Disclaimer - I own nothing of RENT. Everything belongs to the wonderful Jonathon Larson. 'Nuff said.
Italics are song lyrics and thoughts
A/N: I got this story idea while I was listening to the song Goodbye Love when I was sitting at Schuler Books and Music two days ago. Hope you enjoy. I will update Blue Skies - I'm just having some writer's block.
Summary: AU: The song Goodbye Love told from Mimi's POV.
Genre: Drama/None
Rating: T
It's right - that today's Halloween - it was Angel's favorite holiday. I knew we'd hit it off the moment we met - there was this skinhead who was harassing her and she just walked right up to him and said, "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be. I'm more of a woman than you'll ever get."
--Mimi Marquez (Rosario Dawson) from the movie RENT
It was after Angel's funeral and we were walking in the graveyard, when I walked up to Roger and struggled to find something to talk about.
"It's true you sold your car and bought a guitar?" I asked, trying to make conversation. He nodded and leaned against a tombstone.
"It's true. I'm leaving now for Santa Fe. It's true you're with this yuppie scum?" Roger inquired, nodding his head at Benny, who walked up next to us.
"You said you'd never speak to him again." Benny reminded me, putting a hand on my arm. I shrugged it off.
"Not now." I told him, looking down at the ground as tears came to my eyes.
"Who said you had any say in who she says things to at all?" Maureen's voice spoke up. I popped my head up when Joanne put a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah!" Roger agreed, not bothering to look at me.
"Who said that you should stick your nose in other people's -" Joanne's started to say when Maureen cut her off.
"Who said I was talking to you?" Maureen asked her partner, anger in her voice.
"We used to have this fight each night. She'd never admit I existed!" Joanne told us, angry.
"He was the same way - always 'run away. Hit the road. Don't commit' you're full of shit!" I told the group, pointing a finger at Roger. I felt all this anger inside me. It was for one major reason - Roger was being an ass and he knew it.
"Mimi!" Benny warned. I ignored him.
"She's in denial." Joanne yelled, her voice carrying over the graveyard.
"He's in denial." I told the group, glaring at Roger.
"Guys!" Mark piped up, stepping between Roger and I, but Benny held him back.
"Didn't give an inch when I gave a mile!" Joanne told us, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I gave a mile!" I told Roger. He rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips.
"Gave a mile to who?" Roger asked, defensive.
"Guys! Chill!" Mark and Benny told us, but we ignored them.
"I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had - someone to live for - unafraid to say I love you!" Joanne and I crooned to our lovers.
"All your words are nice, Mimi, but love's not a three-way street. You'll never share real love until you love yourself - I should know." Roger told me, taking a few steps towards me. I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.
"You all said you'd be cool today, so please, for my sake. I can't believe he's gone. I can't believe you're going. I can't believe this family must die. Angel helped us believe in love - I can't believe you disagree." Collins disappointed voice came from out of nowhere. He walked over to Roger and placed a hand on his shoulder, but Roger shrugged it off.
"I can't believe this is goodbye." All of us - except Collins - crooned. I looked over my shoulder and watched Roger leave the graveyard, Mark closely behind him. Maureen and Joanne hugged each other. I heard Joanne mumble 'I'm sorry' to Maureen as Maureen brushed the tears off Joanne's cheeks with her thumbs. Collins told us - Joanne, Maureen and I - that we could go home. Benny would stay with Collins to help pay for the funeral.
Maureen and Joanne drove me to the loft, the car was silent except for the radio playing softly in the background.
I thanked them and headed to my loft, changed my clothes and headed to Mark and Roger's loft. I sat outside the door and listened to everything that was happening inside.
--------------------------------------
"I hear there are great restaurants out west." Mark was saying.
"Some of the best. How could she?" was Roger's reply.
"How could you let her go?" Mark wanted to know.
"You just don't know. How could we lose Angel?" Roger asked after awhile.
"Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain. At least now if you try, Angel's death won't be in vain." Mark told his friend, his voice gentle, but firm.
"His death is in vain." Roger said. I could tell that he had been crying.
"Are you insane? There's so much to care about- there's me, there's Mimi." Mark told him.
"Mimi's got her baggage, too." Roger responded, a hint of bitterness in his voice.
"So do you." Mark reminded his friend. There was a moment of silence before Roger broke the silence.
"Who are you to tell me, what I know, what to do?" Roger inquired, his voice muffled. I knew that they were in a different part of the loft. I scooted closer to the door and listened in, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"A friend." Mark replied, his tone gentle.
"But who Mark are you? 'Mark has got his work' they say, 'Mark lives for his work' and, 'Mark's in love with his work.' Mark hides in his work." Roger screamed at his friend. I had never heard Roger yell like this and I knew it must've been hard on Mark to remain calm.
"From what?" Mark asked, defensive.
"From facing your failure. Facing your loneness. Facing the fact you live a lie. Yes, you live a lie - tell you why - you're always preaching not to be numb, when that's how you thrive. You pretend to create and observe when you really detach from feeling alive." Roger answered, frustration in his voice.
