Control

It's the last day of their lives as they know them. They've had hard journeys so far, both of them, even though Toki is a lot younger.

Toki's life has been neglect, failure to live up to standards, living in a life where he couldn't win, couldn't impress enough to protect himself from the next lash. A cold life of ice and lack of emotion, of an unfeeling idea of a higher power. And then...repression. Big changes. Wiping the slate clean before Toki's emotions had a chance to take all the notes. And Toki was thrust into a life of fame and Metal and power.

Power. Something Toki never learned how to handle. Power. There's nothing like it. Power is Toki's drug. It takes control of him, seeps into his veins, and turns him into a monster. A monster he welcomes like he would welcome a big troll who could carry him to school. Power makes him feel sinful and sexual and like he's finally worth something. It makes him feel vengeful and wrathful and ugly. And beautiful.

And alive.

Leonard has always liked a good thrill. First, it was little pranks. Little laughs. But it grew. And then reality wasn't good enough anymore. Normal wasn't good enough. He needed intoxication for the bigger laughs. He needed bright colors, bright lights, alcohol, drugs, more pattern, more highs, more music, more lights, more laughs, more sex, more rock, more snorting, more...just...more. He was a vessel for the pleasure his overloaded senses could bring. Life was his drug. His life. His life of more of everything.

Power and excess. Toki and Leonard. Lost souls who had forgotten what control meant. Unanchored. Spiraling. The guitarist and the clown.

Oh, they tried to fix their problems of wanting power and excitement. Toki tried to keep his anger hidden, and tried to be positive. But it became harder and harder to do. And Leonard stayed sober for two months by stamping down on the side of him he loved. By holding back that clown. But the clown proved too powerful. And the excess of power given to Toki as a member of Dethklok, well, that proved too abundant. And here they were, two, out of control. The clown and the monster rose again. And the clown liked the monster.

There was a big rough patch. Toki had seen Leonard at the mall, dressed as the Santa Claus. It hadn't made sense. How could something so wrong, so powerful, disguise as Santa Claus and expect to get away with it? This wasn't the place for him. He belonged in Mordhaus. He could get his life back in perspective. He could focus, concentrate on sobriety, and even get into the Christmas spirit. Toki had just known it. After all, two months, two months wasn't bad. He could do it again. He could work even harder. Toki would be there this time, not Rikki Kixx. He'd help him.

But the clown took Toki's presents and sold them, and snorted them all up his nose. A white Christmas. All for him, no sharing, no power for Toki. No happy Christmas, just betrayal.

But...why? Why, Toki would ask himself. Why? And then he'd tell himself Never Again.

Well...part of it, honestly, part of it went beyond the cocaine, and into self-doubt. Leonard didn't think of Toki as anything but perfect. He had a pile of tabloid and newspaper articles about the man back at home. He dreamed about Toki rescuing him all the time. But when Toki rescued Leonard, Leonard always managed to fail him. Reality, normality, these things were disappointment. Leonard tried to laugh disappointment off. He tried to snort it up his nose and consume it, before it consumed him.

But it was his appreciation and gratitude for what Toki had done that brought him back and humbled him. He was used to being humbled, for a little while, but the feeling usually wore off. He'd forget about the $20 hand job, and concentrate on the can of spray paint. He'd forget the Sobertown t-shirt he didn't deserve anymore and concentrate on the pills in the bottle.

But when he watched one of the countless reruns of the destroyed Christian Church of Christianity's Christmas special, only slightly high, he realized he had used Toki.

Toki had been giving him one last chance. It was always one chance. Another chance. And another. Because Toki was the one with the power to get him to change. They both knew it. Power. Excess, excess of chances. Leonard had just been afraid, and weak-willed. To see himself touched by Skwisgaar's mom while Toki suffered was unacceptable. Servetta Skwigelf was the vessel in which Toki's biggest rival had been brought to the world. And he had considered her more important than his friend who had been so good to him. His only friend, really.

He was a filthy clown. Toki had seen him lower than anything and not turned away. He'd always laughed at his jokes. He'd helped him feel young again. There was only one thing Leonard could do. Beg for him not to keep him out of his life for good.

He made sure his face looked perfect. Bright, solid sections. And, for once, he didn't feel like the jumpsuit. He wore a shirt and jacket. No application of Super Bright Super Circus Temporary Hair Dye. Just his make-up. Just his mask. Just the protection he needed. Just the thing that would impress clown-loving Toki the most.

He had to explain to five different guards that his purpose in being at Mordhaus was to apologize to Toki. He had a feeling the lack of a jumpsuit and the appearance of his natural hair color added credence to this claim.

"Master, Dr. Rockso the rock and roll clown is here to see you."

Toki looked up from his jigsaw puzzle. Dr. Rockso. Dr. Rockso. Toki picked up a piece and defiantly looked for a spot to hook it onto. "Sos?"

The klokateer shifted on his feet awkwardly. "Should we let him in, Master?"

"What's he wants?"

"What does he want?" the klokateer asked, speaking into his headset. He looked at Toki as a response was made. "Uh, it seems he wants to apologize."

There that piece went. "Fucks dat!" Toki scoffed.

There was a short silence in which Toki found the correct spot for a few more pieces and the klokateer shifted, hesitating to take action. Toki's response was not clear, and unless he understood for sure what Master Toki wanted, he would risk Master Toki's wrath. Master Toki was hard to deal with, as an employee, to say the least. Things just seemed to get worse and worse. It had started before Charles Offdensen's "funeral." It had started, perhaps, after Master Toki had returned from Norway, where he had witnessed his father's death. Power. He'd always wanted it. He was taking it now.

"Ah well," Toki finally said, finding the right spot for a piece with wildflowers on it, "maybes I can ats least makes hims feel worse. Sends him ins, but has someones closebys incase I gots to kick his ass outs." He didn't know whether he'd have to kick him out or not. He could see it happening. He was coming to realize that Dr. Rockso wasn't fixable, no matter how many chances he received.

"Right away, sire."

Leonard was led in to see Toki. Toki took in the lack of bright hair or clothing. Odd. Awkward.

They just stared at each other.

Finally, Leonard spoke, voice high, the volume and enthusiasm both subued. "I'm saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-ry. K-k-yeah." The last was more sobbed than stated.

Toki crossed his arms. Good. This was Dr. Rockso. He should be sorry. Toki stood. "I tries to be nice to you, Dr. Rockso. You throws it in my face. I just wanteds you not to be alone on Christmas, and you stoles all my presents fors your cocaine."

"Yeah. I did." He hung his boring, brown-clad shoulders. "Maybe I should...should take off this clown paint, huh?"

"Don'ts," Toki said. "That ams not for yous to decide, clown."

Leonard's shoulders hunched a little more. Toki wasn't going to make this easy on him. As well he shouldn't, but Leonard could tell this was going to be painful. "Dr. Rockso done you real bad. He used you to get cocaine, and tossed you aside when he got himself a hand job from Skwisgaar's mom."

"Damns rights! You don'ts appreciates me! I coulds have gives you friendships. It's much betters dan cocaine. And whos wants hand jobs from Skwisgaar's doity mom?"

"Lonely people?"

"Lonely peoples." Toki felt this was just an excuse. His glare deepened.

"You was Dr. Rockso's only friend. Don' think he don't know that."

"So nows...nows you has...nones?"

"Just me, myself, and I, buh-baby."

Toki held his glare for a good two minutes after that, of silence, and then it gradually disappeared. "Fucks."

"What's wrong?"

"Damnsit. You fucksing clown! You's nothing buts trouble! I should murders you!"

