The Journey to High School OMG lol!

A/N: if you don't know Gunlock well this will make little to no sense. You have been warned.

'Why the bloody hell are we in high school?' Sanzo asked in a voice that was somewhere between a whisper and a whipcrack.

'I don't quite know yet, Sanzo,' Hakkai murmured back, watching the Homura lookalike who was currently conducting a science lesson.

'And the other two?'

'I don't know that either. I woke up this morning and was informed that I was an orphan who was abused by Chin Yisou as a child and who now lives on his own on the edge of town in a rundown building, having run away from him.'

'You have the better deal,' Sanzo grumbled. 'I'm apparently that old she-male's nephew.'

Hakkai snerked. 'What else have you discovered?'

Sanzo leaned over and began to talk.

'Pay attention,' Homura said sharply. 'Now, class, we have a transfer student today.'

'Not that old gag again,' Hakkai moaned.

'He's new to this town, and he and his older brother are both star football players. I'd like you to meet–'

'If it's Hazel I am going to throw up,' Sanzo said dispassionately and with a depth of sincerity Hakkai had yet to see in him.

'Sha Gojyo.'

'Well, this looks like my case,' Hakkai said with a bright smile.

Sure enough, Homura continued. 'Cho Hakkai, you're in charge of tutoring him in science and math for this semester. Genjyo Sanzo, you're going to be tutoring his brother, since you're the team manager's assistant.'

'No,' Sanzo said firmly.

There was a dead silence in the classroom. Homuraclone looked faintly bewildered, as if being suddenly informed by the Pope that Allah was God and Mohammed was his prophet. Then the entire scene hiccupped, and high squeaking sounds emitted from the Homuraclone's throat as the tape rewound. '…jyo Sanzo, you're going to be tutoring his brother, since you're the team manager's assistant.'

'Just agree for now,' Hakkai gritted through his smile.

'NO,' Sanzo said even more loudly. He then added a judicious comment or two about Homura(san)'s proctologist appointments.

Hiccup. Squeak. Squeak.

'Cho Hakkai, you're in charge of tutoring him in science and math for this semester. Genjyo Sanzo, you're going to be tutoring his brother, since you're the team manager's assistant.'

'…and your mother!' Sanzo roared.

Hakkai watched interestedly as Sanzo fought his brave and lonely battle with Inevitability.

On the fifty-seventh try, Sanzo dropped his head to the desk and muttered something like assent.

There was a huge sigh of relief from the very air about them.

'Right. On with the lesson.'

Gojyo took his seat between Hakkai and Sanzo. 'Hey, gorgeous,' he leered in a charming sort of way. 'So this tutoring thing. It's after hours, right? Your place or mine?'

Sanzo raised his head off the desk. 'And you asked me whether I was gay?'

'Ahahaha,' Hakkai said.

'I can be anybody you want me to be, baby,' Gojyo drawled, and slung his arm over a thin shoulder, nuzzling into blond hair.

Hakkai could feel the demonic energy gathering about him – a suffocating electric nimbus of pure menace. And it was nothing compared to the poisonous aura radiating from Sanzo.

'To sum up,' Hakkai said in his best I Am Trying Very Hard Not To Kill Anybody And The World Is Not Cooperating voice, 'you are a spoilt brat who lives with his aunt after his father was murdered by a hacker named Ukoku. I lost my parents in an accident when I was young, after which I was adopted by Chin Yisou, who systematically…did things to me until two years ago, when I ran away and made a fresh start here. Kanzeon's in business. Your father was in advertising. Kanan never existed. I live alone in a dirty apartment – a dirty apartment – with only a kitten for company. And Gojyo was, well, flirting with…'

He trailed off. There was no need to say anything more. Their eyes met in a moment of perfect understanding.

'This isn't real,' they said together.

And the world shattered around them.

Sanzo blinked. Suddenly, he was back on the cliff, and that twisted dreamworld was gone as if it had never been. Zakuro was watching them with an expression that was caught neatly between stunning stupidity and bovine bewilderment. Gojyo lay limp at his feet. Behind him, Hakkai straightened, monocle glittering dangerously.

'You,' Sanzo growled eloquently.

'I don't understand,' Zakuro wailed. 'I followed the script. I used all the clichés. My history was perfect. What tipped you off? Was it the kitten?'

'I think,' Hakkai said in a voice that was acid and coiling snake, 'it was the fact that Gojyo was flirting with the wrong person. Besides, we're intellectuals.'

At this point, Sanzo gave up on trying to explain (not that he'd tried, but Hakkai counted) and shot him full of bullets.

Zakuro screamed as he plunged off the cliff, looking rather like a fishnet stocking with a bad haircut.

Dokugakuji and Yaone stood petrified. Sanzo ignored them and turned to Hakkai. 'There's one thing left to be seen.'

Hakkai nodded. 'Who gave him the script?'

A/N: Dun-dun-dun! Sorry, but this probably won't continue. I couldn't resist ending it that way, that's all. And we all know who was behind Zakuro anyway.