"Perhaps I'm the one of us to survive!" Mark answered, his voice shaking with anger. I bit my lip and blinked the tears out of my eyes. Why the hell was Roger acting like such an ass?
"Poor baby." Roger said in a sarcastic tone. My legs were starting to ache from sitting near the door. I stood up and started to head to my loft when I heard my name mentioned.
"Mimi still loves you - are you really jealous or afraid that Mimi's weak?" Mark inquired. I pressed my ear to the door and continued to listen.
"Mimi did look pale." Roger remarked. His tone changed when the two of them started talking about me - I knew that he cared about me, but by the way he was acting now, I didn't believe it.
"Mimi's getting thin. Mimi's running out of time and you're running out the door." Mark told his friend. Their voices were growing louder - I knew that they were near the door. I backed up a little and sat in the hallway, knees to my chest.
"No more! I've gotta go." Roger told his friend. He was outside the loft and I could see him perfectly from where I was sitting.
"Hey! For someone who's always been let down, who's heading out of town." Mark told his friend, some anger and sadness in his voice.
"For someone who longs for a community of his own, who's with his camera - alone. I'll call. I hate the fall." Roger told his friend, calming down a little bit. He was almost to the stairway when he noticed me sitting on the floor.
"You heard?" Roger asked me. I nodded and stood up.
"Every word. You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees. You don't want to watch me die?" I asked him, my voice full of sympathy. "I just came to say goodbye love, goodbye love, just came to say goodbye love, goodbye." I told him, feeling fresh tears in my eyes.
"Glory - one blaze of glory - I have to find." Roger crooned, walking past me and headed down the stairs. I followed him and tried to grab his hand, but he was moving too fast. I drew my light sweater close to me as I watched Roger get in his car and stay there for a moment. He's probably waiting for the heat to come on - or me to go inside I thought to myself.
"Just came to say goodbye love, goodbye love, goodbye love, goodbye." I sang, tears streaming down my cheeks. I headed back inside when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw it was Benny - the last person in the world I wanted to talk to. "Please don't touch me, understand I'm scared, I just need to go away." I told him, getting out of his grasp and headed to my loft. Mark had come out onto the stairway and glowered at the other man.
"I know a place - a clinic." Mark spoke up, startling both Benny and I.
"A rehab?" Benny asked. My heart was racing - I really wanted to get clean and I could tell that Roger wanted that for me, too. Maybe that's why he's so mad at me I thought.
"Maybe, could you?" I asked him, brushing the tears out of my eyes. There was a moment of silence. I could feel some tension in the air and could hear Mark's thoughts running through his head.
"I'll pay." Benny spoke up as he drew out his checkbook from his jacket pocket and handed a check to Mark. I thanked Benny with a sad smile, hugged Mark and headed to my loft. I opened the window of the fire escape and went outside, but not before grabbing my coat.
"Goodbye love, goodbye love, just came to say goodbye love, goodbye. Goodbye love, goodbye love, goodbye love, hello disease." I sang to the retreating car. I let out a sob and cried on the fire escape, not knowing if the love of my life would come back or not.
Two days after Roger left, I went to Happy Meadows Rehab Center in the heart of Manhattan - about five miles from the loft. I ended up staying two weeks before realizing how much I missed everyone - especially Angel. If she were alive, she would tell me to go back to Roger and to keep my chin up.
I left the rehab center and started to walk to the loft. The streets of New York are scary at night. I ended up staying in a park for a while before Maureen and Joanne found me.
After my 'near death experience', Roger and I got married in June. Roger died eleven months later. After he died, Mark and I became close - Maureen had gotten committed to Joanne, leaving Mark alone. In my heart, I always had a special place for him.
----------------
Mark's POV
After I lost my best friend, I gained another one - Mimi. She and I married in the summer at City Hall. It was just a small wedding - Mimi, Cindy, Lucinda (Mimi's sister), the priest and I.
Because of Mimi having HIV, we decided not to have kids, but to have some sort of baby. That's when we adopted Darwin - a loveable Dalmatian - that we had found wandering around the streets of New York. We loved him with all our hearts, and more.
Mimi and Darwin ended up passing away a week apart - Mimi from her HIV and Darwin from being hit by a car.
After Mimi died, I vowed never to fall in love again - until I met Johanna. Johanna had long blond hair, blue eyes and worked at Buzz Line as an intern when I decided to go back to work there. The more we talked, the more we grew to love each other.
After we had been going out for a while, I asked Johanna to marry me. She said yes and we got married in City Hall - just like I had done with Mimi.
Shortly after Johanna and I married, we welcomed twins - a boy and a girl - into the world. Johanna let me name the boy - Roger Samuel - after my best friend. She named the girl Hannah Elizabeth - after a friend of hers in high school who had recently passed away.
The four of us moved out of the city and into a brownstone house that we are still living in today.