"If that's what Toki wants, Toki can have it."

Toki stared, glare now totally gone. Something in Leonard's eyes, they said, "do it." They said there wasn't any hope left for him. Toki was shocked. This was not how killing Rockso should go. If he killed Rockso, it wouldn't be Rockso's decision. His murderous rage dwindled to a rage for a simpler show of power with less legal repercussions. "Dr. Rockso," he said quietly, "you don't say things like that. Peoples what's really wants to kill yous might dos it."

"So you were just sayin' that?"

Toki hesitated. He had meant it. Lately, he'd felt so powerful. But so out of control. But so powerful! But, he'd been horrible. He'd done horrible things. And Dr. Rockso clearly wasn't himself. "Yeah." Horrible things. "I mean...you thoughts I'd..." That wasn't like him. That wasn't like him! He wasn't like that. That clown, he shouldn't just assume! "LOOKS. I ONLIES EVER KILLS ONE GUY. I just beats him up too hard. So fucks that!"

"Dr. Rockso be doin' the world a k-k-k-favor if he couldn't rock and roll no more." Leonard shrugged.

Toki glared again. The clown meant it. The clown was full of hopelessness. The clown! He dragged Leonard into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. "I should wash yous fucking face! You can'ts bes a clowns! Theres ams no such things as a real sad clowns!" Toki took out his makeup remover. He usually used it to take off his corpse paint after a show.

"What're you gonna do?"

"I'ms gonna takes away yous clowns makesup, you dumbshits!" Toki started scrubbing it off. Toki didn't have a problem. Rockso had a problem.

Leonard didn't struggle at first, merely stared at his reflection as Toki worked. His bright, excessive colors were being scrubbed away. His tan, wrinkled skin came into view. He looked into his own eyes. He felt naked, absolutely stripped bare. And miserable. And unaccountably hideous.

"Aw-ha-ha, that's enough," he finally sobbed. Toki ripped off his clown nose. "Ahh!" He squirmed as Toki finished the process of taking all the makeup off. Toki threw the nose onto the floor, and stepped on it, squishing it down with his boots, kicking it across the room.

"Fucks you, Dr. Rockso," he spat. "I trusteds you, yous big, dumbs clown. You's fucking horrible. You's not goods for anything."

"K-k-kill me, Toki."

"Nos. I won'ts. Yous a screws up. Whys I listens to you? I say I shoulds kills you. But I won'ts." Toki looked over at the helpless Dr. Rockso. YES. Exactly. This was his moment. He could do anything to Rockso. "Dr. Rockso. You stays here."

Dr. Rockso looked up at Toki. He had been staring at the discarded clown nose. "Toki, I'm not Dr. Rockso, when I look like this. But I'll stay."

"YOUS WHOEVERS THE FUCKS I SAYS YOU ARE!" Toki screamed.

Dr. Rockso relaxed. "Okay. I'm Dr. Rockso."

"That's right! You's finally gonna stops with the cocaine. You's really gonna dos it. You screws up, I never sees you again. This...this ams it for you. You's old and ugly and washed up, and I'ms your only friend."

"You're my only friend," Leonard repeated, slowly. Then he repeated it again. "You're my only friend."

"I's your only friend. No one's gonna be happsy with you. Everyones hates you. Buts you can has another chance. I wants to sees you bes a productive member of society. Ifs you prove yourself, thens you has mades it up to me. It's won'ts be easy. But you's a selfish prick. Ats least now you's not playings around. We's fucking gonna do this together. We's gonna succeed. You belongs to me. I's will have you unders surveillance. Yous will sleeps in my bed. I wills go to the bathroom with you. I will showers with you. You don'ts deserves to dos it by yourself yet. You's acting likes a baby. Nows you get treated likes one."

Leonard sniffed. This was too good to be true.

"You understand me?" Toki stepped closer and raised his hand.

"I understand you! T-Toki, I love you."

Toki's hand lowered. He looked unaccountably confused. "You loves me?"

"Dr. Rockso. He love you."

Toki's baffled expression remained. "Uh...comes to dinners with me. At once. Thens we gos finds you a doctor what helps with drugs. You's my pet project. You's my pet."

"K-k-merciful Toki. K-yeah." He sniffed, wiping his nose. "Dr. Rockso's never been a pet before."

"You's accepts all the terms ands reguslations?"

"Mmm-hmm." He gave Toki a watery smile. "I guess so."

"Goods." As Toki led Rockso to the dining room, he still looked confused.

The band was eating. While it might have been best to announce Dr. Rockso's presence in an official band meeting, Toki had decided they needed to get this out of the way before they went to see the doctor, and that needed to happen as soon as possible. He pushed through the door, dragging a willing, if nervous, Leonard Rockstein inside. The lead guitarist, the vocalist, the bassist, and the drummer all looked up, all with expressions of intense dislike.

Murderface was the first to say something. "That aschole ruined my Christmas special!"

"Yeah, he tooook your giiiiiifts!" Nathan reminded Toki, looking annoyed.

"He lets my moms touch hims. Ands talks to me all creepy, fucks him!" Skwisgaar spat.

"He's nat supposed to be in here. Ya can't tell me Cheearles okayed all theeis."

"Wells," Toki hesitated.

"See? See? He didn't! And, fer once, I agree with him, you know? No more cleeowns. They're nothin' but trouble."

"He didn'ts say that."

"Yeah, but he's gonna."

"But he didn'ts!"

"Yee-uh, but—"

"GUYS! STOP. Toki," Nathan sighed, grumbling to himself. "Toki, what is he doing here? What the fuck is he...doing...here?"

Toki put his hands on his hips. "I'ms gonna takes him ins and makes him cleans, once and for all. He knows this ams really his last chance." Toki grew quiet as they all looked at the very subdued Leonard Rockstein. "He has to eoirn his clowns shits back. After he eats, we wills see a doctor. You guys don'ts likes him. I don'ts gives a fuck; I don'ts likes him either. But it's the rights thing to do. I can helps him. I'm the only one. So ignores him, and let's eat. What we havings?"

The band members didn't really have anything to say to that, except, "Uh...cala...calamari."

"Oh. Goods."

With a full stomach, Leonard felt a little more comfortable with his new role in life. Toki's pet. What was it pets did, exactly? Stayed by their owner's side? Learned tricks? They certainly didn't sell things for cocaine. They didn't even know how to snort it.

Toki nudged him. "Dr. Rocksos, we gots to gos to the doctor."

"Wait, Toki." Pickles said, watching Toki and Leonard get to their feet. "Talk to Ahfdensen first. Seriously."

Toki waved it off. "I mades my promise to Dr. Rockso. He's gonna stays here, and that's that."

"But you need to talk to him, dood."

"You know, Pickles is right," Nathan said.

It didn't matter that Nathan was usually the final authority in the band. Toki glared. "I don'ts needs his approval." That he didn't need Nathan's approval he didn't have to say. "Now comes on, Dr. Rockso."

Toki felt the thrill of victory thrum inside of him when he realized they were going to be able to fly to St. Necrophagist without consulting anyone. It was all his decision. All his doing. He was getting Dr. Rockso help on his own terms.

Toki pushed him into a Dethplane, following the clown inside until he heard, "Uh oh."

"Uh ohs?" Toki pushed forward, eyes widening at what he saw.

"Going somewhere?" Charles Offdensen sat on the seat, hands folded, looking oddly sinister for sitting in such a nonaggressive pose. "Why don't you two get in here and we'll have a little talk." He patted the seat. Toki made a face. It seemed this was it for things going the way he wanted them to go. He wouldn't give up without a fight though.

