take a hesitant step closer to her. His voiced pleaded with her, and though she heard him, with her tormentor standing only a few feet away, she couldn't find it in herself to take even a second of concentration away from Leoben, readying herself to fight or flee him at the slightest hint of threat, to understand his words.

Leoben turned his head to the side slightly, smirking, now. "And you're...what?" He said, "Going to rescue her?"

"Yes!" She snarled, glaring, the hand that gripped the gun trembling slightly from both rage and fear. Why was he acting as though he knew something she didn't? Was...was Kacey hurt? Had something happened? What if that woman—

"Why?" He asked calmly, completely derailing her train of thought, acting as though he weren't surrounded on all sides by the enemy and being threatened at gunpoint by someone he knew harbored no qualms about murdering him. Repeatedly. Violently.

For a moment, her thoughts stilled at the absurdity of the question.

Why? Why was she trying to protect her daughter? Why was she trying to get her back? Why she would do anything to protect her little girl, her Kacey?

She could only stare. "...What?"

"You heard me." He replied, starting deliberately towards her, his eyes glinting.

Startled, on the verge of panicking, she started to level the gun to his new position—and then he had his hands clamped around her wrist, and had twisted the gun out of her grip, letting it clatter once more to the floor, leaving her frozen in shock and fear, his face only inches away from her own, her hands immobile and useless, trapped in his iron grip.

Her breath caught in her throat, she didn't even dare to blink as he leaned in closer, staring into her wide and terrified eyes. The world around her fell away, leaving her in a cocoon of silence where only she and Leoben existed.

"What do you hope to accomplish?" He whispered in her ear, his breath across her neck sending a shudder of horror rolling down her back, "Why are you so determined to get her back?"

"I..." she whispered, unable to find her voice when he was so close. Fear clogged her throat. "I-I promised." She choked out, clenching her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to see him only a hand's breadth away. "I promised I'd never leave her."

"And when did you promise her that?" He asked, his voice still a deadly whisper.

"A-after-after she fell, when-when we were back in the apartment." She said in a broken whisper, her heart pounding in her chest at the memory the thought provoked. She flinched at the sight of a dark pool of blood slowly spreading behind her closed eyelids.

He tilted his head to the side, and she could almost feel the wicked smile that spread across his face. "Oh, but you'd already made another promise before then, hadn't you, Kara?"

She dared to crack her eyes open the tiniest bit to stare at him, confusion warring with fear. "I...I don't know what you're talking about."

He grinned, baring his teeth right back at her, and this time she couldn't help but stumbled back at the unexpected thrill of terror that tore through her mind at the sight. Her knees gave out beneath her and, keeping her wrists still clapped in his own, he lowered himself to the floor with her, so that they both sat on their knees, facing each other, their hands trapped between them.

"But you do." He said, teeth still bared, staring directly into her eyes, the last word coming out as a hiss, "Kara, you made a promise. A promise made in grief and fear. Do you remember what it was?" His voice had softened, gentled almost to a whisper, and this time it held none of the malice of before, as if he were talking to a scared child that didn't know what it had done wrong.

She felt a hesitant hand gently grip her shoulder, but didn't remove her eyes from Leoben's now gentle gaze. "I…" She whispered, unable to do anything but stare at him, try as hard as she might to think back as he was asking her to. "I don't…I-I don't know." She whispered, cringing slightly and looking away, afraid that at any moment he would go back to being the harsh and insistent Leoben she knew.

He released her wrists and lifted one of his hands to gently lay it against her cheek, drawing her fearful eyes back to him. He smiled softly, reassuringly, "Kara, it's okay, I know, I know you don't want to remember, but I promise you, it's okay. It's over now. You're fine. Kacey is fine. No one's going to hurt you anymore. You're here on the Galactica, and you're safe."

She stared at him, her eyes wide in bewilderment, but felt some of the tremors that had wracked her body since his arrival lessen. "Wha…but…"She whispered, unable to comprehend why he was trying to comfort her. "But you're…why are you—" Her words were cut off when he placed a finger on her lips, and she instantly stilled.

"Shh." He said, leaning in a bit closer to whisper in her ear, though there was nothing at all threatening about the movement this time, "Just close your eyes, and listen to the sound of my voice." After a moment of hesitation, she obeyed, letting her eyes slip shut and allowing his voice to wash over her. "Okay, now, Kara, I want you think back to when Kacey was in the hospital."

Her hands started to shake as she envisioned herself sitting once more by the little girl's bedside, and he gently clasped them within his own, offering this time comfort instead of confinement. "It's okay," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers, "It's okay, Kara, it's just a memory. Kacey is fine. Just keep thinking back, and tell me what you remember." His words were soothing, and slowly, the ball of tension that had knotted itself up inside her slowly untangled itself, strand by strand, until she was able to calmly revisit the memory without the drag of the remembered fear gnawing at her self control.

It seemed as though forever had passed before she spoke. "I…I asked the gods to spare her." She whispered, her words barely audible.

"Yes, yes." Leoben whispered, forehead still resting against hers, squeezing her hands reassuringly, "You did. And then you made a promise. Do you remember what it was?"

"…Yes." She whispered, her eyes twisting tighter shut as she tried to force away the anxiety that was starting to build back up, "I…I promised that I would do anything…if they let her live."

"You said that you would accept any price." He reminded her gently.

"I...yes. As long…as long as they let Kacey live…I asked them to punish me instead. I'd accept it without…without…"

And then the truth it her.

Her eyes snapped open and she lifted her head so that they were no longer touching, though she didn't move to regain her hands. She could only stare, and he stared back at her, his gaze steady and unwavering.

"You understand now." He said, and though it wasn't a question, he saw all the answer he needed in the shocked pain in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said softly, his own eyes reflecting back nothing but pity, "This is how it has to be. Kacey is alive, and the price for her life has already been paid." He gently released her hands and raised his own to gently place them on each side of her face, closing her eyes with a gently swish of his thumb. "Sleep, now, Kara." He said softly, "And know that all will be well when you awake."

Exhaustion slowly clouded her mind, and she was dimly aware that she was being lowered onto the ground. Then his hands disappeared, and the din of the hanger bay once more overwhelmed her senses.

But then the world around her grew fuzzy and dim, and she was cradled once more in oblivion's deep embrace.

Finished on January Eleventh, 2013, 3:54PM.

Time elapsed: Nine days and 23 hours.