Toki, not happy with being ordered around, ushered Leonard to sit first. Leonard complied, though he felt very self-conscious as Toki sat on his other side. He felt trapped. Just Toki by himself as his master, that he could handle. But more than one master was just asking for trouble. And Leonard hadn't forgotten the orders Charles Offdensen had given in the past that had led to his suffering.

Leonard seriously hadn't forgotten.

Feeling more uneasy the more he thought about it, he curled around Toki, resting his head on Toki's shoulder. It was a move that was well worth the possible rejection.

"What is he doing?"

"He's my pet," Toki said sternly.

"Your...pet?"

"I'm gonna gets him clean," Toki explained. "I makes him do everyt'ings with me, likes that cat what's I had."

"Mhm. I see."

Toki didn't like the doubtful tone of Offdensen's voice. He defiantly curled his fingers in long, dirty blond hair, finger combing through it.

Leonard realized that Toki was touching him. Gently. Leonard was shocked and pleased at this wonderful turn. Maybe Dethklok's manager was good for something after all: unifying people through their collective hate of his attitude.

"You'll see. He's gonna be the best rock and roll clown you's ever seen," Toki said defiantly. "He really knows, I mean really, really knows it's it for hims. Ends of the lines, clowns. You knows it?" Toki asked Leonard, to prove his point.

Head still on Toki's shoulder, he looked over at Offdensen as best as he could and said, "I understand, Mr. Manager Man. I been a bad clown to a good friend. Toki'll show me the way now."

"I wills shows him...the way," Toki repeated dramatically.

"Okay," Offdensen said. "Now, what are your plans with this doctor?"

"Wells," Toki said, still gently combing his fingers through Leonard's hair, "I want to see what's he says. He mights thinks we should sees a counselor, or he mights suggests some sorts of medications."

"Medication?"

"To quit the drugs."

Charles was impressed. Toki had to have done a little research to suggest that. Nevertheless, things had to be approached carefully. Charles had to make sure Toki was going to handle it all the right way. "I think I should come into the room with you guys."

Toki tsked. "Fine. Whatsever. Thens you leaves us alone."

"When I see how Leonard has gotten settled, and if I agree with how you plan for things to go, I will leave you alone."

"Mmm, it's okey dokey, Toki. He can come in."

Toki frowned. "I gets final say, though." He petted the hair a little more. Leonard was really glad Charles was pissing Toki off so much and making him so defensive. He remembered the way Toki had took his makeup off just a little while ago. And he felt the way his hair was being petted now. He felt like a prized pet.

Charles looked at Toki. Toki didn't look like he'd back down on it. "I'll give you, mm, two weeks before I step in, unless a serious problem arises that needs to be tended to immediately. Okay?"

Toki hesitated. Finally, he sighed. "Alrights. You'll sees, though! I'll makes him better!"

"I hope you do." Toki was surprised at how much he sounded like he meant it.

The hospital was just as white and impersonal as Toki had remembered. He'd discovered that hospitals him feel nervous. He'd had a local doctor growing up, and had only seen Dethklok's in-house personal doctor up until the renovations. Now he had to go to a hospital like a regular jackoff. He didn't like them. But he wanted to help out Dr. Rockso.

"Toki? You look nervous. They're about to call Leonard's name. Are you gonna be alright?"

Toki swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

Leonard look at him curiously. "What's the matter? You don't like hospitals?"

"Wells, do you? They's weird!"

"They are weird," Charles conceded.

"Yeah, but you don't gotta worry, Toki. This is about me. The doctor gonna help me."

"You's rights." He knew it was stupid to feel so weird about people that could help him. But, really, he'd never needed a hospital growing up, when he was beaten. Why did he need one now? Okay, he didn't need one. Rockso needed one. Rockso was messed up and needed help. Toki didn't need help. Toki was fine.

"Leonard Rockstein?"

"I guess it's showtime," he said with a wavery smile as he got up. Toki and Offdensen followed him into the doctor's office. It was just as white and impersonal as the rest of the hospital. Toki was glad he got to sit down in a regular chair and watch. Dr. Rockso had to sit on the table.

The nurse who had led them in went about checking Leonard's blood pressure and pulse and breathing and, well, all the normal stuff. It made Toki very nervous. He felt protective over Dr. Rockso. It wasn't the first time that had happened.

"Alright, so," the nurse said, "what seems to be the problem?"

"We-ell," Leonard started, but was cut off.

Charles spoke up. "Excuse me, ma'am, but my name is Charles Offdensen—"

"Manager of Dethklok."

"Right."

"Your picture's in the lobby."

"Right. Anyway, I want some input on this, and Toki gets some too. Mr. Rockstein is giving us the rights to all his medical information during this process of getting sober."

The nurse looked at Leonard. "Is this true, Mr. Rockstein?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'll sign all the information over to these two jackoffs."

"Alright. I'll get the paperwork together when I leave to get the doctor."

"Thank you," Charles said. "Alright, so, the problem. Toki, you wanna take this one?"

Toki had been glaring at Offdensen since he started talking. How dare that stupid manager want the information released to him? Wasn't it bad enough he'd given Toki a deadline? But when the conversation about Leonard's problem was relinquished to him, he appreciated it.

"Dr. Rockso, ums, Leonsard, he ams a real big drugs attic. He mainly like cocaine, but he has tolds me before that he ams huffs things like paint, he has dones meths, and heroins, and poppsed OxyContins ands other pains pills."

Leonard nodded and nodded after each drug listed. "Yeah, I done them all. I also done X, Mary Jane, angel dust, opium—"

"Look," Offdensen said to the nurse. "You name it, he's done it. And he'll keep doing it, if he isn't referred to a therapist and given some sort of medication for the addictions he has. Toki and I both know this from observation of him."

The nurse nodded. "I understand, Mr. Offdensen. The doctor will be right in. I'll get those papers."

Suddenly, Leonard was alone with his two masters again. "You think they'll be able to help me?"

"It's possible. I think we can go ahead and set you up in meetings with Twinkletits, if you'd like."

"Oh, is he the doctor I saw for that intervention?"

"Yes, that was him."

"He's not so bad." Leonard remembered the man in question.

"Yes, well, a run-in with the yard wolves will do that to a person."

"Dat's how he gots his metal arms," Toki supplied. "Yeahs, befores that, he was moiderous and crazies. But afters, he okay. But he talks in a reals high voice."

"Dr. Rockso talk in a real high voice."

"Yes. Yes you do."

The doctor came in at that moment. "Mr. Offdensen! What a pleasure!" He offered his hand, which Charles shook. "And Toki Wartooth, my my. But I don't believe I've ever met you, Leonard, uh, Rockstein, is it?"

"Mm-hmm."

"So you've been unable to get sober?"

Toki stepped in. "Waits. Ums, nos, he gets sober last years fors 2 months, then holies craps did he ever relapse. Tells him."

Dr. Rockso nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I got sober. Uh, Toki helped me then too."

"Actually, our in-house therapist helped him. Behavioral therapy. But, I think he needs more. I think it really is time for some sort of pharmaceutical aid. Really."

The doctor nodded. "I trust your opinion, Mr. Offdensen. Now, there are no drugs for treating stimulant addictions out on the market yet."

"On the market. But is there anything you can get us, as your, uh, most important clients?"

"Absolutely. It's called pepsitriksidone, or Pepzi."

"Oh! I's gets it!"

"You...get it?"

Toki grinned, knowing he was smarter than the robot. "The AntiCokes! Ha!"

The doctor grinned. "Uh, yes. Pepzi, aka. AntiCoke."

"I see. Well, what are the risks, and can we have this made in-house? We do have a crack team of scientists at our disposal."

"I'll have someone consult them personally. I don't personally know about any of the side-effects. I can't imagine they would be life-threatening. I will have your scientists briefed."

"Okay. Yes, find someone and send them over." Charles got out a business card. "You just call me, and we'll arrange it all."

"Absolutely, Mr. Offdensen. Your friend here should hopefully be a success. You, uh, wouldn't mind if I wrote about his progress? Anonymously of course."

"Of course not."

"ESCUSE ME!" Charles's eyes snapped to his rhythm guitarist. "This ams my friends, this ams my pets project."

"Of course." Charles stepped back slightly and let Toki have at it.

"Wells, it's fines by me. I just wants him betters. We gives hims the drug, and we sees what's happen. He can onlies go up froms here. He whoring himself out for drugs." Charles looked surprised at this, and looked at Dr. Rockso. "I fucking saves him. You fucking saves him. He gonna be just foine."

Leonard was so grateful for Toki again. Toki. Every word was like a calloused caress of a stubbled cheek, like fingers run through long, tangled hair. He felt worthless but cherished, like an old collection of Beanie Babies. He just...felt, for the first time in a while. And he was hopeful.

"Hey, Dr. Rocksos, you wants a lollipop?" Toki asked, spotting the jar of lollipops on the counter.

"Mm-hmm! A yellow one, b-baby."

The doctor fished one out and handed it to him. "You guys are good to go. You can go ahead and check out."

"Thank you, Mr. Doctor." Leonard started unwrapping his.

"Toki want a red one," Toki said, and happily unwrapped his too.

"Mr. Offdensen?"

"Oh, no. No thanks. We'll check out, but first the nurse, Marilyn, she has some paperwork for Dr. Rockso to sign about releasing information to Toki and I."

The nurse came back in momentarily, and they got it all squared away and were able to check out. They got back into the Dethplane. Leonard curled against Toki again as they ate their lollipops. Charles didn't comment. It didn't even bother him much. If Toki was going to treat Leonard like a cat and if Leonard was going to allow it, he didn't see a problem, as long as Leonard got clean.

And he would get clean. Or he'd get out.

Leonard had had an emotional evening. Toki had too. As they walked inside alongside Charles Offdensen, Toki stopped the man. "Offdensen, we's needs to gets Dr. Rockso's things from his house. Maybes we buys him some new clothes too."

Charles looked mildly touched. "Okay, Toki. I'll have his stuff sent to the haus and I'll make sure you guys can go shopping tomorrow."

Toki nodded. "T'anks you. NOW COMES ON, DR. ROCKSO, GETS YOUR ASS OUTS OF DIS PLANES, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

Leonard hurried to follow Toki.

Toki's room was just as he remembered it. Cozy, colorful, inviting, simple. Glorious. And filled with parents and tiny planes. It made him uneasy, so when Toki showed him where to put his things and gave him some direction, he secretly appreciated it.

Then, when everything was in order, Toki led him to the bathroom. Leonard let Toki strip him and get him into the golden tub. He didn't really find it weird. Neither did Toki. Rockso was like his pet, after all, right? So he sat in the gold tub and let Toki scrub at him until he was satisfied. Until Dr. Rockso's hair was tangle free. Until he was acceptable. Until he was clean.

Clean. Leonard melted into the touch at the thought. He could really do it this time. It wasn't just Toki trying. He was ready to try now too, and not just use Toki. He was done using Toki like he used cocaine, like he used prescription bottles full of innocent pills, like he used ecstasy. Done.

"Dones." Toki pulled the plug. Leonard sat in the tub as the water drained away, leaving him naked. He looked over at Toki, who held his towel up for him. "Gonna gets out?"

He pushed himself up, almost slipping on the floor, but he caught himself, and he dried off with the towel.

He even allowed Toki to literally tie his foot to the bed, with a knot he wasn't sure he could get out of. Things actually seemed okay. They actually seemed okay.

The digital clock displayed three o'clock, with two very aware zeroes as wide open as Leonard Rockstein's eyes.

Toki's eyes were soon wide open as well.

"DR. ROCKSO NEED SOME COCAINE!" Leonard shouted. He shook Toki hard by the shoulder. "I need somethin' in my system, buh-baby!" His expression was that of an absolute maniac. A look of horror dawned across Toki's face. A too-tan hand got too close to his throat, and Toki reeled back and shoved Leonard onto the floor. He glared at him.

"NO. BAD CLOWN."

Leonard tried to get the knot undone.

"You's can'ts gets aways that easy. And you can'ts has nos cocaines. Whens our fuckings AntiCokes comes to us? Ugggggh." He stepped over the desperate, flailing man and grabbed his Dethphone.

"Toki?"

"Offdensens. Dr. Rocksos ams freakings out. I wants that fucksing Pepzi." Leonard grabbed at his legs, but he kicked in response, smiling faintly when his bare foot connected with Leonard's gut and winded him.

"Oh. To be expected, I suppose. What is he doing, right now?"

"Ehs, he's tied to the bed. On the floor. He grabs ats my feet."

"I see. I can have a tranquilizer gun sent down until we have the pepsitriksidone. A guard too, if you want."

"Yeahs," Toki paused to kick him in the rib. "Stops it!" He put the phone back to his ear, stepping across the room, out of Dr. Rockso's reach. "Maybes I just comes gets it. He's tied pretty good, by his foots."

"Whatever you think is best. I'll prepare the gun."

"Yeah, I'ms comin' down."

Toki hung up. "You's stops it, clown! I's gets a guns whats shoots the hells out of yous withs calms-you-downs."

In his underwear, he walked the halls of Mordhaus to Charles Offdensen's office. Offdensen, in a bathrobe, handed him a gun and extra tranquilizer. "Do you want me to get you two all settled again?"

"Nos!" Toki snapped. "I can dos it."

"It was just a question, Toki. Have a, uh, good night, okay?"

"Yeahs... Nights!" Toki ran out of the room with his prize. His new tranquilizer gun. His power.

Toki's run slowed and halted as he saw the door of his room come into sight, and he threw it open and stepped inside.

"Dr. Rockso!"

Leonard looked up at him, sniffed, and cringed.

"Dr. Rockso!"

Slowly, Leonard began to screw the lid back onto the bottle of rubber cement.

"DR. ROCKSO! You motherfucker!" Toki dragged Leonard, who was no longer struggling, but oddly compliant, to sit up on his knees.

He brought the gun down on Leonard's bald head with a decisive crack. Leonard let out a scream, and then a moan of pain, but he held still, his ears ringing. Shaking slightly, he held still, and moaned again.

"I leaves yous alones fors just a little while! You's don'ts respects my rules! YOU CLOWN! What's you gots to says, hm?" Toki brandished the gun again.

There was no answer. Leonard held his breath, waiting for the gun to crack him in the head again. There was no reason it shouldn't. He closed his eyes. He felt kind of dizzy.

"Yous hurts mes deeplies, clown."

And Leonard sobbed.

He pushed the rubber cement away with the back of his hand, hearing it roll across the stone. He sobbed. He'd done it again. He'd fucking done it again.

He heard the click of the gun being cocked, forgetting, for a moment, that it was not loaded with bullets. He looked up with wide blue eyes and sobbed.

The tranquilizer caused him to slip into a sea of lethargic existence. He slumped a little, then just curled up on his side on the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest. He sobbed quietly, not sure how he felt about anything anymore, but seemingly unable to stop.

Toki set the gun on his desk and knelt on the floor. He untied the tricky knot of the rope around Leonard's ankle.

"Rubbers cements is fors crafts, Dr. Rockso. It's not for drugs."

Leonard could barely hear him. He was floating. His head was throbbing, but he was floating. Toki helped him into the bed. The same hands steadied him that had held the gun.

"I gets ice. You lays there. Goods."

Toki walked all the way to the kitchen to get him ice.

Charles Offdensen came to check on the situation the next morning. His eyes widened at the sight of the welt on the back of Dr. Rockso's head. He swallowed. Not an issue. Dr. Rockso had been hurt before and never sued. It was just so odd to see evidence of Toki's violent acts.

Toki sat up. "Mornings."

"Good morning. We should get the, uh, the Pepzi at some point today."

"Oh. Goods. He need it."

"Right. Is he, uh...you know what, you both seem fine. Did you, uh, want that shopping trip?"

"Oh. Rights. New clotheses." Toki nudged his guest, his pet. "Dr. Rockso?"

Leonard opened his eyes, and groaned, squinting.

"I's gonna takes you outs to gets some new clothes. You solds lots of thems. I's gets you more, buts you gots to get clean."

"Dr. Rockso, a scientist is going to come over today and talk to our in-house laboratory about the creation of pepsitriksidone."

"Oh, my P-P-Pepzi?"

"Yes. How is your head?"

"Dr. Rockso is fine," Toki said firmly, strained smile in place. He stretched. "I get dressed and gets him more ice."

"Okay. But I'm getting him something, a pill, to take the swelling down in his head."

"Whys? What's you thinks happens to his head?" Toki asked, his tone a warning.

"I think poor Rockso didn't realize he was tied to the bed and he fell and hurt himself."

"Rights. He fells." Toki liked this version. He fell.

"People...fall all the time. They just...fall. Hard, sometimes."

"Rights."

"Sometimes people don't understand how dangerous...falling...can be. Gravity. It's powerful."

"Rights."

"I'll go get him that pill now. Alright?"

"Okays. We'll gets dressed, I gets him ice. Then we's gonna go shopping like real cool pals."

"Just like pals. Do you think Dr. Rockso will be, uh, falling any time soon? It might, uh, impede his progress on the, uh, Sober Express."

Toki looked hard at Leonard, who looked right back, then looked away. Was this the Toki he knew? "I's t'inks he gonna be more carefuls now. Now dat's he knows."

"Now that he knows about gravity."

"Gravities."

Offdensen left to get Rockso some Ibuprofen. Toki stood and started to get dressed. "The floors ams stills hard, Dr. Rockso," he warned. "Bes careful."

Facing away from Toki, looking at the wall, Leonard scowled. How could Toki get away with hurting him? People didn't get away with doing that to a pet. The animal cops got them for it. They didn't get away with it. His scowl quickly turned into an expression of hesitance when calloused fingertips traced the aching bump on his head. This had to be a different Toki. Which Toki was the real Toki? Was the Toki of the past a delusion, or was this one?

"I gets you ice," a gentle voice promised. Toki left, fully dressed. Leonard waited in silence for the two who were avoiding the subject. They all knew. He'd signed on for this, for being in Toki's control. He was Toki's, legally. For the next two weeks. This Toki, whoever it was. Then Offdensen could step in. That was how it was.

Just two weeks. Just two more weeks of this Toki.

The throbbing in his head lessened considerably when the Ibuprofen started to kick in. Leonard was dressed in regular clothes again. It was weird, not getting as many stares as he was used to. He felt deprived. He missed the stares. There had been so much attention for him when he was a rock and roll clown who did cocaine. Now, his only attention came from a pistol-whipping best friend. No, owner.

Where was the Toki he had locked up in his apartment, in the newspaper and tabloid clippings? Where was the Toki he trusted?

"Dr. Rocksos! Are you paying attentions?"

Leonard glared for a moment, as if daring Toki to hit him again. Slowly, though, the fight in him died away, and he resigned himself to nodding. "Mhm."

"Okays. Let's buys you clothes. You's gonna looks great!"

Leonard took a moment to analyze Toki's easy-going smile. This was the right Toki. This was what he wanted. He hesitantly replied. "Dr. Rockso gonna look real good, T-Toki."

The craving was about to hit again. Leonard could tell that it would, as Toki led the klokateers with his bags inside the haus and all the way to Toki's room. The klokateers were then ordered to arrange the clothes in the closet. Leonard looked around, disappointed as he realized he'd nudged the rubber cement out of the way a little too well. It was out of sight. It had to be under the bed. No way Toki wouldn't notice him moving the bed. He'd find something else, though.

Toki put a hand on his shoulder. "Dr. Rocksos, you's gets yours AntiCokes today."

That was right! That was right, wasn't it? AntiCoke. "Right! AntiCoke! That's right, buh-baby!"

Toki squeezed his shoulder. "You wills gets overs this needs fors getsing high. I cans feel it."

Charles Offdensen came into the room then. "Well, I'm glad you feel that way. Come with me, you two."

The hallways of Mordhaus had never seemed so intimidating, or so endless. They stopped in front of a windowless door with a card reader to the right of it. Charles swiped his card, and opened the door. Inside was...a standard issue examination table.

Upon closer inspection, Leonard realized that there were restraints on the table. He could remember the last time he'd been restrained around Charles Offdensen. He didn't want a repeat performance. He would beg for Toki's mercy if he had to, to protect himself. "Have a seat on the table, Mr. Rockstein."

Charles walked over to a small metal cabinet on the wall. Reaching into his pocket, he produced a key, which he used to open the cabinet.

Toki encouraged Leonard. "Gets ons the tables sos we's what's...can has fixes you good."

Leonard only sat after eyeing Toki's smile for a good, hard moment, and declaring it acceptable.

"Toki, Dr. Rockso. I present to you pepsitriksidone." With a gloved hand, Charles held up a syringe. He must have prepared it while Leonard had been considering whether or not to sit down. That's what the clown got for not paying enough attention.

Leonard grabbed Toki's hand in a tight grip, surprising Toki, but Toki didn't get angry. "Ready?" Charles asked. Leonard answered in the affirmative, and the needle went into his skin. The pepsitriksidone entered his bloodstream.

They waited.

"How's you feels?" Toki finally asked Leonard.

Leonard considered. "I think it might be...k-k-cured!" His blue eyes were wide. He stared up at Charles, amazed.

Charles took off the gloves and properly disposed of the syringe.

Leonard felt odd the rest of the day. The Pepzi seemed to be working. He felt empty. Utterly empty. Cocaine was his old master, a master he had just betrayed.

And Toki was acting like he hadn't even hurt him.

And he still wanted that rubber cement.

When Toki left for the bathroom, he made his move. He moved the bed and grabbed the cement, opening it, taking a few deep breaths. He may not feel like cocaine's slave anymore, but he had other masters.

Toki spent the afternoon teaching Leonard how to play his favorite videogames. Rounds of a military game and a dancing game made Leonard tired, and he wasn't craving a high from any substance. He had enjoyed himself from the pure adrenaline rush of a videogame alone. He was surprised.

Toki and Leonard cooled off in the hot tub. They were alone. It was now that Leonard decided to say something.

"Toki, you hit me."

Toki glanced over at him, weighing the possible responses. Finally, he said, "Sos?"

"Aren't you gonna say sorry?"

"Why shoulds I? You broughts it on yourself." Toki licked his lips nervously and looked away.

Leonard glared. "Fuck you, Toki! You said you want to help me."

Toki scoffed. "You said you wants to be helped."

"I thought you was gonna be my friend."

"I can'ts helps you as your friends. I gots to be means to yous to helps you. It's de only way."

"I'll stop sniffin' your rubber cement if you stop hitting me."

"You already stops."

"I just did it this morning when you went to the b-b-bathroom!"

Something dangerous flared in Toki's eyes. "You ignores me agains! You don'ts listen, Dr. Rockso!" He approached, looking dangerously close to holding Leonard under the water like Leonard had held him under just before Christmas. Maybe longer.

"No, you don' listen!" Leonard snapped. "I haven't worn c-c-c-clown paint since you washed it off. My name is Leonard fucking Rockstein. The clown is the one with the problem. Lemme be a regular jackoff, jackoff."

Toki scowled, but he knew Leonard had a point. He remembered the sobriety speech Leonard had given. "Okay. I...I calls you Leonards."

Leonard looked into his eyes. He looked sincere. "I won't sniff your rubber cement, then."

"I shoulds still hits you for that."

"I think you have a problem."

"Yous has a problems!"

"A problem with hitting people. You didn't used to do that to me. You wouldn't even let Skwisgaar! You're turning into your d-d-dad, Toki!"

"You takes it back!" Toki gasped. He raised his hands as if to strangle Leonard, who stared defiantly back at him.

"I can't. I already said it, buh-baby."

"I ain'ts my fathers! I ain'ts my fathers!" His blue eyes widened. He stared at Leonard. "You fucking takes it back!" he yelled, and pleaded, all at once. "YOU TAKES IT FUCKING BACKS!"

Leonard paused. He looked at Toki. He considered the situation. Toki's father had hit Toki for a lot less than sniffing drugs in direct violation of a personal promise. "Okay. Maybe I was a bad clown. You're still a violent kid, Toki. But you're not your dad. It's...it's different."

Toki relaxed. Then he backhanded Leonard. "Goods! You don'ts forgets it!"

Leonard scowled darkly at Toki, ear ringing. "Keep it up, and I gonna kill you."

Toki shook his head. "No. You's my pets for two weeks, asshole. We's dos it my way, and we has no problems."

"What is it with you and all this...control, Toki? You used to be nice to me. I used to like you more. Maybe I don't wanna be your friend no more."

"Dis ain't about friends. It's about fixing yous."

"I ain't the only one with problems."

"Yes you ares."

"Look," Leonard said, getting out. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself. "I came to you. Cause you were always a friend. Not cause you could hit someone with a gun. Big deal. You think you're so tough. You're just a scared little boy!"

Toki's wide blue eyes stared up at him as he left the recreation room.

It took three days of hanging out and not talking about serious issues, but it happened.

"Dr. Rockso...I mean Leonards. Lets me talks to yous."

Leonard nodded. "What is it, Toki?"

"I wants apologizes. You's know why."

Leonard took this in. "Thank you, Toki."

Toki bit his lip.

"You still wanna be pals with Leonard Rockstein?"

"Ifs you still has me. We...we did hads fun, before. Didn'ts we? You mades me feel free. Sometimes I just feels trapped, but there you was, my tickets out. Ands funny as hells."

Leonard wrapped his arms around Toki, resting his head on his shoulder. "You were like an angel. Even when I was breaking promises and pissin' you off, I just wanted to be good enough. But I didn't think I could be, so I thought, why try it? Why set us both up for disappointment."

"No," Toki said honestly, "I thinks you was just selfish. Drugs and alcohols cans makes peoples selfish." He gently touched Leonard's hair.

Leonard sighed. "You're right. I was selfish. But I did like you."

"Yeahs, I knows dat. Just, you likes de drugs more. Buts they cannot...holds you. Ors touch you hair. You have a hairbrush, Dr. Ro-, uh...Leonards?"

Leonard nodded against his shoulder. He pulled away, finding it, handing it to Toki.

"I's brush your hair. I's not gonna hits you no more."

"Are you sure? You won't break that promise, will you? You promise me and break it, and I'm leaving."

Toki hesitated. He grasped some of Leonard's hair and started working the tangles out. He shut up about it. He'd try, though.

Every day at noon, Leonard got an injection of pepsitriksidone. Cocaine was no longer his master. It was an abrupt change. His cravings for other drugs had largely gone away as well, now that he had made his promise. He didn't have a lot of anything at Toki's place, except maybe friendship. He had a lot of that.

Toki had seemed to relax a little too. After Leonard had talked to him about the violence, it hadn't happened since. They felt pretty comfortable around each other, although Leonard was struggling to find an identity, now that cocaine-addicted rock and roll clown seemed to be out.

"Toki, what do I do with my life now?"

Toki and Leonard were sharing a large hot fudge sundae. Toki scraped at the side of the glass with his spoon, scooping up some fudge. "Hm. Well, what wrong with stayings a clown? Maybes you bes a reals clown, likes in a coicus ors what's am for hire at children's birthday parties."

"I like kids." Leonard scooped some more chopped nuts on top of the half-eaten sundae.

"See? It's poifect. Rocks and roll ams too full of dildos whats ams on drugs and dildos whats ams against drugs."

Leonard nodded. He'd had friends on both sides. Everyone was a dildo, really, because Dr. Rockso had been a dildo. Toki, though, Toki was pretty loyal, even if he had hit Leonard. He'd only done it once, too. He decided he forgave Toki.

"I love you, Toki."

Toki looked up at him curiously. "You just says that. That's okay. I understands. You don'ts loves anybody."

Leonard frowned. "No. No, I love you, Toki."

"No you don'ts."

"I love you more than I love anybody else, Toki!" Leonard's eyes were narrowed. "You don't even know. You claim to know me, but you don' know me. I have a pile, of articles, about you. In a desk at home. You're my phone background. You're the only thing I know that could have made me want to betray cocaine."

Toki looked shyly back at Leonard. "Maybes yous puts me ups ons a pedostales." He scooped up some ice cream, sucking on the large spoon as it melted.

Leonard got another scoop too. He was very quiet. He sat straight for a while, but his shoulders eventually slumped.

"Yeah...I means...you don'ts know the real me. The real me...he...he hit peoples. He not nice. He yells and throws fit. He...he ams angry ands unlovesable."

Leonard looked hard at Toki. "You think Leonard don't get mad? You think Leonard don't, don't get violent wit' his lil' hands? You think Leonard ain't full of rage and hate he can't let out? Well, Leonard can be just as much a bastard as Toki. It don't mean no one can love Toki. It don't mean no one can love Leonard."

Toki pushed the ice cream more toward Leonard. "I sees you later." He held his stomach and left the room as quickly as he could.

"Later, jackoff," Leonard muttered, finishing off the melting sundae. He curled some hair behind his ear.

The next morning, there was something taped to the back of Toki's door when Leonard got up. He stood, looking at it. He read the title aloud. "Fors Dr. Rockso's Inverventions." He looked around suspiciously before pulling the scotch tape off the door and taking his prize with him back to the bed, ignoring his full bladder.

"Dr. Rocksos," he read aloud, "You's my friends. You listens to me talk and remembers what I says, whens you're nots high. You lets me be free and has funs in a ways my bands won'ts. I likes the way your face and clothes...," he paused, swallowing hard, "and hair ares likes a rainbow. You's likes nobody else I knows. I wants yous better. – Toki Wartooths."

He reread the letter silently until he thought he might actually have an accident. He folded the letter very carefully, slipping it into the pocket of his jeans, which were on the floor. He made his way to the bathroom, mind lost in that dangerous thing called hope.

He started heading toward the kitchen, and came across Toki in the hallway. They both stared at each other, until Leonard finally spoke. "Toki...you're not like anybody else I know either. You never gave up on a old has-been clown. I should...I should buy some balloons. Make you a lil' animal."

"No, I don't wants an amnimal!"

Leonard's shoulders slumped.

"I wants another Toki face. It look just like me. I...I loves it."

Leonard's mouth took a moment to remember how to smile, but then it did. "I studied your face real hard. It's...it's a nice face, Toki."

"Yours face ams not horrible."

"Don't lie," Leonard said calmly. "I know what I look like."

"Well it don'ts makes me wanna scream."

"You like it when I put on my clown paint, huh?" He reached up and played with the ends of Toki's hair gently.

Toki nodded. "I likes you happy, and colorsful, and ready to takes on anything. It's likes...you weres a good role model. Buts...a bad influence."

Leonard blinked, trying to process that. He decided he couldn't. "Don't you ever tell Leonard he don't love you again. I've never felt so strong about another person. You are so loyal to me. You're still here with me, even though you sworn off me. Don't you think I didn't notice."

"I's tolds them it was the drugs that makes you not nice. They just thought I crazies. Buts I was rights. You wants...puts on your clowns paint?"

"I do. I'll be a different clown, I promise. I'll be funny, not sad. I'll do magic tricks, not drugs." He tentatively put a hand on Toki's shoulder, but his eyes screamed out for more contact.

Toki hugged him close with only minor hesitance.

Leonard inhaled Toki's scent, closing his eyes.

Nathan came by, grumbled something at the two that they didn't quite catch all of but certainly included the word "gay," and they pulled apart.

"Cans I watch you becomes a clowns?"

"Yeah, uh, yeah, in fact..." Leonard trailed off. He felt incredibly shy, but, he knew he had to ask. "Would you help me put my magic face on, T-Toki?"

Toki felt a stirring in his groin at the very idea.

So there they were, the two of them, in the bathroom, the smell of the paint so familiar to both of them it was relaxing Leonard and...enticing Toki. Toki took a deep breath to try and calm himself, but he just got more of the scent. More of the memories. Leaning on each other, laughing together, that wasn't new. When he was drunk or when Leonard was high, they both tended to get a little physical. There had been moments, here and there, where it had almost felt like they were about to kiss. They never had.

Toki applied the makeup, steadying his shaking hand. The white first. That was easy.

Leonard felt just as naked now as he had when Toki had removed his makeup at the beginning of his stay. He dug his fingers into his thigh, and swallowed hard.

Toki watched Leonard's ordinary face turn into the face of Dr. Rockso, because of him. Dr. Rockso's face made him feel safe, and confident. And...sexual. He...he didn't know why. Perhaps it was the idea of having a real childhood by experiencing...things...with a clown. Clowns, something every kid got to experience. He remembered clowns very clearly from his childhood, a drop of color on a wintry canvas of white that didn't mean anything. A splatter of paint that sold for millions, in Toki's mind.

He felt free with Dr. Rockso, so there was that too. Unbridled in every other way, so why not...that way? He just...he wondered what it would be like, to...to sleep with the clown. He'd had the thought, vague, in passing, before. He was so close. He could smell the makeup.

He stroked Leonard's hair briefly, resting his hand on his shoulder. Their eyes met, and they both felt it. They felt the question in each other's eyes. They knew their own answers.

They leaned in, both of them, and their lips brushed. Toki rested his cheek against Rockso's shoulder. "I kisses you," he informed him.

"Yeah." Rockso rubbed at Toki's upper back. "Why you do that, Toki?"

"I don'ts know. I wants to. Like old times. Buts I nots drunks."

"And I'm not high." The rubbing hand lowered from Toki's upper back to his lower back, and Toki wrapped his arms around Rockso's shoulders, pulling him closer.

"I t'inks...I mights wants to," Toki lowered his voice, "dos you. Likes, uh, sex."

Leonard shivered. "You really mean that?"

"Yeah." Toki sounded nervous, maybe a little ashamed. "I's sorry. Dat's weird." Dr. Rockso was there to get over his addictions. Dr. Rockso was not there to get down on the bed for Toki and hold very, very still. Toki had to keep reminding himself of that.

"I want it too," Leonard finally said.

"Okay, we dos it!" Nervousness gone, Toki took him by the hand. Leonard's nervousness swelled in response. And something else did too.

This was the bed his ankle had been tied to. He had been kneeling next to it when the bump on his head had been formed. He eyed the spot on the ground where he'd knelt, wondering if Toki would be mean. Wondering if he'd get hit again, or if Toki would make him kneel in order to service him. It's not like he was new to servicing mean, cheap men. It's not like he wasn't new to being cheap himself. To that game of one man using another, both getting what they wanted, both being...cheap.

"What's wrong?" Toki sat on the edge of the bed. "We's can dye yous hairs later. It look fine."

"You gonna use me? You can tell me."

Toki looked into deep blue eyes, into a face covered in familiar paint, with extreme features. "Leonsard. I don'ts needs your permissions to uses you. I don'ts wants to use you. "

Dr. Rockso sank onto the bed, quiet, relieved, staring at the floor. "I guess let's do this."

Toki leaned over, wrapping his arms around broad shoulders, nosing at Dr. Rockso's neck. "Toki can be really gentles."

Another nervous glance to Toki had him nodding slowly. "Okay." He swallowed, kneeling on the bed. He unfastened his jeans, baring himself, getting into position.

Toki patted his bare hip. "Calms down, okay?"

He swallowed. "Yeah, okay."

Toki was gentle. His preparation was thorough. His words were soft. His thrusts were careful, and it was so intimate that tears streaked the clown makeup, just a little bit. At the end of the two week period, Leonard stuck around.

Nathan brought up the fact that Dr. Rockso was still there every once in a while, but Toki's stony resolve hadn't wavered. Murderface had even suggested the two might be...doing it, to the other members of the band, but they had all dismissed it at the time, and wondered about it later.

At least he seemed to be off drugs. He acted like a normal person. Toki had started to act pretty normal too. Maybe they were good for each other, and Toki.

Weeks passed. Toki tried to convince the guys to find a place in the band for Rockso, even if it was only to gather equipment. Nathan had refused, but the whining was almost not even worth the lack of a rock and roll clown.

When Dr. Rockso started vomiting in the morning, without having consumed any alcohol, Toki's concern grew. Charles had an appointment set up, and spit out coffee at the screen of his laptop when he received an email with a rather strange subject.

It was from St. Necrophagist hospital and it said, simply, "Leonard Rockstein Pregnant."

"How did this even happen?" Charles barked at the man.

"Mr. Offdensen—" the nurse started.

Charles waved her off with a hand. "No, I'm talking to him. What did you do?"

"I had sex! That okay with you, Mr. Manager Man, or do I have to clear everything that goes into my ass with you?"

Charles flinched. He turned toward the screen, watching the black and white image of life.

"Mr. Offdensen?" The nurse tried again, more quietly.

He turned, looking at her instead. Anything was preferable to the sight of Leonard in a hospital gown and streaked clown paint. "Yes?"

"This isn't the first report of such a...side-effect."

"Side-effect." Offdensen's lip curled. "My rhythm guitarist gets a rock and roll clown pregnant, and you call that a side-effect."

"The pepsitriksidone was untested," she said shakily, taking a step back.

He sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "You're right. I tried to take the easy way out of all of this. Now look at what happened."

"It ain't true!" Leonard finally spoke, his glare intense.

"No, it's very true. There's life inside of you. Nurse, do you have anything to drink?"

She motioned to the liquor cabinet. "Unlocked."

He poured himself some, leaning against the white counter.

"I know this...this is really happenin'. But...it's not Toki's problem."

The CFO took a long sip. "Dr. Rockso. You spent the last six weeks at Mordhaus. I have cameras in the boys' rooms. Don't lie to me."

"No one has to know. I'll get out of your hair. Don't tell him. Don't tell anyone."

Charles swirled the contents of his paper cup, trying to decide whether the band's image or Toki's strange feelings for the clown were more important.

"People gonna think he's s-sick. I can't tie him down. He deserves...more."

The nurse handed Leonard a cloth to wipe off his stomach. He gave a deep sigh.

"Okay." Offdensen could see how much easier it would be for Toki to not know about the life forming inside of the clown. "Let him down easy, okay?"

"I'll be real gentle."

Charles reached out for Dr. Rockso's hand, and held it. "Keep in touch, okay? I'll do my best to make sure this thing comes out of you okay, and without public knowledge. All your bills will be covered."

"Thank you! Oh, thank you."

"I gotta talk to you."

"Waits a minutes. Almosts dones with level 10s."

So, miserable, Leonard sat and waited, watching the man he had come to think of as...special to him...play videogames. He didn't expect that they would ever see each other again. The baby, like Skwisgaar, would be a whore's child, and would never know its father.

"Okay. What's is it?"

"I have to leave."

"Oh. Okay. Wants me to helps you pack?"

"I...packed already." Leonard bit his lip.

"Okay, whens can you comes to visit me?"

"I can't."

"Okay, I'll visits you." Toki noted the anguish on the painted face. This wasn't right. What was going on?

"You can't. I have to move on. It's not that I didn't love you. Shit, Toki, I still do."

Toki tugged at the ends of his fu manchu. "So...what's is it?"

"I'm only gonna bring you down. You're famous. I'm an old has-been clown. You're a guitarist for Dethklok. Our worlds are too different."

"That's stupid, though. Remembers how dumbs it was when Nathins was datings Rebecca? They was both real famous. But it not work out good. If that's all you's worried about—"

"Toki, you can't be gay with me. You shouldn't be gay with anyone, but 'specially not me. I'm real sorry. You need to find a real pretty lady to be your girlfriend."

"Will yous finds a lady too?"

"Probably not."

"That ain'ts fair!" Toki said heatedly. "If I finds one, you has to too."

"Okay," Leonard quickly agreed. "If one will have me, I'll be with her."

"Goods. I'm gonna misses you."

"Me too."

"I'll thinks about yous every days. Fors a while at least."

"Me too." Leonard looked at him hard one last time, deciding his "for a while" would most likely outlast Toki's.

Charles was a man who was generally true to his word. He had employees assigned to search Dr. Rockso's apartment for drugs and alcohol and to make sure he continued to take the pepsitriksidone daily.

The scientists' explanations did not interest him. Charles was a businessman, not a scientist. He understood it had something to do with the formation of a pseudo womb, though, and that it had taken in semen from a small valve on the skin that neither Toki or Rockso must have noticed, but Charles had to stop the enthusiastic man of science right there before he lost his lunch.

He showed up in person for the surgery, watching through the glass. This didn't bother him. There were no disturbing details, just the skilled, bloodied, gloved hands of true professionals. This was work he respected.

The baby looked so normal that Charles tried to leave before he could hear its name. He ran straight into Toki.

Toki was furious. He had a stack of papers in his hands. "Where ams he?"

Charles cleared his throat. "Where is who?"

"Dr. Rockso." Toki handed the pages to Charles, who accepted them and adjusted his glasses. It was an article from the internet. A staff member at the hospital had sat in an interview with a reporter and anonymously ruined 8 months of careful secrecy. Charles gritted his teeth. He reached for Toki's hand and led him as if he were a child to the room where Dr. Rockso lay, still unconscious. A nurse had the baby. She offered it, no, him, to Charles, who accepted.

"Toki, this is your son."

Charles expected the reaction, so he was not fazed when Toki fainted. "Can someone check his head? Thank you."

The first thing Leonard Rockstein saw upon waking from his surgery was not his newborn son, it was the face of his furious ex-...whatever.

"You could have told me." Toki was sitting in a chair by the side of the bed, glaring. "I woulda understands."

"This isn't your fault." Leonard looked around for his baby, gesturing for the nurse holding him to come closer. When it was placed in his arms, he relaxed, stroking the light smattering of hair.

"Bullshits. I cans do the math. You weren'ts has sex with anyone else!"

"You're right, I wasn't. But you still don't gotta worry. I can take care of this lil' one."

"But he ams halfs mines!"

"You don't have to worry. I'll take care of it. You have a life you still gotta live."

"Leonard, you not listens to me! That ams my baby too! Isn'ts it?'

Leonard looked up at him. "Toki. Being a dad, it takes a lot of work. Being a famous musician takes a lot of work too. You go on tours, bang chicks, sign autographs. It's not easy. I'm freeing you."

"No one asked you to frees me. Gives to me that babies."

"No."

"I fuckings sues you. You ain'ts has no monies! My sons won'ts lives poors!" The anger was back, the anger Toki had displayed when Leonard had accused him of being like his father.

"Good luck. The mother always wins, Toki!"

"Thens we both fucked. There ain'ts no mother. I'ms a celebrities, but yous a joke. No one takes you seriously. You's a clowns now, and you's always gonna be ones. You only beens offs cocaines 8 months. What's ifs you relapse? What's if you sells my baby fors cocaine money, huh? I'm gonna gets that baby. What's ams his name?"

Leonard glared at Toki. "I decided on it before you came here and tried to screw things up. Apollo G. Apollo G. Rockstein."

"Wartooth."

"You're missing the point." The baby started to cry softly, and he nestled it against his chest, stroking its hair.

"What ams the point?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to break your heart—and I know I did. I'm sorry I used people. I'm sorry I was an addict. I'm sorry for everything, except this baby. This baby makes my life mean something."

"No, he make my life mean something. He half mines! I sees you in court."

The trial was rough. Toki dragged out everything he could, from Leonard's violent tendencies, to his older age, to his past drug addictions. Leonard countered with talk about how the baby had solidified the changes in his life. Apollo was the only light in his life.

Toki talked about his fame and about how he could fully support everything Apollo would need. Leonard's claim that he would be able to love Apollo didn't sound quite as good in comparison.

Toki won. It was awkward in Mordhaus, at first. The guys weren't sure how to broach the subject, and Toki spent a lot of time with Offdensen, learning how to take care of Apollo. Charles nodded and "hm"ed at the right spots when Toki talked about how the courts had made the right decision. He knew, as much as he liked Toki and disliked Leonard Rockstein, that the courts' decision was wrong.

Which is why when Charles would play nanny sometimes, he would sneak Apollo out to see Leonard.

The band adapted to having the little one around, but complaints still reached Charles's ears from time to time. It was nice to see Leonard appreciate what little illegal time he could get with the boy.

But Charles still didn't find that to be fair. He recorded Leonard and Apollo playing together without Leonard's knowledge, and he showed it to Toki. His chest was full with the knowledge he was doing the right thing.

Toki was very mad at him. Completely indignant. He thought, for a moment, the man might lunge at him.

A week later, he slept well, chest filled again, this time with the image of two men painting non-toxic clown face paint on the sweet features of a sleepy toddler.